Back in May, we had a frank discussion about drinking with colleagues and/or clients after work. Specifically, how many drinks one should put away in order to have a good time but not cross any unfortunate lines. At the time, we used a young lady named Sophia Anderson as our guide and said that, assuming you have the tolerance of a 21 year-old female and consider being arrested post-Happy Hour for driving your car through a stranger’s house one of those lines, no more than a dozen beverages should be consumed, with fourteen being the absolute max. Today we have just a quick update, to those for whom it bears mentioning, that if you’re going to ignore said guidelines and have that fifteenth cocktail shortly before accepting a ride home from an equally sloshed coworker who confuses someone’s front lawn/foyer/kitchen/backyard patio with the road, you should probably not agree to lie to the police, say you were the one driving, and have them breathalyze you with 370 ounces of alcohol (and some cocaine) in your body. Not even if you’re in love with him or her; not even if he or she promises to take take you on vacation after all of this blows over; not even if you were passed out the whole ride and a bit disoriented after “[waking] up as…the car drove through the house.”

The sneaky punk who conned his drunk and coked-up girlfriend into taking the DWI rap for crashing through, and trashing, a Long Island home in his mom’s Mercedes convertible, was finally charged today with the May 28 crash and ordered held without bail. Suffolk DA Tom Spota said Dan Sajewski, 23, tricked Sophia Anderson, 21, into telling cops that she was behind the wheel when he crashed through the Huntington home of a 96-year-old woman – taking a 30-foot tree with him from the front to the back yard. Spota said the incredible demolition derby was the end result of a night of boozing and cocaine snorting at the $1.7 million mansion of Sajewski’s parents in exclusive Lloyd Harbor – when Sajewski and Anderson took a high speed joyride for more beer.

“We know what really happened that day,’’ said Spota at a press conference after the court session. He said the couple, along with three pals, were doing shots of Jack Daniels and snorting coke at Sajewski’s doctor dad’s home until 4 a.m. The crash occurred during a trip for more Heineken beer, while Sajewski was driving, said Spota. He said Anderson was passed out in the passenger seat and “told us she wakes up as the incident is occurring and they were driving through the house.’’ Spota said Anderson “was in love with him’’ and agreed to take the rap, after he promised to pay her bail and legal bills – and take her on a vacation. He broke his word and she revealed it was all a lie. The DA said that when an x-ray technician at the hospital told her she could not have been the driver because of her injuries, Anderson told him “it’s a little too late for that.’’

Alternatively, if you are the one trying to cut a deal for someone else to take the blame, think about actually making good on that vacation, lest the x-ray tech go all CSI on your fall guy/girl’s injuries.

LI punk held without bail for May 28 crash that destroyed elderly woman’s home [NYP via DI]
Earlier: Area Drunk Offers Handy How To Guide Re: Not Being Labeled “That Guy (Who Uses The Front Door Of A House As A Garage Door)” At The Office

92 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (92)

  1. Posted by Demographic | September 19, 2012 at 4:08 PM

    I must say, J-Wowww is doing great 'rogue promo' for the next season of Jersey Shore.

  2. Posted by guest | September 19, 2012 at 4:11 PM

    Lax Bro?

  3. Posted by Dan Sajewski | September 19, 2012 at 4:11 PM

    I set the bitch up.

  4. Posted by PermaGuestII | September 19, 2012 at 4:13 PM

    $1.7mm in Lloyd Harbor != a mansion.

  5. Posted by Guest | September 19, 2012 at 4:14 PM

    That look says "I'd do it all over again, but turn left the next time."

  6. Posted by Guest | September 19, 2012 at 4:17 PM

    Lloyd Christmas > Lloyd Harbor

  7. Posted by Hooray Beer | September 19, 2012 at 4:17 PM

    Maybe an 'easy now' beverage run should have been in order

    -Red Stripe Mgmt.

  8. Posted by Lowly Assistant | September 19, 2012 at 4:19 PM

    Blasphemy. Lax Bro would never roll with a woman wearing her collar half-popped.

  9. Posted by Lindsay | September 19, 2012 at 4:21 PM

    That's a cute age

  10. Posted by Gozer | September 19, 2012 at 4:22 PM

    Was the party at Chris Brown's house?

  11. Posted by Bandersnatch | September 19, 2012 at 4:22 PM

    A beer delivery service might be a good business in that neck of the woods.

  12. Posted by Harry Dunne | September 19, 2012 at 4:22 PM

    Halloween > Christmas

    – UBS Holiday Analyst

  13. Posted by guest | September 19, 2012 at 4:29 PM

    Jack Daniels, Heineken and Coke? Guess it beats moonshine, PBR and meth, but still…

  14. Posted by Hooray Beer | September 19, 2012 at 4:31 PM

    As long as there is no expectation of a rush delivery – we're kinda laid back over here

    – Jr. Market Demographics Quant

  15. Posted by AIG Quant via LEH | September 19, 2012 at 4:35 PM

    I asked for a cute babe not a bimbo that just bounced off the inside surfaces of a car.

  16. Posted by AIG Quant via LEH | September 19, 2012 at 4:39 PM

    Whitney? WTF? Might as well post a pic of her. 2 out of 3 can't be that wrong.

    Oh, and Matt, don't you dare post a picture of a fucking cow!

  17. Posted by Im_a_Dude | September 19, 2012 at 4:40 PM

    where was he supposed to take her on vacation? I'm sure it was someplace lovely.

  18. Posted by Robert Rubin | September 19, 2012 at 4:41 PM

    They'll never know what really happened that night, fuckin' suckers.

