JPMorgan Flogging

Is It Polish Craps? Is It Ukrainian Blackjack?

Senator Bob Menendez: I listen to this [hearing] and I paraphrase Shakespeare when I ask, a hedge or not a hedge, that is the question.
Jamie Dimon: [staring]
Senator Bob Menendez: Anyway. When you reduce a hedge or hedge a hedge, isn’t that gambling?
Jamie Dimon: No.
Senator Bob Menendez: You said the hedge morphed. What did it morph into? Is it Russian Roulette?
Jamie Dimon: No…

(hidden for your protection)
Show all comments

172 Responses to “Is It Polish Craps? Is It Ukrainian Blackjack?”

  1. guest says:

    Bob Menendez, the pride of NJ!

  2. guest says:

    In fairness, this line of questioning is more logical than 99% of what comes out of the rest of Congress's collective mouth.

  3. Fletcher says:

    Weight, 105? Ya… IN YOUR BRA.

    -Guy who appreciated the Liar Liar tag

  4. Guest says:

    Jamie Dimon: [staring and thinking "Are you smarter than a 3rd grader?"]

  5. JohnnyCanes says:

    Is it gardening? Is it blocking your neighbor's view? Is it blocking your view of your neighbor's daughter?

    • pazzo83 says:

      If it was, did you get it trimmed? Did you hire illegal immigrant labor to do so? Mr Dimon, are you on record supporting the proliferation of illegal immigration?

      – the non-sequitur "logic" of Congressional hearings

  6. JPM says:

    Senator Bob Menendez: soooo, Mr. Dimon, if that even is your REAL name… the facts of the case are undisputed… you blew up a whale.

  7. lolwut says:

    20 million.




    Million, with an M.


    Ohhh Jaime, you sly cat.

    • Guest says:

      If Joke Briefer is available, I would request his services on the above….

      • just a guy says:

        Senator Johnson had a stroke. He now speaks, shall we say, differently. He was asking Jamie if there were firm position limits of $20M which Jamie is accused in the press of eliminating. Jamie repeatedly asked if he was saying $20M or $20B. In a $350B portfolio, $20 million position limits would lead to a lot of positions.

        – Not the joke briefer, a fan of his work, not sure there was a joke that needed briefing here

        • 2 cubes over says:

          Nice work.

          -guy who's also a fan of the joke briefer, but thinks the commetariat abuses his skills.

  8. pazzo83 says:

    Don't bring me into this shit, Menendez.

    – Hamlet

  9. Guest says:

    Hath not a Dimon eyes?

  10. Not Me says:

    Senator Bob Menendez: I listen to this [hearing] and I paraphrase Shakespeare when I ask, a hedge or not a hedge, that is the question.
    Jamie Dimon: [staring]
    Senator Bob Menendez: Anyway. When you reduce a hedge or hedge a hedge, isn’t that gambling?
    Jamie Dimon: No.
    Senator Bob Menendez: Is it Russian Roulette?
    Jamie Dimon: No…
    Senator Bob Menendez: Is it like jerking off in a porn theater and getting caught?
    Jamie Dimon: How the fuck did you get elected?

  11. Elaine Benes says:

    Wher'es Chris "Fatty McPhaterson" Christie" when we need him? He's the real pride of NJ

  12. Guest says:

    Mr Dimon,
    I have but one last question for you. Have you seen my stapler?

    -Senetor Bob Menendez

  13. William S. says:

    How can I stop idiots from paraphrasing me? Can we pass a law for that? oh, never mind. Or as you livings are saying: is there an app for that?

    -William Shakespeare

  14. HAM05 says:

    needs more maxine

  15. guest says:

    If they spent less time quoting Shakespeare and more time understanding how banks work, I wouldn't have to deal with this kind of shit.

    -Jamie Dimon thought

  16. Macro May says:

    Dimon: "Get the head of IT in here. I want him to un-block access to DealBreaker. We have to fight this battle on all fronts. I better see 200 thumbs up on a supportive post today! If that Judge Smails shit comment can get over 200 thumbs up, I know we can do better. Let everyone know."

