J.P. Morgan Second-Quarter Profit Fell 8.7% (WSJ)
JPMorgan’s second-quarter earnings fell 8.7% from a year ago, on a double-digit decline in revenue and a $4.4 billion trading loss at its Chief Investment Office. The U.S.’s largest bank by assets also said it would restate its first-quarter results to reduce profits and revenue, amid questions about how traders at the unit marked their positions. Including the restatement, total losses on the Chief Investment Office trading hit $5.1 billion in the first half of 2012. Finance chief Doug Braunstein on Friday put the trading loss through Thursday at $5.8 billion. The bank said the restatement of first-quarter results reflects “recently discovered information that raises questions about the integrity of the trader marks and suggests that certain individuals may have been seeking to avoid showing the full amount of the losses in the portfolio during the first quarter.” Overall, the bank posted a $4.96 billion second-quarter profit, worth $1.21 a share. That is down from $5.43 billion, or $1.29 a share, a year ago. Revenue fell 17% from a year earlier to $22.18 billion.
Dimon Says Ina Drew Offered To Return 2 Years Of Compensation (Bloomberg)
“She has acted with integrity and tried to do what was right for the company at all times, even though she was part of this mistake,” Chief Executive Officer Jamie Dimon said today at a meeting with analysts. “In that spirit, Ina came forward and offered to give up a very significant amount of her past compensation, which is equivalent to the maximum clawback amount.” Dimon said that when Drew decided to retire he received letters from former chairmen in her support, including one who said “she saved the company.”
JPMorgan Trader ‘London Whale’ Leaves: Source (Reuters)
Goodnight, sweet prince: Bruno Iksil, the JPMorgan Chase trader known as the “London Whale” has left the bank in the wake of a trading scandal, a person familiar with the situation said.
Wells Fargo Profit Up 17% (WSJ)
The bank reported a profit of $4.62 billion, up from a year-earlier profit of $3.95 billion. Per-share earnings, reflecting the payment of preferred dividends, rose to 82 cents from 70 cents a year earlier. Analysts polled by Thomson Reuters expected 81 cents. Revenue increased 4.4% to $21.29 billion. Analysts were looking for $21.36 billion.
Dogs From NY, Virginia Wed at Charity Extravaganza (AP)
Two dogs got married Thursday night at an extravaganza to benefit the Humane Society of New York. Bride Baby Hope Diamond, a white Coton de Tulear with black-gray markings, was led down the aisle, resplendent in her canine couture gown. Her poodle groom, a dapper dude named Chilly Pasternak from Richmond, Va., didn’t seem too excited about the whole affair but, nevertheless, went along with the ceremony. After they got hitched, the cuddly couple were presented with a Guinness World Record in the category of most expensive pet wedding at $158,187.26. The luxury goods and services that went into the wedding were all donated.
Focus Falls On BOE Libor Claims (WSJ)
In one email from June 2008, Tim Geithner, then head of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York and now the U.S. Treasury Secretary, copied Mr. Tucker on a message to Bank of England Governor Mervyn King in which he made several suggestions “to improve the integrity and transparency” of the Libor-setting process, “…including procedures designed to prevent accidental or deliberate misreporting.” The memo followed a series of news reports in The Wall Street Journal and elsewhere that questioned whether officials at some banks were gaming Libor. One of Mr. Geithner’s suggestions was titled “Eliminate incentive to misreport.”
Banks’ Libor Costs May Hit $22 Billion (FT)
Ballpark.
Americans Living Larger As New-Home Sizes Defy Economy (Bloomberg)
arger, as in larger homes: two-story foyers, twin front staircases, children’s wings, dedicated man caves, coffee bars, four-car garages, and bedroom closets large enough for a fifth vehicle. The percentage of new single-family homes greater than 3,000 square feet has grown by one-third in the last decade, according to data released last month by the U.S. Census Bureau. The increase has occurred even while 4.3 million homes have been foreclosed upon since January 2007, a result of the housing- bubble collapse and economic meltdown. Slightly more than 1 in 4 new homes built last year were larger than 3,000 square feet, the highest percentage since 2007.
