Opening Bell

Opening Bell: 08.03.12

JPMorgan London Whale Was Prodded (WSJ)
A JPMorgan executive encouraged the trader known as the “London whale” to boost valuations on some trades, said a person who reviewed communications emerging from the bank’s internal probe of recent trading losses. After reviewing emails and voice-mail messages, the bank has concluded that Bruno Iksil, the J.P. Morgan trader nicknamed for the large positions he took in the credit markets, was urged by his boss to put higher values on some positions than they might have fetched in the open market at the time, people familiar with the probe said. The bank’s conclusion is based on a series of emails and voice communications in late March and April, as losses on his bullish credit-market bet mounted, the people said. The bank believes they show the executive, Javier Martin-Artajo, pushing Mr. Iksil to adjust trade prices higher, according to people close to the bank’s investigation. At the time, Mr. Martin-Artajo was credit-trading chief for the company’s Chief Investment Office, or CIO.

RBS Loss Widens (WSJ)
The 82%-government-owned bank reported a net loss of £1.99 billion ($3.09 billion), wider than the loss of £1.43 billion a year earlier. However, the result was hit by a £3 billion accounting charge for the fair value of the company’s debt and a number of provisions for misselling financial products. Analysts focused on the more-positive underlying figures for the half, helping to make its shares the leading gainer on the FTSE 100. Excluding the own-debt charge, RBS would have posted a net profit of £287 million. It posted an operating profit of £1.83 billion, down from the £1.97 billion a year earlier. Nevertheless, RBS warned that it faces a number of lawsuits. The bank is cooperating with regulators in the U.S., Japan and the U.K., who are probing whether banks colluded to try and rig benchmark rates including the London interbank offered rate. RBS said that it had fired a number of traders following the investigations but said it was too early to estimate the fines the bank may have to pay.

RBS’s CEO Blames Libor-Manipulation On ‘Handful’ Of Individuals (Bloomberg)
RBS dismissed four employees for trying to influence the individual responsible for Libor submissions following an internal investigation, the bank said today, without identifying the staff involved. Hester said it is too early to estimate the potential cost of fines and litigation linked to rate-rigging. “The Libor issue is more to do with the wrongdoing of individuals than it is to do with a systemic problem,” Hester, 51, said on a call with journalists today after the Edinburgh- based bank reported a 22 percent drop in second-quarter operating profit. “It’s hugely regrettable that the actions of a relatively small number of wrongdoers, which seems to be the key issue here, has such a tainting effect on the industry.”

Knight Said To Open Books To Suitors As Loss Pressure Grows (Bloomberg)
Bank of America Corp. was among several potential partners that was in talks with Knight yesterday, said a person with knowledge of the matter. John Yiannacopoulos, a Bank of America spokesman, declined to comment.

Loss Swamps Trading Firm (WSJ)
Knight wouldn’t comment on the status of the rescue talks. But market participants said the firm is running out of time. In the span of two days, the company’s market value has plunged to $253.4 million from $1.01 billion, and its shares continued their nosedive in after-hours trading. “If they don’t get an investor within the next 48 to 72 hours, I think Knight’s going to have trouble surviving,” said David Simon, chief executive of hedge fund Twin Capital Management LLC.

Mt. Sinai urologist busted on charges he used spy cam to peek up subway riders’ skirts (NYDN)
Dr. Adam Levinson, an assistant professor of urology at the hospital’s school of medicine, allegedly clipped a pen camera to a folded newspaper so he could peek up a woman’s skirt on a southbound 4 train about 5 p.m. Tuesday, authorities and a witness said. Sheldon Birthwright, 46, a construction worker who once worked for the Transportation Security Administration, said he sensed something wrong almost immediately after Levinson stepped on the train at E. 59th St. The doctor — a New York Medical College grad who twice won a national Patients’ Choice Award — held the newspaper at his side as he inched toward a woman wearing a knee-high dress and reading a Kindle. “He’s leaning on the pole right next to the door,” Birthwright told the Daily News. “He has a paper in his hand. But what’s mysterious about it, there’s a pen attached to the paper…He has it down in a very unsuspicious way. But every time the woman would move, he would move.”

Catholic Fund Fails To Convince Believers (FT)
JPMorgan Asset Management had hoped to attract investors who wanted exposure to investments that would not clash with tenets on issues such as birth control and civil rights. It also eschewed investments in governments of countries that have the death penalty. The aim was to replicate the success of funds compliant with Shariah law which have been in strong demand with Muslim investors. However, JPMorgan is to liquidate the Global Catholic Ethical Balanced Fund just over a year since it was launched. At May 31, it had net assets of just 4.3 million euros ($5.24 million), far short of a $30 million threshold outlined in its prospectus.

Fake-bookers (NYP)
Facebook admitted that some 83 million of the social network’s 955 million total users are fakes — meaning duplicates, spam or silly pages for pets. That represents nearly 9 percent of profiles on the site. The rash of fakes — equal to the population of Egypt — has shot up since Facebook’s rocky public debut in May, when it estimated “false” profiles accounted for 5 percent to 6 percent of its users. “These estimates are based on an internal review of a limited sample of accounts, and we apply significant judgment in making this determination, such as identifying names that appear to be fake or other behavior that appears inauthentic,” the company said in a recent regulatory filing. The spike is a major cause for concern, with advertisers and investors questioning Facebook’s effectiveness in reaching consumers. In particular, Facebook has been under scrutiny for slowing ad sales growth.

