For its 25th reunion last year, the members of Harvard Business School’s class of 1986 were asked to fill out an 85 question survey to give their former classmates a picture of where life has taken them since the gang parted ways. In addition to standard queries like “how much money are you making” (median annual net income: $350,000, median personal net worth: $6 million), “did you start a business” (36 percent said yes), “was choosing to attend Harvard Business School the best decision you’ve ever made” (48 percent responded that it was “one of the best decisions of my life,” 1 percent boldly claimed “it was not a particularly productive use of my time or money”), and how many times have you been laid-off and/or fired (4 percent have been “involuntarily dismissed” three times, 13 percent twice, and 47 percent once) the questionnaire writers dug quite a bit deeper to find out that:

A quarter of them are wanton little shoe whores.

One in four own 25 or more pairs of shoes (58% of the women and 15% of the men).

A third of them are actual whores.*

A third of the class (33%) admitted to having slept with someone whose last name they didn’t know (37% for men, 17% for women).

Ninety-seven percent of them are getting laid on the reg.

Just 3% of the alums say they want more sex. The highest priorities? Time (31%), health (18%), and peace of mind (13%).

(Poets&Quants, which obtained the results of the survey, interpreted the above as being indication that “sex isn’t a very high priority for the Class of 1986″ though couldn’t it just as easily be indication that they’re getting enough already, figuring asking for 6 times/day instead of 5 would be greedy?)

A quarter are on a boat.

25% own a boat.

As many as three percent may have wed a mail-order bride.

Some 18% dated someone they met online, but only 3% of the class married the person they met on the Internet or by some “other commercial means.”

Three percent aren’t even going to pretend they’re not insufferable.

What did the class find to be the most valuable part of getting an MBA from Harvard?…Some 3% said it was “something to drop into cocktail party conversations.”

And approximately three-quarters of these people, aged 53-55, are bald-faced liars.

Slightly more than one in four alums have gained 11 to 20 pounds since they wore their cap and gown. Some 15% put on 21 to 30 pounds, while 5% tip the scales with weight gains of 31 to 50 pounds.

More than a little suspect.

Love, Sex & Money: A Revealing Class Portrait of The Lives of Harvard MBAs [Poets And Quants]
*We kid the Class of ’86. Though hopefully for next year someone will have the balls to actually ask if you knew their name, period, if you could pick them out of a line up, and so on and so forth.

47 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (47)

  1. Posted by Guest | July 17, 2012 at 2:01 PM

    Maybe they're all just using firm money to pay for liposuctions

  2. Posted by MBAoathtakingguest | July 17, 2012 at 2:07 PM

    Which would mean they had gained weight in the first place, ergo, they're liars.

  3. Posted by J. Skilling | July 17, 2012 at 2:13 PM

    I'm fucking fat.

  4. Posted by 2_Small_2_Bail | July 17, 2012 at 2:14 PM

    Whore Scale:

    Not knowing last name < Not knowing first name < Not being able to pick them out at the bar the next night < Smell Test for did I get laid last night

  5. Posted by Dow30Thou | July 17, 2012 at 2:15 PM

    84% Still own a Top Gun leather bomber jacket, have "Rock me Amadeus" on their top ten of all time list, and regret the Duran Duran tattoo.

  6. Posted by MBAoathtakingguest | July 17, 2012 at 2:18 PM

    Agreed though I assume HBS, as BL's footnote suggests, didn't have the balls to have "didn't know first name" box and everyone who checked no to last name meant first as well.

  7. Posted by S. Disick | July 17, 2012 at 2:18 PM

    350k? Clowns. I make way more than that.

  8. Posted by Guest | July 17, 2012 at 2:22 PM

    I'm a fat shoe whore!

  9. Posted by B2b MD | July 17, 2012 at 2:24 PM

    100% refer to "having spent time in Boston" in a smug understatement instead of just saying: "Fuk yes, I went to HBS."

  10. Posted by Guest | July 17, 2012 at 2:27 PM

    I could have saved them a lot of time and money with an important phrase we use at my shop and I think it's time that you all learned it. Act as if. You understand what that means? Act as if you are the fucking President of this firm. Act as if you got a 9" cock. Act as if you actually attended HBS even though you've been cold calling Midwestern physicians since undergrad. O.K.? Act as if.

    – Jim Young
    Head of HR, J.T. Marlin

  11. Posted by VonSloneker | July 17, 2012 at 2:31 PM

    ~60% chance you'll get walked out by security at least once in 25 years of your career after receiving yoru MBA. Fuck…and that number will be higher for a U. Phoenix MBA.

    – Living on borrowed time Quant

  12. Posted by Guest | July 17, 2012 at 2:35 PM

    How is it that everyone at Harvard is awesome? What gives?

  13. Posted by Guest | July 17, 2012 at 2:37 PM

    "85% of those getting laid on the reg admitted to having an extramarital affair."

  14. Posted by Guest | July 17, 2012 at 2:42 PM

    < doesn't know if they had an MBA < doesn't know if they had a CFA?

