BofA Figures In Drug Probe (WSJ)
A Mexican cocaine-trafficking cartel used accounts at Bank of America to hide money and invest illegal drug-trade proceeds in U.S. racehorses, the Federal Bureau of Investigation said. The alleged ties between the violent drug gang known as Los Zetas and the second-largest U.S. bank by assets were described in a 35-page affidavit filed in federal court in Texas last month. According to an FBI agent, a horse-buying and training business created to launder drug money had accounts at the Charlotte, N.C., bank.
Libor Probe Moves To Political Arena (WSJ)
The scandal over banks’ manipulation of key interest rates cost the jobs of three senior financial figures last week. On Monday, the deputy governor of the Bank of England will try to ensure it doesn’t derail his own career. Paul Tucker, a leading candidate to become the next governor of the Bank of England, will testify Monday afternoon before a Parliamentary committee that is examining how Barclays and other global banks improperly tried to influence interest rates like the London interbank offered rate…Barclays, after reaching a £290 million settlement with U.S. and British regulators over its attempts to manipulate Libor, sought to defend itself by releasing notes from an October 2008 phone call between Mr. Tucker and Robert Diamond. According to Mr. Diamond’s notes from the call, Mr. Tucker relayed concerns from “senior” British government officials about Barclays’s above-average Libor submissions. “Mr. Tucker stated…that while he was certain we did not need advice, that it did not always need to be the case that we appeared as high as we have recently,” Mr. Diamond wrote to two of his colleagues the day after the call.
Diamond Antithesis Seen As Key Step To Repairing Barclays (Bloomberg)
The British lender faces a criminal probe and political pressure to curb or separate the investment banking unit that Diamond built up during his 16-year career at Barclays from the consumer bank. The unit generated 61 percent of the bank’s first-quarter pretax profit. At a Parliamentary hearing last week, lawmakers asked if the culture at the investment bank was “rotten” and if he lived in a “parallel universe.”
Former Barclays CEO: I Too Fell for the Diamond Myth (FT)
“It was a close call,” Taylor says of his decision to retain Diamond as head of Barclays Capital. “I suspect the subsequent history of the business would have been very different had I asked him to go. I deserve blame for being among the first to succumb to the myth of Diamond’s indispensability, to which some in Barclays were still in thrall only a matter of days ago.”
SEC set to hand out up to $452M to whistleblowers (NYP)
“The SEC is receiving two to three tips every day that are worth pursuing, and they’re farming them out to staffers for investigation,” said Lawrence A. West, a lawyer with Latham & Watkins. “SEC officials are eager to pay out and publicize the first whistleblower award,” said West, whose firm has gathered a number of tipsters under the new law. “Once the first award is publicized, tips to the SEC from disgruntled employees are almost certain to increase substantially.”
Romney Mines Hamptons For Political Cash (NYT)
EAST HAMPTON, N.Y. — A woman in a blue chiffon dress poked her head out of a black Range Rover here on Sunday afternoon and yelled to an aide to Mitt Romney. “Is there a V.I.P. entrance? We are V.I.P.” (No such entrance existed.)…what was billed as a day of elegant campaign events at the homes of the ultrarich turned out to be an afternoon of curious and clashing tableaus: protesters with their bandannas and Occupy Wall Street-inspired chants (“We got sold out, banks got bailed out!”) standing amid multimillion-dollar mansions, where live bands played “Margaritaville” and donors dined on prosciutto-wrapped melon balls…After that, Mr. Romney attended events at the Southampton homes of Clifford Sobel, the former United States ambassador to Brazil, and David Koch, the billionaire industrialist and longtime benefactor of conservative political causes. The event at Mr. Koch’s home drew about 200 protesters, who…went so far as to hire a local pilot to fly a giant red and black banner over Mr. Koch’s house, which read: “Romney has a Koch problem,” a play on the drug. (Mr. Koch’s name is pronounced the same as the word coke.) A truck, festooned with the logos of big banks like Citigroup and Wells Fargo, circled the neighborhood with a plastic dog on the roof, a jab at Mr. Romney’s much-mocked family vacation in which he traveled with his Irish setter inside a pet carrier on the roof of a car.