  17. Truecrimewatcher says:

    Boy, you would think that he would not be so high on his horse and critical of someone after what he and his brother did to their parents. But on the other hand he is an orphan so gotta cut him some slack.

    • Guess the Movie says:

      Coming up next, we take you inside the office of the attorney for the Menendez Brothers

  18. Guest says:

    Menendez was easy on buddy Jon Corzine who ignored MF Globals risk controls and destroyed the company but tough on Dimon when his risk controls caught the problem (a bit late, but better late than never) and caused some lost earnings but the company survives.

    With bullshit like that no wonder it's the Garden State.

  19. Guest says:

    Uh, Mr. Dimon, I'm not quite sure how to say this… Kim 'Baasenger', 'Baysenger', 'Basenjer', 'Bay-singer'? But now, on to the cancer…

  20. Houston says:

    Texas would never have a senator this dumb.

  21. MF Account holda says:

    How you like dem apples !

  22. Abe_Froman_ says:

    Ukrainian blackjack is weak!

  23. Grinders says:

    Senator Bob Menendez: Sounds exotic. I'll take two.

  24. Masterpiece Theatre says:

    Mr. Dimon, can you define or give some idea to the committee of what exactly a billion dollars is? On behalf of my esteemed colleagues, I can honestly say that I cannot even fathom a number like that.

  25. Moby Dick says:

    et tu Jamie !?!?!?

  26. Marty m says:

    What's a matter smartass, you dont know any Hawthorne?

    -marky m

  27. Regular Guest says:

    Even Eva Mendes is brighter than Bob Mendes

  28. guestforce1 says:

    Dealbreaker average commenter is the new chris crocker.

  29. guestforce1 says:

    Well, there’s nothing like seeing Jamie Dimon swinging for the fences. Dimon has taken his defense and turned it into an offense, in both senses of the word.

    In Senate testimony, Dimon revealed his idea of “portfolio hedging” to be even more egregious than the harshest critics thought. Dimon presented the job of the CIO to be to make modest amounts of money in good times and to make a lot of money when there’s a crisis. (That does not appear to be narrowly true, since in the last couple of years, during which there was no crisis, the CIO’s staff were among the best paid in the bank and produced significant profits for the bank. That is a bald faced admission that the CIO’s mandate had nothing to do with hedging. A hedge is a position taken to mitigate losses on an underlying exposure should they occur. Instead, Dimon has admitted that the mission of the CIO is to place bets on tail risks that are unrelated to JP Morgan’s exposures. A massive, systemically destructive strategy like the Magnetar trade would fit perfectly within the CIO’s mandate.

    • Guest says:

      You do know that JPM is a bank, right? And that as a bank they have exposure to credit? Therefore a portfolio that produced significant revenue in adverse credit conditions would mitigate losses on their underlying exposure, thus neatly fitting into your definition of a hedge. I know – weird, right?

      • Ron Perry says:

        Stop texting me you right wing freak!
        Debating with gross halfwits like yourself is as counterproductive as explaining gay rights ti westboro baptist church member.

        • guestforce1 says:

          Thanks Ron(: this vernix covered troll trying to sound clever are nails of a blackboard.

      • guestforce1 says:

        Go away, you cockroach. you parasite's twisted logic and lies are just that. if you're gaining the system good for you but take us all for fools.

  30. guestforce1 says:

    A fish starts rotting at the head. The same is true in a country. If big organizations are not dealt with as a society you are in big trouble. Passing the line from a democracy into a corrupt facist state is easy and hard to undo so act now.

    Seems the problem starts with the sponsoring needed for a political campain. Result is politicians are owned by the sponsors. If that does not change the USA will go down the drain.

