Opening Bell: 10.11.12

Fed Governor: Put Cap On Big Financial Firms (WSJ)
In a Philadelphia speech, Fed governor Daniel Tarullo recommended curbing banks’ growth by putting a limit on their nondeposit liabilities, which are sources of funding for operations that go beyond consumer deposits. The idea takes direct aim at the biggest U.S. banks, including J.P. Morgan, Bank of America, Goldman Sachs, and Citigroup, all of which rely heavily on such funding. Firms outside of this tier make much greater use of regular deposits.

With Tapes, Authorities Build Criminal Case Over JPMorgan Loss (Dealbook)
Federal authorities are using taped phone conversations to build criminal cases related to the multibillion-dollar trading loss at JPMorgan Chase, focusing on calls in which employees openly discussed how to value the troubled bets in a favorable way. Investigators are looking into the actions of four people who previously worked for the team based in London responsible for the $6 billion loss, according to officials briefed on the case. The Federal Bureau of Investigation could make some arrests in the next several months, said one person who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the inquiry was ongoing. The phone recordings, which were turned over to authorities by JPMorgan, have helped focus the investigation, the officials said. Authorities are poring over thousands of conversations, in English and French. They are also relying on notes that employees took during staff meetings, instant messages circulated among traders and e-mails sent within the group.

Cyber Slips Boost Facebook’s Ad Clicks (NYP)
Facebook is suffering from fat-finger syndrome. That’s the opinion of one influential Wall Street analyst — bolstered by a growing body of research — who believes that some of the company’s recently touted mobile ad performance can be chalked up to accidental or fraudulent clicks. “Fat fingers” — when people click on an ad as they’re trying to click on something else — is an issue across the mobile Web as users try to navigate smaller screens, according to BTIG analyst Richard Greenfield. “People don’t have trouble with a mouse or touch pads,” Greenfield said yesterday. “But on mobile, when you’re gliding through on a touch screen, everything is touchable, and a lot of mistakes are happening.”

JPMorgan CFO To Exit Post (WSJ)
JPMorgan’s chief financial officer is expected to step down over the next two quarters and is likely to move into a different job at the bank, people close to the company say. Douglas Braunstein, 51 years old, has been finance chief at the largest U.S. bank, by assets, since 2010. Before that, the longtime deal maker ran J.P. Morgan’s investment-banking operations in North and South America and was heavily involved in the bank’s acquisitions of securities firm Bear Stearns Cos. and the failed banking operations of Washington Mutual. Mr. Braunstein’s status was diminished as part of an executive shake-up in July. Since then, he has reported to Matt Zames, 41, the company’s co-chief operating officer, rather than Chairman and Chief Executive James Dimon. It isn’t clear where Mr. Braunstein will decide to go within the bank, but the possibilities include J.P. Morgan’s recently combined corporate and investment bank, these people said. He is expected to make his decision over the next quarter or two.

S&P Lowers Rating On Spain (WSJ)
The ratings company warned Wednesday that Spain’s creditworthiness might continue to deteriorate as Madrid struggles to close a yawning budget gap, and said the Spanish government’s “hesitation” to request a bailout from the European Union is “potentially raising the downside risks to Spain’s rating.”

Brazil Cuts Rate for Tenth Straight Time to Bolster Recovery (Reuters)
Brazil cut its benchmark interest rate for the tenth straight time to 7.25 percent on Wednesday, injecting extra stimulus into a languid recovery threatened by a worsening global economy.

TSA screener accused of intentionally slapping flier’s testicles (DJ)
“A bulky young TSA agent came over to pat me down,” Steven DeForest told the Huffington Post. “He told me to turn around. He was using his command voice, barking orders. I told him that I wasn’t comfortable turning away from my luggage, which had already been screened, and wanted to keep it in my sight.” According to deForest, the screener knelt down to begin the pat-down procedure before making a shocking move. “As he raised his hands he was looking at me. Then he gave a quick flick and smacked me in one of my testicles,” deForest said. The episode left deForest in a state of “humiliation, rage, and frustration,” according to the report. DeForest believes the agent slapped his gentials as punishment for refusing to enter the backscatter x-ray machine. “I was deliberately assaulted by someone who knew that he could get away with it,” he stated. While the motives of the TSA screener cannot be confirmed, other agents have already admitted to performing invasive pat downs in order to force air travelers to choose the body scanners instead.

