Back in February, in his annual letter to investors, Berkshire Hathaway chief Warren Buffett spent a good bit of time discussing why one shouldn’t own gold. Beyond the fact that, according to WB, gold doesn’t “change in size and [is] incapable of producing anything,” and you’d be much better off buying farmland (which “a century from now will have produced staggering amounts of corn, wheat, cotton and other crops and will continue to produce that valuable bounty”) or shares of Exxon Mobil (which “will probably have delivered trillions of dollars in dividends to its owners”), the Oracle of Omaha had one incontrovertible, be all end all reason for eschewing the metal: its unfuckability. Oh sure, you can do things to a cube, you can fondle it, you can talk dirty to it, you can send nude pictures of yourself, you can even drill a hole in it and fuck it senseless, but, the thing is, the cube will not respond. No reciprocation, no gratitude, not even a sign it enjoyed itself.  For Buffett, no further argument was necessary as to the worthlessness of the commodity. (Silver, on the other hand, will make you feel like you’re 18 again.) Anyway, David Einhorn sort of feels the same way about the dollar.

Greenlight Capital 1Q2012 Letter To Investors [PDF]
Related: Don’t Think He Hasn’t Tried

140 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (140)

  1. Posted by Kegels123 | May 30, 2012 at 1:02 PM

    Thanks for that philosophical gem David. Guess what actually is fuckable? Jelly donuts. Keep those printing presses running.

    -Michael Moore

  2. Posted by ILoveLamp | May 30, 2012 at 1:09 PM

    Lay the bills end-to-end and cover Omaha, Nebraska? I've never been to Omaha, but I'll bet it's wider than a dollar bill. At least some of those bills are going to have to be placed side by side, rather than end-to-end.

  3. Posted by D.S.K. | May 30, 2012 at 1:13 PM

    Unfuckability? What does that mean?

  4. Posted by guest | May 30, 2012 at 1:14 PM

    I'll send you some pictures.

    -Silvio B.

  5. Posted by Kaaaarrrrlllll | May 30, 2012 at 1:18 PM

    Lagging greek sex industry + need to promote equality of gold-fucking opportunity = New Gold Dildos made in Athens! It's the classic 'win-win!!'

    Hello? Anyone? Nevermind – I'll show myself out.

  6. Posted by Confused | May 30, 2012 at 1:22 PM

    Is he parroting Buffett, or mocking him? Or both?

  7. Posted by Guest | May 30, 2012 at 1:23 PM

    Buffett pounded a Dairy Queen in her blizzard knot once. Almost froze his nuts off.

    -The Munger

  8. Posted by M. Perkins | May 30, 2012 at 1:23 PM

    Munger: Knock, knock….
    Buffett: Who's there?
    Munger: "Einhorn…"
    Buffett: Einhorn who?

    *Sounds of backslapping and laughing*

  9. Posted by guest | May 30, 2012 at 1:23 PM

    Pretty sure it's mockery, considering he (Einhorn) loves gold.

  10. Posted by trojan_ | May 30, 2012 at 1:39 PM
  11. Posted by L. Tilton | May 30, 2012 at 1:39 PM

    I'll let you know when i find something that qualifies.

  12. Posted by Omaha Gas Scheduler | May 30, 2012 at 1:46 PM

    "It's pronounced "bee-AT-triss" !!!

  13. Posted by Guest | May 30, 2012 at 1:50 PM

    You could also swim in it.

    -S. McDuck

  14. Posted by Guest | May 30, 2012 at 2:00 PM

    You've never been? Oh you should go!

    – Shirley M. Busybody, 113 Mayflower Cirle (two blocks back from 168th and Dodge)

  15. Posted by Fondle? | May 30, 2012 at 2:03 PM

    Oh nooo, I'm sorry the word we were looking for is "bundle". You could bundle the money.

  16. Posted by Felix Dennis | May 30, 2012 at 2:25 PM

    If it flies, floats or fornicates… rent it.

  17. Posted by Ogler | May 30, 2012 at 2:39 PM

    The Druries are looking understatedly spectacular today, by the way.

  18. Posted by Warren | May 30, 2012 at 2:45 PM

    You could wipe your ass with it. Try that with your gold bars, Einhorn.

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    Pump your brakes Einhorn.

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    If all the girls from Vassar were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

  23. Posted by D.S.K. | May 31, 2012 at 1:09 PM

    Reçu. Et compris.

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    I've been earning 20% annually longer than that boy's been alive.

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    Einhorn's correct that tired old saws about packing gold into a cube and it not producing dividends are not valid reasons for deciding whether to invest in it or not.

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