As you may have heard, Summer 2012 was not the best of times for JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon. On May 10, after having said that a Bloomberg story about one of its London traders making very large, very worrisome bets was but “a tempest in a teapot,” the bank announced that said trader had lost approximately $2 billion. On May 11, it was suggested that Dimon’s title of most-loved banker on Wall Street was up for grabs. On June 19, Dimon was forced to testify on Capitol Hill. On July 13, JPMorgan revised the $2 billion loss to $6 billion. Associates who surrounded Dimon during these days said that the stress was visibly wearing on him, and that it was arguably one of the worst periods of his career. And while senior executives logged long hours and gave up weekends and holidays to help deal with the fallout, gathering documents and unwinding trades and trying to manage the crisis, only one busted his ass to actually give Jamie Dimon what he needed: Jimmy Lee.

After spending much of July 13 again explaining the trading loss to the media and to research analysts—including making the stunning admission that the traders in London may have intentionally mismarked the trades to make them look less egregious, a potential illegality that the Justice Department is still investigating—the exhausted Dimon got an unexpected call from Tom Brady, the star quarterback of the New England Patriots. (Jimmy Lee, a legendary sports fan, had arranged for it.) Brady reminded Dimon that even Super Bowl champs have bad days and told him “to hang in there.” “I was surprised he even knew who I was, to tell you the truth,” Dimon says.

What’s particularly great about this anecdote, via Bethany McLean’s article in Vanity Fair, is that if you only saw it as a highlight somewhere else, you might have thought that Tom Brady had read about JPMorgan’s woes in the paper and was like, “I gotta give this guy a call.” That, in other words, he was being a self-important douche. When in reality, on the day JPMorgan had to tell the public it’d actually lost $6 billion, the vice-chairman of investment banking said to himself, “I’ve got to do something. How can I help Jamie? Think, Jimmy, THINK.”

And after thinking about it and thinking about it and thinking about it some more, snapped his finger and said, “I’ve got it- we need to get Tom Brady on the line.” And then gathered his five secretaries in his office and told them to clear his and their schedules because they needed to get this deal done by the end of the day. And when he finally got Brady on the line, assured him that the call would be welcome and that it wouldn’t be awkward* or seem out of left field. “Just tell him he’s got this. Tell him that if banking or football were easy everyone would be doing it. Tell him that even on your worst day, you still get to go home and bang that little Brazilian of yours. No, wait, scratch that. Tell him you can’t generate profits and be responsible for the losses at the same time. Tell him, ‘Keep your chin, up, kid.’ Tell him you’re down by 7, you just took a huge sack, Gronkowski’s got a broken leg and you’re not wearing a cup. But there’s still time left on that clock, Jamie D. And as long as there’s time left on that clock, you’re going to score a mother fucking touchdown. Tell him, ‘Go get ‘em, Tiger.’ Tom? You still there, pal?”

Jamie Dimon On The Line [VF]
*Which, based on the account, kind of sounds like it was? For both Dimon and Brady? How did the call end– “Well, just keep me posted on how everything turns out”?

55 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (55)

  1. Posted by IBacon Shortage | October 4, 2012 at 2:18 PM

    Can do, much, much, better.

    - Bacon grease on the tie.

  2. Posted by Guest | October 4, 2012 at 2:20 PM

    No, yes, no, no.

  3. Posted by girl | October 4, 2012 at 2:21 PM

    you'd do all of them.

  4. Posted by Guest | October 4, 2012 at 2:31 PM

    The London Welker?

  5. Posted by B2b MD | October 4, 2012 at 2:35 PM

    Thats why Jimmy Lee is legend. He's made more money buying, selling and financing Avis alone than most rain makers do in a career.

  6. Posted by guest | October 4, 2012 at 2:36 PM

    cynicism and comedy aside, that is the most ridiculous story i have ever heard.

  7. Posted by Jamie D. | October 4, 2012 at 2:46 PM

    I really wanted a call from Bess, or just an email from her inbox. Instead all I got were a bunch of Charts that buried in the footnotes I was told should be "somewhat reassuring" from "[email protected]"

  8. Posted by Everyone | October 4, 2012 at 2:48 PM

    I think I just became paralyzed from violent douche chills.

  9. Posted by guest | October 4, 2012 at 2:50 PM

    We got calls from Eli Manning.

    co-signed

    Alan Howard and Boaz Weinstein

  10. Posted by Tom Joyce | October 4, 2012 at 2:52 PM

    Fuck me. I never even got a call from anybody. Not even from Mark Sanchez. I did get a call from the SEC and those lop-eared dopes at the NYSE, but that doesn't count.

