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Layoffs Watch ’12: UBS Has Something To Share

Management has decided to burn the investment bank down and start fresh (basically).

UBS is set to unveil a radical downsizing of its struggling investment bank next week in a move that will prompt the loss of up to 10,000 jobs across the Swiss banking group. Switzerland’s largest bank by assets will significantly shrink the trading side and complexity of its investment bank and as a consequence also cut thousands of jobs in its back office over the next few years, three people close to the situation said. The job cuts will amount to almost a sixth of the bank’s workforce of 63,500 at the end of June. They will not happen all at once and the precise number is still unclear… It comes on top of another – still ongoing – programme announced last year to cut 3,500 jobs. The new strategy, hammered out in several executive board meetings in New York this week and set to be announced next Tuesday, will lead to the closure of a sizeable part of UBS’s fixed-income trading operations and other capital-intensive areas of the investment bank.

UBS To Cut Up To 10,000 Jobs [FT]
Related: UBS’s Investment Banking Head May Have To Slash His Own Expenses “Like A Jewish Shopkeeper”

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41 Responses to “Layoffs Watch ’12: UBS Has Something To Share”

  1. UBS says:

    Really SUCKS!

  2. Hungry says:

    May the odds be ever in your favor

  3. mrp says:

    this is just almost too comical….

  4. we get it... says:

    For the love of God and all that is Holy, just get out of the business and stick to Wealth Managment.

  5. UBS Sucks Guy says:

    It's all my fault :-)

  6. Question..... says:

    What could 63,500 people possibly be doing over there right now?

  7. Aunt says:

    How about changing your name to SUB? Well, wadda yah think?

    • Big Four says:

      Thank you for the sugestion. Unfortunately after a top to bottom audit of the company's finanicals, it has come to our attention that we can no longer afford to carry the letter "U" on our books. We will know be called simply BS.

  8. Rick says:

    We will continue to pursue a strategy of optimizing our investment bank for our clients' needs.

    Since we have no clients, the optimal outcome is to continue to eliminate the investment bank.

    Karsten

    • Blindbro says:

      We have a series of cuts underway. Overlapping at times.
      What would that mean practically ?

      Ive got a list here, dave in ficc um

      hes on my list too ?

      allright go down and fire him, then ill call him at home tomorrow and fire him
      again for not coming in

  9. Guest says:

    The only thing that can save UBS is the Frankenstorm!

  10. The Optimist says:

    Don't worry guys. This is a sign that the banking business will pick up soon.
    UBS will be just have to pay up to buy back fixed income operations 2 years from now.

  11. Yum Brands says:

    UBS will have to merge with Sea World to survive.

  12. guest says:

    Ok, HR and PR people, try to follow along here: When you publicly announce that layoffs "won't happen all at once," you prompt ALL your people to go looking for new jobs, including the ones you want to retain. Since those are the talented ones, they'll get other jobs, leaving you an employee base composed entirely of people you were planning to fire. This outcome is bad for your organization.

    Good heavens it isn't that complicated…

  13. K. Moelis says:

    Called it.

  14. Ralph386 says:

    U B etter S tart looking

  15. Occupier says:

    Dear UBSers,

    Welcome to the 99%.

    We are waiting for you.

    Yes!

    -Occupier

  16. Vikram Pandit says:

    I'm available !

  17. Rob says:

    The only employable people left at UBS Stamford are those who have homes deep in CT and refuse to commute to NYC to find greener pastures as a lifestyle choice. The rest are unemployable and will sit right until the axe falls.

  18. Last UBS guy says:

    should i turn out the lights?

  19. P.Forlenza says:

    My contract is still money good, right?

  20. 47% member says:

    Thought the guy from Zurich said not to believe the drive by media.
    Too many ppl with sensitive egos at the UBS Stamford office.
    I say get rid of all md's and ed's. they always cry like little babies and no backbone.

  21. This is the fact says:

    The quality of the comments is really appalling … Have a slow read again and tell yourself that these are not pathetic attempts at humour …

    • Guest says:

      At least this will put an end to the UBS MD & Fill in the Blank Quant jokes.

      – BoAML Commentary Quant

  22. Brave Kander says:

    <img src="http://www.newautoquote.us/ikeas/loo.jpg"/&gt; Well with their profit this bad, there's no way they won't lay off people.<img src="http://www.newautoquote.us/xboz/jj.jpg"/&gt;

  23. guest says:

    What 'talented' person would accept an offer to work there after all of this? The ones who didn't have enough talent for the top tier BBs and elites.

  24. Kweku Adoboli says:

    UBS was my family. Everything I did was for the benefit of the bank.

  25. EX UBS(hitter) says:

    Every EX UBS colleague is welcome to switch his existing clients to our new HIGHLY LEVERAGED High Frequency Trading FX FUND, domiciled in Dublin. Leveraged 1:10 (yeah, it´s going to be a hardcore one). Only EX UBS Wealth Management ladies and gentlemen welcomed that want to earn at least 7 figure bonuses (right, the bonuses your sh.tty EX employer doesn´t want to pay you, because the "management" deserves the payment of 7 digits for themselves. Any interested party can email me Mueller.Peter69@yahoo.de (and yes, I am EX UBS(hitter). ;=)

    • Ex UBS WM Employee says:

      Unfotunately, I already own a very risky security of a highly leveraged institution – its called UBS stock.

  26. Rodskog says:

    FIRE ME PLEASE