Earlier today, Politico ran a story titled “Can Chuck Schumer win back Wall St. for Democrats?” Apparently the New York Senator recently “embarked on a fence-mending campaign with senior Wall Street executives, many of whom have grown furious with the Democratic party,” in a charm offensive that has included “holding private dinners [including one put on by Pershing Square manager Bill Ackman], organizing high-end fundraisers for Democratic candidates and quietly pressing for super PAC donations.” According to Politico, “the outreach appears to be working: Hedge fund and private-equity executives have held six different fundraisers for Democratic challengers and senators at Schumer’s request, sources say.” Some financial services employees, however, are not so easy. Take Cliff Asness for example. The AQR manager happened to read the piece and here’s what he had to say about it:

From: Cliff Asness
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 01:08 PM
To: AQR lieutenants, other top hedge fund managers
Subject: Can Chuck Schumer win back Wall St. for Democrats?

Good title question. Only if Wall Street is so f—ing stupid as to defy credulity, honor, and morality. So, yeah, probably.

Best line: “Chuck Schumer is pro-business”. Yeah, ones that buy him off in explicit crony-capitalism, but he wants to regulate and tax to death ones that don’t. Don Corleone was also pro-business. You guys say this stuff with a straight face huh?

C

p.s. Sorry about the multiple emails, merging lists (though that is probably not the thing that upsets people)

While the above response should come as a shock to exactly no one, we don’t think Schumer should give up on Asness so easily. The guy just wants to be wooed. Start with some limited edition action figures, add some $700 bottles of wine, and go from there.  You whip out a Mego Elastic Batman, he’s listening. You show up with a a matching Captain America shield tattoo but instead of on your forearm it’s on your face? He’s nominating you for President. You’re welcome.

Comments (8)

  1. Posted by Miami Zombie | June 19, 2012 at 4:22 PM

    Biff Basness is the dinner.

  2. Posted by EMT Rules | June 19, 2012 at 4:24 PM

    Chicago Booth represent.

  3. Posted by Lowly Assistant | June 19, 2012 at 4:28 PM

    CHUCK SCHUMER WILL GET MY MOTHERFUCKING RESPECT THE DAY THAT HE GETS A MOTHERFUCKING SHIELD OF CAPTAIN AMERICA ON HIS MOTHERFUCKING NECK LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING MAN.

    -B. Asness

  4. Posted by kosmo | June 19, 2012 at 4:30 PM

    Ukraine is weak!

  5. Posted by Uncle Sam | June 19, 2012 at 4:31 PM

    "Honor & morality" on Wall Street….

    Gotta love it! Thanks for the chuckle Edgar Allan Asness!

  6. Posted by guest | June 19, 2012 at 4:33 PM

    It cost me a lot more than dinner the last time i got a piece of Asness.

  7. Posted by old-time guest | June 19, 2012 at 4:53 PM

    +1 but I think it's B. Bassness

  8. Posted by Guestard | June 20, 2012 at 9:21 AM

    We've been amongst his largest donors over the past 4 years and it's worked wonders for us.

    - Johnnie P.