• 12 Jul 2012 at 1:21 PM

Call The JPMorgan (Whale Loss) Close (Updated)

By

Update: And the winner is HHFM, with -$5.75 billion! Get in touch to collect your prize.

Did Bruno Iksil make the bank -$2 billion? -$9 billion? -$20 billion? Was this all just a hoax and he actually didn’t lose any money at all? JPMorgan will let us know tomorrow at 7AM.

Standard Price Is Right rules, closest without going over. Guesses in by 4PM today. Winner will receive his or her choice of a visit from the sandwich fairy, a highly coveted whale bath toy, or an I heart Dealbreaker button.

Comments (174)

  1. 1
    Posted by Patrick S | July 12, 2012 at 1:34 PM

    -$4.75 billion. And is closest without going over in terms of absolute value or actual value?

  2. 2
    Posted by SellingLow | July 12, 2012 at 1:34 PM

    I would guess around one teapot-sized tempest.

  3. 3
    Posted by FKApmco | July 12, 2012 at 1:35 PM

    -3.385 bn including gains on sales of CIO portfolio securities. -5.385 bn if we are gross.

  4. 4
    Posted by BessLevin | July 12, 2012 at 1:36 PM

    Absolute value.

  5. 5
    Posted by PortolioMangelr | July 12, 2012 at 1:37 PM

    -8.25bln

  6. 6
    Posted by k90 | July 12, 2012 at 1:41 PM

    >> if we are gross

    self analysis?

  7. 7
    Posted by el guesto | July 12, 2012 at 1:42 PM

    a loss of one dollar. price is right rules; had to be done.

  8. 8
    Posted by gs1 | July 12, 2012 at 1:44 PM

    I made more, relatively speaking
    John Paulson

  9. 9
    Posted by Guest_of_Honor | July 12, 2012 at 1:44 PM

    4.6B loss

  10. 10
    Posted by nyrebel2003 | July 12, 2012 at 1:44 PM

    - 7.53 bln

  11. 11
    Posted by Crypto Guest | July 12, 2012 at 1:44 PM

    $#.##0# bn

  12. 12
    Posted by NakedShort | July 12, 2012 at 1:45 PM

    6.81b

  13. 13
    Posted by negative_beta | July 12, 2012 at 1:48 PM

    -5.85bn net | -7.35bn gross

  14. 14
    Posted by Matt's Groupie | July 12, 2012 at 1:49 PM

    $1.01, Bob.

  15. 15
    Posted by Guest | July 12, 2012 at 1:49 PM

    You know everybody hates you

  16. 16
    Posted by Guest | July 12, 2012 at 1:50 PM

    -2 dollars.

  17. 17
    Posted by fingers crossed | July 12, 2012 at 1:50 PM

    7.2
    i'd like the bath toy, please
    -guy that once won a candy jar guessing contest

  18. 18
    Posted by BIG4LOSER | July 12, 2012 at 1:51 PM

    -5.2BN USD

  19. 19
    Posted by Mitch | July 12, 2012 at 1:53 PM

    -5.5 billion

  20. 20
    Posted by who dat | July 12, 2012 at 1:53 PM

    4.08b loss

  21. 21
    Posted by Guestavo | July 12, 2012 at 1:57 PM

    Net -$5.9bn

  22. 22
    Posted by Winner | July 12, 2012 at 1:57 PM

    uh… 31.29

  23. 23
    Posted by B2b MD | July 12, 2012 at 1:57 PM

    -6.4Billion Gross/ +2.4billion net

    -Guy who thinks Jamie gonna punk some regulatory clown bros

  24. 24
    Posted by F Pecora | July 12, 2012 at 2:02 PM

    -3.65 billion, with a b.

  25. 25
    Posted by im_new_here | July 12, 2012 at 2:04 PM

    Total quarterly loss, or Whaledemort losses only?

  26. 26
    Posted by Guest | July 12, 2012 at 2:04 PM

    Q… another Q…. a third Q…. and a batman symbol

  27. 27
    Posted by fdfdfd | July 12, 2012 at 2:06 PM

    3.50

  28. 28
    Posted by guest | July 12, 2012 at 2:08 PM

    Just whale.

  29. 29
    Posted by JSC | July 12, 2012 at 2:08 PM

    4.25bn

  30. 30
    Posted by VonSloneker | July 12, 2012 at 2:10 PM

    5.2635 B Net of the sale of two harp seals and liquidation of futures contracts on three tons of plankton.

    - Baleen Capital Partners, LP

  31. 31
    Posted by Guest | July 12, 2012 at 2:11 PM

    A bucket of sardines and 200# of krill

  32. 32
    Posted by Captain Ahab | July 12, 2012 at 2:15 PM

    -6.1Bn

  33. 33
    Posted by .Bo | July 12, 2012 at 2:16 PM

    4,289,386,041.86

  34. 34
    Posted by Deleveraging | July 12, 2012 at 2:17 PM

    -$6.45B Gross / -$1.95B Net

  35. 35
    Posted by Cut Me | July 12, 2012 at 2:17 PM

    Fuck you to.