    • Otter says:

      Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female investors – we did.
      But you can't hold a whole bank responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole banking system? And if the whole banking system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our monetary institutions in general? I put it to you, Senator – isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

      • Ross says:

        Ah yes, the 'behavior of a few' meme. here are a few more fore free on the house.
        1. we should not punish success.
        2. job creators.
        3.this is capitalism.

  31. guest says:

    Lomas Financial is a perfectly hedged financial institution: It looses money in every conceivable interest rate environment.

    – Michael Lewis

  32. Carlos says:

    I’m speechless. This can be a surpeb blog and very attractive too. Nice work! That’s now not actually a lot coming from an newbie publisher like me, however it’s all I may just say after diving into your posts. Nice grammar and vocabulary. Not like other blogs. You actually recognise what you?re talking about too. Such a lot that you made me want to discover more. Your blog has develop into a stepping stone for me, my friend.

  33. mxrxglzu says:

    lGNijY , [url=]vdrrwemwmdez[/url], [link=]ijqjcoayvync[/link],

  34. xslolocye says:

    6KbaYC , [url=]airwlysaqmfn[/url], [link=]wypmwhuhrvlt[/link],

  35. I liked CODE way too… All of them are good…

  36. SmbkJW Im thankful for the blog post. Really Great.

  37. en iyi says:

    I cannot thank you enough for the blog article. Great.

  38. go here says:

    Yeah !… life is like riding a bicycle. You will not fall unless you stop pedaling!!…

  39. I think this is a real great post.Thanks Again. Cool.

  40. I cannot thank you enough for the post.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.

  41. wonga loans says:

    Thanks a lot for the blog post.Much thanks again. Fantastic.

  42. Fantastic blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing.

  43. satnam says:

    Looking forward to reading more. Great blog article. Keep writing.

  44. I subscribed to RSS, but for some reason, the messages are written in the form of some hieroglyph (How can it be corrected?!…

  45. There is obviously a lot to realize about this. I feel you made various good points in features also.

  46. Jacques Lala says:

    I feel other webmasters should take this particular web page to be a model, incredibly neat and excellent style.

  47. Neoma Hipp says:

    this time many folks doubt that electric cars can run fast. But it seems that the assumption have to be removed when the car was born. Because this

  48. Thanks for the news! Just was thinking about it! By the way Happy New Year to all of you:D

  49. Wow, wonderful blog format! How long have you been running a blog for? you made running a blog look easy. The overall look of your site is wonderful, let alone as} the content!

  50. Xrumer says:

    Great blog here! Also your web site loads up fast! What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my web site loaded up as quickly as yours lol

  51. Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this site. It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s hard to get that “perfect balance” between superb usability and visual appeal. I must say that you’ve done a fantastic job with this. Also, the blog loads very quick for me on Internet explorer. Excellent Blog!

  52. Do you mind if I quote a couple of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your weblog? My blog is in the very same area of interest as yours and my visitors would really benefit from some of the information you present here. Please let me know if this alright with you. Appreciate it!

  53. Thanks so much for the article post.Really thank you! Really Cool.

  54. Grips says:

    Thanks for all the answers:) In fact, learned a lot of new information. Dut I just didn`t figure out what is what till the end!…

  55. Thanks:) Cool topic, write more often! You manage with it perfctly:D

  56. Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this site. It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s hard to get that “perfect balance” between user friendliness and appearance. I must say you have done a excellent job with this. In addition, the blog loads super quick for me on Internet explorer. Superb Blog!

  57. Throughout the great pattern of things you actually secure a B+ with regard to effort. Where exactly you actually misplaced everybody was first on all the facts. You know, they say, details make or break the argument.. And it could not be much more true right here. Having said that, allow me inform you what exactly did do the job. The article (parts of it) is definitely really engaging and this is most likely why I am making the effort in order to comment. I do not make it a regular habit of doing that. Secondly, despite the fact that I can easily see a jumps in reason you make, I am not necessarily certain of just how you seem to unite your ideas that help to make the conclusion. For right now I shall subscribe to your issue but wish in the foreseeable future you actually connect your facts much better.

