There is no denying that Jeffrey Gundlach is a hugely talented man whose IQ would rank among the highest in the world if he ever had it tested. “What’s it like having lunch with a genius,” he once asked a colleague, who presumably answered, “To be honest, it’s giving me an inferiority complex just breathing the same air as you, knowing that your brain is the standard for how intelligence will be measured from now until the end of eternity.” Until recently, however, the application of Gundlach’s brilliance was largely confined to bond management. According to a new profile by Bloomberg Markets, though, Gundlach’s intellectual prowess is just as if not more impressive when it comes to crime solving.
In mid-September, thieves robbed the money manager’s Santa Monica home in a quiet residential neighborhood, taking more than $10 million in artworks as well as his red 2010 Porsche Carrera 4S, wine and watches. The robbers also snatched two works by Gundlach’s late grandmother, Helen Fuchs, who was an amateur painter. The money manager first offered $200,000 for tips leading to the recovery of his art and days later boosted the reward to $1.7 million. Santa Monica Police Department Sergeant Richard Lewis says the large sum of money was key to cracking the case, which the Federal Bureau of Investigation assisted on. In late September, two suspects were arrested and all of the stolen art was recovered. The cerebral Gundlach also gave investigators a tip for solving the crime. He says that while he was at home in his family room, it dawned on him that thieves would do a Google search using his grandmother’s name to find out more about the paintings and how much they might be worth. Gundlach told the authorities that they should check the Internet to see who might have googled the name Helen Fuchs. He says exactly two such searches were executed: one by him and one by the thieves.
Gundlach says his Internet idea impressed investigators. “The FBI,” he says, “thought it was brilliant.”
We’ve previously expressed skepticism re: the whole heist not being part of some kind of elaborate role-playing stunt for Gundlach and the “thieves” to play out in front of an audience (it’s hotter that way) and that skepticism has grown even stronger today based on Google supposedly solving the crime, which seems just a bit too easy. Nevertheless, this whole saga will undoubtedly be recounted via Gundlach’s favorite movie genre– The Porno– and it will need a name. When this story first began, we thought Happy Endings or Jasper In Her Johns would be apt but now, with the inclusion of Gundlach’s part as amateur FBI agent, it doesn’t feel quite right. F*cking Nancy Drew or BUSTED (On Your Face) seem more appropriate, but other ideas are welcome at this time.
Bond Investor Gundlach Buys Stocks, Sees ‘Kaboom’ Ahead [Bloomberg Markets Magazine]
Earlier: Want To Earn $100,000 The Hard Way, You Dirty Little Bitch? Give Jeffrey Gundlach A Call; You Wanna Play Hardball? Jeffrey Gundlach’s Game; Jeffrey Gundlach’s Babies Come Home; Jeffrey Gundlach NOT Set Up By TCW, Big Fan Of “Dr. Fellatio” Series
Yeah Baby! Bills are drafting a new QB and getting this guy ^^^^^ as the owner! Bills are back! Deal with it America!
And his video collection.
-SEC
i actually laughed out loud at that porno line.
"Helen Fucks"
Helen Fuchs stars as Granny, Jeff Gundlach as the wolf, Bobbi Starr as Red: "My What a Big C*ck you have!"
which one?
Gundlach's problem is as difficult as making "dill" dough. The dill weed must be appropriate for the occasion like security should be for expensive art. Gundlach should find a female security expert with the appropriate security knowledge and "vibe". Rate her on her knowledge skills and abilities. But, plug the immediate and obvious art security problems that another burglary would make him look like an ass. Hole up with security experts for a while and figure out the problems going forward.
Use My Face As Your Canvas Volume 2
FBI Agent: Such an unusual name, "Fuchs." How did your family come by it?
Jeff: We changed it in the 9th century.
FBI Agent: You mean you changed it TO "Fuchs"?
Jeff: Yeah. Used to be "Shithouse."
FBI Agent: It's a good change. That's a good change!
Oh, don't worry, I'll deal with it. But thanks for the heads up.
- Guy who deals with things accordingly
Is That A Paint Brush In Your Pocket Or Should I Just Suck Your Cock? Part II
I'M AN FB EYEEEEEEEEEEE agent
my bad – i was searching for helen suchs
Easel It In My Ass
How did he know they weren't using Yahoo?
-Dan Loeb
Taintstrokes.
Draw Me Like One Of Your TCW Girls
Dance like no one is looking, Sean
Common sense apparently = brilliant
- The Fuzz
Ever So Tenderly Place Your van Goghnads In My Eye Sockets.
Skeet: A Post-Modern Deconstruction of the Phallicism Endemic to the Penetration Dialectics of the Gang Bang
Gundlach: "Fuch like Dutch"
Investigator: "I bet she did."
Gundlach: "Huh?"
Investigator: "Oh, nothing. We'll make a note of it."
Stretch Me Like a Canvas Vol IV
Jeffrey and The Da Vinci Load
It's pronounced "Fyooks"….. Roy L. Fuchs !!
-From the feature "Used Cars", a funny movie many of you have never seen.
Who Just Came in My Place?
Breaking and Entering, vol. 3
can we turn the video naming game in to a contest?
Using locks
Pussy Patrol Vol. 11
Ass Masters III
Thank you much, good sir. I recently contacted my Nigerian relative, a prince with good fortune. He obtained much oil licenses worth over $100 million United States Dollars. Please send account information to help him transfer out of country. For this, you will receive $1 million United States Dollars. Good tidings.
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