Food Eating Challenge Of The Day: “It’s Not Clear What’s Going On In His Mind And Body”

As you all are well aware, from time to time we cover food eating challenges around these parts. We don’t chronicle all the feats of gastrointestinal fortitude that come our way, though, because while we love you all, not all of your FECs constitute what we’d consider an actual challenge worth covering. As previously discussed, our high bar has everything to do with the first contest we ever wrote about (as a postmortem), which involved a man named Oyster Boy, who consumed 244 oysters in 1 hour at Ulysses, throwing down the gauntlet down for one of you to pick up, vis-à-vis goring yourself for sport. Do we really expect anyone to match OB in magnitude or strength of stomach lining? No, we do not. Having said that, “challenges” such as eating 8 vending machine items in 12 hours (or in an unlimited amount of time!) are not going to cut it. It’s not an exact science but we look for FECs that are imaginative, topical, and/or represent a high degree of difficulty. (And while we wouldn’t actually advise it, live streaming the whole thing would make our day.) Which brings us to this afternoon’s challenge.

It occurred at an investment bank in midtown and although it loses points for not letting us know beforehand so that we could chronicle the thing in real time, there are a number of things we like here.

Intern vs. VP. [Redacted] intern’s last day (ever?). A dozen donuts each from our friends at DD. 1 hour limit to finish…Intern: larger build, 6’1″ and extremely ambitious. VP: fit and 5’8″ with a vicious appetite.

Identical donut selection includes:

– 2 chocolate
– 2 glazed
– 1 sugar
– 2 strawberry frosted
– 2 chocolate frosted
– 1 blueberry
– 1 Oreo crumble
– 1 Boston creme

VP downed the whole thing in 13:31 and is already thinking about lunch. Intern disappointingly tapped out shortly after at 9 donuts and a bite. Intern is feeling “terrible,” is alternating between a sugar rush and mild depression, and wants to sleep under his desk. It’s not clear what’s going on in his mind and body. Besides looking very uncomfortable, he’s having a hard time responding to questions with any answer besides “I don’t know.” He’s buying drinks for everyone tonight.

Obviously there’s zero sense of urgency as a result of getting a recap rather than doing it live. But! Twelve adult-sized donuts (as opposed to a bunch of munchkins)? Good. Thirteen minutes for the whole spread? Good. Pitting a superior against an underling (rather than making a couple of interns race each other)? GOOD. Take these ideas, particularly the last one and run with them. Feel free to come up with your own but at least just consider making founder vs. peasant/30 minutes/2 chocolate fountains each/70-100 items to dip and consume/race to the finish happen.

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58 Responses to “Food Eating Challenge Of The Day: “It’s Not Clear What’s Going On In His Mind And Body””

  1. Lowly Assistant says:

    Youth is wasted on the young.

    -Everyone That Is <28 years of age

  2. tHe OthEr JD says:

    Stressed food eating finance drones be careful otherwise you could be checking out the fat chicks at the trough:

  3. Hopeful Guest says:

    Matt vs. Bess FEC livestreamed?

  4. Guest says:

    I woulda bet on Napoleon.

  5. Guest says:

    I hope his offer was on the line in this contest

  6. VonSloneker says:

    Any of you gringos ever play Tijuana cart taco roulette? Thought not…jotos

    – Banamex

  7. Guest says:

    Did he agree to buy drinks for everyone before or after becoming completely incoherent on a sugar OD?

  8. Champ says:

    This will be quite the, "and that's why I didn't get an offer" elevator pitch.

  9. Examining My motives says:

    Wachovia and cat food…stupifying still. And what does that say about since deceased Wachovia that its peeps eat cat food…

  10. Lynn Tilton says:

    Tomorrow, I have a new eating challenge. My legs spread wide open "Y" and it's all you can eat until I come. The winner is the one who makes me come the fastest. I will definitely stream it for Dealbreaker.

    Lynn Tilton

  11. guest says:

    Intern: larger build, 6’1″ and extremely ambitious. VP: fit and 5’8″ with a vicious appetite.

    Yes and Yes

    – J. Travolta

  12. PermaGuestII says:

    Best one I ever saw- IG fixed income middle office guy at Bear- one hour to down one 12"x24"x4" caterer's dish of fried chicken- $1k.

  13. güest says:

    Food eating challenges are so 2000-and-lame

    – Everyone with half a brain

  14. Guest says:

    It's times like this I really wish i didn't work at a small firm full of old people, i would like to display my intestinal fortitude and former fat kid eating skills.

    I am open to challenges/ers.

  15. Bob Costas says:

    I saw a chubby kid eat 12 glazed Krispy Kreme's in less than 4 minutes.

  16. Strong Sell says:

    You call this a f***** challenge? This is breakfast.

    -Rex Ryan

  17. gab says:

    Goddammit, vicious appetite is an understatement.

    Was there pot smoking involved?

  18. Guest says:

    Vicious Animal Liar > Vicious Appetite?

  19. guest says:

    Only 9 donuts? Bet this is the one day he regrets taking adderrol before coming to work

  20. Ben says:

    Me and my BFF from Dartmouth have a bakery and we play this game with our customers. They buy a donut and then flip a coin, if they lose they keep their donut, if they win they get a free donut and a chance to kick us in the balls for coming up with the dumbest idea for a business ever.

  21. UBS MD says:

    dey took our jerbs!!!

    -Prestigious Stamford Investment Bank MD

  22. Zippo Bibrock says:

    in 2009 we had the challenge of finishing a suitcase of white castle within 1 hour, also on interns last day at [agency only broker name redacted]…kick was a lacrosse player I thought my $50 was bound to double and alas…the new generation let me down just as I assume I've done for those before me…no "hunger" in our industry anymore…

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