Buffett Says Euro Destined For Failure Without Rule Changes (Bloomberg)
“The system that they put in place had a fundamental fatal flaw,” Buffett said today on Bloomberg Television’s “In the Loop With Betty Liu” in an interview from the Allen & Co. media conference in Sun Valley, Idaho. “It can’t survive with the present rules. That’s what they’re learning. The question is, can 17 countries get together in a way to essentially re-do something.”
‘Occupy’ catches a few rays in the Sun (NYP)
The Occupy Wall Street movement yesterday crashed Allen & Co.’s exclusive media retreat, where the nation’s wealthiest business titans rub elbows every summer. Protesters railing against the growing gap between the rich and everyone else gathered at the Sun Valley Resort near the duck pond, where Google co-founder Sergey Brin and Mayor Mike Bloomberg were enjoying a leisurely lunch. A group of seven people, dressed in “Greed Kills” T-shirts laid on the ground and refused to move. They quickly unfurled a yellow banner that read: “White Collar Crime Scene.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger Confirms He’s Doing ‘Twins’ Sequel (Deadline)
The former California governor said during Lionsgate‘s panel for the action pic The Expendables 2 today at Comic-Con that he will make a sequel to the 1988 movie Twins in which he co-starred with Danny DeVito. He is reteaming with that movie’s original director Ivan Reitman too, Schwarzenegger said, the project is in development and they are looking for a writer.
Chances of Bruno joining the team here ab Dealbreaker?
0%?
the turtle neck says: "I'm a conservative CIO, honest", the slightly pink lazy eye says: "I've got a fat thumb that will make you squeal like a pig!"
Clawback…..the NKI!
Now that the customers yachts have been repoed its time to get the employees yachts………the NKI at JPM.
Dimon: My real passion is my hobby. ____Mary: Really, what's that? ____Dimon: I work with retards. ____Mary: Isn't that a little, uhm, politically incorrect? ____Dimon: Well, heh, to hell with that… no one's going to tell me who I can and can't work with, right?____Mary: No, I mean… ____Dimon: We got this one trader, Whale… He's got a forehead like a drive-in movie theatre, but he's a good ship. So we don't bust his chops too much. So, one day Whale gets out of his cage… ____Mary: They keep him in a cage? ____Dimon: Well, it's just a traders desk… ____Mary: No, but they keep him confined? ____Dimon: Right, yeah. ____Mary: That's bullshit! ____Dimon: Well, that's what I said! So, I went out and I got him, uh, I got him a leash. ____Mary: A leash? ____Dimon: Yeah, one of those ones you can hook on the clothesline, and he can run back and forth and, uh, there's plenty of room for him to dig and play. That kid is really, uh, he's really blossomed. __
Why so negative?
I bet that marriage ends violently.
-M. Vick
I bet you're not even listed as a Harvard alumnus.
Great pic. Makes me bullish for the weekend!
JPM resignations, entering witness protection in Monaco, the NKI
I fucking loved Wedding Crashers!
You fucking idiot, that's from Zoolander.
Truer words hath never been spoken.
-Former high flying 3rd year analyst
I think these non-stop whale pictures on DB are getting a little…. Wait? What's that? ….. That's not a picture of a whale??
I'm lost as to the reasoning/necessity of the multiple "_____"s, or the need to structure an A/B conversation in paragraph form….. but I like where you're headed.
What IS this!?!??!
How can Bruno be expected to make the trade, if he can't even fit inside the VaR limit!!!!
The CIO VaR confidence window needs to be AT LEAST….. 5% bigger!
blackberry with broken space bar
What a shame.
That picture never gets old.
– Masochist
At least 9000%
Christ, these Occupy 'protesters' are annoying as shit. Like when my kid would always nag, except without the 'this is cute because it's my infantile son'.
My dad is such a greedy douche- I can't believe he wanted my to go to law school after paying my way through Boulder. Now he won't pay for new tele boards when he KNOWS I only make minimum wage at the vegan co-op.