  58. white ants says:

    Great post here, thought I could learn more from but I can learn more from this post.

  59. more says:

    This will be a terrific web site, could you be involved in doing an interview about just how you designed it? If so e-mail me!

  60. cleanscene says:

    Hey would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re working with? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different web browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you suggest a good internet hosting provider at a fair price? Cheers, I appreciate it!

  61. Hey, thanks for the blog.Really thank you! Keep writing.

  62. Thank you ever so for you article post.Really thank you! Really Great.

  63. Clean Scene says:

    Do you have a spam issue on this website; I also am a blogger, and I was wondering your situation; we have developed some nice procedures and we are looking to trade methods with others, please shoot me an email if interested.

  64. link says:

    Hi! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good results. If you know of any please share. Appreciate it!

  65. I value the blog.Thanks Again. Keep writing.

  66. Greetings from Colorado! I’m bored to tears at work so I decided to check out your website on my iphone during lunch break. I love the knowledge you provide here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m shocked at how fast your blog loaded on my phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, good blog!

  67. Very informative post.Really thank you! Really Cool.

  68. Great, thanks for sharing this article.Really thank you!

  69. Tu1xme Major thankies for the blog. Really Cool.

  70. Great, thanks for sharing this blog article.Thanks Again. Really Great.

  71. Peachtree Pest Control, servicing Atlanta and the other four insects off your plants from them. Squirrels are another complaint but there are advantages to hiring a professional exterminator. A good pest control problems, as mosquitoes and beetles flock to your home for free and discuss green pest control, but may not investigate.

  72. whois lookup says:

    Thank you for your blog article.Much thanks again.

  73. Film Cinema says:

    Thanks again for the blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.

  74. Excellent blog! Do you have any tips for aspiring writers? I’m hoping to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m completely confused .. Any ideas? Cheers!

  75. Subject material was born with all of us through the first of all to line of text message, now I am after reading over half of one’s posts, would be the last hr of this event for a couple of short minutes I ought to visit work and even instead When i take a seat and study. Wonderful!

  76. In accordance with my research, after a the foreclosure home is bought at an auction, it is common for any borrower to still have any remaining unpaid debt on the personal loan. There are many lenders who seek to have all charges and liens cleared by the subsequent buyer. Even so, depending on a number of programs, restrictions, and state legal guidelines there may be quite a few loans which are not easily resolved through the shift of lending products. Therefore, the obligation still remains on the debtor that has received his or her property in foreclosure process. Thank you for sharing your thinking on this web site.

  77. Thank you for your blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Much obliged.

  78. vpn server says:

    Fantastic blog post.Thanks Again.

  79. Ciera Tufo says:

    What i do not understood is in reality how you are no longer actually a lot more well-preferred than you might be right now. You are very intelligent. You realize thus significantly relating to this subject, produced me personally imagine it from a lot of varied angles. Its like men and women aren’t fascinated until it’s one thing to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your personal stuffs nice. Always handle it up!

  80. Thanks for the blog. Fantastic.

  81. Sexanzeigen says:

    Great, thanks for sharing this blog article.Much thanks again. Really Cool.

  82. This article is for professionals..!

  83. Joesph Meter says:

    Thanks representing these guidelines. One fixation I as well believe is credit cards providing a 0% interest time and again demand to consumers in zilch rank, the twinkling of an eye approval and painless on-line balance transfers, nevertheless beware of the number one feature that can void your 0% easy streets annual percentage rate and also throw you absent hooked on the meager studio rapid.

  84. Enjoyed every bit of your blog.Really thank you! Want more.

  85. Thanks for the blog article.Much thanks again. Really Cool.

  86. My wife and i are already now delighted that Albert could carry out his scientific tests due to the ideas he had as a result of your web page. It can be on occasion perplexing to just always be gifting away measures which a number of people could have been advertising. So we thoroughly grasp we’ve obtained you for being grateful to for that. A lot of the explanations you created, the easy blog site navigation, the relationships you support to instill it is actually mostly fantastic, and it is really helping our son and us think that that piece of writing is entertaining, and that is unbelievably crucial. Thanks for all!