Economy Adds 163,000 Jobs (WSJ)
U.S. employers stepped up hiring in July as the economy continued its uneven recovery heading into this fall’s presidential election. U.S. payrolls increased by a seasonally adjusted 163,000 jobs last month, the Labor Department said Friday, but the unemployment rate, obtained by a separate survey of U.S. households, ticked up one-tenth of a percent to 8.3%. Economists surveyed by Dow Jones Newswires expected a gain of 95,000 in payrolls and an 8.2% jobless rate.

Family kept grandparents’ deaths secret from Chinese diver until she won gold medal (YS)
Chinese diver Wu Minxia’s celebrations at winning a third Olympic gold medal were cut short after her family revealed the details of a devastating secret they had kept for several years. Wu’s parents decided to withhold news of both the death of her grandparents and of her mother’s long battle with breast cancer until after she won the 3-meter springboard in London so as to not interfere with her diving career. “It was essential to tell this white lie,” said her father Wu Yuming…Wu’s mother defended the decision to keep her situation private and admitted she only broached the subject of her breast cancer at this point because she is now in remission. Both of Wu’s grandparents died more than a year ago, but the diver knew nothing of their passing until this week.

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242 Responses to “Opening Bell: 08.03.12”

    • Guest says:

      Love you…. have this on my desktop but haven't seen it in forever.

    • Pain says:

      Those arm cycle things are the spawn of Satan.

    • CapitalistMonkey says:

      I kinda enjoyed having to fight the chinese sites to get this to load….

    • Family man says:

      This makes me depressed.

      • NakedShort says:

        Dont even get me started about being depressed…

        • Another Bro-Dad says:

          Please start!

          • Guest says:

            Please don't.

            -Happy-go-lucky-bro that doesn't want to read your day-ruining stories about family life

          • NakedShort says:

            sorry bro…

            So awhile back the eternal slam piece decided that we would be throwing the little bros a joint BDay party; which is tomorrow. We wanted to have the backs of our fellow slam milfs and bro dads and only drag them out to one party instead of two. Slam has been locked and loaded on this bitch since May and being thoughtful of our Chase debit card limit tried to run this shit herself. I got a text from the slam as I was leaving the office yesterday with some must haves she needed asap.

            Totally on point I make a dash for the NakedShort Party Mobile and I'm coastin' took another sip of the Diet Mountain Dew potion hit the three wheel motion. Flew into Party City on a mission piping bag, icing, blue food coloring, train balloons and something about a Thomas the Train pic. I'm flossing and flying through the isles all over this bitch got my basket full of swag tell the ugly slam behind the counter I needed 5 train balloons stat. Balloons in tote I call the slam and ask "What kinda Thomas pic you need?" Slam tells me I actually need to find the Thomas the Train cake mold and take the pic off that bitch and bring it home. Little bro had spilled his juice all over the one she had and she needed the pic so she could tell how the icing needed to be piped on that fucker. I flash back to my youth growing up on the mean streets of suburban America; I know I'm going to have to gank this fucker I sure as shit wont be buying another cake mold. Rip that train pic off and shove it in my pocket so fast. Stroll up to the cash register swipe the Chase debbie and roll up to my pad.

            Before I walk in the door I pull an M Lite out of the garage fridge and shotgun that shit so hardcore that my eyes start to water. Kick the fridge door shut with my foot like a total badass. Toss the slam the cake pic with the other goods and head to the stabbin' cabin to change. "Naked get in here now" yells the slam I head back to the kitchen. Balloons wrong, piping bag wrong says the slam get it fixed. Head back to Party City return the good get the right shit and head back home. Crush another garage frat soda and kick the door shut again. Slam nods approving my exchange so I decided to let my luck ride and head back into the garage to bring a few frosties inside the pad to dominate while I watch womens gymnastics with the slam. Slam surprisingly decides not to throw down about the adult bevies that I'm pounding which makes them go down that much smoother. Feeling good we both decide to pass the fuck out; head to the stabbin cabin and start brushing my grill when I hear the slam scream "Naked! Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick get the fuck out here!" Worried the slam might be hurt I dart to the garage; I guess the garage fridge couldn't handle my roundhouse kicks and was left slightly open which meant the customized water bottle labels she had taped on the water for the party were had now bled to shit.

            "I'll email you the graphic says the slam. You're taking the card stock to work, you're printing out new labels, and you're taping the new ones on all these bottles. I'm going to bed"

          • Wow says:

            I don't know what just happened there but I like it.

          • Guest says:

            Cliff notes: Your wife is a bitch who hasn't given you a blow job since the night you proposed?

            In my honest opinion, you have a pass to cheat and then you can blame her if you get caught. She'll admit it was her fault for being a sexless complainer.

          • PermaGuestII says:

            When do you think you'll kiss a woman for the first time?

          • ns via iphone says:

            I would be horrified if she ever spilled the good on me.

            -NS

          • Another Bro-Dad says:

            In your compendium of DB comments, you shouldn't feel the least bit bad about giving these posts their own chapter.

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    TV Announcer: Bruno Iksil is a Wall Street whale who has everything going for him. Only problem is, he's about to become a carrot!

    Bruno Iksil: I'm a carrot!

    TV Announcer: It's 24-"carrot" comedy! Bruno Iksil is "A Carrot"! Rated PG-13.

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    can someone just tell me the outcome of the Starburst challenge?

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  7. Old Person says:

    In my day we didn't have Chinese divers named Wu Mingxia. They were named Fu Mingxia, and I never heard anybody complain. Damn kids.

  8. Guest says:

    Levinson… sounds familiar.

  9. Abe_Froman_ says:

    BofA will reap what Knight hath sowed

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