Senior Merkel ally sends stark warning to Greece (Reuters)
A senior member of Chancellor Angela Merkel’s party issued a stark warning to Greece on Monday, saying Germany would not hesitate to veto further aid to the country if there were any signs it was not meeting the conditions of its bailout…”Even if the glass is half full, that won’t be sufficient for a new aid package. Germany cannot and will not agree to that,” Michael Fuchs told German newspaper Handelsblatt. “We long ago reached the point where the Greeks must show they are capable of delivering a shift. A policy of the last, last, last chance won’t work anymore and must come to an end.”
JPMorgan aims for $1bn profit boost (FT)
JPMorgan Chase aims to boost annual pre-tax profit by $1bn within five years by merging its investment and corporate banks – the first target set by the new division’s co-chief executives, Michael Cavanagh and Daniel Pinto.
Africans Chase Away Almighty Dollar (WSJ)
Starting next year, Angola will require oil and gas companies to pay tax revenue and local contracts in kwanza, its currency, rather than dollars. Mozambique wants companies to exchange half of their export earnings for meticais, hoping to pull more of the wealth in vast coal and natural-gas deposits into the domestic economy. And Ghana is seeking similar ways to reinforce “the primacy of the domestic currency,” after the cedi plummeted more than 17% against the dollar in the first six months of this year. The sternest steps come from Zambia, a copper-rich country in southern Africa where the central bank has banned dollar-denominated transactions. Offenders who are “quoting, paying or demanding to be paid or receiving foreign currency” can face a maximum 10 years in prison, the central bank said in a two-page directive in May.
Hedge Funds Capitulate On European Shorts (Bloomberg)
“Macro hedge funds missed collectively the policy news of June, and with the prospect of central bank interventions they are now capitulating,” Nikolaos Panigirtzoglou, head of global asset allocation at JPMorgan in London, said in an Aug. 7 phone interview. JPMorgan has $2.3 trillion under management. “For positions to unwind, a trigger is needed. And the trigger was all this policy news.”
Italy Public Debt Hits Record High, Deficit Also Up (Reuters)
Italy’s public debt hit an all-time high in June of almost 2 trillion euros and the annual budget deficit was also bigger than a year before, due largely to Italy’s share of bailouts for other euro zone states, the central bank said on Monday.
122 Minutes With Jamie Dimon (NYM)
“The whole world has become crazy. Businesses get attacked every time they do something…Everyone is talking about the culture, the culture, and all that, and it’s just not true,” Dimon says. “Most bankers are decent, honorable people. We’re wrapped up in all this crap right now. We made a mistake. We’re sorry. It doesn’t detract from all the good things we’ve done. I am not responsible for the financial crisis,” he adds. “I hate to tell you. We were a port of safety in the storm. I find it unbelievable that that is the general theme—that you have to walk in a room and act like you are responsible for things you are not responsible for.”
Paul Ryan’s Extreme…Workout Plan (TDB)
The Wisconsin congressman has been a devotee of the brutal P90X workout for about four years, and frequently leads workouts with other members of Congress…In a March 2010, Ryan told Politico that he and then-Michigan Democratic representative Bart Stupak “lead [P90X] every morning,” in the House of Representatives gym.
New Tactics Boost Bank Profits (WSJ)
With the European crisis knocking down the value of banks’ longer-term debt, some are taking advantage by buying back their debt from investors at a discount from the original value. Banks can book the difference in price as an accounting gain, adding to their bottom line—and their ability to withstand losses. Banks including Société Générale SA, Commerzbank AG, Intesa Sanpaolo SpA, Banco Santander SA and Banco Comercial Português SA recently have taken the moves, in part because traditional ways of boosting capital, such as selling businesses or raising equity in the market, are proving difficult. Europe’s debt crisis has virtually cut off many European banks from private funding because investors are wary of lending to them.
Julius Baer Buys Merrill Lynch Private Bank Assets (Reuters)
Swiss private bank Julius Baer is to buy Bank of America’s Merrill Lynch private bank outside the United States, paying 860 million Swiss francs ($882 million) to boost its assets under management by 40 percent and backing the deal with plans to raise 1.19 billion francs in new capital.
Alaska: The Next Libor Litigation Frontier (Reuters)
Attorney Brian Murray filed a lawsuit Wednesday on behalf of investors in Alaska — as well as investors in Wyoming, North Dakota and about 20 other states — that accuses banks of violating various state antitrust laws in allegedly rigging the London interbank offered rate.
