• 22 Aug 2012 at 2:36 PM

Matt Taibbi Is Disappointed In Wall Street

The next hedge fund manager to invest in Apple gets a horse semen pie to the face.

…all those super-rich people who turned to hedge funds with their millions in the hopes that bunches of Whiz-Kids from Wharton and Harvard and Yale would find unseen and wildly creative investment ideas to fatten their fortunes – all those rich clients are actually finding out now that those same Whiz Kids are buying Apple just like the rest of us […] Jesus. After all that craziness in the last decade or so, after MF and the London Whale and all that nuttiness, this is what it comes down to? These guys are buying Apple? Couldn’t we have just started off doing that and saved ourselves all that trouble? […] Someday we’ll get back to the time when the really smart guys from the best schools went to work for companies that built actual products, engineered more efficient cars, cured diseases, etc. Because it seems like our best minds kind of suck at investing.

More Evidence That Wall Street Is Overpaid [TAIBBLOG]

70 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (70)

  1. Posted by B Madoff | August 22, 2012 at 2:42 PM

    Finally, someone talking about all the good years!

  2. Posted by Guest | August 22, 2012 at 2:43 PM

    Yes, sure, they're long Apple just like every index fund. But it's a hedge fund, so it's hedged! If Apple tanks, they've got another fund they just started up that they'd be happy to sell you shares in – so you're covered.

  3. Posted by t-mcgee | August 22, 2012 at 2:46 PM

    Matt's Biggest flaw is that he thinks all hedgefunds invest in stocks…. apparently he forgot about credit arb, fx, fxHFT, global macro, derivatives funds…etc….SHAME ON YOU TAIBIBI. FOR SHAME.

  4. Posted by Guy with A.D.D. | August 22, 2012 at 2:47 PM

    Amen my brother!!

    -Thomas Edison

  5. Posted by poop ghost | August 22, 2012 at 2:50 PM

    The pic makes him look like he is trying to poop out something big.

  6. Posted by mark | August 22, 2012 at 2:52 PM

    Generalization from a journalist, what a surprise. Sounds like he jealous that he is not getting 1&20 based on the numbers of words that vomit from his mouth.

    LB

  7. Posted by Guy with A.D.D. | August 22, 2012 at 2:56 PM

    I dont have a fund, but I also bought Apple.
    Can I have the pie? PLEASE!!!

    -D. Kneale

  8. Posted by Cole Stevens | August 22, 2012 at 2:59 PM

    When did Matt Taibbi buy/recommend Apple? I'd love to know the specific date.

  9. Posted by pazzo83 | August 22, 2012 at 3:00 PM

    "Someday we’ll get back to the time when the really smart guys from the best schools went to work for companies that built actual products, engineered more efficient cars, cured diseases, etc."

    Maybe that will be the same time when prominent publications stop giving blowhards like you the megaphone you frequently abuse.

  10. Posted by Guest | August 22, 2012 at 3:01 PM

    Please – if you own the QQQ or SPY you are beating 99% of the hedge fund out there and not paying the 2%/20% fees.

    Matt is spot on with this call. Moms who got an iPod and liked the product so much they bought the stock are crushing the whiz-kids from Harvard, Yale, MIT, Wharton, etc. and the models they built.

  11. Posted by Guest | August 22, 2012 at 3:02 PM

    He looks so regal in that combover.

  12. Posted by Lord Humongous | August 22, 2012 at 3:03 PM

    I don't invest in AAPL, but I'd still like a horse semen pie to the face please.

    – L. Tilton

  13. Posted by Guest | August 22, 2012 at 3:04 PM

    Fuck you, Hairplugs McGee.

  14. Posted by Fixed Income | August 22, 2012 at 3:06 PM

    The suit and tie say let's pretend I'm a talented journalist but that facial expression says I've got hookers buried in my back yard.

  15. Posted by Guest | August 22, 2012 at 3:07 PM

    I'd take this Taibbi rant more seriously if he included charts and footnotes to back up these claims.

  16. Posted by guest | August 22, 2012 at 3:09 PM

    so much for a diversified portfolio. the good times will never end!

