Lock up your Hamptons Houses

Goldman Sachs To Offer More Would-Be Partners Opportunity To Go David Tepper On An Executive’s Ass This Year

Each year, after a long and very comprehensive background check, a lucky group of Goldman employees are abducted from their desks, blindfolded, gagged, and led by candlelight through a dark hallway and into a subterranean conference room. Standing on the table before them are Lloyd Blankfein, Gary Cohn and the rest of the management committee, who ask if they are prepared to pledge their devotion to the firm above all else. Those who agree have their nether regions dipped in a vat of gold and, at the stroke of midnight, are inducted into the Brotherhood of the Sach. While there are many ways that becoming a member of the club will change one’s life, the most important one involves the partaking of astronomical profits on payday. As a result, when people are not invited to join the group, they tend to get very upset. For instance, hedge fund manager David Tepper, who became a billionaire many times over after leaving the firm, was still so upset about the snub twenty years later that he bought and bulldozed the house of the guy who passed him over. Others probably wouldn’t have even gone to the trouble of buying the place first, and operated the wrecking ball themselves. Which is why we say in full seriousness that the Partnership Committee might want to watch its back this year.

Goldman Sachs has begun vetting potential new partners and is expected to appoint a smaller number of bankers to its upper echelons this year, according to senior executives involved in the process… The nomination process for new partners ended during the summer. The internal vetting process began earlier this month and is expected to last until mid-November when the new class of partners will be announced. The vetting process is known within the bank as “cross-ruffing”, in reference to a manoeuvre from the card game bridge and typically sees a team of partners deployed to every division to talk to employees who know the candidates.

While the Tepper retribution was a bit extreme, at the very least, fewer people named partner = greater chance someone’s doorknob is getting pissed on.

Crop Of Goldman Partners Seen To Shrink [FT]

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32 Responses to “Goldman Sachs To Offer More Would-Be Partners Opportunity To Go David Tepper On An Executive’s Ass This Year”

  1. Dr_Rosenrose says:

    I suppose if you have to use a bridge term, that is preferable to a Bath Coup.

  2. VonSloneker says:

    "cross-ruffing" means something quite different in my circles.

    – Dennis Kneale

  3. TheDetailGuy says:

    A good cross-ruff combined with some Kush 90210 got me through some tough calls.

    -Jimmy Cayne

  4. Guest says:

    what is the market on : new Asian partner/new member of the tribe partner spread?

  5. Kegels123 says:

    You can cross-ruff my ass anytime you like

    -L. Tilton

  6. George Washington says:

    Cross-ruffing? Don't know it. Now rough crossing, however…

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    "the Brotherhood of the Sach"
    …sounds like a strange sect. I wonder why they risk extreme outrage of employees while claiming to run a de-risking strategy, e.g. http://www.cfo-insight.com/risk-management-it/ris….

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