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What If Mark Zuckerberg Wore A 3-Piece Suit And A Monocle To The Facebook Roadshow?

What if Mark Zuckerberg wore cutoff jean shorts and a mesh Hawaii 69 football jersey to the Facebook roadshow?

What if Mark Zuckerberg wore a Mr. Peanut costume to the Facebook roadshow?

What if Mark Zuckerberg dressed up as Jesus Quintana for the Facebook roadshow?

What if Mark Zuckerberg wore a tuxedo tee-shirt to the Facebook roadshow?

What if Mark Zuckerberg wore Crocs to the Facebook roadshow?

What if Mark Zuckerberg entered the Facebook roadshow as a member of the Lollipop Guild?

What if Mark Zuckerberg wore Capri pants to the Facebook roadshow?

What if Mark Zuckerberg wore a wetsuit to the Facebook roadshow?

What if Mark Zuckerberg wore a straitjacket to the Facebook roadshow?

What if Mark Zuckerberg dressed as Robocop for the Facebook roadshow?

What if Mark Zuckerberg wore a Lacoste polo with an argyle sweater wrapped around his neck to the Facebook roadshow?

What if Mark Zuckerberg wore dress pants, a button down shirt, and the Hannibal Lechter mask from Silence of the Lambs to the Facebook roadshow?

Would things have turned out differently? If Zuckerberg had left the hoodie at home? One guy, in all seriousness, says yes.

“I felt that had Mr. Zuckerberg worn a jacket instead of a hoodie (showing them that he respected them enough to “dress up”), he would have made a statement to them that he cares about their needs, and will act in their best interest. He chose not to make that statement, and the current share price demonstrates that investors have chosen not to support Facebook shares. All of this is iterative. Had Facebook issued 10 million shares instead of 421 million, the stock would probably be much higher. However, had Mr. Zuckerberg worn a jacket and reassured investors that he is aligned with their expectations, perhaps more people would be stepping in to buy now.”

So…yeah.

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135 Responses to “What If Mark Zuckerberg Wore A 3-Piece Suit And A Monocle To The Facebook Roadshow?”

  1. Tseug says:

    What if Mark Zuckerberg had worn assless leather chaps, Fireman Ed's helmet and a big foam finger, and had held the roadshow meeting at Minettas?

  2. guest says:

    If he had any real maverick balls he would have worn the stupid hoodie at his wedding.

    • gab says:

      I'm pretty sure Zuckerberg is smart enough to know the old saying, "happy wife, happy life."

  3. yee says:

    can someone call the wahmbulance for this guy?

  4. Texashedge says:

    "What if Mark Zuckerberg dressed up as Jesus Quintana for the Facebook roadshow?"

    Nah. All the eight year olds are using twitter.

  5. 100xEPS says:

    What if MS had accurately priced the IPO?

  6. Guest says:

    What if Mark Zuckerberg wore a suit made of cheese, would you eat it? I know I would.

    – H. Caray

    • Hungry Hungry Hippo says:

      Then I would polish it off with a tall, cool Budweiser. Would you? It's a simple question. Would you eat Zuck's suit if it were made of cheese? What if it were made of spare ribs??

  7. Guest says:

    Fucking Quintana man. That creep can role.

  8. HighFrequencyHater says:

    "Had Facebook issued 10 million shares instead of 421 million, the stock would probably be much higher. "

    I guess he'd feel better being down 20% on fewer shares with much higher opening price?

    • EQ in Dallas says:

      This guy is doing great considering the head of Industrials Research is a 24 four year old.

      -Director of Research, Wedbush Morgan

  9. Guest says:

    What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us?Just a stranger on the bus, trying to make His way home?

  10. Gzuz says:

    What if Mark Zuckerberg wore a ball gag and some sweet flip flops to the Facebook roadshow?

    • VonSloneker says:

      Flashback…haven't thought about that song in a long time.

      – The Pope Maybe in Rome

  11. NakedShort says:

    What if C-A-T spelled dog.

    -Ogre

  12. Guest says:

    What if Zuck lost his virginity before his wedding night?

  13. Guest says:

    what if god was one of us?

    -guy who misses 90's music

  14. Guest says:

    Zucks should have dressed up in a Winklevoss disguise. They can charm the pants off anyone.

  15. Lil John says:

    Whhat!! Yeeeahhh!

  16. merkin_capital says:

    It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

    -FB S-1

  17. Guest says:

    Puhlease! This is nothing to do with the guy in the hoodie and more to do with the schmucks in the Valentino suits.

  18. The Weeknd Analyst says:

    Let’s not forget this guy was the first to give Facebook a buy rating in the $28 – $35 range. I guess Patcher thought Mark would be wearing sneakers then. http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-05-04/facebook-rated-outperform-at-wedbush.html

  19. Weeknd Analyst says:

    Let's not forget that Pachter was the first to give Facebook a buy rating after they announced an IPO range of $28 to $35. I guess he thought Mark would be wearing sneakers. http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-05-04/facebook

  20. HungryIntern says:

    I would rather work as a jizz mopper than receive career advice from Wedbush. Just saying…

  21. Fredly says:

    What if Mark Zuckerberg had dressed in a complete Vineyard Vines ensemble and met with investors at the Penn Station Taco Bell?

  22. Guest says:

    What if Mark Zuckerberg also had a bag of Skittles?

  23. Guest says:

    I like to picture Mark Zuckerberg as a figure skater. He wears like a white outfit, and He does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey.

  24. FKApmco says:

    What if Mark Zuckerberg got in a really really bad fight and his leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for him in heaven?
    -B. Simpson

  25. yes / no says:

    what if mongo only pawn in game of life?

  26. Guest says:

    Ellie Mae: Why yew warrin' that fancy suit, Jethro?
    Jethro: I jus come from the doctor, and he said I'm impotent. Well, If I'm impotent, then I'm gonna dress impotent!

  27. Guest says:

    What if Zuckerberg had no thumbs?

  28. Deleveraging says:

    Bloomberg reports FB looking to move listing to NYSE

  29. Marriage kills love Zuckerberg, don't forget this!

  30. brah says:

    What if Zuck married a 0 on the binary scale?

    • Mrs Zuck says:

      Hey, don't rate me. It takes a special kind of woman to commit to boneing Rain Man for the rest of her life (or some legally credible length of time).

  31. bilal says:

    SPORIOUS CORRELATION :-P

  32. Guest says:

    What if Zuckerberg wore a three piece hoodie outfit?

  33. Laxbro says:

    If Zuck wore a lax pinnie his ipbro woulda been so chill.

  34. Golden_Boy1 says:

    What if Zuck wrote puts on his own stock and proceeded to plow the company into the ground like a rich nerd plowing an innocent Chinese girl while pulling her hair?

  35. Jane says:

    Take down the Halloween picture of my son Keegan! He has ASS BURGERS!!!!!!!

    Jane — Lonely stay-at-home mom on more than enough prozac

  36. Finkle is Einhorn says:

    What if Matt had written this article and nobody read past the jump?

  37. Han Solo says:

    This IPO would have soared if Zuck wore a crotchless Chewbacca suit, and sat on stage on on a milk crate, while talking smack about Jim Gorman's mama.

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