    -Bill G.

  36. 36
    Posted by Smug | July 12, 2012 at 2:18 PM

    |4.7B|, net of remorse

  37. 37
    Posted by Guest | July 12, 2012 at 2:19 PM

    $1T

    -FRB Analyst

  38. 38
    Posted by SocGuest | July 12, 2012 at 2:20 PM

    -$5.1B

  39. 39
    Posted by Diane's Passage | July 12, 2012 at 2:23 PM

    -$8.008 bln

  40. 40
    Posted by scw | July 12, 2012 at 2:24 PM

    5.38B

  41. 41
    Posted by Guest | July 12, 2012 at 2:26 PM

    Finally, some JPM numbers I'm familiar with.

    – UBS Financial Reporting Manager

  42. 42
    Posted by Guest | July 12, 2012 at 2:28 PM

    -4.26bn net | -5.67bn gross

  43. 43
    Posted by guest | July 12, 2012 at 2:29 PM

    Enough to get the media seriously riled up.

  44. 44
    Posted by HHFM | July 12, 2012 at 2:30 PM

    - 5.75

  45. 45
    Posted by Sell It | July 12, 2012 at 2:33 PM

    -3.82B net 5.84B gross.*

    *Currency is those packets of prison mackerel Madoff was trying to corner the market in awhile back.

  46. 46
    Posted by hangtime79 | July 12, 2012 at 2:34 PM

    Go all the way out, -11.2 billion and a can of lamp oil.

  47. 47
    Posted by PermaGuestII | July 12, 2012 at 2:34 PM

    I want them.

    -'80s movie quant

  48. 48
    Posted by I have no idea | July 12, 2012 at 2:35 PM

    4.78 BN

  49. 49
    Posted by PermaGuestII | July 12, 2012 at 2:36 PM

    (4.8)bn USD

  50. 50
    Posted by Guest | July 12, 2012 at 2:37 PM

    $ Texas

  51. 51
    Posted by inlovewithpmco | July 12, 2012 at 2:42 PM

    a kind -4.20 bn

  52. 52
    Posted by Im_a_Dude | July 12, 2012 at 2:42 PM

    I'm gonna go out on a limb and say……-$2B

  53. 53
    Posted by Okay | July 12, 2012 at 2:52 PM

    2.4 Bn

  54. 54
    Posted by Mattias | July 12, 2012 at 3:05 PM

    -3.67B

  55. 55
    Posted by Neighbor | July 12, 2012 at 3:08 PM

    -5.12B

  56. 56
    Posted by Overeducatedbrokeguy | July 12, 2012 at 3:08 PM

    $3.57 Billion loss, one time charge offset $6Billion profit from my grad-student loan.

  57. 57
    Posted by UBS FB Trader | July 12, 2012 at 3:09 PM

    7.3 Billion

  58. 58
    Posted by UBS FB Trader | July 12, 2012 at 3:09 PM

    7.3 Billion

  59. 59
    Posted by @phoneranger | July 12, 2012 at 3:09 PM

    -6.66B

  60. 60
    Posted by RJ_ | July 12, 2012 at 3:14 PM

    -4.69B

  61. 61
    Posted by orca | July 12, 2012 at 3:16 PM

    -5.85B

  62. 62
    Posted by el guesto | July 12, 2012 at 3:18 PM

    well done. i knew i was early…

  63. 63
    Posted by guest | July 12, 2012 at 3:19 PM

    willing to part with any scrimshaw?

  64. 64
    Posted by crowd wisdom test | July 12, 2012 at 3:19 PM

    5.919390244B

  65. 65
    Posted by KPH | July 12, 2012 at 3:20 PM

    8.2b

  66. 66
    Posted by PriceIsRight Ahole | July 12, 2012 at 3:20 PM

    whats the highest bid Bob? and add $1 to that..