  11. Posted by Jamie | October 4, 2012 at 2:54 PM

    I have a guatemalan pool boy actually.

  12. Posted by Coglioni | October 4, 2012 at 3:01 PM

    This is much cooler than that call I set up between Scott Norwood and Dick Fuld.

    – Former Lehman MD

  13. Posted by Nick Lachey | October 4, 2012 at 3:05 PM

    Brady: Flip right, double-X, Jet, 36 counter, naked waggle, X-7, X-quarter

    Dimon: Thanks Tom

  14. Posted by Evil David Letterman | October 4, 2012 at 3:06 PM

    They make the best interns.

  15. Posted by guest | October 4, 2012 at 3:07 PM

    Who was plan b if brady didn't come through? the guy third point just hired?

  16. Posted by _guest | October 4, 2012 at 3:08 PM

    JD: Hello?

    TB: Hi. I'm Tom Brady, Superbowl champion quarterback for the NE Patriots.

    JD: Why the fuck are you calling me?

    TB: (Papers shuffling, begins reading) "Even Superbowl champion quarterbacks have bad days."

    JL: (Whispering in background) "Nice Tom…that'll cheer him up!"

    JD: So what? You've lost twice to Eli Manning

    (TB and JL can be heard whispering to each other on the line)

    TB: Ummm. I have to go. Bye.

  17. Posted by guest | October 4, 2012 at 3:10 PM

    I know that guy on Jimmy's left. Real go-getter.

  18. Posted by Jimmy Cayne | October 4, 2012 at 3:10 PM

    I once had a pretty in depth chat with a chocolate Labrador about why Hank Paulson and his falcons are a bunch of assholes, I think.

  19. Posted by j.herrold | October 4, 2012 at 3:20 PM

    I'm an oaf

  20. Posted by BessLevin | October 4, 2012 at 3:22 PM

    You complete me.

  21. Posted by Joe Biden | October 4, 2012 at 3:31 PM

    Hmm maybe I should ask Jay Cutler a favor right about now

  22. Posted by Danker_Banker | October 4, 2012 at 3:32 PM

    "You know what, Jamie? Go home, bang your Brazilian supermodel wife, and come back tomorrow ready for the rest of the season and….wha?…oh…I see…uh…well, anyway, take a hot shower or something…."

  23. Posted by J. Gundlach | October 4, 2012 at 3:43 PM

    My Goog News alerts just picked up the phrase "huge sack." What's going on over here?

  24. Posted by Guest | October 4, 2012 at 3:56 PM

    VF ran another article about a phone conversation overheard at Dealbreaker:

    Matt: Hello. This is your doctor. I have your pregnancy results here, and guess what? You, you got knocked up, so you should probably get out of news.
    Bess: Who is this?
    Matt: This is Doctor Chim. Dr. Chim Richalds. Richalds.
    Bess: Is this you, Matt?
    Matt: I'm a professional doctor, you saw me. You don't remember. You were drunk. You should–you should go, you should get out of news.
    Bess: This is pathetic.
    Matt: You're pathetic. [hangs up]

  25. Posted by Guest | October 4, 2012 at 3:58 PM

    I wish I could thumbs up this more.

  26. Posted by Yucko the Clown | October 4, 2012 at 4:00 PM

    Better buy her dinner first!

  27. Posted by Opinion | October 4, 2012 at 4:23 PM

    Underrated comment.

  28. Posted by Guest | October 4, 2012 at 4:24 PM

    shut up

  29. Posted by guest | October 4, 2012 at 4:28 PM

    They'd have the punter call instead.

  30. Posted by Wow..... | October 4, 2012 at 4:29 PM

    I'm not even sure what to say about this…trying to fight back the urge to vomit

  31. Posted by Wow.... | October 4, 2012 at 4:46 PM

    Completely missed the reference…..I suck

  32. Posted by CTS-V owner | October 4, 2012 at 5:32 PM

    Jamie, how's that London based CUNTS short position looking right now?

  33. Posted by CTS-V owner | October 4, 2012 at 5:35 PM

    Guatemalan? too light skinned for an old Queen like Dave…………

  34. Posted by Guest | October 4, 2012 at 6:20 PM

    Seriously must have been a slow day or something there at HQ

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    - L. Tilton

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