What Fate Awaits The Next People To Question Charlie Gasparino’s Reporting? (UPDATE V)

So far we’ve got:

* Clown
* Bozo
* Shit-stain
* Numbnuts

We also have it on good authority at least one person will be told their mother’s a whore, while another will be instructed to go get their shoeshine box. Finally, a Twitter user TBD will be informed that if traffic getting in and out of the city weren’t so backed up, Chaz would be taking them for a ride on the BQE with their head counting as passenger No. 2 and their torso as passenger No. 3, in order to comply with the minimum three per car rule imposed by Bloomberg earlier this week.

@charliegasparino [Twitter]

Update: One down, one down, seven to go!

Update II: Now two for seven:

Update III: Now that his story has been proven accurate, the stakes are even higher than before. Will he ask people if they’re planning to line up outside his door the day of his daughter’s wedding, to apologize and pay respect? Stay tuned.


Update V: Not one of ours– and failing to predict a workout-related comeback was an amateur-hour oversight, the shame of which will hang over our heads all weekend— but needed to be brought to your attention nonetheless:

(hidden for your protection)
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27 Responses to “What Fate Awaits The Next People To Question Charlie Gasparino’s Reporting? (UPDATE V)”

  1. Dr_Rosenrose says:

    "ur a friggen jerk", says "reporter".

  2. qwestion says:

    My go to: fuckstick.

  3. VonSloneker says:

    Sure I throw the occasional Twitter tantrum, but look what the roids do for my guns.

    – Flexing Gasparino

  4. guest says:

    I love that he actually told someone to get their shinebox after DB wrote he would.

  5. Bess's Inbox says:

    C-Gas's twitter feed is a goddamn national treasure.

  6. Guest says:

    Apparently the stories about a shortage of Gasparino in Manhattan are greatly exaggerated.

  7. Guesticle says:

    "RT: BREAKING NEWS. Gasparino's workout area in East River Park flooded. He will be in the steam room at the Equinox near Christopher St. until further notice" @ComfortablySmug

  8. Gaywad says:

    Someone's been bored during the blackout and is doing bath salts again

  9. Guest says:

    Are we sure he didn't get hacked? I know Gasparino isn't the classiest guy in the world, but "yes but for u working is playing w urself" seems like a stretch, even for him.

  10. Guest says:

    Gasparino is an anagram for Hurricane Sandy.

    -Wolf Blitzer

  11. Bejujular says:

    cgasparino: get ur shinebox

    mmatejczyk: Mother fuckin' mutt! You, you fucking piece of shit!

    cgasparino: Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, come on, come on!

    mmatejczyk: Motherfucking… He bought his fucking button! That fake old tough guy! You bought your fucking button!

    mmatejczyk: You mother fuck… Fuck! Keep that motherfucker here, keep him here!

  12. guest says:

    Holy shit. I don't know what is funnier – Gasbag's tweets or Bess's unbelievable ability to predict his comebacks.

  13. broseph says:

    Gasparino may have been present at that wedding in Philly.

  14. HungryIntern says:

    How does this Gassbag still have a job as a reporter…Hell, ZeroHedge does a better job of reporting news.

  15. Guest says:

    Regardless of the lack of workout-comeback prediction, this just made my weekend.

    Bless you Bess Levin

  16. Thomas says:

    Who the F* is Gasparino?

  17. guest says:

    Bess, will you marry me?

  18. Guest says:

    I'm sorry, but I know a ton of people on Wall Street that would say that to his face and then physically over power and embarrass Chaz. Some of which are women. It is easy to be a keyboard tough guy and, apparently, a shitty reporter, at the same time.

  19. Hakuna Fartata says:

    man, he got fat

  20. Guest says:

    I always assumed Bess was one of those anti-lol chicks. Ha or haha only when responding to her funny texts. Slip up and drop an lol via iMessage or gchat and you're the victim of a contact delete. Next thing you know you're soliciting every girl around the office for advice, "Everything was going well.. then boom she doesn't respond to my calls or texts." People tell you she prob got back with her ex, you think it's because you went to Cornell and she's a Yale grad, or maybe that restaurant in Brooklyn was a horrible idea for the second date. Nope. You merely sent a harmless lol and in an instant you went from fuckable to ew.

  21. JimmyD says:

    No you're not alright, Chaz! No…I thought you said I'm alright, Spider…err Chaz!