Picture this. You’re world-renown bank analyst Dick Bové, famous for, among other things, issuing a report in summer 2008 about which banks were “next” to fail, not rolling over and taking it when Citigroup tried to screw you good, and standing by Ken Lewis when literally no one else (including his board) would. When you walk into rooms, people notice. More often than not, they ask you to pose for pictures, kiss their babies, sign their tits. Some have fainted in your presence. You’re the fifth Beatle, Justin Bieber, and George Clooney, all wrapped into one devastating little package. It should go without saying that an appearance by you at your local branch bank, to cash six-figure checks, as you often do, would be call for a red carpet and the crème de la crème of customer service, right? Apparently wrong.
The following is an accounting of Dick Bové’s experiences as Wells Fargo customer. (Originally he banked with Wachovia, which he had only good things to say about. Sadly, the same cannot be said for the degenerates he’s encountered at WFC.)
* “Dick Kovacevich, Wells retired CEO, felt strongly that customers should be greeted when they entered the branch and that the visit should be a positive experience. I can honestly state that no one ever greeted me when I entered my local branch. In fact, on one occassion, when I needed to speak with a platform person, I never got the opportunity. The bank officer made me wait a bit; came out of his office and entered the public bathroom; and left the bank.”
* “On a second occasion, I entered the branch with a low six figure check. I needed some information concerning more than one issue related to the deposit. After searching out an employee, I was told that he could not handle the transactions…It is interesting to note that no one at the branch suggested any investment to me but simply deposited the check. No one ever called me to indicate that there was over six figures sitting in a no interest checking account.”
* “What my Wells Fargo experience suggests is that a successful bank is one that keeps seeking new customers and selling them more products and not getting bogged down by offering service…My interaction with Wells has been an enlightening experience.”
Does Bové “rate banks based on one person’s anecdotal experience”? No, at this time he does not. If he did though, a bank–if you can call it that– named Wells Fargo would be up shit’s creek right about now. Because in the scenario in which DB did assign ratings based on his own interactions with management, WFC would have a giant red “U” across its chest, mostly for “unacceptable” but also for “umbrage, to take” and “unconscionable cocksuckers,” as well. Caution tape would be wrapped around its buildings which would have been condemned and the demolition crew would be showing up tomorrow at 9AM.
WFC Service [PDF]