There is no denying that Jeffrey Gundlach is a hugely talented man whose IQ would rank among the highest in the world if he ever had it tested. “What’s it like having lunch with a genius,” he once asked a colleague, who presumably answered, “To be honest, it’s giving me an inferiority complex just breathing the same air as you, knowing that your brain is the standard for how intelligence will be measured from now until the end of eternity.” Until recently, however, the application of Gundlach’s brilliance was largely confined to bond management. According to a new profile by Bloomberg Markets, though, Gundlach’s intellectual prowess is just as if not more impressive when it comes to crime solving.

In mid-September, thieves robbed the money manager’s Santa Monica home in a quiet residential neighborhood, taking more than $10 million in artworks as well as his red 2010 Porsche Carrera 4S, wine and watches. The robbers also snatched two works by Gundlach’s late grandmother, Helen Fuchs, who was an amateur painter. The money manager first offered $200,000 for tips leading to the recovery of his art and days later boosted the reward to $1.7 million. Santa Monica Police Department Sergeant Richard Lewis says the large sum of money was key to cracking the case, which the Federal Bureau of Investigation assisted on. In late September, two suspects were arrested and all of the stolen art was recovered. The cerebral Gundlach also gave investigators a tip for solving the crime. He says that while he was at home in his family room, it dawned on him that thieves would do a Google search using his grandmother’s name to find out more about the paintings and how much they might be worth. Gundlach told the authorities that they should check the Internet to see who might have googled the name Helen Fuchs. He says exactly two such searches were executed: one by him and one by the thieves.

Gundlach says his Internet idea impressed investigators. “The FBI,” he says, “thought it was brilliant.”

We’ve previously expressed skepticism re: the whole heist not being part of some kind of elaborate role-playing stunt for Gundlach and the “thieves” to play out in front of an audience (it’s hotter that way) and that skepticism has grown even stronger today based on Google supposedly solving the crime, which seems just a bit too easy. Nevertheless, this whole saga will undoubtedly be recounted via Gundlach’s favorite movie genre– The Porno– and it will need a name. When this story first began, we thought Happy Endings or Jasper In Her Johns would be apt but now, with the inclusion of Gundlach’s part as amateur FBI agent, it doesn’t feel quite right. F*cking Nancy Drew or BUSTED (On Your Face) seem more appropriate, but other ideas are welcome at this time.

Bond Investor Gundlach Buys Stocks, Sees ‘Kaboom’ Ahead [Bloomberg Markets Magazine]
Earlier: Want To Earn $100,000 The Hard Way, You Dirty Little Bitch? Give Jeffrey Gundlach A Call; You Wanna Play Hardball? Jeffrey Gundlach’s Game; Jeffrey Gundlach’s Babies Come Home; Jeffrey Gundlach NOT Set Up By TCW, Big Fan Of “Dr. Fellatio” Series

35 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (35)

  1. Posted by Let's Go Buffalo! | November 30, 2012 at 3:02 PM

    Yeah Baby! Bills are drafting a new QB and getting this guy ^^^^^ as the owner! Bills are back! Deal with it America!

  2. Posted by Guesticle | November 30, 2012 at 3:04 PM

    And his video collection.


  3. Posted by 3:22 on a friday... | November 30, 2012 at 3:21 PM

    i actually laughed out loud at that porno line.

  4. Posted by Guest | November 30, 2012 at 3:22 PM

    "Helen Fucks"

  5. Posted by Charles Perrault | November 30, 2012 at 3:25 PM

    Helen Fuchs stars as Granny, Jeff Gundlach as the wolf, Bobbi Starr as Red: "My What a Big C*ck you have!"

  6. Posted by guest | November 30, 2012 at 3:26 PM

    which one?

  7. Posted by Pitchbook Writer | November 30, 2012 at 3:28 PM

    Gundlach's problem is as difficult as making "dill" dough. The dill weed must be appropriate for the occasion like security should be for expensive art. Gundlach should find a female security expert with the appropriate security knowledge and "vibe". Rate her on her knowledge skills and abilities. But, plug the immediate and obvious art security problems that another burglary would make him look like an ass. Hole up with security experts for a while and figure out the problems going forward.

