Is It Polish Craps? Is It Ukrainian Blackjack?

Senator Bob Menendez: I listen to this [hearing] and I paraphrase Shakespeare when I ask, a hedge or not a hedge, that is the question.
Jamie Dimon: [staring]
Senator Bob Menendez: Anyway. When you reduce a hedge or hedge a hedge, isn’t that gambling?
Jamie Dimon: No.
Senator Bob Menendez: You said the hedge morphed. What did it morph into? Is it Russian Roulette?
Jamie Dimon: No…

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Comments (172)

  1. Posted by guest | June 13, 2012 at 11:15 AM

    Bob Menendez, the pride of NJ!

  2. Posted by guest | June 13, 2012 at 11:18 AM

    In fairness, this line of questioning is more logical than 99% of what comes out of the rest of Congress's collective mouth.

  3. Posted by Fletcher | June 13, 2012 at 11:19 AM

    Weight, 105? Ya… IN YOUR BRA.

    -Guy who appreciated the Liar Liar tag

  4. Posted by Guest | June 13, 2012 at 11:19 AM

    Jamie Dimon: [staring and thinking "Are you smarter than a 3rd grader?"]

  5. Posted by JohnnyCanes | June 13, 2012 at 11:22 AM

    Is it gardening? Is it blocking your neighbor's view? Is it blocking your view of your neighbor's daughter?

  6. Posted by JohnnyCanes | June 13, 2012 at 11:25 AM

    Hey! We are the 99%.

    - OWS

  7. Posted by JPM | June 13, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    Senator Bob Menendez: soooo, Mr. Dimon, if that even is your REAL name… the facts of the case are undisputed… you blew up a whale.

  8. Posted by lolwut | June 13, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    20 million.

    Billion?

    Million.

    Billion?

    Million, with an M.

    Billion?

    Ohhh Jaime, you sly cat.

  9. Posted by pazzo83 | June 13, 2012 at 11:34 AM

    Don't bring me into this shit, Menendez.

    - Hamlet

  10. Posted by Guest | June 13, 2012 at 11:37 AM

    Hath not a Dimon eyes?

  11. Posted by Not Me | June 13, 2012 at 11:40 AM

    Senator Bob Menendez: I listen to this [hearing] and I paraphrase Shakespeare when I ask, a hedge or not a hedge, that is the question.
    Jamie Dimon: [staring]
    Senator Bob Menendez: Anyway. When you reduce a hedge or hedge a hedge, isn’t that gambling?
    Jamie Dimon: No.
    Senator Bob Menendez: Is it Russian Roulette?
    Jamie Dimon: No…
    Senator Bob Menendez: Is it like jerking off in a porn theater and getting caught?
    Jamie Dimon: How the fuck did you get elected?

  12. Posted by pazzo83 | June 13, 2012 at 11:40 AM

    If it was, did you get it trimmed? Did you hire illegal immigrant labor to do so? Mr Dimon, are you on record supporting the proliferation of illegal immigration?

    - the non-sequitur "logic" of Congressional hearings

  13. Posted by Elaine Benes | June 13, 2012 at 11:41 AM

    Wher'es Chris "Fatty McPhaterson" Christie" when we need him? He's the real pride of NJ

  14. Posted by guest | June 13, 2012 at 11:42 AM

    Rocking the pizza vending machine back and forth. Fucker is just dangling there.

  15. Posted by Guest | June 13, 2012 at 11:43 AM

    Mr Dimon,
    I have but one last question for you. Have you seen my stapler?

    -Senetor Bob Menendez

  16. Posted by Snooki | June 13, 2012 at 11:50 AM

    No, that would be Jon Corzine. Real NJ Hall Of Famer.

  17. Posted by fittin in | June 13, 2012 at 11:54 AM

    yeah, between the two of them…where does one move to have a backyard on the east coast?

  18. Posted by William S. | June 13, 2012 at 11:57 AM

    How can I stop idiots from paraphrasing me? Can we pass a law for that? oh, never mind. Or as you livings are saying: is there an app for that?

    -William Shakespeare

  19. Posted by HAM05 | June 13, 2012 at 12:02 PM

    needs more maxine

  20. Posted by guest | June 13, 2012 at 12:12 PM

    If they spent less time quoting Shakespeare and more time understanding how banks work, I wouldn't have to deal with this kind of shit.

    -Jamie Dimon thought

  21. Posted by guest | June 13, 2012 at 12:14 PM

    You know she's furious to not be a part of this.