Woman May See Jail Time For Poisoning Man With Visine (AP)
A woman may see jail time after allegedly poisoning a man with eyedrops. Vicki Jo Mills, 33, is accused of putting Visine in the drinking water of Thurman Nesbitt, 45, on up to a dozen occasions since June 2009, according to The Associated Press. Nesbitt’s doctor contacted authorities in June after tetrahydrozoline, a chemical found in the optical solution that can cause irregular heartbeat or chest pain, showed up in Nesbitt’s blood tests. “She never meant to kill him, [she] only wanted to make him pay more attention to her,” police say Mills told them.
"[she] only wanted to make him pay more attention to her"
-this quote could be attributed to every woman ever
"Starting next year, Angola will require oil and gas companies to pay tax revenue and local contracts in kwanza, its currency, rather than dollars."
Not a problem, we have a substantial surplus of Kwanzaa here in the U.S., particularly around the end of the year.
– About to get shipped off to a mandatory Examining Your Motives class
Not really…
- Hot intern you keep giving unsolicited shoulder massages to
That's right, pay me my Kwanzas, white-y.
– Angola FX
We <3 insecure Ivy League blondes.
– MS MDs
Well from looking at Vicki Jo's picture, he probably assumed she was into chicks and just paid her no attention
damn, Africa looked like such a promising place until these recent developments.
Tetrahydrozoline should not be administered.
…and me!
-David Gray
Classic Lorena Bobbitt defense. Bravo, Vicki Jo.
-J. Cochran
Nice to finally meet one of the other 49 shades!
-Christian
Maybe now the Africans will start getting "Spanish Prisoner" emails from American scammers
- All about the Kwanzas
What's the Hannukah – Kwanza conversion right now?
- UBS Holiday FX trader
Ok guys new to Dealbreaker comment section, this can get pretty intense. Some Opening Bells are going to be challenging to comment on, and its ok to just press pause and take a break, drink some water, and stretch out. I don't expect you to be able to comment very well the first week. Now I'm aiming for 5 comments today, but if you can only do 1 that’s ok
Don't fuck with it…just buy our Rama-Hanu-Kwanz-mas basket
- PM, iShares High Holiday FX Fund
What happened to Gene?
On the contrary, that basket is the easiest short we've seen in a long time.
- Nietzsche Capital
The Kwanzaa will not be televised.
Drowned in a shallow pool.
"Offenders who are “quoting, paying or demanding to be paid or receiving foreign currency” can face a maximum 10 years in prison, the central bank said in a two-page directive in May."
We approve.
- Central Bank of Zimbabwe
from now on you pay us in our honorary currency, the kweku
ghana national bank official
When someone breaks the bank of Angola, will it be called "White Wednesday"?
Is Angola going to subsidize transportation costs when I need $10b Kwanza to buy a loaf of bread?
KWEUSD = -2,000,000,000
itll be kwanzabonanza
So can I bill Angola for transaction 'transportation costs' when I need $10b Kwanza for a loaf of bread?
Replacing the world's leading fiat currency with your own ink-still-wet pieces of dubious scrip is the NKI (New Kwanza Initiative)
We be makin mo money
mo money mo money.
Without usin yo money
yo money yo money.
Weak
I can't wait to see Bess & Matt's tag team article on the upcoming Soros nuptials, maybe a chart examining engagement ring carats as a predictive tool for fund performance? Bess on what it was like to turn George down*
*Who even knows what could be in the footnotes!
Can I get fried chicken and watermelon with my Kwanza bucks?
Or you can just pay us in gum.
- Angolan government Trident Layers quant
Did someone say my name?
- Ashanti
Offended if allowed!
- White Middle Class
This should not be new to any of you white devils; we have been replacing fiat money with toilet paper since 1979.
~Robert Mugabe
Happy Kwanza day everyone! In more good news I have just changed to law to forbid the owning of more than 10 Kwanzas unless you are the President of Angola.
— José Eduardo dos Santos (President)
… and what currency is it that Zimbabweans use, again? Help me out here.
– Gotcha Quant
Reading that gave me douche chills.
test
Failed.
Proctorrrr!
9Il9jy I truly appreciate this article.Much thanks again. Cool.
1tvYtk I really like and appreciate your blog.Really looking forward to read more.