    -american buggy whip, inc.

  17. Posted by guest | August 22, 2012 at 3:10 PM

    you're an idiot

  18. Posted by Guesticles | August 22, 2012 at 3:11 PM

    Matt Taibbi Is Disappointed By His Misaligned Eyes

  19. Posted by Guest | August 22, 2012 at 3:14 PM

    QQQ and SPY are not diversified holdings?

  20. Posted by 40inNYC | August 22, 2012 at 3:15 PM

    Would have been better, except that Inst'l is very much underweight Apple compared to the benchmark.

  21. Posted by Guest | August 22, 2012 at 3:40 PM

    Fucking hate this guy.

  22. Posted by guest | August 22, 2012 at 3:44 PM

    Oh yes, Apple has done so much to benefit society. You know, with its app store, aesthetically designed gadgets and recycling of features into more convenient ways.

  23. Posted by Never Nervous Curtis | August 22, 2012 at 4:04 PM

    If I sell my APPL, go to work for F, then apply to a megafund will I get and interview? Assuming I pass CFA level II before my patent for a cancer cure expires? I also sign acapella.

    ~WSO transplant

  24. Posted by GM-Laid-Me-Off | August 22, 2012 at 4:13 PM

    All these so called "smart kids" from "best colleges" what ever the fuck that is, went to work for companies that built things and you know what they did? THEY SENT MA JAHB OVERSEAS!!!! Dumbasses without vision, just focused on quarterly performance and not shitting in their tigty whiteys while letting accountants design cars! Bunch of bullshit if you ask me!

  25. Posted by Muest Guest | August 22, 2012 at 4:16 PM

    Yes but can you sign to accompaniment as well?

  26. Posted by To be fair... | August 22, 2012 at 4:18 PM

    To be fair, when your high watermarks in life are starting a glorified high school newspaper in post-soviet Russia (where you still suck) and getting basket weaving/gender studies double minors to read your magazine articles; the accomplishments you describe above are pretty freaking amazing.

  27. Posted by guy | August 22, 2012 at 4:26 PM

    FYI…
    MF, not a hedge fund. LW, also not a hedge fund.

  28. Posted by Guest | August 22, 2012 at 4:36 PM

    Wait so the guys who foreclosed on my house and then sold short my mortgage by fixing LIBOR with Hank Paulson and sending jobs overseas are now buying Apple products to boost the stock?

  29. Posted by Guest | August 22, 2012 at 4:39 PM

    * Matt Taibbi forgot that things that you write in your column when you're stoned the the bejesus belt rarely sound as cool when you read them the next morning.

  30. Posted by G Costanza | August 22, 2012 at 4:40 PM

    I dig a pony-
    J. Lennon

  31. Posted by ETFDude | August 22, 2012 at 4:56 PM

    Anyone who invests in QQQ is a moron.

    -Guy who once calculated the R^2 of Nasdaq listed to the technology sector

  32. Posted by B.M.F. | August 22, 2012 at 5:04 PM

    ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER – DO YOU SPEAK IT???

  33. Posted by Really Smart Guy | August 22, 2012 at 5:14 PM

    I've never been good with my hands, I can't draw to save my life, and I sucked at orgo. But I'm pretty good with numbers – what else am I supposed to do?

  34. Posted by merkin_capital | August 22, 2012 at 5:21 PM

    Those claims have not been proven.

    -Craig James

  35. Posted by Winklevii | August 22, 2012 at 5:23 PM

    Facebook, hmmmm…to the FACE?!?!

  36. Posted by DDK | August 22, 2012 at 5:43 PM

    I disagree with his conclusion, but I agree that there are too many people working in “finance”. Borrowing Ray Dalio’s analogy, there are too many incompetent pilots flying around and fucking things up. Many of these charlatans attributed their “brilliance” for generating alpha, but more often than not, it was based on inside information or one of many byproducts of the past bull market . Finance should function as a lubricant for the society, instead it worked as fuel. And when oil burns, the car will get fucked up soon or later. Besides, who’s going to remember whether you returned 20% per annum for a prolonged period of time? Only those with real interests should follow, but money is too appealing… Building products may not make our next generations remember us, but changing their lives will.

