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Kweku Adoboli’s Colleague Couldn’t Help But Admire The Cojones It Took To Lose UBS $2 Billion

Not everyone would have the balls, but Adobli did and for that he deserved props.

In confronting the daily turmoil of the markets, [Adoboli and John Hughes, Adoboli’s colleague] had become brothers in arms. They dubbed Bertrand, an intense Frenchman with movie star looks, “Bateman,” after the serial killer investment banker in the 2000 movie American Psycho. Hughes admired Adoboli’s appetite for high-risk trades and called him a “legend” in the countless online chats they shared. “I’m glad there’s someone behind me with the balls of Jericho,” Hughes wrote to Adoboli in early 2011. “I love your testicles.”

Adoboli Fraud in UBS Recklessness Deflates Thatcher Deregulation [Bloomberg]

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34 Responses to “Kweku Adoboli’s Colleague Couldn’t Help But Admire The Cojones It Took To Lose UBS $2 Billion”

  1. Pokemyeyeout says:

    I am pretty sure Kweku is somewhat less glad there’s someone behind him with the "balls of Jericho" in his London gaol.

  2. SEC says:

    Upon learning of this new evidence, we have decided further analysis regarding the correlation between large testicles and financial fraud is needed. In fact, many of our employees have already begun internet research over the last few years.

  3. Concerned Citizen says:

    Someone should probably get him one of these:
    http://thesoapgoat.com/soap-on-a-rope1.jpg

  4. Guest says:

    Is that why he is always laying down? Because of his large balls? He can't even walk around or stand up with them?

    -Stan Marsh

  5. Golf clapper says:

    Now those are two great comments! Good to see the pros still hard at commenting during the holidays!

  6. Guest says:

    You know how I know you're gay?

  7. Guest 26 says:

    “I’m glad there’s someone behind me with the balls of Jericho,” Hughes wrote to Adoboli in early 2011. “I love your testicles.”

    Is this a reference to risky trades or more literally a chat between lovers?

  8. Guest says:

    If UBS had the foresight to hire midgets to sit under desks and punch traders in the balls each time they made a trade, Kweku's scrotum would have looked like a speedbag at the Church St gym.

  9. LiveStrong says:

    I wish I had your testicle(s)…

    – L. Armstrong

  10. Hobbes says:

    What? You lost 2 billion dollars? And conspired to hide it from your bosses? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. How 'bout we get you in your p.j.'s and we hit the hay.

    – John Hughes

  11. GeezerOilTrader says:

    Fucking CEOs of energy and financial companies are ruining and bringing shame to the trading industry!! I'll bet that Kwacko feller had to take one of those UBS isopropyl intelligence tests –approved by C-suite management– before he could get hired; you know, to see if he was SMART or not. Fucking dumbass shitheads like Kwacko might know a lot about "book learning" which apparently can be translated later at a trading company as LOSING SHITLOADS OF MONEY. Oh lets just hire all the smart motherfuckers we can find because SURELY they won't fuck up and TURN DISCUSSIONS OF THE RISK PROFILES of TRADES INTO DESCRIPTIONS OF MALE GENITALIA. A trade is not the contents of a scrotum!!! Fucking MENSA worshiping, MIT-igating, CalTesticled fucknut quant traders! Assholes!! I bet all those UBS fuckers who were so fucking smart (according to their pre-hire tests) weren't smart enough to understand that if you write about genitalia in emails or IMs it may come back to haunt you if the trade blows up. You never see any of the energy trading industry's women folk traders making such GIGANTIC DUMBASS STATEMENTS like, "You've got to have brass tits to do a trade that size!!" Or, "I'm glad you've got the ovaries to do a trade that risky!" I don't see how any of you fucking risk quants can avoid the statistical fact that young male traders are the MONEY LOSINGEST SPECIES ON THIS FUCKING PLANET!! Jesus, if I was in charge of hiring traders I wouldn't look at a male trader until the various desks were 85% staffed (pardon the expression) with women!! Now, I'm a male last time I checked and having been in this business before Bob Sutton of Tulsa went to prison for "changing old oil into new oil" during so-called "cert trading days", it really wasn't until the advent of so-called "natural gas trading" that you started seeing some women get into trouble for fixing indexes or hiding certain trades, but, then again, the US Attorney at the time in Houston reported that Enron was an "entire criminal enterprise" and if you lay with dogs you get fleas. Jesus, Enron's gas traders' corporate ID badges had 2 pictures of the employee: One looking at you and one from the side! Dipshits!! Fucksticks!! I still don't understand that but then I fucking don't understand how natural gas traders can WALK on a FUCKING DEAL just because of price. And how do you tell a fucking natural gas trader from a fucking landman anyway? They all have fucking Mont Blanc pens and a gigantic Ford pickup truck. And what about those fucking power traders who are young enough to still watch Sesame Street and dream about Elmo's handler. Have you ever seen a fat power trader?? Of course not. Goddam fidgety nervous assholes with one leg constantly bouncing up and down as they calculate fucking load, weather, price of gas, utilities that have fucked them in the past they might be able to "get even" with, and something called a "hockey stick" and a "dispatch stack"…..Goddamnit, back in the 80's when we were groovin' to "Don't Stop 'til You Get My Nut" by Michael Jackson, when you heard the phrase "dispatch stack" it was when you were calling an escort service for a big titted hooker!! The motto of power traders is "You Wouldn't Understand It" which probably describes their sex life as well. Where was I? Oh, CEOs are dumbasses. For example, the other day I was bitching about my bonus. CEO goes, "You fucking oil traders make 10 times more than all the RBOB and diesel traders around here !!" So I tell him, "You don't know what we have to put up with because of all the products traders!" So I grab a Gulf Coast Low Sulpher guy and tell him, "Go over to my cube and see if I'm there!!" He dutifully trots over and comes back out of breath and says, "You're not there, Geezer…." Fucking CEO goes, "I see what you mean. I would have phoned…."