  8. Posted by NakedShort | November 30, 2012 at 3:28 PM

    Use My Face As Your Canvas Volume 2

  9. Posted by Mighty Taco | November 30, 2012 at 3:29 PM

    FBI Agent: Such an unusual name, "Fuchs." How did your family come by it?

    Jeff: We changed it in the 9th century.

    FBI Agent: You mean you changed it TO "Fuchs"?

    Jeff: Yeah. Used to be "Shithouse."

    FBI Agent: It's a good change. That's a good change!

  10. Posted by Scream in the Pillow | November 30, 2012 at 3:33 PM

    Oh, don't worry, I'll deal with it. But thanks for the heads up.

    – Guy who deals with things accordingly

  11. Posted by NakedShort | November 30, 2012 at 3:34 PM

    Is That A Paint Brush In Your Pocket Or Should I Just Suck Your Cock? Part II

  12. Posted by Sean | November 30, 2012 at 3:36 PM


  13. Posted by guest | November 30, 2012 at 3:40 PM

    my bad – i was searching for helen suchs

  14. Posted by NakedShort | November 30, 2012 at 3:41 PM

    Easel It In My Ass

  15. Posted by Guest | November 30, 2012 at 3:46 PM

    How did he know they weren't using Yahoo?

    -Dan Loeb

  16. Posted by gundlicker | November 30, 2012 at 3:49 PM


  17. Posted by NakedShort | November 30, 2012 at 3:49 PM

    Draw Me Like One Of Your TCW Girls

  18. Posted by 1Guest2 | November 30, 2012 at 3:52 PM

    Dance like no one is looking, Sean

  19. Posted by VonSloneker | November 30, 2012 at 3:58 PM

    Common sense apparently = brilliant

    – The Fuzz

  20. Posted by NakedShort | November 30, 2012 at 4:00 PM

    Ever So Tenderly Place Your van Goghnads In My Eye Sockets.

  21. Posted by Guesteban | November 30, 2012 at 4:06 PM

    Skeet: A Post-Modern Deconstruction of the Phallicism Endemic to the Penetration Dialectics of the Gang Bang

  22. Posted by LetsBreel | November 30, 2012 at 4:16 PM

    Gundlach: "Fuch like Dutch"
    Investigator: "I bet she did."
    Gundlach: "Huh?"
    Investigator: "Oh, nothing. We'll make a note of it."

  23. Posted by FKApmco | November 30, 2012 at 4:22 PM

    Stretch Me Like a Canvas Vol IV

  24. Posted by FKApmco | November 30, 2012 at 4:44 PM

    Jeffrey and The Da Vinci Load

  25. Posted by Jack Warden | November 30, 2012 at 4:45 PM

    It's pronounced "Fyooks"….. Roy L. Fuchs !!

    -From the feature "Used Cars", a funny movie many of you have never seen.

  26. Posted by Guestlach | November 30, 2012 at 5:06 PM

    Who Just Came in My Place?

  27. Posted by Guesteban | November 30, 2012 at 5:19 PM

    Breaking and Entering, vol. 3

  28. Posted by guest | November 30, 2012 at 10:14 PM

    can we turn the video naming game in to a contest?

  29. Posted by Also brilliant | December 1, 2012 at 4:51 PM

    Using locks

  30. Posted by Gutenberg | December 2, 2012 at 5:23 PM

    Pussy Patrol Vol. 11

    Ass Masters III

  31. Posted by Guesticle | December 3, 2012 at 9:34 AM

    Thank you much, good sir. I recently contacted my Nigerian relative, a prince with good fortune. He obtained much oil licenses worth over $100 million United States Dollars. Please send account information to help him transfer out of country. For this, you will receive $1 million United States Dollars. Good tidings.

  32. Posted by Guest | December 4, 2012 at 9:44 AM


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