"jokes"

Claim: Sam Israel’s Investors Gave Him Money Because They Liked Animal-Loving Cokeheads Who Looked Good In Women’s Underwear And Cowboy Boots

Investors gave Bernie Madoff money because they trusted him. They gave Sam Israel money because they liked him—a gregarious, disarming goofball who, as a Wall Street apprentice, had invented an alter ego he called Captain Proton, a fearless superhero whose special powers were granted by vodka and cocaine. Now in his forties, he lived in a Westchester mansion, rented from Donald Trump for $22,000 a month, with an adjacent chapel in which he had built a replica of the Bayou trading floor alongside an 800-­gallon saltwater fish tank and a menagerie of rare reptiles. He’d also installed a high-end studio for jam sessions, where he’d play with the Allman Brothers’ drummer when the band was in town. He owned a fleet of Porsches and signed personal checks printed with the image of SpongeBob SquarePants…Once he’d welcomed his family home from a short trip standing in the driveway wearing cowboy boots, his wife’s bikini underwear, a lacrosse helmet, swim goggles, a life jacket, and a cape, then started screaming at his wife when she didn’t get the joke. [NYM, related]

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29 Responses to “Claim: Sam Israel’s Investors Gave Him Money Because They Liked Animal-Loving Cokeheads Who Looked Good In Women’s Underwear And Cowboy Boots”

  1. el guesto says:

    I'd invest with that guy… where do I sign up?

  2. guest says:

    Cocaine's a helluva drug.

  3. A Family Guy says:

    She just doesn't get it.

  4. NakedShort says:

    being a drunk, coked up weirdo is painless

  5. ILoveLamp says:

    Gotta be one of the newish Allman Brothers drummers, maybe the Cuban guy who plays the congas and timbales. No way Butch Trucks gets within 10 miles of this douche.

    • Pietro_F says:

      Because the Allman Bros were well known for avoiding booze and drugs.

      • Im_a_Dude says:

        and women's bikini underwear

      • ILoveLamp says:

        That was a long time ago, back when this "gregarious, disarming goofball" was busy not getting picked for dodge-ball. What are you saying? Are you suggesting that Greg and crew are no longer clean and sober?

  6. guest says:

    I guess that is easier than being good at your job

  7. dorriansgakquant says:

    so Sam Israel= diaper boy from the UES of the 90's?

  8. VonSloneker says:

    …and I can't raise $100MM to launch. Time to start wearing my boots, the wife's underwear and my old lax gear.

    – Lucchese, La Perla & Brine LP

  9. Jim Lebanon says:

    Never liked this guy much.

  10. Guest says:

    He kinda looks like Captain Underpants… I think I know where he gets his material now.

  11. sascha says:

    MKT WIZ?

  12. Tanker2Banker says:

    "standing in the driveway wearing cowboy boots, his wife’s bikini underwear, a lacrosse helmet, swim goggles, a life jacket, and a cape"

    Of course his wife didn't get it. Cowboy boots were SO last year…

  13. guesti says:

    I have no concerns.

  14. Guesticle says:

    Welcoming your family home wearing cowboy boots, your wife’s bikini underwear, a lacrosse helmet, swim goggles, a life jacket, and a cape is the NKI.

  15. guest says:

    Does anyone remember who was his first wall street mentor?Hint initials FJG former Lehman trader no longer with us.

  16. Murat says:

    I use technology to keep me stighart. (What did you expect?) I currently have a Palm Treo smartphone. Any unusual stuff (and most of everything else) goes into either the calendar or the To Do list. I sync it with Entourage on my Mac daily, which is automatically backed up through Time Machine to a 1TB hard drive and Carbonite online.When I get home in the evenings, I go through the lists and make sure I take care of as much as I can.I check the lists every day, first thing after I do my Yoga.By doing these things, I keep my clients’ needs on my mind as I go about my day.

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