  19. Posted by Guest | September 19, 2012 at 4:41 PM

    UPDATE: instead of three cross eyed GS execs and the pervey Bonobos guy…I have a beaten women, two cross eyed GS execs…and the pervery Bonobos guy

  20. Posted by Guest | September 19, 2012 at 4:44 PM

    I'm pretty sure I just got allocated 10 hours worth of work because of the Bonobos guy…I think I speak for everyone when I say he is making it impossible to discreetly kill time surfing this site before your boss leaves

  21. Posted by PermaGuestII | September 19, 2012 at 4:47 PM

    Fourth of July > Halloween

  22. Posted by Guest | September 19, 2012 at 4:51 PM

    When the DB homepage is loading, and it's just me and him, I get a tingly feeling all over. Then the words pop up and it's back to reality.

  23. Posted by Alt_EST | September 19, 2012 at 4:53 PM

    It doesn't hurt here so much….or here….but right about here.

  24. Posted by VonSloneker | September 19, 2012 at 4:53 PM

    If you've got time to surf the "Carlton Banks Fanpage," you've got time to build decks all night!!

    – The Boss Man

  25. Posted by BessLevin | September 19, 2012 at 4:54 PM

    According to the people in charge of the ads that appear on this site (i.e. not Matt or me, otherwise the homepage would not look like it does today), the Bonobos guy will only be here until Friday morning.

  26. Posted by restricted | September 19, 2012 at 4:56 PM

    uhh uhh hmmm

    sajewski was pushing it

    -lloyd Harbor

  27. Posted by zoroz | September 19, 2012 at 5:03 PM

    Good. By now I want to kick him in the nuts (motive examination: I do have black friends)

  28. Posted by Rick James | September 19, 2012 at 5:05 PM

    Sleeping on a beer run? She needs to get some real cocaine.

  29. Posted by Nick Lachey | September 19, 2012 at 5:13 PM

    Her expression tells me she's hiding something

    UBS that's a penis not a clitoris Quant

  30. Posted by In context | September 19, 2012 at 5:18 PM

    I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather; not like the passengers in his car that were all screaming in terror.

  31. Posted by Lindsay | September 19, 2012 at 5:18 PM

    I think we are more wondering what age group says nuts ?

  32. Posted by Marion Barry | September 19, 2012 at 5:34 PM

    Serves her right.

  33. Posted by Guest | September 19, 2012 at 5:48 PM

    Sweet cheeses, she looks like average sales assistant use to look @ FICC BSC.

  34. Posted by guest | September 19, 2012 at 5:51 PM

    A face only a fist could love.

  35. Posted by guest | September 19, 2012 at 6:33 PM

    dont get fuckin von slon started

  36. Posted by homepage | September 19, 2012 at 6:37 PM

    Hey !

  37. Posted by Lucille | September 19, 2012 at 6:47 PM

    That's got to be GOB. Let's give him a scare.

  38. Posted by matt | September 19, 2012 at 6:56 PM

    you gettin outa the racquet ?

  39. Posted by Harvey | September 19, 2012 at 6:59 PM

    With a right eye like that she'll always have a home here at GS

  40. Posted by DingALing | September 19, 2012 at 7:04 PM

    Lloyd Blankfein > Lloyd Harbor

  41. Posted by Opposedsix | September 19, 2012 at 7:35 PM

    Mercedes convertible model year? If it was an older 380 or 560sl, their soft splashy handling and brakes coupled with an supersized steering wheel did not help with that last panic induced turn to avoid a house.

  42. Posted by Long Duck Dong | September 19, 2012 at 10:32 PM

    No more yanky my wanky! The donga need food!!

  43. Posted by Gluttony | September 19, 2012 at 10:34 PM

    Thanksgiving > Fourth of July

  44. Posted by Sino Returns | September 19, 2012 at 10:38 PM

    Heineken?!? Doesn't anyone like good tasting beer?

  45. Posted by Momentous | September 20, 2012 at 12:17 AM

    I see nothing wrong here, other than the fact she's fugly..

  46. Posted by Financial Samurai | September 20, 2012 at 1:43 AM

    Don't drink and drive. You might kill someone.

  47. Posted by heinous | September 20, 2012 at 4:41 AM

    Hey ! yourself !

    – Pervey Bonobos Guy

  48. Posted by heinous | September 20, 2012 at 4:42 AM

    Or a glove box.

  49. Posted by Bandersnatch | September 20, 2012 at 7:22 AM

    Those around 114
    – McAuliffe

  50. Posted by Genital Schwartz | September 20, 2012 at 7:51 AM

    Lloyd Braun > Lloyd Blankfein

  51. Posted by Genital Schwartz | September 20, 2012 at 7:55 AM

    Steven Wright called and asked if he could have his joke back

  52. Posted by Whats yur deal | September 20, 2012 at 8:06 AM

    it's middle of the pack, not bad ?

  53. Posted by Guest | September 20, 2012 at 9:01 AM

    You ready for the fun part?

    -St. Anky's of Vermont

  54. Posted by Facting | September 20, 2012 at 9:18 AM

    The car in question is a 1996–2003 Merc CLK, pre-crash value ~$4k*. Average home price in Lloyd Harbor NY is ~$1.45mil**, $1.7mil only about 20% above mean.***

  55. Posted by Casual Observer | September 20, 2012 at 9:31 AM

    Love that the collar is still popped.

  56. Posted by F9_Calculate | September 20, 2012 at 9:52 AM

    I was just trying to do my job

    -Natural Selection

  57. Posted by OpportunityCost | September 20, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    Must know this detail to be able to properly gauge the offer. Could be totally legit.

  58. Posted by Im_a_Dude | September 20, 2012 at 1:39 PM

    are you telling us you didn't come up the jingle "A fit you can bank on"???

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