How're my dreads comin' in brah?
It could just be the fuzzy screen on my company-issued Tandy 1000, but I'm thinking that clenched smile is one she's used before…like when she's pretending to love a special surprise from behind.
- UBS backdoor quant
I hooked up with one of the bridesmaids.
– D. Kneale
The $7,000 pink Chanel jacket says I'm a gal with expensive taste, the carb-faced grin says I was gullible enough to believe the sales rep who said I looked "fabulous!" in it.
T'was an error with submitting the comment. Originally in a transcript style, but all was lost once entered into the dark, unforgiving Dealbreaker server.
Ina Drew: I'm looking forward to seeing you in action. Jamie says you've got a great big cock.
Bruno: Well, I don't know, I guess so.
Ina Drew: May I see it?
Bruno: Really?
Ina Drew: Please!
[stares as Bruno lowers his shorts]
Ina Drew: Thank you, Bruno!
Bruno: No problem.
[Ina continues to stare as Bruno walks away]
Cameron Diaz was pretty hot in her Something About Mary Days. Next thing you know she's a weathered 40 y/o and one of P. Diddy's side pieces. Everyone knows once you go black, we don't want you want.
Giving back your comp before it's taken away from you is so noble.
…NOT.
Breaking news…..Kristen Saban just beat the shit out of everyone at Minetta's….
The pink jacket does work well the chlamydial conjunctivitis in her left eye, you have to admit.
– AIG Fashion Quant
That acronym…I do not think it means what you think it means.
For tax purposes, probably a dumb move. Let claw fall.
Is Bruno going to …
1. Jail
2. Where he will have to marry a dog
3. Give up any salary?
Acronym … I do not think it means what you think it means.
An acronym is not just any set of initials. It applies only to those that are pronounced as words. MADD, DARE, NATO, and UNICEF are acronyms. FBI, CIA, and KGB are not. They’re just pricks. – George Carlin
Oh well
-B. Iksil
Her eyes say hangover, but her mouth says indigestion.
What do her nostrils say?
[youtube V17duGlHEYY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V17duGlHEYY youtube]
How did she know who to beat up? What were they wearing?
I smell cake.
Every time that picture comes up on my screen I look around really violently to make sure nobody saw it… can we please label any more shots of Ina Drew as NSFW?
She beat up everyone. The men. The women. The Mexicans. Everyone. Then she started weeping uncontrollably while sitting on the floor updating her facebook page. I thought she saw me but I guess she was too focused on her timeline
-Guy who was hiding under the table
Worst comment in a fortnight!
Yes Dad, I went to Boulder and I skied more than I went to class, but you know I would never fuck poor hippy chick (Rebecca is from Westport). Also, I thought mom told you that the only reason I worked at the vegan co-op was so I could try to make it work with that chick from the Pacific Palisades. Anyhow, I appreciate you judging me, but I am not the one who married a Delaware grad.
You should try my server.
-L Tilton
But I woke up next to one of the groomsmen.
-D. Kneale
Kristen,
Meet me at Minetta's. I'll be the one wearing clothes.
Because the comment wasn't that inventive or funny…don't feel bad, happens to me all the time.
-N'08
*back?
See??? I told you all we're on a slippery slope!
-Rick Santorum
NKI New Killing It. Expression used by useless fucks on Wall Street to describe their sucessful efforts of ripping off society by doing nothing more than clicking computer mouses. Clawback the refund of computer mouse click fraud perpetrated on the "sheeple" by the social elite. Clawback will become more and more common as the great Keynesian model fails due to failure of the populace to seek gainful carreers to better society as a whole. Keep on going to business school while Asia creates more scientists and engineers, just because daddy has connections dosent mean it is the correct choice.
thx for your contribution
It's not a prop bet
-Arnold Dimon
I get you.
Better society as a whole, ripping off society, just because daddy has connections…
Someone is in desperate need of head.
- Patriarch Relations Quant
Zmru1O I think this is a real great blog post.Thanks Again. Much obliged.