  87. Right from this article begin to read this blog. Plus a subscriber:D

  88. Alida Corak says:

    One thing I’d prefer to reply to is that weightloss program fast is possible by the right diet and exercise. Someone’s size not only affects appearance, but also the general quality of life. Self-esteem, depression, health risks, and physical skills are influenced in excess weight. It is possible to make everything right but still gain. Should this happen, a medical problem may be the culprit. While a lot food and not enough workout are usually at fault, common health conditions and widely used prescriptions may greatly increase size. I am grateful for your post right here.

  89. Hi, I ԁo beliеve thiѕ is а greаt ωeb site.

    I stumbledupοn іt ;) Ӏ am going to гeturn yеt again since
    I bοоkmaгked іt. Μoney anԁ freedom is the
    bеst wаy to change, maу yοu be rich and cοntinuе to help οther

  90. Elmo Holeman says:

    Thank you a lot for sharing this with all people you really recognise what you are talking approximately! Bookmarked. Kindly additionally discuss with my website =). We can have a link change contract between us!

  91. Magnificent website. Plenty of helpful info here. I¡¦m sending it to several buddies ans also sharing in delicious. And of course, thank you to your sweat!

  92. I truly appreciate this article.Thanks Again. Fantastic.

  93. 20 wrzesnia says:

    you are really a good webmaster. The site loading speed is amazing. It seems that you are doing any unique trick. Furthermore, The contents are masterwork. you have done a wonderful job on this topic!

  94. seo software says:

    Iˇm now not positive the place you are getting your information, but good topic. I must spend some time studying much more or understanding more. Thank you for great information I was looking for this information for my mission.
    seo software
    seo software

  95. Terrific get the job done! This can be the style of details that should really be shared across the net. Shame on Google for not positioning this put up higher! Occur on in excess of and go to my web-site . Thanks =)

  96. I’m in really like with that coat. You search fantastic!

  97. No that massive of the offer, although the song is actually “PlaneCarBoat” not “CarPlaneBoat”. Great interview besides that

  98. effectively put. that’s why we’ve representatives on the phone or on the auction in our employ. With streaming, i am able to pop a beer, use the bathroom and appear back again to potential misfortune!

  99. Pleaus says:

    Hey there, You have carried out an outstanding job. ?

  100. nusajaya sq says:

    Cover damages to someone else’s property that the process of looking at homes is truly a second home occupied by the owner or at least thirty days each year. Certainly those who experience difficult financial setbacks are far more likely to improve and your present. Looking at the end of your insurance agent. {||||

  101. Brad Heiny says:

    Healthy treats sound like a good plan. Our dog eats Science Diet, so I’ll look at this out. They are really not, sadly, coming to our area.

  102. Hello this is somewhat of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding experience so I wanted to get guidance from someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!

  103. It just isn’rt fair to make an previous Hudnut like me drool like that. I observed the pickup for the Nashville Tenn national and believed it by far the most lovely car /I do have got a 48 sedan and 46 pickup

  104. May be you should considered adding additional videos to your blog posts to hold the site visitors more entertained? I mean I just study through the entire piece of yours and it had been very great but since I’m more of the visual learner,I found that it would let me know how it turns out! I enjoy what you guys are always up though.

  105. I was examining some of your posts on this site and I conceive this web site is real instructive! Continue putting up.

  106. Just I used to be searching for something like this! He / she published the project to get higher education and needed a few details, but this kind of tested. An associate became a hyperlink in your webpage. Because of him and a person I used to be able to conclude this research! Thank you so much!

  107. Cool blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog jump out. Please let me know where you got your design. Kudos

  108. So adorably wonderful!

  109. hyip program says:

    whoah this weblog is magnificent i like reading your articles. Stay up the good work! You already know, lots of people are searching round for this info, you could help them greatly.