Barclays mulls split after Libor scandal: report (MarketWatch)
Board directors at U.K. bank Barclays PLC BCS -1.72% are considering splitting the company into two units, as regulatory scrutiny mounts in the wake of its role in the Libor interest-rate fixing scandal, The Sunday Times reports without citing sources. The newspaper says Barclays is examining plans to spin off its investment banking arm, which could be floated in New York, with the U.K.-headquartered retail and commercial bank retaining its London listing. (A person familiar with the matter said the story was inaccurate.)
Roubini: My ‘Perfect Storm’ Scenario Is Unfolding Now (CNBC)
In May, Roubini predicted four elements – stalling growth in the U.S., debt troubles in Europe, a slowdown in emerging markets, particularly China, and military conflict in Iran – would come together in to create a storm for the global economy in 2013. “(The) 2013 perfect storm scenario I wrote on months ago is unfolding,” Roubini said on Twitter on Monday.
Tighter Control For Euro Banks (WSJ)
The establishment of a single authority, with a single set of rules for the region’s banks, is seen by Germany and other strong economies as an essential condition before they will consider sharing resources with other euro-zone countries.
House-crasher sentenced after enjoying Diddy’s food, cigars and toothbrush (NYP)
A East New York man, busted for sneaking into rapper Sean “Diddy” Combs’ palatial East Hampton spread in April, guzzled the star’s top-shelf liquor, washed with his soap, and even used his toothbrush, officials revealed yesterday. “I brought a cheesesteak, a cheesecake, a bucket of fried chicken — which I ate at the house — and drank a ‘dollar’ bottle of Hennessy and four cans of Pepsi,” Quamine Taylor told prosecutors at his sentencing yesterday. He even slathered Diddy’s Frank’s Red Hot sauce on his grub, and drank a bottle of Hpnotiq, a vodka liqueur, he said, adding, “After I ate, I went upstairs and went to sleep.” He also smoked three of Diddy’s Dutch Masters cigars and drank a can of orange soda. Then he freshened up using Diddy’s soap and splashing on his aftershave.
it's one thing to drink a man's liquor, quite another to drink his pepsi.
I'd be looking into a mouth transplant after using that toothbrush. *Shudders*
How to recapitalize U.S. banks:
1. Provide weapons to drug cartels.
2. ???
3. Profit.
4. Repatriate profits through free checking accounts.
dutch masters? he really cant afford anything better?
Koch problem?
That's nothing.
“(The) 2013 perfect storm scenario I wrote on months ago is unfolding”
A little off, but close.
- Mayans
Swisher's Sweets are reserved fro special occasions.
Having to tell someone you're a V.I.P. == You're not a V.I.P.
Re: 'perfect storm': "Roubini said that unlike in 2008 when central banks had “policy bullets” to stimulate the global economy, this time around policymakers are “running out of rabbits to pull out of the hat."
Needs more metaphors.
The horse named Nose Candy should have been a dead giveaway.
D-bag husband to wife: "Babe, ask that guy over there if there's a VIP entrance."
Wife: "It looks like everyone's going in the same door, right there…"
D-bag: "Just ASK him goddamit"
Wife: *rolls eyes*, thinks to self 'Jesus Christ, if it weren't for the money…'
Damn it, what didn't he do to Diddy?
My hunch tells me those aren't intended for their use as fine cigars…
…and then, people you thought were solid colleagues will throw you to the wolves to distance themselves from you. Diamond my boy, I don't envy you the next year or so.
