“And I want you to know the London Whale issue is dead,” Jamie Dimon recently told a bunch of school children. “The Whale has been harpooned. Dessicated. Cremated…I am going to bury its ashes all over.” [NYM]
- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
use the blubber for lamp oil
Jamie, you should have taken them to The Far Corners of the Earth.
Other than that, I have no concerns.
- Hercules
(Second-year Marine Biology major bursts out in tears, runs from the room with eyes streaming)
Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you've got a stew going.
Fuckin' show-off….
-Capt. Ahab
What in hell?!?
C. Tuse, President
Save the Whales
Seaside, CA
Yeah, well, eat the Welsh.
Jamie-san, I'll make sure you never have any whale problems again, get at me bro!
Whale Wars just got more interesting.
MBA > Chick Fil A
Save the whales!
Pa-Pa-Pa-Poker Face Pa-Pa-Poker Face
Na-Na-Na-Na
I'd hate to see what he'd do to Llama Llama Red Pajama!
He then continued, "I'll kill a snitch. Not saying I have. Not saying I haven't…Whatever, you kids don't know shit."
And by "Harpooned. Dessicated. Cremated," I mean, "allowed to resign quietly with a nice severance package and a good reference."
Worst comment in a week.
show and tell has gotten a lot more interesting since i was a kid.
WTF? That does it. I'm outta here.
Not cool, dude.
Stay out of it, Nick Lachey
Fuck the whales! Save the krill!
And by "a bunch of school children," I mean, "the House Financial Services Committee."
*sob, sob* but I thought they FREED Willy, now you're saying he's dead?
-J. J. Richter, former actor, current intern, JPMorganChaseManhattanManufacturersHanover
Oh you want proof? It was too graphic…but trust me on this one…it happened.
-J. Dimon
Seal Team 6
Reporter: Yeah.
Jamie: Yeah.
Reporter: Who's this?
Jamie: This is Jamie.
Reporter: Jamie, what happened?
Jamie: Well we-…
Reporter: You get it straightened out?
Jamie: No, we had a problem… and uh, we tried to do everything we could.
Reporter: What d'you mean?
Jamie: Well, you what I mean. He's gone, and we couldn't do nothing about it.
[pause]
Jamie: That's it.
Reporter: What d'you mean? What d'you mean? Uh…
Jamie: He's gone. Uh, he's gone.
[pause]
Jamie: And that's it.
How about $350mm?
UBS Dolphin
1. Post multi billion dollar loss
2. Fire the whale
3. Make a few whale jokes
4.????
5. Profit
-JD
For JPM, more like:
1. Post multi-billion dollar loss
2. Realize you have > $2tr in assets
3. Profit
*3. Laugh at media shitstorm while drinking vodka late night in the office
4. Profit
I'm still here you shlimazel!
S. Weill
Hey, you forgot an institution!
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
So I'm reading the article, and I'm wondering, what kind of school children would kow or care about the London whate, and I see that "school children = JPM summer interns"
And now I see this whole thing is merely Bess's way of commenting on JP Morgan's hiring policies.
Well played Bess.
kow = know
He asked me if I was old enough to know what a prostate massage was, but dumb enough to keep my fucking mouth shut.
"And I want you to know the London Whale issue is dead"
Forgive me for not taking his word for it. Remember this is the guy who said this issue was "a tempest in a teapot" before it blew up.
-Trader who freely admits he doesn't trust anyone (except his PaineWebber advisor).
Awesome line at the end of that article. Free. Fucking. Country.
respect
the interns are in college which another word for is…
I hope Jamie realises that any dead whales which wash up on British sovereign shores belong to one, so hands off!
Stop whining.
-First Chicago NBD