$$$ Apple’s Profit Rises 24%, Missing Expectations

$$$ “If greedy bankers cause crises, we would have a crisis every week.” Cardiff Garcia interviews Gary Gorton about financial crises [FTAV]

$$$ CEO huffing and puffing about debt reduction are comprehensively refuted [Atlantic, Felix Salmon]

$$$ Sometimes bankers quit [WSJ]

$$$ John Hempton is running a CEO dead pool [Bronte Capital]

$$$ NYPD cop charged in sick kidnap-cook plot involving 100 women [NYP, related]

$$$ Macquarie is looking for a FIG analyst in Chicago [DBCC]

$$$ Dan Loeb’s Third Point Offshore Investors Limited Announces Significant Capital Return and New, Ongoing Dividend Policy for Shareholders [II]

$$$ A Diversification Strategy in Government Subprime Lawsuits? [Conglomerate]

$$$ Very quietly, Countrywide, BofA settle 5 investors’ MBS fraud suits [Reuters]

$$$ This day is call’d the feast of Crispian [The Millions]

$$$ Man divorces & sues wife for being ugly, wins [Planet Ivy]

$$$ Daniel Day-Lewis Sent Text Messages in Character as Lincoln [NYO]