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What Percentage Of Harvard Business School’s Class Of 1986 Is Lying About How Much Weight They’ve Gained?

For its 25th reunion last year, the members of Harvard Business School’s class of 1986 were asked to fill out an 85 question survey to give their former classmates a picture of where life has taken them since the gang parted ways. In addition to standard queries like “how much money are you making” (median annual net income: $350,000, median personal net worth: $6 million), “did you start a business” (36 percent said yes), “was choosing to attend Harvard Business School the best decision you’ve ever made” (48 percent responded that it was “one of the best decisions of my life,” 1 percent boldly claimed “it was not a particularly productive use of my time or money”), and how many times have you been laid-off and/or fired (4 percent have been “involuntarily dismissed” three times, 13 percent twice, and 47 percent once) the questionnaire writers dug quite a bit deeper to find out that:

A quarter of them are wanton little shoe whores.

One in four own 25 or more pairs of shoes (58% of the women and 15% of the men).

A third of them are actual whores.*

A third of the class (33%) admitted to having slept with someone whose last name they didn’t know (37% for men, 17% for women).

Ninety-seven percent of them are getting laid on the reg.

Just 3% of the alums say they want more sex. The highest priorities? Time (31%), health (18%), and peace of mind (13%).

(Poets&Quants, which obtained the results of the survey, interpreted the above as being indication that “sex isn’t a very high priority for the Class of 1986″ though couldn’t it just as easily be indication that they’re getting enough already, figuring asking for 6 times/day instead of 5 would be greedy?)

A quarter are on a boat.

25% own a boat.

As many as three percent may have wed a mail-order bride.

Some 18% dated someone they met online, but only 3% of the class married the person they met on the Internet or by some “other commercial means.”

Three percent aren’t even going to pretend they’re not insufferable.

What did the class find to be the most valuable part of getting an MBA from Harvard?…Some 3% said it was “something to drop into cocktail party conversations.”

And approximately three-quarters of these people, aged 53-55, are bald-faced liars.

Slightly more than one in four alums have gained 11 to 20 pounds since they wore their cap and gown. Some 15% put on 21 to 30 pounds, while 5% tip the scales with weight gains of 31 to 50 pounds.

More than a little suspect.

Love, Sex & Money: A Revealing Class Portrait of The Lives of Harvard MBAs [Poets And Quants]
*We kid the Class of ’86. Though hopefully for next year someone will have the balls to actually ask if you knew their name, period, if you could pick them out of a line up, and so on and so forth.

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47 Responses to “What Percentage Of Harvard Business School’s Class Of 1986 Is Lying About How Much Weight They’ve Gained?”

  1. Guest says:

    Maybe they're all just using firm money to pay for liposuctions

  2. J. Skilling says:

    I'm fucking fat.

  3. 2_Small_2_Bail says:

    Whore Scale:

    Not knowing last name < Not knowing first name < Not being able to pick them out at the bar the next night < Smell Test for did I get laid last night

    • MBAoathtakingguest says:

      Agreed though I assume HBS, as BL's footnote suggests, didn't have the balls to have "didn't know first name" box and everyone who checked no to last name meant first as well.

    • Guest says:

      < doesn't know if they had an MBA < doesn't know if they had a CFA?

  4. Dow30Thou says:

    84% Still own a Top Gun leather bomber jacket, have "Rock me Amadeus" on their top ten of all time list, and regret the Duran Duran tattoo.

  5. S. Disick says:

    350k? Clowns. I make way more than that.

  6. Guest says:

    I'm a fat shoe whore!

  7. B2b MD says:

    100% refer to "having spent time in Boston" in a smug understatement instead of just saying: "Fuk yes, I went to HBS."

  8. Guest says:

    I could have saved them a lot of time and money with an important phrase we use at my shop and I think it's time that you all learned it. Act as if. You understand what that means? Act as if you are the fucking President of this firm. Act as if you got a 9" cock. Act as if you actually attended HBS even though you've been cold calling Midwestern physicians since undergrad. O.K.? Act as if.

    – Jim Young
    Head of HR, J.T. Marlin

  9. VonSloneker says:

    ~60% chance you'll get walked out by security at least once in 25 years of your career after receiving yoru MBA. Fuck…and that number will be higher for a U. Phoenix MBA.

    – Living on borrowed time Quant

  10. Guest says:

    How is it that everyone at Harvard is awesome? What gives?

  11. Guest says:

    "85% of those getting laid on the reg admitted to having an extramarital affair."

  12. Guest says:

    I'm having sex right now, with a shoe!

    -L.T.

  13. guest says:

    Now let's hear from the cfa class of '86!

    • VonSloneker says:

      Does the person you report to have an MBA or are they "a charterholder."
      At your company, what % of the C-suite has an MBA…same question for CFA.

      – Penis that can intimidate airport security > MBA > CFA

      • Guest says:

        > People that pursue MBA under the assumption that it's their only ticket to executive level based solely on their experience reading executive bios > People that have exited the workforce in the past three years only to pursue their old job upon graduation > People outside of HR that use the word "C-suite"

        -Fan of your previous work, critical of your comment

        • HungryIntern says:

          Shitting on people who applied for the same job that they left is a fucking d-bag move.

          ~every graduating MBA class since Sep 2008

        • VonSloneker says:

          I take umbrage at your HR quip…I thought "C-suite" was preferred to the homophynous "C-Level." Other than that I have no concerns. Friends of mine who were a few years behind me getting out in 2003 said many of the same things.

  14. Charlie Dillon says:

    I'm glad my dad erased that episode at St. Matthew's and I could get into Harvard.

  15. Guest says:

    That school is so fucking full of itself.

    – Larry Summers

  16. Guest says:

    Why does the phrase "Love Sex and Money" make me think of Demi Moore squirming around on the bed with all the dollars all over the place?

  17. Guest says:

    97% getting laid on the reg – translation: 97% finally lost their virginity.

    • guest says:

      Eh, kind of feel like the people who went to HBS circa '86 were trust fund babies who getting drunk and date raping waitresses at the yacht club, not uber nerds.

  18. Guestest says:

    And approximately three-quarters of these people, aged 53-55, are bald-faced liars.

    Well then, that negates the entire testimony

    • guest says:

      what?

      • UBSExplanatoryQuant says:

        Guestest is implying that if 75% of those who responded to the survey are bald-faced liars, then the survey would be invalid. I think it has something to do with that whole "math" thing I keep hearing about.

  19. _guest says:

    36% of my class got hired by UBS. The other 64% are still waiting to be called back.

    -DeVry MBA Class of 1986

  20. Anonymous says:

    For everyone doubting these %…I ran the model twice and I can assure you they are correct.

    -UBS Quant

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