  110. This is a major insurance company would cover any damage you caused up to date. Our county, Pasco, is renowned for having sinkholes and Citizens will have a clause to cover our homes. The State also wants to see your options and make the payments on their websites, submit your inquiry and receive instructions via email. {||||

  111. “I do feel CloudFlare will iron out these matters eventually. With the moment the company still seems to become in early/beta stages. They may well be worth yet another glance at some level from the future. They also really need to perform some do the job on improving their customer service and make confident they follow up with customers who’ve complications.”

  112. A 1971 Dodge Polara and a 67-72 Chev/GMC pickup cut off for the far ideal. Also a green ’76 or ’77 Plymouth Volare Premier.

  113. I am an acupuncturist myself and practice TCM(common Chinese medicine) far too. Just before I started off studying TCM I never ever cared what sorts of foods I try to eat but now I decide on it properly. It is incredible how properties of food stuff (sizzling, cold, pungent, sweet etc.) affect your human body. Definitely this is a good thought to consider the TCM’s approach into everything you consume each day. Thank you for producing an report regarding it. I hope a lot of persons get serious about it by means of your short article!

  114. I?? ve been samochody opole visiting ones weblog website temporarly right now and i appear for any gem inside your new articles. Thanks regarding sharing.

  115. Thank you at any time so available for you write-up submit.Considerably thanks once again. Hold producing.

  116. Laughing frequently not feeling like I am playing by using a comprehensive deck as loved ones foundation executive director Thanks for your hyperlink!

  117. I really like your blog site.. incredibly great colors & theme. Did you structure this website yourself or did you hire someone to accomplish it in your case? Plz respond as I’m shopping to structure my own blog and would like to know the place u received this from. thanks quite a bit

  118. Thanks for sharing superb informations. Your website is so cool. I am impressed by the details that you have on this blog. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this web page, will come back for more articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found just the information I already searched all over the place and simply couldn’t come across. What an ideal web-site.

  119. I was just searching for this information for some time. After six hours of continuous Googleing, finally I got it in your web site. I wonder what is the lack of Google strategy that don’t rank this kind of informative web sites in top of the list. Normally the top web sites are full of garbage.

  120. This website is known as a stroll-by means of for all the info you wished about this and didn抰 know who to ask. Glimpse right here, and you’ll undoubtedly uncover it.

  121. excellent post, very informative. I ponder why the opposite experts of this sector do not notice this. You must continue your writing. I am sure, you have a great readers’ base already!

  122. Renee Buczek says:

    I do believe all of the ideas you have presented for your post. They are very convincing and will certainly work. Still, the posts are too quick for newbies. Could you please prolong them a little from next time? Thanks for the post.

  123. F*ckin’ amazing things here. I am very satisfied to peer your article. Thank you a lot and i am taking a look ahead to touch you. Will you kindly drop me a mail?

  124. Of course, what a great website and illuminating posts, I will bookmark your site.Have an awsome day!

  125. Hi there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it’s really informative. I am going to watch out for brussels. I’ll appreciate if you continue this in future. Lots of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  126. What i don’t understood is in reality how you are no longer really much more well-appreciated than you might be now. You’re very intelligent. You know thus significantly when it comes to this subject, produced me personally believe it from a lot of numerous angles. Its like men and women aren’t fascinated until it’s something to do with Woman gaga! Your individual stuffs great. At all times deal with it up!

  127. I enjoy reading through and I believe this web site got some genuinely utilitarian stuff on it! .

  128. I’ve recently started a blog, the info you offer on this site has helped me greatly. Thanks for all of your time & work. “Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.” by George Jean Nathan.

  129. Great ideas! I was having some porblems about what you already mentioned, Now I will probably be better!

  130. Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any tips?

  131. Click here says:

    Within YouTube video embed script you can also give parameters based to your desire like width, height or even border colors.

  132. wonderful points altogether, you simply gained a new reader. What would you suggest about your post that you made some days ago? Any positive?

  133. Hey, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog site in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, superb blog!