Layoffs Watch ’12: UBS Tells Employees Not To Bother Themselves With Figuring Out How To Get Into Work (Ever Again)

Earlier this week, before a natural disaster struck the East Coast, UBS announced that it would be calling it quits on its fixed income experiment and focusing on wealth management, letting go of approximately 10,000 employees as it transitioned back to its tax evading roots. That was Monday morning, and while the bank had said that it planned to start cuts on Tuesday, most people assumed that the Swiss would wait at least 24 hours between the time Connecticut Governor Dannel Malloy told residents to seek safety from the storm on their roofs or power for the many who lost it was restored or NY/NJ/CT mass transit started functioning again to can a bunch of staff. Those people, however, thought wrong. Apparently when UBS higher-ups decide to do something, neither wind nor rain nor is gonna stop them.

“Need time to get your shit together after Hurricane Sandy? UBS HR doesn’t think so. The cuts started for New York yesterday, calling people on their cell phones to cell them they were done. It was a bloodbath. They spared very few. Whole divisions in fixed income trading were let go. All the way up to Executive Directors. No junior person in Fixed Income Trading remains, even first years on the desk who started the training program in July and then started on the desk in August were let go. We were told not to return to work by either HR or your MD, if he/she had enough courage to do it themselves. It was over their heads it seems. A small senior level staff remains to support secondary trading in our High Yield primary issuance business, but it looks like most of IG got wiped out, Distressed no longer exists and is being wound down, CLOs is gone….they decimated the business overnight and spared nobody, including older guys with families who were lifers at UBS.”

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64 Responses to “Layoffs Watch ’12: UBS Tells Employees Not To Bother Themselves With Figuring Out How To Get Into Work (Ever Again)”

  1. Guest says:

    Turnaround plan for UBS

    1) Reduce expenses by 99.99%
    2) No change in Revenues
    3) Reduce losses by 99.99%

    – McKinsey & Co.

  2. Anonymous says:


  3. B2b MD says:

    The main issue with doing this post storm is that access to liquor has been greatly diminished, as have most people's home inventory, after sitting around the past couple of days.

  4. Guesto says:

    R I Penis

  5. UBS is the Worst says:

    UBS is an awful company. Anytime anyone management mentions "company culture", someone should stand up in the crowd, throw a penalty flag and remind people that they lay people off the day after a natural disaster…

  6. Hobbes says:

    This is just fucking great, I get canned right after signing a 3-year lease on the new Honda Accord.

    – UBS MD

  7. PermaGuestII says:

    What a bunch of fucking low-lifes.

    Hope the State of CT demands immediate repayment of whatever incentive they got to stay in Stamford.

  8. Guest says:

    I know our Investment grade and hy desks are now down to less than 10 professionals in CT/NY. Maybe a block trade for us to RBS or Nomura. Please!!??? SOS!

    • guest says:

      I am sorry. At the moment, we only have openings for chicken dancers.

      I am sorry. We have a policy of not hiring professionals on our fixed income desks.

  9. Trader Who Checked says:

    No, they're not.

  10. Consultant says:

    As part of its strategic initiative, UBS also announced it will immediately change its company name to "TBS"; short for "Titanic Business Systems."

  11. Guest says:

    our layoffs are Unaffected By Sandy.

    – Shitbag Company

  12. Guest says:

    In other news, Jay Leno now has a garage on the East Coast for his car collection.

  13. RingRing says:

    Hello, this is a recorded message from UBS HR. You're fired. No need to come collect your belongings as the storm swept them away. We wish you well.

  14. pazzo83 says:

    Wow.. what a bunch of assholes.

    – Hurricane Sandy

  15. guest says:

    EDD line number the NKI

  16. Can anybody talk about the severance packages people got? I really hope UBS has taken care of people who've worked all year, only to get let go now.

  17. broseph says:

    No matter how jaded one becomes, it's hard to keep up.

