This is his story.
The unlikely suspect in a string of window breakings in Beverly Hills — a 58-year-old Encino investment adviser — may be connected to 70 additional cases in the area, authorities said. Michael Steven Poret, a broker at UBS Financial Services, was arrested in Encino last week. Police say that Poret vandalized numerous businesses along Ventura Boulevard and several private homes in Beverly Hills. A witness account and private surveillance footage have depicted the vandal as a graying man in white gloves firing marbles at plate glass windows with a slingshot from the driver’s seat of his car, then driving away in no apparent hurry. Authorities believe that Poret could be connected to more than 20 vandalism incidents in Beverly Hills and more than 50 in Encino, as well as several other vandalism reports authorities have received in Van Nuys and Topanga Canyon.
The vandal appears to target businesses indiscriminately, hitting coffee shops, an autism treatment center and a salon. Luie Velasquez, a detective with the West Valley division of the Los Angeles Police Department, said the police’s top theory is that the suspect sought excitement. “Your guess is as good as mine,” Velasquez said. “For whatever reason, these individuals get some sort of thrill from smashing windows.” Poret was first arrested July 3 after a Beverly Hills patrol officer spotted a slingshot in his vehicle during a traffic stop for a vehicle code violation. A search of his vehicle revealed brass knuckles, knives and slingshot projectiles. Poret was arrested again Thursday in an early morning raid on his Encino home, where police discovered firearms, bb guns, slingshots and marbles similar to those used in the window-breakings.
A very understanding victim whose windows were hit three times and cost him $7,000 to repair had this to say: “I mean, I know that an investment bankers* are a little nuts. But you know, maybe the market is that bad. I don’t get that. He must be a very frustrated guy.”
Alleged window-smashing broker may be suspect in 70 more cases [LATimes via TRB]
*All together now: broker ≠ investment banker ≠ bank teller ≠ trader ≠ hedge fund general counsel ≠ person who works in HR at an investment bank.
Michael Steven Poret & Wollensky
Mr. Poret probably doesn't live in a glass house
-Captain Obvious
Why couldn't he go rougue like someone normal in London?
love the "always with the three names" tag. Classic.
-Guy who stays away from anyone with the middle name Ray
Talk about white glove delivery!
I hear a large pallet of marbles and slingshots was just delivered to SocGen in midtown.
This guy has really lost his marbles!
-Knee Slapper
Dear Mr. Gorman,
I think we have found the perfect person to head our North American fixed-income capital markets division.
- MS Chief of Staff
After some disapointing quarters, that's the closer they can get to actually hitting some targets
…one might say it's Marble Madness.
damn
Investment Banker and local neighborhood terror, Dennis the Menace could not be reached for comment.
The dude clearly needs to get laid….a much more fun past time than smashing windows with marbles…..
$7k for windows? You could get a fresh Civic and a bumpin' system for that. Hell, you'd still have enough left over to cover my unintelligible–and therefore intelligent–bonus.
- UBS Head of Retail Wealth Management North America
50 is the new 13. Wait 'till puberty really hits.
I don't think wrist rocket means what you think it means.
-Gundlach
I've been to Encino and can completely understand why an Encino resident would be pissed off.
- LA resident who doesn't always get NY geography references
Poret was arrested again Thursday in an early morning raid on his Encino home, where police discovered a 10' wooden trebuchet, fist sized rocks painted with "UBS Sucks" and various "Dealbreaker" paraphernalia from the eponymous website. "It looks like we got there just in time," said Detective Velasquez "he obviously had bigger plans."
well, running onto Pauly Shore constantly will do that to a guy
There is a terrible Bastiat joke in here somewhere….
i'd love to get into topanga's canyon
-corey matthews
Is this the same guy that worked with Shia La Bouf for WSII?
-Encino Creeper
"*All together now: broker ≠ investment banker ≠ bank teller ≠ trader ≠ hedge fund general counsel ≠ person who works in HR at an investment bank."
Might want to add "former investment banker turned blogger and artistic chart maker" to that list, just saying.
-Guy who is nervous about what Matt might be getting up to while he hasn't been posting these past few days.
