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Lock Up Your Hooker Wives

Attention, citizens of the world: if your wife is a hooker, you, as of this morning, have a problem. Yann Samuelides, a man known for laying down a substantial amount of money to convince a working gal to leave her husband for him, just saw his net worth increase significantly when he was named a partner at Goldman Sachs today and will presumably be celebrating the good news with some sort of shopping spree later this month. In related, congrats to Yann!  [DM via Tracy Alloway, earlier]

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24 Responses to “Lock Up Your Hooker Wives”

  1. VonSloneker says:

    Tortious interference with a marriage contract. Go get him old timer.

    – The Texas Hammer

  2. Guesteban says:

    Velvet-lined vise grip attached to a paint shaker, is all I can imagine…

  3. Guest says:

    Why you tryna make her sound like a woman of loose morals? This Yann guy sounds like her first partner…

  4. OpportunityCost says:

    Had to google this brother to find out the deal. He offered ~500,000 GBP for her. Clearly he does not work in any sort of pricing capacity at Goldman.

    • Guest says:

      …found in a recent report from the Bank of England:

      "The immediate economic outlook remains a challenging one, but recent transactions in the secondary market for whores reflects provides evidence of increased liquidity and further proof that the quantitative easing scheme has been effective."

  5. Jay Morgan says:

    Here's a news flash, most successful Wall Street dudes have to pay for their pussy.

  6. investorcluzo says:

    How did this guy make partner? Doesn't he know you pay hookers to LEAVE?

  7. The chick says:

    Looks like one of those free bottles of water you get at a trade fair.

    What do you take me for, Yann?

  8. J Namath says:

    clearly contributing to a culture of excellence…

  9. Knibb High Principal says:

    Especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty tramp.

  10. car ramrod says:

    love to see the valuation model used to price this wife. Huge NWC constraints due to the rising cost of valtrex almost cause this one to fall through.

  11. Jerramy Stevens says:

    I recommend beating the shit out of them instead – worked for me!

  12. Lowly Assistant says:

    Homeboy looks like a Playmobil figurine.

    @Nakedshort knows what's up.

  13. ih8edjfkjr says:

    Where are the customers' hookers?

  14. CATS says:

    Sadly, TS Eliot's wife has passed on. http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/newsandmessenger

  15. Guesteeculos says:

    Previously in a partner ascension meeting…

    Partner A: His work is beyond reproach. Dedication to the firm is off the charts. Yes, he has some personal issues, but he is making us money.
    Partner B: I think he maybe unstable and is probably going to need much more money to keep that gold digger of his.
    Partner C: He may even trade up. Could be a big liability and we already have enough bad press.
    Lloyd (via phone link): If he trades up or stays with current partner, he will have no choice, but to work even harder and bring in more revenue. More importantly, he has no dignity or self-worth left to lose (Cackle)… Approved!
    Partners A, B and C: Of course, he's in!

  16. Quant me maybe says:

    But will he sign off on a dancing pig?

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