  15. Posted by Pietro_F | July 17, 2012 at 2:44 PM

    I wish you wouldn't.

  16. Posted by Guest | July 17, 2012 at 2:45 PM

    I'm having sex right now, with a shoe!

    -L.T.

  17. Posted by guest | July 17, 2012 at 2:47 PM

    Now let's hear from the cfa class of '86!

  18. Posted by SellingLow | July 17, 2012 at 2:48 PM

    I just met you…and this is crazy…but I hate you.

  19. Posted by Guest | July 17, 2012 at 2:48 PM

    47%? I'm assuming the 3 times are contained with the 1 time?

  20. Posted by Pietro_F | July 17, 2012 at 2:49 PM

    "at least once" is there so you don't have to make assumptions.

  21. Posted by anonym | July 17, 2012 at 2:51 PM

    My VaR model tells me otherwise.

    –JPM Risk Quant

  22. Posted by Charlie Dillon | July 17, 2012 at 2:51 PM

    I'm glad my dad erased that episode at St. Matthew's and I could get into Harvard.

  23. Posted by Guest | July 17, 2012 at 2:53 PM

    That school is so fucking full of itself.

    – Larry Summers

  24. Posted by VonSloneker | July 17, 2012 at 3:03 PM

    You might be right. After all, Andy Fastow was my probability & stat prof at U. Phoenix.

    – Living on borrowed time quant

  25. Posted by Chompers CFA | July 17, 2012 at 3:05 PM

    Worst comment in the history of Harvard.

  26. Posted by Guest | July 17, 2012 at 3:15 PM

    Why does the phrase "Love Sex and Money" make me think of Demi Moore squirming around on the bed with all the dollars all over the place?

  27. Posted by Guest | July 17, 2012 at 3:15 PM

    97% getting laid on the reg – translation: 97% finally lost their virginity.

  28. Posted by VonSloneker | July 17, 2012 at 3:16 PM

    Does the person you report to have an MBA or are they "a charterholder."
    At your company, what % of the C-suite has an MBA…same question for CFA.

    – Penis that can intimidate airport security > MBA > CFA

  29. Posted by guest | July 17, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    Because you're a disturbed individual?

  30. Posted by guest | July 17, 2012 at 3:36 PM

    Eh, kind of feel like the people who went to HBS circa '86 were trust fund babies who getting drunk and date raping waitresses at the yacht club, not uber nerds.

  31. Posted by Guestest | July 17, 2012 at 3:48 PM

    And approximately three-quarters of these people, aged 53-55, are bald-faced liars.

    Well then, that negates the entire testimony

  32. Posted by guest | July 17, 2012 at 3:48 PM

    good point. which would have made for an awesome follow up to the "what is your net worth" question: "what was your net worth in 1986?" would love to know the % > $6m.

  33. Posted by guest | July 17, 2012 at 3:50 PM

    what?

  34. Posted by VonSloneker | July 17, 2012 at 3:59 PM

    Hey!!

    – Dubya

  35. Posted by _guest | July 17, 2012 at 4:01 PM

    36% of my class got hired by UBS. The other 64% are still waiting to be called back.

    -DeVry MBA Class of 1986

  36. Posted by Anonymous | July 17, 2012 at 4:01 PM

    For everyone doubting these %…I ran the model twice and I can assure you they are correct.

    -UBS Quant

  37. Posted by Guest | July 17, 2012 at 4:18 PM

    > People that pursue MBA under the assumption that it's their only ticket to executive level based solely on their experience reading executive bios > People that have exited the workforce in the past three years only to pursue their old job upon graduation > People outside of HR that use the word "C-suite"

    -Fan of your previous work, critical of your comment

  38. Posted by PermaGuestII | July 17, 2012 at 5:01 PM

    Not just that, but HBS '86 probably = '74 – '80 undergrad… i.e. fun

  39. Posted by Tangent Style | July 17, 2012 at 5:27 PM

    Honestly, I laughed.

  40. Posted by HungryIntern | July 17, 2012 at 5:27 PM

    Shitting on people who applied for the same job that they left is a fucking d-bag move.

    ~every graduating MBA class since Sep 2008

  41. Posted by UBSExplanatoryQuant | July 17, 2012 at 6:30 PM

    Guestest is implying that if 75% of those who responded to the survey are bald-faced liars, then the survey would be invalid. I think it has something to do with that whole "math" thing I keep hearing about.

  42. Posted by VonSloneker | July 18, 2012 at 8:50 AM

    I take umbrage at your HR quip…I thought "C-suite" was preferred to the homophynous "C-Level." Other than that I have no concerns. Friends of mine who were a few years behind me getting out in 2003 said many of the same things.

  43. Posted by S. Sosa. | July 18, 2012 at 11:26 AM

    Dubya crushed it $-wise more than I did post 1986.

  44. Posted by London Whale | July 18, 2012 at 12:42 PM

    I was doing that for the last couple of years until it stopped being funny.

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