JPMorgan’s Dimon hits back at government over Bear Stearns suit (Bloomberg)
During a wide-ranging hour-long discussion that went from the “fiscal cliff” to the impact of regulations, Dimon bristled when a member of the audience asked him if he now regretted participating with the government to rescue Bear Stearns in light of the lawsuit. “We didn’t participate with the Federal Reserve, OK?” he said. “Let’s get this one exactly right. We were asked to do it. We did it at great risk to ourselves … Would I have done Bear Stearns again knowing what I know today? It’s real close.” Dimon went on to recount how he warned a senior regulator at the time of the deal to “please take into consideration when you want to come after us down the road for something that Bear Stearns did, that JPMorgan was asked to do this by the federal government.” He added that JPMorgan, which will report its third-quarter earnings on Friday, will come out fine in the end. But if he is ever put in a similar position again, he said he “wouldn’t do it.” “I’m a big boy. I’ll survive,” he said. “But I think the government should think twice before they punish business every single time things go wrong.”

Australians World’s Wealthiest on Housing, Credit Suisse Says (Bloomberg)
Australians have the world’s highest median worth and the Asia-Pacific topped Europe as the largest wealth-holding region, according to Credit Suisse. Australians have a median wealth per adult of $193,653, the Credit Suisse global wealth report showed, the highest of 216 countries surveyed. With plentiful land, sparse population, natural resources and high home prices, Australia’s proportion of individuals with wealth above $100,000 is the most of any country and eight times the world average, the report said.

USADA says Lance Armstrong’s Postal Service cycling team ‘ran the most sophisticated, professionalized and successful doping program that sport has ever seen’ (NYDN)
The report describes an underground network of support staff — smugglers, dope doctors, drug runners — who kept Armstrong’s illicit program in business. “The evidence is overwhelming that Lance Armstrong did not just use performance-enhancing drugs, he supplied them to his teammates,” USADA says of the embattled cyclist and cancer survivor. “He did not merely go alone to Dr. Michele Ferrari for doping advice, he expected that others would follow,” the report continued, referring to the physician who was banned by USADA for his role in cycling’s steroid scandal. Eleven former Armstrong teammates provided testimony against Armstrong, including respected veteran cyclist George Hincapie, whom Armstrong has described as his “best bro” in the peloton and competed with Armstrong during each of his Tour de France victories. “It was not enough that his teammates give maximum effort on the bike, he also required that they adhere to the doping program outlined for them or be replaced. He was not just part of the doping culture of his team, he enforced it and re-enforced it. Armstrong’s use of drugs was extensive, and the doping program on his team, designed in large part to benefit Armstrong, was massive and pervasive.”

Comments (41)

  1. Posted by Bored Guest | October 11, 2012 at 7:47 AM

    Facebook should benefit nicely from the rise in American obesity rates…I'm going long.

  2. Posted by Testicle Slap Victim | October 11, 2012 at 7:54 AM

    I'd been contemplating a TSA screening with elements of love and beauty, not of a ball slap and death.

    - Steven DeForest

  3. Posted by Steven DeForest | October 11, 2012 at 8:06 AM

    Meet me at minetta's. Use your command voice, pat me down and smack me in the testicles so I know it's you.

  4. Posted by guestosaurus | October 11, 2012 at 8:09 AM

    Spain Lowers Rating On S&P, and in related news, Mila Kunis jerks off thinking about FHM readers

  5. Posted by J Epstein | October 11, 2012 at 8:12 AM

    "everything is touchable, and a lot of mistakes are happening". i know exactly how that feels.

  6. Posted by Guest | October 11, 2012 at 8:13 AM

    I scanned all the articles, and fail to see any articles referencing Chris Christie being fed by an intern.

  7. Posted by Guest | October 11, 2012 at 8:49 AM

    I didn't know Maria Baritoromo liked fish.

  8. Posted by The Defense | October 11, 2012 at 8:53 AM

    Well, at least something associated with the USPS was deemed sophisticated, professional, and successful.

  9. Posted by Mudslinger | October 11, 2012 at 9:03 AM

    I saw what you did there.
    - Mudslinger

  10. Posted by tom | October 11, 2012 at 9:04 AM

    she can feed me her salmon any day

  11. Posted by I would eat them | October 11, 2012 at 9:18 AM

    Yes, yes, No.

  12. Posted by Livestrong | October 11, 2012 at 9:23 AM

    Testicles, plural. Those were the days.

