The following note was found in our inbox earlier this afternoon:

“Our junior guy came in this morning hung over and stinking like booze. After a few of us made comments on how awful he looked, he responded by letting us know that he’s in good enough shape to run a marathon, right now. Almost in sync and without hesitation, we said “done.” He named his price: $1000 (WAY TOO LOW) and within 2 minutes, he had $1000 cash on his desk. He just left the trading floor and is headed back to his apartment to change into running clothes. He initially said he could finish the 26.2 in less than 5 hours in his work clothes as long as we let him change into sneakers. We decided to let him change into running gear, since we’re good guys, but he still has the 5 hour time limit. We’re tracking him via his iPhone’s GPS. Happy Friday.”

It’s unclear who marathon man is, where he works, or if he will actually complete the challenge in the allotted time. And in fact, we’re not particularly worried about finding answers to those questions. We’re more interested in raising a few of our own, inspired by this guy, such as: what would you do for $1,000 while suffering a crippling hangover? While we love the enthusiasm and cojones on this kid (it’s one thing to agree to run a marathon, hungover, without any training or notice; it’s another to come up with the idea yourself, throw it on the table, and say “No, I don’t need to change, I’ll do it in this 3-piece suit and top hat, because fuck you, that’s why”), you could not dangle a grand in either of your Dealbreaker editors’ faces and expect us run 26.2 miles. Sit quietly in a comfortable chair (Matt), yes. Remain curled up in a fetal position under the covers (Bess), yes. Now you go.

32 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (32)

  1. Posted by VonSloneker | December 14, 2012 at 4:20 PM

    Let you draw me like one of your French girls, yes.

  2. Posted by Guest | December 14, 2012 at 4:23 PM

    Read Matt's back catalog of posts while hungover, maybe…

  3. Posted by guest | December 14, 2012 at 4:26 PM

    For 10k, maybe.

  4. Posted by Chasparino | December 14, 2012 at 4:26 PM

    Dis guy. We need more of dis guy.

  5. Posted by davidrusso | December 14, 2012 at 4:28 PM

    " Almost in sync and without hesitation, we said 'done.'

    Then the junior screamed back 'sold'. In unison, the entire desk yelled 'filled'. We wound up bantering back and forth trading cliches as a surrogate for coherent language. Then everyone got tired and went home."

  6. Posted by Guesty | December 14, 2012 at 4:31 PM

    I'd pay $1000 to get under the covers with Bess. Am I doing this right?

  7. Posted by Rob Parker | December 14, 2012 at 4:42 PM

    He must be a cornball brother.

  8. Posted by VonSloneker | December 14, 2012 at 4:43 PM

    Anything but the comfy chair!

    – Guy who wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition

  9. Posted by Last Laugh | December 14, 2012 at 4:47 PM

    Junior guy proceeds to go home, rides his bike around town for 26.2, pockets $1000, gets even more hung over for Monday hoping they up the ante.

  10. Posted by analyst in LM | December 14, 2012 at 4:59 PM

    getting to run it in over 11 minute miles, there must be zero quants on this desk. I'm going with CS or BAML

  11. Posted by Guesticle | December 14, 2012 at 5:21 PM

    I know plenty of marathon/mud competition douche bags who live to brag about shit like this. And nobody agrees to this without being a runner. The difficult part about running a marathon is conquering the boredom. Easy rack for anyone in shape

  12. Posted by huxtable | December 14, 2012 at 5:26 PM

    It should be "furiously pay" ….other than that I have no concerns.

  13. Posted by guest | December 14, 2012 at 5:28 PM

    He'll pay one of those Bike shoffers to ride around while slowly pouring a gallon of water on himself

  14. Posted by guest | December 14, 2012 at 5:37 PM

    NO! He works a trading desk, he is a "Corn hole brother" There! I fixed it for you.

  15. Posted by Mrs_Slocombe | December 14, 2012 at 5:40 PM

    The question: "what would you do for $1,000 while suffering a crippling hangover?"
    ….pay the junior guy $2,000 to run and get me a drink.

  16. Posted by guest | December 14, 2012 at 5:53 PM


  17. Posted by guest | December 14, 2012 at 6:12 PM

    He finished in 4:29. I took the afternoon off and ran the last 6 miles with him. Serious balls.

  18. Posted by Guest | December 14, 2012 at 6:25 PM

    "The question: "what would you do for $1,000 while suffering a crippling hangover?"
    ….pay the junior guy $500 to run and get me a drink, and pocket the rest.


  19. Posted by Guest | December 14, 2012 at 7:39 PM

    Actually? 26 consecutive 10-minute miles hungover is pretty impressive.

    – guy who had to run at the airport a while back and vowed next time to just catch a later flight

  20. Posted by Flo | December 14, 2012 at 7:54 PM

    Thank you for your contribution.

    – nobody

  21. Posted by Antiagile | December 15, 2012 at 2:59 PM

    But does he look like a bodyguard?

  22. Posted by Ken | December 15, 2012 at 3:34 PM

    I hate musicals.

  23. Posted by Max | December 16, 2012 at 3:41 PM

    And this sorta thing is why Lehman Brother no longer exist and Bear Sterns is stolen for pennies on the dollar.

  24. Posted by #OccupyMorons | December 16, 2012 at 5:11 PM

    Your bongo circle called. They don't want you back.

  25. Posted by Guessing | December 17, 2012 at 3:01 PM

    Like stealing herpes

  26. Posted by Max | December 19, 2012 at 3:10 PM

    Someone finally called my phone that hasn't rung in years. When?

  27. Posted by Max | December 19, 2012 at 3:11 PM

    Herpes are shared, not stolen.

  28. Posted by Hearst | December 22, 2012 at 5:21 PM

    Stearns! There, fixed it for you.

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