So far we’ve got:

* Clown
* Bozo
* Shit-stain
* Numbnuts

We also have it on good authority at least one person will be told their mother’s a whore, while another will be instructed to go get their shoeshine box. Finally, a Twitter user TBD will be informed that if traffic getting in and out of the city weren’t so backed up, Chaz would be taking them for a ride on the BQE with their head counting as passenger No. 2 and their torso as passenger No. 3, in order to comply with the minimum three per car rule imposed by Bloomberg earlier this week.

@charliegasparino [Twitter]

Update: One down, one down, seven to go!

Update II: Now two for seven:

Update III: Now that his story has been proven accurate, the stakes are even higher than before. Will he ask people if they’re planning to line up outside his door the day of his daughter’s wedding, to apologize and pay respect? Stay tuned.


Update V: Not one of ours– and failing to predict a workout-related comeback was an amateur-hour oversight, the shame of which will hang over our heads all weekend– but needed to be brought to your attention nonetheless:

27 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (27)

  1. Posted by Dr_Rosenrose | November 2, 2012 at 5:02 PM

    "ur a friggen jerk", says "reporter".

  2. Posted by qwestion | November 2, 2012 at 5:03 PM

    My go to: fuckstick.

  3. Posted by guest | November 2, 2012 at 5:08 PM

    Nice, but we're asking what CG would say. Thinking 'fuckstick' may be too refined for him.

  4. Posted by VonSloneker | November 2, 2012 at 5:08 PM

    Sure I throw the occasional Twitter tantrum, but look what the roids do for my guns.

    – Flexing Gasparino

  5. Posted by guest | November 2, 2012 at 5:09 PM

    I love that he actually told someone to get their shinebox after DB wrote he would.

  6. Posted by Bess's Inbox | November 2, 2012 at 5:13 PM

    C-Gas's twitter feed is a goddamn national treasure.

  7. Posted by Guest | November 2, 2012 at 5:14 PM

    Apparently the stories about a shortage of Gasparino in Manhattan are greatly exaggerated.

  8. Posted by Guesticle | November 2, 2012 at 5:21 PM

    "RT: BREAKING NEWS. Gasparino's workout area in East River Park flooded. He will be in the steam room at the Equinox near Christopher St. until further notice" @ComfortablySmug

  9. Posted by Gaywad | November 2, 2012 at 5:21 PM

    Someone's been bored during the blackout and is doing bath salts again

  10. Posted by Guest | November 2, 2012 at 5:25 PM

    Are we sure he didn't get hacked? I know Gasparino isn't the classiest guy in the world, but "yes but for u working is playing w urself" seems like a stretch, even for him.

  11. Posted by guest | November 2, 2012 at 5:28 PM

    Um, you must be new to charlie gasparino.

  12. Posted by Guest | November 2, 2012 at 5:29 PM

    Gasparino is an anagram for Hurricane Sandy.

    -Wolf Blitzer

  13. Posted by Net Never Forgets | November 2, 2012 at 5:32 PM

    Wolf Blitzer is an anagram for "So poor and so black."

  14. Posted by Bejujular | November 2, 2012 at 5:41 PM

    cgasparino: get ur shinebox

    mmatejczyk: Mother fuckin' mutt! You, you fucking piece of shit!

    cgasparino: Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, come on, come on!

    mmatejczyk: Motherfucking… He bought his fucking button! That fake old tough guy! You bought your fucking button!

    mmatejczyk: You mother fuck… Fuck! Keep that motherfucker here, keep him here!

  15. Posted by guest | November 2, 2012 at 6:00 PM

    Holy shit. I don't know what is funnier – Gasbag's tweets or Bess's unbelievable ability to predict his comebacks.

  16. Posted by broseph | November 2, 2012 at 6:11 PM

    Gasparino may have been present at that wedding in Philly.

  17. Posted by HungryIntern | November 2, 2012 at 6:21 PM

    How does this Gassbag still have a job as a reporter…Hell, ZeroHedge does a better job of reporting news.

  18. Posted by Guest | November 2, 2012 at 6:31 PM

    Regardless of the lack of workout-comeback prediction, this just made my weekend.

    Bless you Bess Levin

  19. Posted by Thomas | November 2, 2012 at 6:48 PM

    Who the F* is Gasparino?

  20. Posted by ZH Commenter | November 2, 2012 at 6:58 PM

    It's all part of a conspiracy.

  21. Posted by guest | November 2, 2012 at 7:08 PM

    Bess, will you marry me?

  22. Posted by Guest | November 2, 2012 at 8:23 PM

    I'm sorry, but I know a ton of people on Wall Street that would say that to his face and then physically over power and embarrass Chaz. Some of which are women. It is easy to be a keyboard tough guy and, apparently, a shitty reporter, at the same time.

  23. Posted by Hakuna Fartata | November 2, 2012 at 10:58 PM

    man, he got fat

  24. Posted by Guest | November 3, 2012 at 5:05 PM

    I always assumed Bess was one of those anti-lol chicks. Ha or haha only when responding to her funny texts. Slip up and drop an lol via iMessage or gchat and you're the victim of a contact delete. Next thing you know you're soliciting every girl around the office for advice, "Everything was going well.. then boom she doesn't respond to my calls or texts." People tell you she prob got back with her ex, you think it's because you went to Cornell and she's a Yale grad, or maybe that restaurant in Brooklyn was a horrible idea for the second date. Nope. You merely sent a harmless lol and in an instant you went from fuckable to ew.

  25. Posted by JimmyD | November 3, 2012 at 9:47 PM

    No you're not alright, Chaz! No…I thought you said I'm alright, Spider…err Chaz!

  26. Posted by guest | November 5, 2012 at 8:30 AM

    You assumed correctly.

  27. Posted by Lezzie Trader | November 5, 2012 at 4:15 PM