  67. 67
    Posted by Shift+F9 | July 12, 2012 at 3:27 PM

    $8.675309 .. billion

    - guy stuck in the '80s, and not leaving

  68. 68
    Posted by B. Barker | July 12, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    -5.25B

  69. 69
    Posted by MK IT | July 12, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    -9.1 B

  70. 70
    Posted by Slurpee Fiend | July 12, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    7.11b

  71. 71
    Posted by im_new_here | July 12, 2012 at 3:36 PM

    -6.18B

  72. 72
    Posted by Texas PE | July 12, 2012 at 3:36 PM

    -$5.8 billion

  73. 73
    Posted by Hiphopapotamus | July 12, 2012 at 3:37 PM

    -$3,090,000.00 net

  74. 74
    Posted by BRK | July 12, 2012 at 3:37 PM

    7.36 Billion

  75. 75
    Posted by Bugs | July 12, 2012 at 3:40 PM

    $4.875 billion

  76. 76
    Posted by Dow30Thou | July 12, 2012 at 3:40 PM

    -$4.37bn

  77. 77
    Posted by Chuck | July 12, 2012 at 3:41 PM

    -$4 Billion

  78. 78
    Posted by Whackattack | July 12, 2012 at 3:46 PM

    -$5.21 Billion Gross, -$4.01 Billion Net

  79. 79
    Posted by Puck It | July 12, 2012 at 3:51 PM

    -$2.52 billion.

    —Guy who used to live near highway 252

  80. 80
    Posted by guest | July 12, 2012 at 3:53 PM

    1$ Bob

  81. 81
    Posted by wahoo | July 12, 2012 at 3:59 PM

    One MILLLLION dollars

  82. 82
    Posted by guest | July 12, 2012 at 4:02 PM

    completely unintelligible. We approve.

    -UBS Messaging Department

  83. 83
    Posted by Guest | July 12, 2012 at 4:03 PM

    One hundred BILLLION dollars.

  84. 84
    Posted by Guest | July 12, 2012 at 4:07 PM

    O U 8.12b

  85. 85
    Posted by Terrible | July 12, 2012 at 4:10 PM

    Anybody who wins, is an insider. Anybody who doesn't win, is a well-trained insider…

  86. 86
    Posted by Ebonics Guy | July 12, 2012 at 4:17 PM

    neg tree fiddy

  87. 87
    Posted by Sean | July 12, 2012 at 4:17 PM

    4.97B loss. Ahab rejoices.

  88. 88
    Posted by High Freq 47 | July 12, 2012 at 4:23 PM

    -11.2B

  89. 89
    Posted by Gartman | July 12, 2012 at 4:49 PM

    I knew this would receive multiple thumbs down before I posted it…

  90. 90
    Posted by gest | July 12, 2012 at 4:55 PM

    3.8b

  91. 91
    Posted by BHarps | July 12, 2012 at 4:59 PM

    That's a clown question bro

  92. 92
    Posted by Michael Scarn | July 12, 2012 at 5:00 PM

    $-2.7bn

  93. 93
    Posted by Beerio | July 12, 2012 at 5:07 PM

    -3.9bn.

  94. 94
    Posted by Strong Sell | July 12, 2012 at 5:18 PM

    Never been good at guessing size – but I'm gonna go with 9 inches.

  95. 95
    Posted by Buffett | July 12, 2012 at 5:21 PM

    Not enough to get out of bed for.
    -Warren

  96. 96
    Posted by John | July 12, 2012 at 5:46 PM

    -1.1 billion

  97. 97
    Posted by Financial Samurai | July 12, 2012 at 7:05 PM

    Nobody is going to get in trouble or go to jail, so it might as well be a $40 BILLION loss for all the public cares!

  98. 98
    Posted by Jarod | July 12, 2012 at 7:08 PM

    $5

  99. 99
    Posted by Bob Eubanks | July 12, 2012 at 7:28 PM

    Wrong game show, but the greatest answer ever.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XM5hbS7GlU

  100. 100
    Posted by michael | July 12, 2012 at 10:36 PM

    5.95 bn

  101. 101
    Posted by Transcendentalist | July 13, 2012 at 2:32 AM

    -3.14159265 bln

  102. 102
    Posted by Ishmael | July 13, 2012 at 2:46 AM

    5.51bn

  103. 103
    Posted by Wire | July 13, 2012 at 3:28 AM

    -5.02B

  104. 104
    Posted by dandraka | July 13, 2012 at 4:14 AM

    Just slightly over -10B. Seriously.

  105. 105
    Posted by Guest | July 13, 2012 at 6:37 AM

    sorry, someone already submitted -$1

  106. 106
    Posted by Dow30Thou | July 13, 2012 at 9:15 AM

    Are you sure we can't go with the -$4.4?

  107. 107
    Posted by Steel Reserve 40oz. | July 13, 2012 at 10:50 AM

    No Whammy

  108. 108
    Posted by Texashedge | July 13, 2012 at 11:18 AM

    Good call!

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