- Fab
Mitt – Lights on, on the roof of the Family Truckster
- Fido
My pledge brother invited me to the Cape for the week to act like unreformed frat boys. His long-time girlfriend brings her best friend and roommate from med school. Very cute, med school 9. I've met her before, but know she's hip to my reputation, so I set the table by playing her cold and open with, "Julie, who's your friend?" Everyone laughs and tells me I've met her a handful of times (obvi). "Sorry, you're cuter than I remember." First night I didn't want to seem too thirsty, so I didn't make a move. The next day we're getting rowdy on the water and I'm just playing it mellow, she's being all sassy like she's not into me. That night I was playing bartender and became a little annoyed with her persistent snarky jabs. I'm borderline blacked out making shots for us and some neighbors. I line up 10 shot glasses and then grab their french bulldog's water bowl off the ground. I pour the 10 shots and then an 11th into the dog bowl and nudge it to the girl. Jaws drop. An hour later she's in my room ripping my Southern Tide button down off. Round 2 the next night. She says her friend told her not to fall for me and that she called me "disgusting" [in regards to my dealings with girls]. Cuts deep. At lunch before the girls flew back my buddy and his girlfriend are giving her shit for her poor choice in boys, right in front of me. Hilarious. Not. She tells me her favorite color is pink. I hate reinforcing the asshole Lothario characterization, so after they flew back to school I ordered a C-note worth of pink flowers to be delivered to their apartment an hour after they landed. "Stay sweet. -me" Receive a text from her friend later that day, "She won't stop talking about you. Nice move." I also fell off a jet ski @ 65 m.p.h. I don't recommend riding those after more than 5 bottles of Summer Shandy. My entire body feels like it went a dozen rounds with the champ. My hero whipping the Brit's arse yesterday was a great cap to a classic American week. 4th of July is probably slightly ahead of Chrismukkah as far as favorite holidays go. God bless this great nation.
I'd love to give the girls of the SEC two to three tips a day
The operation, Tremor Enterprises LLC, started small but worked in plain sight, with some horses carrying names with drug references, such as Number One Cartel. The horses and the operation eventually earned a place on some of the most elite stages in the industry. One horse named Mr. Piloto won a $1 million prize at Ruidoso Downs in 2010.
I imagine there's a long line of people who would like to punch you in the face.
"VIP entrance? Sure thing just drive over that dune right there keep going straight about 400 feet and when your car is fully submerged you found it"
-Guy who wishes he was the valet that night
When did you get started on this piece of shit LaxBro? Last night? Friday?
You forgot the part where you and your pledge brother played battledicks
tl;dr
i'd gladly stand in that line for at least an hour.
I hope you're keeping a personal log of these public journal entries. They may be difficult to find for the $1,000/hr therapy sessions you'll be having when you turn 35 and realize what an abysmal waste your life has been.
Best of luck to you.
You rang?
-B. Gross
tummysticks?
Mitt looks so Saul Goodman in that pic
Walking to work. Took a few minutes. You guys act like I wrote This Side of Paradise. Not laxbro. I played tennis, not a lax douche.
So a deer walks out of a bar and says, "wow, I can't believe I just blew 30 bucks in there".
Agreed.
You Sir, are no Festerbottom…
I hope you get cancer.
To his credit, I don't think Laxbro would send anyone pink roses, or pour ten shots into a dog bowl for a chick. I could be wrong though.
SEC whistle-blower bonuses are the NKI in the post-Dodd-Frank zombie-bank world.
Los Zetas? What is a Spanish fraternity doing in the drug and money laundering business??
Are you some kind of idiot? The above comment did not happen outside of guest/laxbro's brain. It was his sad attempt at comedy writing.
This guy must be a lawyer. I've never met anyone in finance who takes the time to string together more than two sentences.
Get back over to the Above the Law blog, dicksack.
SEC female lawyers – decidedly NOT HOT.
UBS DC Happy Hour Regrets Quant
Hmm. Had you pegged as a table tennis kinda guy.
-G. Smith
You're funny.
I really thought that would do it…
- Jet ski
Nope, just a douche douche.
Acuras are really nice.
