As you may have heard, later today Jamie Dimon will once again testify on Capitol re: a certain whale’s multi-billion dollar losses. Unlike last week’s hearing, conducted by the relatively reasonable Senate Banking Committee, this time Dimon will face questions and screeching from the relatively bat-shit House Financial Services Committee, a group of people we hope will not hold back. Yet despite the HFSC’s history of making witnesses look good, not matter how egregious their offense, by conducting inquiries in a manner that would suggest recreational bath salts abuse by the Congressmen and women, Bloomberg’s Tom Keene was still worried earlier this morning about Dimon’s ability to navigate the hearing. One person who wasn’t? Keene’s Bloomberg TV Surveillance guest Meredith Whitney. According to the analyst, Dimon be more than fine and while we’re on the subject, not that you asked, she can think of another bank CEO who’d crack under Congressional questioning on account of the fact that he doesn’t have Dimon’s eyes, which you could get lost in.
“[Dimon] is, like nobody else…he’s the antithesis of Blankfein. He charms. He’s incredible. [Last week] he gave the senators a massage and they gave him a massage back. You see a complete juxtaposition between the two.
So, 1. How dare you, lady? Lloyd’s impish smile and comedic timing don’t do it for you? And 2. We thought these kind of low blows were reserved for Vikram.