As you all are well aware, from time to time we cover food eating challenges around these parts. We don’t chronicle all the feats of gastrointestinal fortitude that come our way, though, because while we love you all, not all of your FECs constitute what we’d consider an actual challenge worth covering. As previously discussed, our high bar has everything to do with the first contest we ever wrote about (as a postmortem), which involved a man named Oyster Boy, who consumed 244 oysters in 1 hour at Ulysses, throwing down the gauntlet down for one of you to pick up, vis-à-vis goring yourself for sport. Do we really expect anyone to match OB in magnitude or strength of stomach lining? No, we do not. Having said that, “challenges” such as eating 8 vending machine items in 12 hours (or in an unlimited amount of time!) are not going to cut it. It’s not an exact science but we look for FECs that are imaginative, topical, and/or represent a high degree of difficulty. (And while we wouldn’t actually advise it, live streaming the whole thing would make our day.) Which brings us to this afternoon’s challenge.

It occurred at an investment bank in midtown and although it loses points for not letting us know beforehand so that we could chronicle the thing in real time, there are a number of things we like here.

Intern vs. VP. [Redacted] intern’s last day (ever?). A dozen donuts each from our friends at DD. 1 hour limit to finish…Intern: larger build, 6’1″ and extremely ambitious. VP: fit and 5’8″ with a vicious appetite.

Identical donut selection includes:

- 2 chocolate
- 2 glazed
- 1 sugar
- 2 strawberry frosted
- 2 chocolate frosted
- 1 blueberry
- 1 Oreo crumble
- 1 Boston creme

VP downed the whole thing in 13:31 and is already thinking about lunch. Intern disappointingly tapped out shortly after at 9 donuts and a bite. Intern is feeling “terrible,” is alternating between a sugar rush and mild depression, and wants to sleep under his desk. It’s not clear what’s going on in his mind and body. Besides looking very uncomfortable, he’s having a hard time responding to questions with any answer besides “I don’t know.” He’s buying drinks for everyone tonight.

Obviously there’s zero sense of urgency as a result of getting a recap rather than doing it live. But! Twelve adult-sized donuts (as opposed to a bunch of munchkins)? Good. Thirteen minutes for the whole spread? Good. Pitting a superior against an underling (rather than making a couple of interns race each other)? GOOD. Take these ideas, particularly the last one and run with them. Feel free to come up with your own but at least just consider making founder vs. peasant/30 minutes/2 chocolate fountains each/70-100 items to dip and consume/race to the finish happen.

58 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (58)

  1. Posted by Lowly Assistant | August 9, 2012 at 1:32 PM

    Youth is wasted on the young.

    -Everyone That Is <28 years of age

  2. Posted by tHe OthEr JD | August 9, 2012 at 1:35 PM

    Stressed food eating finance drones be careful otherwise you could be checking out the fat chicks at the trough:
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-191

  3. Posted by Hopeful Guest | August 9, 2012 at 1:46 PM

    Matt vs. Bess FEC livestreamed?

  4. Posted by Guest | August 9, 2012 at 1:50 PM

    I woulda bet on Napoleon.

  5. Posted by Guest | August 9, 2012 at 1:50 PM

    I hope his offer was on the line in this contest

  6. Posted by The Truth | August 9, 2012 at 1:52 PM

    We know the post mortem would have lots of charts to document Bess' victory and lots of asterisks to make excuses for Matt's defeat

  7. Posted by Ideas Guy | August 9, 2012 at 1:54 PM

    Patron Marg Challenge = boku advertising dollars.

  8. Posted by VonSloneker | August 9, 2012 at 1:54 PM

    Any of you gringos ever play Tijuana cart taco roulette? Thought not…jotos

    - Banamex

  9. Posted by Snowball | August 9, 2012 at 1:55 PM

    Dick.

  10. Posted by Guest | August 9, 2012 at 1:57 PM

    Settle down, snowball.

  11. Posted by Guest | August 9, 2012 at 1:58 PM

    Did he agree to buy drinks for everyone before or after becoming completely incoherent on a sugar OD?

  12. Posted by Guest | August 9, 2012 at 2:07 PM

    ***************

    -Matt

  13. Posted by The Forehead Slapper | August 9, 2012 at 2:10 PM

    "Boku"? Really?? Ideas guy?

  14. Posted by BessLevin | August 9, 2012 at 2:11 PM

    Before- the prize for the winner was not having to buy drinks.

  15. Posted by HR quant | August 9, 2012 at 2:20 PM

    Kid gets an A+ for balls and an F for risk management. Sounds like jr trader material to me.

  16. Posted by guest | August 9, 2012 at 2:24 PM

    you mean > 28 years.

    other than that, no concerns.

  17. Posted by Champ | August 9, 2012 at 2:26 PM

    This will be quite the, "and that's why I didn't get an offer" elevator pitch.

  18. Posted by guest | August 9, 2012 at 2:35 PM

    Thats why he's an assistant

  19. Posted by Lowly Assistant | August 9, 2012 at 2:37 PM

    I always thought that when you weren't comparing two numbers, the mouth always opened to the number to emphasize "greater than." Alas, I am fucking retarded. http://www.mathsisfun.com/equal-less-greater.html

  20. Posted by Ideas Guy | August 9, 2012 at 2:38 PM

    Not really a "details" guy.

  21. Posted by Lowly Assistant | August 9, 2012 at 2:38 PM

    P.S. Math IS fun.

