• 31 Oct 2012 at 2:01 PM

Severance Watch ’12: UBS

By

Some details on the packages offered to those fired post-Hurricane.

“Canned fixed income employees were told we’d get 3 weeks for every year worked, but HR didn’t even have the details or papers ready– they basically said the document would be in the mail.”

Comments (20)

  1. 1
    Posted by Bejujular | October 31, 2012 at 2:16 PM

    No socks and kleenex?

  2. 2
    Posted by E. Cartman | October 31, 2012 at 2:19 PM

    Phase II: Win equities mandate to privatize Royal Post.
    Phase III: Win asset management mandate for Royal Post pension scheme.

    - Andrea

  3. 3
    Posted by Milton | October 31, 2012 at 2:25 PM

    excuse me… ah.. uh.. I believe you have my stapler…

  4. 4
    Posted by Guest | October 31, 2012 at 2:47 PM

    Ha! "the document would be in the mail”? Im still wating for my docs from Lehman!

    - Central Park Horse Carriage Manure Quant

  5. 5
    Posted by Guest | October 31, 2012 at 2:48 PM

    Laxbro looks happy in his new job.

  6. 6
    Posted by nope | October 31, 2012 at 2:50 PM

    That’s odd – in the past (last yr and earlier this yr) it’s been 2weeks/yr. Change of heart? Or just misinformed HR guys?

  7. 7
    Posted by UBS Choppa | October 31, 2012 at 2:57 PM

    Three weeks!?!??! Oh thank god.[youtube V17duGlHEYY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V17duGlHEYY youtube]

  8. 8
    Posted by Guest | October 31, 2012 at 2:59 PM

    UBS is the Law & Order of finance…Everyone’s got it on their resume but you never actually meet someone who works there.

    -Wannabe Actor

  9. 9
    Posted by Deck Chair Arranger | October 31, 2012 at 4:06 PM

    Well, at least Carsten still has a job. And isn't that what matters most?

  10. 10
    Posted by Guest | October 31, 2012 at 4:06 PM

    Fixed Income employees will be on this weeks SVU.

  11. 11
    Posted by guest | October 31, 2012 at 4:09 PM

    the severance watch better worth more than the bonus watch

  12. 12
    Posted by Guest | October 31, 2012 at 4:31 PM

    I don't care.

    -Axel

  13. 13
    Posted by Guest | October 31, 2012 at 4:16 PM

    There's a tree on my house.

  14. 14
    Posted by Citi HR | October 31, 2012 at 4:29 PM

    Thank you for making us look like we know what we're doing

  15. 15
    Posted by Sandy | October 31, 2012 at 4:32 PM

    I was able to get more after reading "How To Engineer Your Layoff" by Financial Samurai. I'm chilling for the next two years while collecting unemployment now! Yiiiihaw!

    Sandy

  16. 16
    Posted by P&L | October 31, 2012 at 5:36 PM

    clawbacks ?

    we haven't made money in years I realize but this is insult to injury

  17. 17
    Posted by Guest | October 31, 2012 at 5:42 PM

    Fuck. This post is gonna make Financial Samurai happy.

  18. 18
    Posted by guest | October 31, 2012 at 11:52 PM

    Ur Bonus is Severance.

  19. 19
    Posted by Rajiv Mishra | November 1, 2012 at 12:26 AM

    It is a pity. I wont have any staff to buy me tiles and santiaryware for my new mansion at Kensington Palace Gardens.

  20. 20
    Posted by Guest | November 1, 2012 at 10:11 AM

    ahhh because everyone at UBS is getting fucked… i see what you did there…