  37. Posted by Guest | August 22, 2012 at 5:45 PM

    So that Taibbi and his ilk can then bitch about the margins earned by pharma companies from selling new drugs and the alleged environmental, safety, or [fill in the blank] problems with said cars or other actual products. What a worthless piece of shit.

  38. Posted by guy | August 22, 2012 at 6:06 PM

    even after reading the signature, i still think you're an idiot.

  39. Posted by Asdf | August 22, 2012 at 6:21 PM

    Work in a good old fashioned number factory. Time was, major industrial centers were making the finest steel clad Arabic numeral the world has ever seen. I once took a 42 and chopped down an oak tree with it. I'd like to see you do that with one of those flimsy digits those Taiwanese factories are cranking out but the cartload.

  40. Posted by guest | August 22, 2012 at 6:36 PM

    You must have gone to Wharton or something, smart ass.

    – Bard College Alum

  41. Posted by UFO | August 22, 2012 at 6:42 PM

    You acapella?

  42. Posted by Gruntled Trader | August 22, 2012 at 6:45 PM

    They say Taibbi's penis is nicknamed "infinity" because there's no end to the prick.

  43. Posted by lolwut | August 22, 2012 at 7:09 PM

    There is nothing inherently wrong with a hedge fund buying AAPL. Hedge funds can only buy the same shit everyone else can. Except everyone else has these strict "styles" that they adhere to (growth only, long value only, etc). They also let people have guidelines and hit which further inhibits the funds mobility.

    Hedge funds are all like "fuck that noise" buy whatever they want, can have outsized positions in a single stock/commodity/sector/whatever. A hedge fund which is 100% long AAPL is inherently more risky than a diversified portfolio. And if that one stock pops 10% in a day their investors blow their load because it's pure alpha to the dome, rather than just 10 bps from your 1% AAPL position in your shit growth portfolio.

  44. Posted by guest | August 22, 2012 at 8:45 PM

    In their defense, focusing on not shitting your tighty-whiteys is probably a smart career move.

  45. Posted by guest | August 22, 2012 at 11:29 PM

    tabbibi – what's all this "we" sh_t? if you are dumb enough to pay 2 and 20 to someone at all, let alone one who turns out to be making the same trade I did for 7 bucks at scwhab, that's your problem, not mine.

    don't feed the pigeons and they'll go someplace else.

  46. Posted by Guest | August 23, 2012 at 8:49 AM

    I am disappointed too Matt!! Disappointed in your hairline. What a douche!!

    – Follically endowed Wall Streeter

  47. Posted by Quikding | August 23, 2012 at 1:01 PM

    "hedge funds can only buy the same shit everyone else can"

    some hedge funds specifically buy things most people can't… like interest rate swaps and credit derivatives.

    stock-only hedge funds are fucking stupid.

  48. Posted by Impressed | August 23, 2012 at 2:26 PM

    +1000

  49. Posted by NYAC_Fighter | August 23, 2012 at 2:27 PM

    Can somebody please dropkick this guy in the face?

  50. Posted by Y. Smirnoff | August 23, 2012 at 3:04 PM

    In Russia, paper start YOU

  51. Posted by Pontiac Son | August 23, 2012 at 3:04 PM

    And you greedy/lazy assholes sat in your coffee rooms protected by your unions until you priced yourselves out of jobs. Building cars is not rocket science and un-educated high school drop-out midwesterners negotiated yourselves out of a very good thing. If the country new how much abuse and overstaffing that went on at the big three auto plants back in the "good old days" there would be no sympathy for all the jobs that were lost!

  52. Posted by guest | August 23, 2012 at 3:52 PM

    Do less.

  53. Posted by matt | September 18, 2012 at 2:03 AM

    Go kill yourself….
    do it now!

  54. Posted by Guest | September 18, 2012 at 10:27 AM

    Thank you for your reply, matt. Your scorn is a badge of honor.

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