    -Bloomberg start screen quote from a couple years back

  18. Jeffy says:

    UBS = Charles Schwab in 2 years

  19. Backdoor_Bess says:

    The Rutgers MBA program is going to get crushed with new applicants

    • Admissions Office says:

      Let's let them complete their Bachelor degrees first.

    • NJ Elite says:

      Rutgers is for trailer trash in any case.

      Wonder how Harvey Schwartz, the new Goldman CFO, and Rutgers grad, got the gig.

      Most likely he wore a mullet during his youth.

  20. Ric says:

    THey let first years analyst go one day before bonuses… and told the poor kids they were being canned given performance reasons. 1/3 of the 1st years analyst class under performing??? Totally yes, just a handful of people there have the capacity, talent and experience to train people.
    I tip my hat to recruiters and all other toothless cronies in that failed bank. Glad they are going back to their roots in tax evasion.

  21. George says:

    Ray Bingham (aka George Cloney in Up In the Air) would be proud how his HR students at UBS are treating their own blood. He would however suggest to cut off their healthcare insurance pronto to save a few francs.

  22. Concerned Commenter says:

    Wait, without any UBS left, ~90% of the commentariat jokes are gone. Who fills this void?

  23. rog says:

    Bye Stamford, Greenwich, Darien, Westport , New Canaan and Wilton real estate markets! Seriously when we were looking for a house / high end townhouse in Stamford a vast majority of those $600k-$2m were UBS employee owned

    • Guest says:

      You mean "low end"
      -Fairfield County Real Estate

    • reality says:

      You really think all of the real estate in those towns is bought up by UBS people?

      -employee of every CT-based hedge fund

      • guest says:

        He said mid range.

      • Rog says:

        6300 employees in CT.
        Homes in Fairfield country < 300,000, those between 500,000 and 2m = 120,000
        Most of these 6000 live in CT lets say 1000 in NY so 5000/120000 = 4% of homes on FFC

        • Rag says:

          You're still clueless Rog. Many of the 6300 live in apartments in Stamford and fix computers when at work. Someday you'll be able to afford that house, but UBS will have nothing to do with it, literally.

      • Rig says:

        30-60? Hege funds? 50-100 employees each? Do the math

  24. UBS MD says:

    Wait a minute, so they ARE opening up a Costco in Stamford!!

  25. Longjohnson says:

    What about the 5yr tax break UBS rcvd from CT?
    Again, nix all those do nothing self titled md's. awesome job rallying the troops

  26. UBS sucks says:

    nuff said

  27. Stephen Hester, RBS says:

    "A day after UBS AG announced it was cutting up to 10,000 jobs by 2015, UBS chairman Axel Weber is warning that many of the Swiss banking giant's rivals may have to follow suit."

    We dont have electronic access systems anymore, as we had to dispose it as scrap in our last round of cost reductions.

  28. guest says:

    I call next!

    – Jimmy G.

  29. Roberto Hoornweg says:

    Dear Axel,

    Thank you for your letter. I understand UBS' decison to defocus on FICC, but usage of a coin toss to decide between me and Rajiv Mishra is unprofessional.

    Roberto, Co-Head FICC, UBS

  30. UBS Insider Tapes says:

    UBS HR : Good morning, how are you today ? You're fired.
    Oswald Greubel : Please stop calling me and update your internal org charts – I've already been fired by UBS a year ago.

  31. Arrel says:

    This seems a little far fetched. is this confirmed? what is the source of that quote?

  32. Arrel says:

    My bad, found a reference at FT. They disabled people's security cards.

  33. DingDong says:

    It was obvious that anyone without ML on their CV is doomed at UBS.

  34. maite_baron says:

    There is going to be more and more layoffs from the likes of banks and other large corporations. The real solution for all those employed in these places is to organise their corporate escape and become self employed entrepreneurs.

  35. franlin says:

    this is the worst place ever. they suck big time… they replaced any and all skilled people with thiose who can't speak english. hopefully they fail soon