A new employee starts on the line at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. After 30 minutes, the foreman comes to the manager's office to complain the new employee has backed up the line. The manager walks down to the new employee and sees she has a big bag of marbles and a roll of tape. As he watches, she picks up an Elmo and tapes 2 marbles between its legs. The manager says "no, no, no. I said give Elmo 2 test tickles"
-Shecky Henson
Hell yeah! that's how we like our boys! Tough and caveman like so they wake up every morning ready to bite the ass of a bear on the trading floor!
-UBS Human Resources
I've already turned down the General Counsel position a half dozen times, please stop having that annoying recruiter call.
Prob explained himself nicely when caught but the cop interviewed confused "thrill" with "stimulus"
The information supplied in this article wasn't correct. He used his commemorative 150 year UBS watch to time each marble release from his anus.
The asterisk was re: actual job titles of people horrible publications like the Post [or the Times, or really anything but DB, Bloomberg, etc] have claimed were "investment bankers." While Matt should be referred to as a former banker, calling him a banker wouldn't be as nearly as egregious as the above, since he actually at one time was one.
Dude, it was just meant to be a joke about the fact that Matt on vacation could be quite a funny site to behold, chill out.
Encino is the Weehawken of LA
-Coastal Reference Guy
Anyone who wears white gloves is ok in my book. Also, a little wave from the back of the police car would be a nice touch.
I am not sure Encino is that bad.
That UBS commercial probably referred to CS sending a list of tax evaders to the authorities … pretty decent commercial imo
*in Germany
UBS = Uber Ball Slingers
I searched the archives of the Gag-u-tron 4000 servers here at Center for Applied Joke Research and found this:
"Frederic Bastiat's brother, Ricky Ron Bastiat, was served summons to appear before a local magistrate in reference to a past due bill for a new window that a glazier replaced in Ricky Ron's capeau shop on Rue de Poulet.
The judge asked why Bastiat had not yet paid the bill. Ricky Ron replied, "I did not have to do so…"
"And why is that?" asked the judge.
Ricky Ron began, "I would have been out of pocket money for the window but the clever glazier was selling me on the fact that the new window would be so efficient in managing sunlight produced warmth that it would pay for itself in a year!"
Respect.
The suspect has a son, who couldn't be reached for comment as he had been at a wedding and his cellphone was not charged…
I believe this is where Ryan Atwood is from.
- guy who watched some questionable shows 5 years ago
YOU CHILL BRO!
Underrated.
Ha ha! I have one for sale.
Moron!
We will be initiating disciplinary action by taking his UBS anniversary Swatch away.
I'm sorry, but he already shot your Swatch through the windshield of a car parked in Encino. If it is any token to you the Swatch was completely intact, but the the victim is keeping the watch.
Cool story bro
I take myself too seriously
Don't sell it. You too can perform a time series release and bring the local peddlers to swift justice. It's what this watch was built for!
None of this is surprising, as a UBS employee he clearly cannot afford more normal avenues of venting frustration; i.e. gym membership, prostitutes, a therapist, or purchasing expensive material objects in an attempt to justify working a job that one does not care about
Thanks for the typo
Or more appropriately "wake up every morning ready to bite off the bad side of any trade" … just sayin'
Shun me? You don't want me to demonstrate my "quart of blood" technique, do you?
- B. Ray Valentine
E0UC08 surzocygsssh, [url=http://sxbirjndlecw.com/]sxbirjndlecw[/url], [link=http://npvgljuqllti.com/]npvgljuqllti[/link], http://njnbfonueqbx.com/
Thank you for the sensible critique. Me and my neighbor were just preparing to do some research on this. We got a grab a book from our area library but I think I learned more from this post. I am very glad to see such excellent info being shared freely out there.
Hi, Neat post. There’s an issue together with your website in web explorer, may test this IE still is the market leader and a huge section of other folks will omit your wonderful writing because of this problem.
Hiya very cool web site!! Man .. Beautiful .. Amazing .. I’ll bookmark your web site and take the feeds additionallyI am happy to find numerous useful info right here in the submit, we need work out extra techniques in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .
What kind of man he is.. Is that man insane?
0, http://www.nairobihostels.com/p/student-hostels.html, WHERE CAN I BUY TRETINOIN ONLINE, avita,
I agree together with the era, but, I assume, that it is just a Diplomat not a LeBaron.
you are actually a just right webmaster. The site loading velocity is incredible. It seems that you are doing any unique trick. In addition, The contents are masterwork. you have performed a fantastic process in this topic!