The good news: due to logistical issues, no one will be fired before tonight’s holiday party! The less good news: you’ll likely still be fired eventually.

From the House of Dougan:

“Credit Suisse NY equity research layoffs have been stalled since last week. Lots of confusion, no communication, but said to still be happening. Likely to be next week since today is the holiday party. People are expecting approximately 10 percent of reserach to be cut. (Sales was cut last Tuesday, many at MD level.) Assumption is that there will be no bonuses, since bonus talks will not have taken place yet.”

29 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (29)

  1. Posted by Guest | December 6, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    This holiday party won't be awkward at all.

  2. Posted by guest | December 6, 2012 at 11:28 AM

    any words on the Boston office?

  3. Posted by El Guesto | December 6, 2012 at 11:29 AM

    Maybe time to preemptively fuck HR ?

  4. Posted by Madea of UBS | December 6, 2012 at 11:37 AM

    Ho Ho Ho

  5. Posted by Guest | December 6, 2012 at 11:48 AM

    They're going to need more alcohol.

  6. Posted by investorcluzo | December 6, 2012 at 11:55 AM

    I was wondering why CS hadn't sent me any new research this week.
    -[Redacted], Equities Trading, Diamondback Capital

  7. Posted by Lysistrata | December 6, 2012 at 11:58 AM

    Have you seen our employees? Ugh.

  8. Posted by FIFY | December 6, 2012 at 12:09 PM

    -[USERNAME DELETED], Equities Trading, Diamondback Capital

    FIFY

  9. Posted by guest | December 6, 2012 at 12:17 PM

    "Assumption is that there will be no bonuses", no need for the next qualifying phrase

  10. Posted by Guest | December 6, 2012 at 12:28 PM

    LOL

  11. Posted by Accenture Consulting | December 6, 2012 at 12:59 PM

    Hi,

    This is probably a minor issue, but I just realized that report I gave you said that firing employees during the Christmas season and not giving out bonuses is actually BAD. Sorry for the typo. Again it said good instead of bad. Please see the updated copy attached.

    Regards,

    Accenture Consulting

  12. Posted by Contango | December 6, 2012 at 1:00 PM

    Opportunistic not awkward.

  13. Posted by AhFuckIt | December 6, 2012 at 1:02 PM

    Time to spike your MD's punch with ColonBlow.

    #YOLO

  14. Posted by PermaGuestII | December 6, 2012 at 1:20 PM

    Alcohol can do wonders.

  15. Posted by Holiday MD | December 6, 2012 at 1:36 PM

    CHF 8.00 for domestic and wells from 6:00 to 7:00. IPod karaoke to follow.

  16. Posted by ERROR 404 | December 6, 2012 at 1:42 PM

    Sorry, we couldn't find what you were looking for.

  17. Posted by guest | December 6, 2012 at 1:53 PM

    I don't see an attachment.

    You're fired.

    - HR

  18. Posted by Guest | December 6, 2012 at 1:57 PM

    YOLO, douche bag for carpe diem.

  19. Posted by Guest | December 6, 2012 at 1:58 PM

    I would have starting drinking this morning.

  20. Posted by Lowly Assistant | December 6, 2012 at 2:31 PM

    And a bigger boat.

    -Not Jaws, But A Fan Of His Diligence In Water

  21. Posted by short john silver | December 6, 2012 at 2:42 PM

    can i get some research on the impact of the layoffs on CS stock?

  22. Posted by GUESTOCULES | December 6, 2012 at 3:05 PM

    No.

  23. Posted by Guest | December 6, 2012 at 3:31 PM

    For gods sake it's Pronounced "sweese" not "Swiss".

  24. Posted by fittin in | December 6, 2012 at 3:44 PM

    doesn't matter. 'sweese' or 'swiss' doesn't work there anymore.

  25. Posted by OpportunityCost | December 6, 2012 at 3:51 PM

    "Will not have taken place. "

    I see what you did there.

  26. Posted by Guesticle | December 6, 2012 at 4:48 PM

    I don't see the humor.

    Get the fuck out.

    -DB Commentariat

  27. Posted by bullsbearspigs | December 6, 2012 at 7:57 PM

    go buy some $800 neckties go hang yourselves with, shitbirds

  28. Posted by Guido | December 6, 2012 at 9:36 PM

    Bess, is reserach a Jewish term?

    – Guido, the pedantic Swiss banker

  29. Posted by ballzdeep | December 7, 2012 at 12:45 AM

    What a shit hole.

    Class of 2005.