• 06 Jun 2012 at 1:55 PM

How Your CNBC Sausage Gets Made (Update)

Step 1: Come up with story idea, say, about how small businesses are being hurt due to the NBA lockout.
Step 2: Reach out to Twitter followers, ask them to corroborate said story.
Step 3: Wait.
Step 4: Practice asking Kate Upton to be your Valentine. [“Will you, Kaaa” voice cracks. “Will you, Kate Upton…” No, that’s stupid. “Kate I would be most honored if you..”]
Step 5: Daydream about how you and “Katie” will tell your families you eloped.
Step 6: Marvel at your good fortune when a guy, who in real life is a bored teenager but over the internet seems like a legit businessman, emails you to say that he runs an escort service in New York, “mostly for away team players after games but some Knicks and Nets too; they are high rollers and I’m not getting the constant business I that I need to stay running.”
Step 7: Double fist pump the air and shout “Yes, D-Rove, you got this! Pulitzer 2012 baby!”
Step 8: Breathe, tell yourself to calm down and reel it in.
Step 9: Put on your reporter hat and ask “Henry James” some questions like, “How much money would you say you’re losing? What cut do you then get? What is the cheapest woman and what is the most expensive woman? I assume it’s by the hour and what is the typical # of hours?”
Step 10: Make no attempt to verify source is who he says he is, that his business exists, that you’re not being taken for a ride.
Step 11: Cut, print.

Update: Darren Rovell is sorry. (“He duped me. Shame on me. I apologize to my readers. As a result I will do fewer stories on the real life impact of big events which I do think the public enjoys. There will always be people out there who want their 15 minutes of fame and not really care how they get there.”)

How A Teenager With A Fake Escort Service Duped Darren Rovell And CNBC [Deadspin]
An Apology To My Readers [CNBC]
Related: SI Swimsuit Model Doesn’t Have To Worry About Things Getting Weird With CNBC Reporter Because He’s Known Her Since She Was 17

36 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (36)

  1. Posted by GUESt | June 6, 2012 at 2:04 PM

    Sounds like someone is upset Darren didn't ask them to be their valentine

  2. Posted by guest | June 6, 2012 at 2:05 PM

    You're an idiot.

  3. Posted by guest | June 6, 2012 at 2:05 PM

    Sounds like Darren Rovell is leaving comments on Dealbreaker.

  4. Posted by Deleveraging | June 6, 2012 at 2:10 PM

    CNBC Sucks

  5. Posted by Guest | June 6, 2012 at 2:17 PM

    This kid knows better than to pull this at Fox; I eat pieces of shit like him between sets in the park.

    -C. Gasparino

  6. Posted by Anonymous | June 6, 2012 at 2:22 PM

    $4000 for six hours is an absolute scandal. I'd do it for $2500 max. That includes materials.

    — D. Chiesi

  7. Posted by im_new_here | June 6, 2012 at 2:25 PM

    one more thing, typically what is the cheapest woman and what is the most expensive woman? i assume it's by the hour and what is the typical # of hours?

    Followup question: what kind of lockout specials are you running?

  8. Posted by VonSloneker | June 6, 2012 at 2:26 PM

    Hello CNBC, is this the FastMoney call screener? Yes Hi, my name is Michael Hunt…I'd like to submit my portfolio for Jim's "Am I Diversified" segment. By the way, I go by Mike

    – P. Wee, VP, Porky's LLC

  9. Posted by English Major | June 6, 2012 at 2:26 PM

    Well, Henry James was known for his use of the unreliable narrator…

  10. Posted by Alpha_Bets | June 6, 2012 at 2:42 PM

    You eat pieces of shit between sets in the park?

  11. Posted by Incitatus | June 6, 2012 at 2:43 PM

    Using "legit businessman" a tad loosely, aren't we?

  12. Posted by Guest | June 6, 2012 at 2:48 PM

    Bess's inbox >> @darrenrovell on Twitter

  13. Posted by trojan_ | June 6, 2012 at 2:48 PM

    -Take it easy, Darren. Why don't you stop talking for a while?
    -Yeah, sit the next couple plays out, if you know what I mean.

  14. Posted by reospeedwagon916 | June 6, 2012 at 2:57 PM

    Go on…

    -Silvio B.

  15. Posted by investorcluzo | June 6, 2012 at 3:07 PM

    at least I had enough sense to steal legit stories…
    -Zachery Kouwe

  16. Posted by Guest | June 6, 2012 at 3:09 PM

    Gotta keep the metabolism high.

    -Shooter McGavin

  17. Posted by dsk | June 6, 2012 at 3:27 PM

    back off big boy- i saw her first!

  18. Posted by Walter Noel | June 6, 2012 at 3:48 PM

    imagine his disappointment if actually verified the business

  19. Posted by Guest | June 6, 2012 at 4:00 PM

    Good job, good effort Darren!

    -That kid from the Heat game last night.

  20. Posted by VandelayCapital | June 6, 2012 at 4:33 PM

    Is that you Delonte?

    Call me baby, it's Gloria.

  21. Posted by guest | June 6, 2012 at 5:19 PM

    Whats the basis

  22. Posted by K.West | June 6, 2012 at 6:05 PM

    We ain't going nowhere but we got suits and cases

  23. Posted by Writer quant | June 7, 2012 at 9:39 AM

    Credit deadspin, this story got lifted…..GS style

  24. Posted by guest | June 7, 2012 at 12:32 PM

    Credit Deadspin? Oh you mean like it was, at the bottom where it has a link to the Deadspin article, says "Deadspin" as well as a link through to Deadspin at the top?

  25. Posted by guest | June 7, 2012 at 12:33 PM

    Article does credit Deadspin you fucking idiot.

  26. Posted by guest | June 7, 2012 at 12:33 PM

    By "lifted" do you mean credits Deadspin twice?

  27. Posted by guest | June 7, 2012 at 12:35 PM

    "How A Teenager With A Fake Escort Service Duped Darren Rovell And CNBC [Deadspin]" (not to mention the additional hyperlink on Step 6).

    You're not very bright, are you?

  28. Posted by Suzy Orman | June 7, 2012 at 12:55 PM

    yes – you can afford an escort during the lockout.

  29. Posted by bofa analyst | June 7, 2012 at 5:03 PM

    Your an idiot.

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