A well known hedge fund owner kills a deer, has it processed and takes it home to cook some of it for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue. Well, he said, 'It's what mummy calls me sometimes'. The little girl screams to her brother 'Don't eat it, it's an asshole..
It doesn't read like a "guy" wrote it.
Bankers doing business with drug dealers? Since when is that news?
Last Friday, while bored in the tradin room, I visited Fashionista and I seen a bunch of tittie pics.
Paying to get their whistles blown 2-3 times a day was the only way to lay off the porn?
" I pour the 10 shots and then an 11th into the dog bowl and nudge it to the girl. Jaws drop. An hour later she's in my room ripping my Southern Tide button down off." So are we to assume she downed the dog's bowl filled with booze or she disliked your choice in tacky clothing
Congratulations on your 100,000th purchase, Mr. Coyote!
i think a summer intern reading a tucker max book over the weekend and getting excited is probably the more likely explanation
the only real Koch problem is the number of hours in a day. heyooo!
But what about this Diamond thing? It's hard to cut through the many facets of the story. They used too much carat and not enough stick in managing the Libor thing. I bet Bob had many of de beer's available at a local pub soon after the news got out.
you can find me in the tub..
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the billiard balls. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table… whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did just now?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit that cue ball out, he measures everything first now."
i've got 99 problems but a koch ain't none
So by your use of 3 sentences you're not in finance either I take it?
My favorite part was when he made us think that his buddy's taunts were "Hilarious", but then pulled a swerve on us by adding "Not." I haven't been that shocked by a storyline twist since the end of The Sixth Sense
And, Roubini being Roubini, every metaphor has to include the name of a vibrator
Coffee on keyboard
Did the guy in that Bonobos just score a goal or is he just naturally that clumsy?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2AvU2cfXRk
I was also in a frat, and now I want to kill myself.
So the moral of the story is that there is no God since you survived the jet ski incident?
<img src="http://www.mynewcarquote.us/ikea/os.jpg"/>Romney's been wearing that same polo in some various events, what's up with that? <img src="http://www.mynewcarquote.us/xbox/vo.jpg"/>
There would have been blood on the streets if he touched Diddy's grape soda.
I'm seeing Gary Busey.
nice work bofa. hands down most onerous (for the employees) "know your customer / anti-money laundering" protocol in the history of the world, yet also the least effective.
We are to assume your reading comprehension, or lack thereof did not get you into an elite college. I poured 11 shots, 10 into shot glasses and 1 into the bowl. No she didn't drink out of the bowl. And no I don't read that tucker max douche.
+11
Diamond is indispensable? I think not.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men who are a girl's best friend.
-Marilyn de Gaulle
Well I suggest you start, because your little wet dream fantasy is…
1) About as believable as you actually being straight. And…
2) Even if it was real, I still would have stopped at "unreformed frat boys" because it was a dead giveaway to the inevitable douchery.
If you want to try and write funny stories about being a womanizing douchebag, who stretches the truth for the purpose of other people's entertainment, please learn how to become intelligent and funny first….
Grape drink.
Other than that I have no concerns
"An hour later she's in my room ripping my Southern Tide button down off." Funny, you hit me as more of a Bonobos guy.
Oh the quality ridicule DB's posters would have produced…if only we'd been given the chance.
http://fashionista.com/2012/07/normal-dudes-try-t…
PURPLE DRANK
- UBS Meme Quant
All I want to know is…. where is this 'elite college,' and how can I short it?
You are dead on the inside.
he looks so henry winkler in that pic
Sounds more Scott Disick than Tucker Max. Aside from earning potential, med school bros are lacking in any of the marketable skills slams get hot for. Homegirl knew what she was getting into, she wanted to get slammed by a alpha for [I presume] the first time in a while. $100 in flowers was a waste. Your template worked, rinse and repeat until you're read to settle down. Don't try to be Noah from the Notebook getting all beta, it's not organic. I do appreciate the patriotism.