  22. Posted by Macro May | June 13, 2012 at 12:17 PM

    Dimon: "Get the head of IT in here. I want him to un-block access to DealBreaker. We have to fight this battle on all fronts. I better see 200 thumbs up on a supportive post today! If that Judge Smails shit comment can get over 200 thumbs up, I know we can do better. Let everyone know."

  23. Posted by guest | June 13, 2012 at 12:20 PM

    Dealbreaker is not, nor has it ever been, blocked at JPM. Other than that I have no concerns.

  24. Posted by Truecrimewatcher | June 13, 2012 at 12:23 PM

    Boy, you would think that he would not be so high on his horse and critical of someone after what he and his brother did to their parents. But on the other hand he is an orphan so gotta cut him some slack.

  25. Posted by Guest | June 13, 2012 at 12:24 PM

    Menendez was easy on buddy Jon Corzine who ignored MF Globals risk controls and destroyed the company but tough on Dimon when his risk controls caught the problem (a bit late, but better late than never) and caused some lost earnings but the company survives.

    With bullshit like that no wonder it's the Garden State.

  26. Posted by Guest | June 13, 2012 at 12:56 PM

    Uh, Mr. Dimon, I'm not quite sure how to say this… Kim 'Baasenger', 'Baysenger', 'Basenjer', 'Bay-singer'? But now, on to the cancer…

  27. Posted by Guy from Last Time | June 13, 2012 at 12:56 PM

    You mean maniacal?

  28. Posted by Guess the Movie | June 13, 2012 at 12:57 PM

    Coming up next, we take you inside the office of the attorney for the Menendez Brothers

  29. Posted by The Whale | June 13, 2012 at 1:03 PM

    Hey!

    -Snookie

  30. Posted by Whoops | June 13, 2012 at 1:04 PM

    Forest Hills?

  31. Posted by guest | June 13, 2012 at 1:04 PM

    Anywhere but the five boroughs and Baltimore really does cover a lot of ground

  32. Posted by Houston | June 13, 2012 at 1:14 PM

    Texas would never have a senator this dumb.

  33. Posted by ILoveLamp | June 13, 2012 at 1:16 PM

    No. Only a Governor.

  34. Posted by MF Account holda | June 13, 2012 at 1:17 PM

    How you like dem apples !

  35. Posted by Lone Star | June 13, 2012 at 1:28 PM

    Corndog gave a good rant to Holder the other day.

  36. Posted by Guest | June 13, 2012 at 1:30 PM

    If Joke Briefer is available, I would request his services on the above….

  37. Posted by Jersey Boy | June 13, 2012 at 1:35 PM

    Losing customer's money is one thing, but your own now, well…well !

  38. Posted by Abe_Froman_ | June 13, 2012 at 1:54 PM

    Ukrainian blackjack is weak!

  39. Posted by The Banker of Venice | June 13, 2012 at 1:57 PM

    If you prick him does he not bleed?

  40. Posted by just a guy | June 13, 2012 at 2:10 PM

    Senator Johnson had a stroke. He now speaks, shall we say, differently. He was asking Jamie if there were firm position limits of $20M which Jamie is accused in the press of eliminating. Jamie repeatedly asked if he was saying $20M or $20B. In a $350B portfolio, $20 million position limits would lead to a lot of positions.

    - Not the joke briefer, a fan of his work, not sure there was a joke that needed briefing here

  41. Posted by Everyone Else | June 13, 2012 at 2:17 PM

    I still have a few concerns…

  42. Posted by guest | June 13, 2012 at 2:24 PM

    Noted, this shall be rectified shortly.

    - JPM HR

  43. Posted by Guest | June 13, 2012 at 2:37 PM

    Jamie – if you spent more time being noble and less time being a blood sucking parasite to society we wouldn't have to see you get bitch slapped by the Senate.

  44. Posted by Elaine Benes | June 13, 2012 at 2:39 PM

    strange how the first comment received a negative 20 , yet the response a positive 36…thats wall street for you..

  45. Posted by 2 cubes over | June 13, 2012 at 2:42 PM

    Nice work.

    -guy who's also a fan of the joke briefer, but thinks the commetariat abuses his skills.

  46. Posted by Grinders | June 13, 2012 at 2:52 PM

    Senator Bob Menendez: Sounds exotic. I'll take two.

  47. Posted by Curious George | June 13, 2012 at 3:25 PM

    …?

  48. Posted by Unsubscribe Dammit! | June 13, 2012 at 3:26 PM

    Unsubscribe.