    - Lance

  13. Posted by nameless | October 11, 2012 at 9:30 AM

    You did it to yurself it turns out

  14. Posted by TSA 200 lb er | October 11, 2012 at 9:31 AM

    Exactly

  15. Posted by Mighty Taco | October 11, 2012 at 9:32 AM

    Everyone loves a holiday
    Watching the whales while they swim and play
    They jump in the air
    Splashing waves in your hair
    Everyone loves marineland
    Niagara falls ontario
    Is always a fun place to go
    Seeing friends you miss
    A great big kiss
    Everyone loves marineland

  16. Posted by UBS Frequent Flier | October 11, 2012 at 9:32 AM

    Well, DeForest just should have been wearing flame resistant pants, they really cushion the blow, also if he had a smoke grenade, knives, body bags, a hatchet, a collapsible baton, a biohazard suit, a gas mask, billy clubs, handcuffs, leg irons and a device to repel dogs in his checked baggage he could have at least been ready to retaliate that much more quickly after deplaning at his destination.
    http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/meat-cleaver-c

  17. Posted by orca | October 11, 2012 at 9:34 AM

    She likes it when I bite her nipples

  18. Posted by Haterade | October 11, 2012 at 9:42 AM

    Yes, no, yes.

    - Guy who doesn't let a little blubber get in the way of some action

  19. Posted by Evil David Letterman | October 11, 2012 at 9:52 AM

    Count me in. Scream Paul Shaffer when I've slapped too hard.

  20. Posted by Buffalo Ex-Pat | October 11, 2012 at 9:55 AM

    Know how I know you're from Buffalo?

    Yes, you do.

  21. Posted by Todd Thompson | October 11, 2012 at 9:57 AM

    How do you think I lured her onto the plane?

  22. Posted by Bro Bryce | October 11, 2012 at 9:58 AM

    David Letterman goes to Minetta's? How'd he get so tasteful?

  23. Posted by Old South | October 11, 2012 at 10:24 AM

    Wake Forest sucks!

  24. Posted by PermaGuestII | October 11, 2012 at 10:26 AM

    Pete Rose > Lance Armstrong

  25. Posted by Bored Guest | October 11, 2012 at 10:31 AM

    "<". Fixed it for you.

  26. Posted by Guest | October 11, 2012 at 10:48 AM

    You flick me in the nuts, I'm going to kick you in the face, its worth spending the night in jail…

  27. Posted by Minetta's HR | October 11, 2012 at 10:55 AM

    We're looking for bouncers – any interest?

  28. Posted by guest | October 11, 2012 at 11:00 AM

    As long as they're warm blooded, right?

  29. Posted by guest | October 11, 2012 at 11:01 AM

    Yes, with the wetsuit half on during a Seaworld show with Shamu doing bellyflops in the pool.

  30. Posted by Bored with Bored | October 11, 2012 at 11:01 AM

    Bored Guest = Fixed Gear Brah

  31. Posted by guest | October 11, 2012 at 11:22 AM

    Good thing we have government employee unions. I'd hate to see this TSA agent subject to an "unfair" termination or loss of livelihood…

  32. Posted by Guest | October 11, 2012 at 11:28 AM

    "…being fed an intern."

    There, fixed it for you

  33. Posted by Texashedge | October 11, 2012 at 11:30 AM

    Yeah, Lance Armstrong is a piece of shit

    /guy who owns a Brian Cushing jersey

  34. Posted by Jon Kruk | October 11, 2012 at 11:32 AM

    Being a uniball > being Evil David Letterman

  35. Posted by Not a guest | October 11, 2012 at 11:37 AM

    With promises of a TSA screening of course.

  36. Posted by Danker_Banker | October 11, 2012 at 11:53 AM

    Life is just easier with one testicle.

    -Lance

  37. Posted by Guesteban | October 11, 2012 at 12:06 PM

    That's nuts. The screener should be sacked.

  38. Posted by Wan Hung Lo | October 11, 2012 at 12:35 PM

    True

  39. Posted by Just Wondrin | October 11, 2012 at 12:53 PM

    What's k.d. lang doing in a Cottonwork ad?

  40. Posted by Mike Ho. | October 11, 2012 at 3:44 PM
  41. Posted by VonSloneker | October 12, 2012 at 8:59 AM

    Brah, Sandy's is 8 feet right now and you're scoping fish online…

    - The Ghost of Derek Ho