So, you're saying the only way you can get a good looking woman in bed with you is to get her blackout wasted?
I want to rub Romney's hair on my face.
Not the only, but generally the fastest.
-every guy, ever
reserved "fro" special occasions? hrmmm.
- "examine your motives" guy
Girls of the Southeastern Conference – decidedly hot
AIG Playboy Quant
the hilarious part is you keep coming back to defend yourself only to be downvoted again to hell. Noob, do us a favor and get off DB and kill yourself
Agreed.
I read 7 chapters of a Tucker Max book on an airplane because the title sounded like something I would like. I think the fact that the book sold more than that one copy shows that a lot of people made the same mistake.
Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
Bro I imagine you were probably at a party once where some guy you thought was really cool was a dick to the girl you secretly liked, banged her anyway and that puzzled you. In real life, there's a lot more subtlety to it than that – and she probably knew him a lot better than you thought.
I believe the part of the story where you made it out to a sweet beach house with some cool jetskis, booze and one of your buddies from the tennis club in college. But the next time you meet a girl, instead of being a dick, try being nice to her. Who knows: maybe next summer you'll be bringing her along with you!
- guy whose boss just told him he needs to be more positive in his "mentoring" of the younger guys at work
Bess, I think we found our new guest columnist!
Look, I acted like an asshole when I got drunk and felt bad. Putting her shot in a puppy's bowl was probably one of the meanest things I've ever done to a girl. People do stupid things when they're drunk, so I sent a sweet girl that was good company some flowers in an attempt to apologize for the rude portion of our transient romance. I wasn't mean to her the entire week, she obviously saw some redeemable qualities in me — or perhaps I was just a warm body. There's being "kind of a dick" and there's being a clown. Nothing in the story is embellished and the remorse is very real. Reputation is important to me. A lot of assholes wouldn't care about how the rando girl feels because they "closed," but a girl, rando or not, thinking I'm a jerk after a powerful thrusts on the cape is zero sum. I was waiting for someone to say she made a drunken mistake. Yeah, and the krav maga cuddle battles we had the entire week were a drunken mistake too. And her blushing when I said, "I hope your Mom likes me" was simply a side effect of the Alsace Riesling.
Did you pay for your flight to Massachusetts with a chase debit card?
"Reputation is important to me."
I don't know about everyone else here, but when I want to protect my reputation, the first thing I do is write a long confessional on DB and then get defensive when everyone calls me out for being an idiot.
Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber. You go and pull something like this. And TOTALLY redeem yourself!
Have never seen anyone hit 100 dislikes before so I gave him two likes just to even things out a bit.
- guy who likes being contrarian for no good reason
You're a douche but I laughed at the visual of the row of shot glasses…and a dog bowl. Aggressive. Probably could have been nice to her and still banged, especially if everyone was paired up.
I've never ordered flowers in my life. I will force shots on a crowd. I have a few southern tide shirts.
The joke is "What did the gay deer say after he left the bar? I can't believe I blew 30 bucks back there."
Good job, good effort.
so she hated your shirt, is what your saying.
thanks for clearing that up.
assuming all you say is true (and i don't believe it is), the flowers were not a symbol of your mea culpa, they were the next part of your plan to hit it again.
N'08…
NYU?
Northwestern?
Northeast Texas Community College?
Guy walks into a house, steals some cigars……
Monkeys show up in Hamptons, throw a little riot…….
No reports of 2nd instance in the news, welcome to the new Amerika……..
O in 012…………
faux-repentance so the matchmaker dating his buddy sets him up with another med school babe in the future.
Yes because the way it was originally posted totally ruined the joke.
Guys, the whole thing is made up, fake, a hoax. Like Kaiser Sose or non-correlated asset classes.
- DB conspiracy theory guy
an asshole banged a young and drunk chick at a vacation home over forth of july. aside from the dog bowl and flowers and the overall verbosity of his trite story, the same scenario takes place at pretty much every lake house in the country all summer long.