  12. "Kelly" says:

    I loved his testicles too.

  13. Guest says:

    There's a surgery for that.

    – Wesley (100 lbs. scrotum) Warren Jr.

  14. guest says:

    If I ever generated $2bn of losses, I would just hide them in Matt's footnotes.

  15. Guest says:

    ackman's chart cojones > kweku's cojones

  16. PermaGuestII says:

    Wasn't it the walls of Jericho that *looked* really strong but completely collapsed at the sound of a trumpet?

    -guy with a hazy memory of Sunday school

  17. Kweku says:

    Mr. Kweku Adoboli
    UBS – London
    Private Email: Kweku.Adoboli@ubs.com

    Good day,

    With warm heart I offer my friendship, and my greetings,and I hope this letter meets you in good time.

    It will be surprising for you to receive this proposal from me since you do not know me personally.

    However, I am sincerely seeking your confidence in this transaction,which I, propose with my free mind and as a person of integrity.

    A) It is practically impossible for me to carry out this business alone.

    B) You live in a foreign land far away from mine.

    This should normally not be a requirement, but when you understand the transaction then you will understand why it is important that you live far away from me.

    C) The amount of money involved in this transaction is Fifteen Million one hundred thousand united states dollars (US$15,100,000.00) which is too much for a man of modest means like myself to handle in my country.

    I believe from my few points above, you can begin to get an idea why I need your participation.I am writing you in respect of a foreign customer who has a Domicillary account in my bank.

    His name was Engineer Frank Oliver. He was among those who died in a plane crash, Since the demise of this our customer, Engineer Frank Oliver,who was an oil merchant and import/exporter, I have kept a close watch of the deposit records and accounts and since then nobody has come to claim the money in this a/c as next of kin to the late Engineer.

    He had only Fifteen Million one hundred thousand united states dollars(US$15,100,000.00) in his account and the account is coded.

    It is only an insider that could produce the code of the deposit particulars.

    As it stands now, there is nobody in that position to produce the needed information other than my very self considering my position in the bank.

    Based on the reason that nobody has come forward to claim the deposit as next of kin,I hereby ask for you to send an application to the bank as he next of kin to the deceased and get this fund transfered into your foreign bank a/c for mutual sharing between myself and you,%5 for charity, 5% for expences we will incure just in case, 35% for you and 55% for me.

    All I need is for you to follow my instructions closely because I am experienced in inheritance matters here and i am on ground here to advice you on every step until you receive the money.

    What is required of you is to send an application to the bank as next of kin to the late Engineer and I promise you that everything will go smoothly.

    I also indulge you not to make undo use of the information given to you, I need also to trust that you will not tell people or your bank about this business.

    You will collect the money first, then I get my share, then you can tell anybody what you chose thereafter.I shall need your help to invest in your country therefore, any experience you have in this area will be beneficial.

    Please feel free to call me on my direct telephone number for any question or further explanations if required and upon the receipt of your favourable responses I shall send to you a text of application which you shall send to the Bank putting claim over the deceased fund.

    Yours truly,
    Kweku Adoboli

  18. Guest says:

    This guy is no Ben Salami

  19. THEBro says:

    So dominant in testicles. So reckless with collar. So hot in face

    -Hughes

  20. Kweku says:

    I got that constant distressin’ ‘bout my profession
    Can’t get no restin’, why SEC testin’?
    Always suggesting I’m aksing questions
    Life got me guessin’
    I’ve got the blues blues blues blues blues blues blues

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