  49. Posted by Masterpiece Theatre | June 13, 2012 at 3:52 PM

    Mr. Dimon, can you define or give some idea to the committee of what exactly a billion dollars is? On behalf of my esteemed colleagues, I can honestly say that I cannot even fathom a number like that.

  50. Posted by Moby Dick | June 13, 2012 at 4:19 PM

    et tu Jamie !?!?!?

  51. Posted by Marty m | June 13, 2012 at 4:35 PM

    What's a matter smartass, you dont know any Hawthorne?

    -marky m

  52. Posted by guest | June 13, 2012 at 5:49 PM

    this is terrible

  53. Posted by juniormistmaker | June 13, 2012 at 6:12 PM

    He can't help it.

    BA -> law school -> Congressman

  54. Posted by Regular Guest | June 14, 2012 at 7:05 AM

    Even Eva Mendes is brighter than Bob Mendes

  55. Posted by guestforce1 | June 14, 2012 at 7:29 AM

    Dealbreaker average commenter is the new chris crocker.

  56. Posted by guestforce1 | June 14, 2012 at 7:48 AM

    Well, there’s nothing like seeing Jamie Dimon swinging for the fences. Dimon has taken his defense and turned it into an offense, in both senses of the word.

    In Senate testimony, Dimon revealed his idea of “portfolio hedging” to be even more egregious than the harshest critics thought. Dimon presented the job of the CIO to be to make modest amounts of money in good times and to make a lot of money when there’s a crisis. (That does not appear to be narrowly true, since in the last couple of years, during which there was no crisis, the CIO’s staff were among the best paid in the bank and produced significant profits for the bank. That is a bald faced admission that the CIO’s mandate had nothing to do with hedging. A hedge is a position taken to mitigate losses on an underlying exposure should they occur. Instead, Dimon has admitted that the mission of the CIO is to place bets on tail risks that are unrelated to JP Morgan’s exposures. A massive, systemically destructive strategy like the Magnetar trade would fit perfectly within the CIO’s mandate.

  57. Posted by guestforce1 | June 14, 2012 at 8:07 AM

    Even dick cheney is less a of jerk then Dimon.

  58. Posted by guestforce1 | June 14, 2012 at 8:30 AM

    A fish starts rotting at the head. The same is true in a country. If big organizations are not dealt with as a society you are in big trouble. Passing the line from a democracy into a corrupt facist state is easy and hard to undo so act now.

    Seems the problem starts with the sponsoring needed for a political campain. Result is politicians are owned by the sponsors. If that does not change the USA will go down the drain.

  59. Posted by guestforce1 | June 14, 2012 at 11:34 AM

    Unplug yourself.

  60. Posted by Guest | June 14, 2012 at 12:42 PM

    You do know that JPM is a bank, right? And that as a bank they have exposure to credit? Therefore a portfolio that produced significant revenue in adverse credit conditions would mitigate losses on their underlying exposure, thus neatly fitting into your definition of a hedge. I know – weird, right?

  61. Posted by Ron Perry | June 14, 2012 at 1:17 PM

    Stop texting me you right wing freak!
    Debating with gross halfwits like yourself is as counterproductive as explaining gay rights ti westboro baptist church member.

  62. Posted by guestforce1 | June 14, 2012 at 1:20 PM

    Go away, you cockroach. you parasite's twisted logic and lies are just that. if you're gaining the system good for you but take us all for fools.

  63. Posted by guestforce1 | June 14, 2012 at 1:25 PM

    Thanks Ron(: this vernix covered troll trying to sound clever are nails of a blackboard.

  64. Posted by Otter | June 14, 2012 at 1:30 PM

    Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female investors – we did.
    But you can't hold a whole bank responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole banking system? And if the whole banking system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our monetary institutions in general? I put it to you, Senator – isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

  65. Posted by Ross | June 14, 2012 at 2:00 PM

    Ah yes, the 'behavior of a few' meme. here are a few more fore free on the house.
    1. we should not punish success.
    2. job creators.
    3.this is capitalism.

  66. Posted by Guest | June 14, 2012 at 4:22 PM

    Grammar isn't your friend, is it?

  67. Posted by Guest | June 14, 2012 at 4:23 PM

    Are you an idiot in real life, or do you just play one on the internet?

  68. Posted by guest | June 20, 2012 at 2:22 PM

    Lomas Financial is a perfectly hedged financial institution: It looses money in every conceivable interest rate environment.

    - Michael Lewis

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