How Your CNBC Sausage Gets Made (Update)

Step 1: Come up with story idea, say, about how small businesses are being hurt due to the NBA lockout.
Step 2: Reach out to Twitter followers, ask them to corroborate said story.
Step 3: Wait.
Step 4: Practice asking Kate Upton to be your Valentine. [“Will you, Kaaa” voice cracks. “Will you, Kate Upton…” No, that’s stupid. “Kate I would be most honored if you..”]
Step 5: Daydream about how you and “Katie” will tell your families you eloped.
Step 6: Marvel at your good fortune when a guy, who in real life is a bored teenager but over the internet seems like a legit businessman, emails you to say that he runs an escort service in New York, “mostly for away team players after games but some Knicks and Nets too; they are high rollers and I’m not getting the constant business I that I need to stay running.”
Step 7: Double fist pump the air and shout “Yes, D-Rove, you got this! Pulitzer 2012 baby!”
Step 8: Breathe, tell yourself to calm down and reel it in.
Step 9: Put on your reporter hat and ask “Henry James” some questions like, “How much money would you say you’re losing? What cut do you then get? What is the cheapest woman and what is the most expensive woman? I assume it’s by the hour and what is the typical # of hours?”
Step 10: Make no attempt to verify source is who he says he is, that his business exists, that you’re not being taken for a ride.
Step 11: Cut, print.

Update: Darren Rovell is sorry. (“He duped me. Shame on me. I apologize to my readers. As a result I will do fewer stories on the real life impact of big events which I do think the public enjoys. There will always be people out there who want their 15 minutes of fame and not really care how they get there.”)

How A Teenager With A Fake Escort Service Duped Darren Rovell And CNBC [Deadspin]
An Apology To My Readers [CNBC]
Related: SI Swimsuit Model Doesn’t Have To Worry About Things Getting Weird With CNBC Reporter Because He’s Known Her Since She Was 17

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36 Responses to “How Your CNBC Sausage Gets Made (Update)”

  1. GUESt says:

    Sounds like someone is upset Darren didn't ask them to be their valentine

  2. Deleveraging says:

    CNBC Sucks

  3. Guest says:

    This kid knows better than to pull this at Fox; I eat pieces of shit like him between sets in the park.

    -C. Gasparino

  4. Anonymous says:

    $4000 for six hours is an absolute scandal. I'd do it for $2500 max. That includes materials.

    — D. Chiesi

  5. im_new_here says:

    one more thing, typically what is the cheapest woman and what is the most expensive woman? i assume it's by the hour and what is the typical # of hours?

    Followup question: what kind of lockout specials are you running?

  6. VonSloneker says:

    Hello CNBC, is this the FastMoney call screener? Yes Hi, my name is Michael Hunt…I'd like to submit my portfolio for Jim's "Am I Diversified" segment. By the way, I go by Mike

    – P. Wee, VP, Porky's LLC

  7. English Major says:

    Well, Henry James was known for his use of the unreliable narrator…

  8. Incitatus says:

    Using "legit businessman" a tad loosely, aren't we?

  9. Guest says:

    Bess's inbox >> @darrenrovell on Twitter

  10. investorcluzo says:

    at least I had enough sense to steal legit stories…
    -Zachery Kouwe

  11. Walter Noel says:

    imagine his disappointment if actually verified the business

  12. Guest says:

    Good job, good effort Darren!

    -That kid from the Heat game last night.

  13. Writer quant says:

    Credit deadspin, this story got lifted…..GS style

    • guest says:

      Credit Deadspin? Oh you mean like it was, at the bottom where it has a link to the Deadspin article, says "Deadspin" as well as a link through to Deadspin at the top?

    • guest says:

      Article does credit Deadspin you fucking idiot.

    • guest says:

      By "lifted" do you mean credits Deadspin twice?

    • guest says:

      "How A Teenager With A Fake Escort Service Duped Darren Rovell And CNBC [Deadspin]" (not to mention the additional hyperlink on Step 6).

      You're not very bright, are you?

  14. Suzy Orman says:

    yes – you can afford an escort during the lockout.

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