    [Drools on lapel, picks ear, chews on pen until mouth is encrusted with ink]

  22. Posted by Examining My motives | August 9, 2012 at 2:39 PM

    Wachovia and cat food…stupifying still. And what does that say about since deceased Wachovia that its peeps eat cat food…

  23. Posted by guesticles | August 9, 2012 at 2:42 PM

    Completely forgot about that until now and yes, still amazing. Will not be beat.

  24. Posted by Lynn Tilton | August 9, 2012 at 2:48 PM

    Tomorrow, I have a new eating challenge. My legs spread wide open "Y" and it's all you can eat until I come. The winner is the one who makes me come the fastest. I will definitely stream it for Dealbreaker.

    Lynn Tilton

  25. Posted by guest | August 9, 2012 at 2:50 PM

    We're interested.

    JPM CIO, UBS Delta One Desk, LTCM, et al.

  26. Posted by Full Blown AIDs | August 9, 2012 at 2:52 PM

    only if while wearing bonobos at a Smith & Wollensky happy hour

  27. Posted by guest | August 9, 2012 at 2:54 PM

    Intern: larger build, 6’1″ and extremely ambitious. VP: fit and 5’8″ with a vicious appetite.

    Yes and Yes

    - J. Travolta

  28. Posted by PermaGuestII | August 9, 2012 at 3:02 PM

    Best one I ever saw- IG fixed income middle office guy at Bear- one hour to down one 12"x24"x4" caterer's dish of fried chicken- $1k.

  29. Posted by güest | August 9, 2012 at 3:03 PM

    Food eating challenges are so 2000-and-lame

    - Everyone with half a brain

  30. Posted by Im_a_Dude | August 9, 2012 at 3:06 PM

    you're on!

    -Kouwe

  31. Posted by Guest | August 9, 2012 at 3:07 PM

    There's the door.

  32. Posted by Party Time Quant | August 9, 2012 at 3:07 PM

    Go away, I bet even Matt would find a conversation with you boring, dull and nap inducing.

  33. Posted by OldDaze | August 9, 2012 at 3:14 PM

    Not bad. My favorite also in FIG [traders] was a gallon jar of Whoppers malted milk balls in an hour.

  34. Posted by Guest | August 9, 2012 at 3:25 PM

    It's times like this I really wish i didn't work at a small firm full of old people, i would like to display my intestinal fortitude and former fat kid eating skills.

    I am open to challenges/ers.

  35. Posted by Bob Costas | August 9, 2012 at 3:39 PM

    I saw a chubby kid eat 12 glazed Krispy Kreme's in less than 4 minutes.

  36. Posted by gUEST | August 9, 2012 at 3:57 PM

    Not the most subtle comment ever but still lolable.

  37. Posted by Strong Sell | August 9, 2012 at 4:01 PM

    You call this a f***** challenge? This is breakfast.

    -Rex Ryan

  38. Posted by Guest | August 9, 2012 at 4:24 PM

    Gimmie a break! I'm starving!

    -Rex

  39. Posted by Tommy Cruise | August 9, 2012 at 4:52 PM

    Kudos John! A definite "Double YES!".

    T. Cruise

  40. Posted by gab | August 9, 2012 at 5:18 PM

    Goddammit, vicious appetite is an understatement.

    Was there pot smoking involved?

  41. Posted by Merchant Refugee | August 9, 2012 at 5:26 PM

    junior nat gas trader at Bear Energy downed 6 sticks of butter for $500. yes…it all came back up. the next week we had a size 2 power scheduler babe attempt 12 glazed donuts in an hour for $1000. she quit at 9 1/2 after turning white. MD threw in the towel and bought her out at $300.

  42. Posted by Guest | August 9, 2012 at 5:43 PM

    Vicious Animal Liar > Vicious Appetite?

  43. Posted by guest | August 9, 2012 at 7:04 PM

    not so hungry intern

  44. Posted by guest | August 9, 2012 at 7:29 PM

    Only 9 donuts? Bet this is the one day he regrets taking adderrol before coming to work

  45. Posted by Ben | August 9, 2012 at 7:53 PM

    Me and my BFF from Dartmouth have a bakery and we play this game with our customers. They buy a donut and then flip a coin, if they lose they keep their donut, if they win they get a free donut and a chance to kick us in the balls for coming up with the dumbest idea for a business ever.

  46. Posted by UBS MD | August 9, 2012 at 8:10 PM

    dey took our jerbs!!!

    -Prestigious Stamford Investment Bank MD

  47. Posted by heinous | August 10, 2012 at 2:11 AM

    Double or Donuts is the NKI

  48. Posted by Deleveraging | August 10, 2012 at 8:50 AM

    No, but I've always wanted to go to a donkey show.

  49. Posted by Failed FEC | August 10, 2012 at 9:33 AM

    Vend Challenge, 1 hour, 1man, 1 of everything in the vending machine (33 items including Baby-back rib flavored potato chips). It didn't end well, and I don't think that toilet in the second stall will ever be the same again. Videos are on youtube (unfortunately they don't include the final act). If I completed the challenge I walked with 50% ($550) if I failed it all went to charity.

  50. Posted by Zippo Bibrock | August 10, 2012 at 9:49 AM

    in 2009 we had the challenge of finishing a suitcase of white castle within 1 hour, also on interns last day at [agency only broker name redacted]…kick was a lacrosse player I thought my $50 was bound to double and alas…the new generation let me down just as I assume I've done for those before me…no "hunger" in our industry anymore…

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    The Pontiac appears to be a low option car no a/c, manual windows, no tilt, no cruise and a AM only radio. Things like this accustomed to be oh-so common but rarely viewed today.

  53. Posted by Leonard Lacock | October 5, 2012 at 2:55 AM

    John Gibson, how do you reside with yourself! These blatant lies you spew in your daily programs.

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