Bill Gross Spent The Month Of October Fleshing Out A Flava-Flav Inspired Character For His November Letter To Investors

The result is a multi-dimensional man who lives in a bottle, takes his sartorial cues from Flava Flav, and predicts election results “Mr. G” doesn’t even want.

Time to vote! So I pulled out my magic lamp that for some reason works only every October 22nd, and rubbed until the Genie appeared in his red and white checkered cloak with a 10-inch diameter Flavor Flav clock hanging ceremoniously around his neck. Being a rather forward, although not disrespectful Genie, he immediately said, “Mr. G, instead of the yield on the 10-year Treasury, perhaps this year you should wish to know who is going to win the Presidential election?” After some thought I replied, “Nah, I need some breaking news, Mr. Genie, something that will make a difference, something that will shock the world, like when does the iPhone 6 come out?” Obama/Romney, Romney/Obama – the most important election of our lifetime? Fact is they’re all the same – bought and paid for with the same money. Ours is a country of the SuperPAC, by the SuperPAC, and for the SuperPAC. The “people” are merely election-day pawns, pulling a Democratic or Republican lever that will deliver the same results every four years.

[PIMCO via Daily Intel, related, related, related]

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11 Responses to “Bill Gross Spent The Month Of October Fleshing Out A Flava-Flav Inspired Character For His November Letter To Investors”

  1. derpies says:

    wtf did I just read

  2. HungryIntern says:

    Not sure about the start, but I like the conclusion.

    ~Tent Revivalism Historian

  3. Guest says:

    Bill Gross hotboxed his Lexus with Joe Biden and MC Hammer. That just happened.

  4. guest says:

    El-Erian: How you uh, how you comin’ on that novel you’re working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you’re working on there? Your big novel you’ve been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.

  5. VonSloneker says:

    I'm lampin', I'm lampin', I'm cold, cold, lampin'

    – F. Flav

  6. Bejujular says:

    Biraq Obummer, the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers would be the natural choice of a (muslim) genie Flavor Flav.

    -Free Republic regular

  7. Red Hooker says:

    There's a boat on a tree on my house.

  8. Gas Anon says:

    If Bill Gross wrote something interesting he'd be "Bill Engross".