This Is A Story About A Person Who Volunteered To Run A Marathon While Hungover For $1,000

The following note was found in our inbox earlier this afternoon:

“Our junior guy came in this morning hung over and stinking like booze. After a few of us made comments on how awful he looked, he responded by letting us know that he’s in good enough shape to run a marathon, right now. Almost in sync and without hesitation, we said “done.” He named his price: $1000 (WAY TOO LOW) and within 2 minutes, he had $1000 cash on his desk. He just left the trading floor and is headed back to his apartment to change into running clothes. He initially said he could finish the 26.2 in less than 5 hours in his work clothes as long as we let him change into sneakers. We decided to let him change into running gear, since we’re good guys, but he still has the 5 hour time limit. We’re tracking him via his iPhone’s GPS. Happy Friday.”

It’s unclear who marathon man is, where he works, or if he will actually complete the challenge in the allotted time. And in fact, we’re not particularly worried about finding answers to those questions. We’re more interested in raising a few of our own, inspired by this guy, such as: what would you do for $1,000 while suffering a crippling hangover? While we love the enthusiasm and cojones on this kid (it’s one thing to agree to run a marathon, hungover, without any training or notice; it’s another to come up with the idea yourself, throw it on the table, and say “No, I don’t need to change, I’ll do it in this 3-piece suit and top hat, because fuck you, that’s why”), you could not dangle a grand in either of your Dealbreaker editors’ faces and expect us run 26.2 miles. Sit quietly in a comfortable chair (Matt), yes. Remain curled up in a fetal position under the covers (Bess), yes. Now you go.

(hidden for your protection)
Show all comments

32 Responses to “This Is A Story About A Person Who Volunteered To Run A Marathon While Hungover For $1,000”

  1. VonSloneker says:

    Let you draw me like one of your French girls, yes.

  2. Guest says:

    Read Matt's back catalog of posts while hungover, maybe…

  3. Chasparino says:

    Dis guy. We need more of dis guy.

  4. davidrusso says:

    " Almost in sync and without hesitation, we said 'done.'

    Then the junior screamed back 'sold'. In unison, the entire desk yelled 'filled'. We wound up bantering back and forth trading cliches as a surrogate for coherent language. Then everyone got tired and went home."

  5. Guesty says:

    I'd pay $1000 to get under the covers with Bess. Am I doing this right?

  6. Rob Parker says:

    He must be a cornball brother.

  7. VonSloneker says:

    Anything but the comfy chair!

    – Guy who wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition

  8. Last Laugh says:

    Junior guy proceeds to go home, rides his bike around town for 26.2, pockets $1000, gets even more hung over for Monday hoping they up the ante.

  9. analyst in LM says:

    getting to run it in over 11 minute miles, there must be zero quants on this desk. I'm going with CS or BAML

  10. Guesticle says:

    I know plenty of marathon/mud competition douche bags who live to brag about shit like this. And nobody agrees to this without being a runner. The difficult part about running a marathon is conquering the boredom. Easy rack for anyone in shape

  11. guest says:

    He'll pay one of those Bike shoffers to ride around while slowly pouring a gallon of water on himself

  12. Mrs_Slocombe says:

    The question: "what would you do for $1,000 while suffering a crippling hangover?"
    ….pay the junior guy $2,000 to run and get me a drink.

    • Guest says:

      "The question: "what would you do for $1,000 while suffering a crippling hangover?"
      ….pay the junior guy $500 to run and get me a drink, and pocket the rest.


  13. guest says:

    He finished in 4:29. I took the afternoon off and ran the last 6 miles with him. Serious balls.

    • Guest says:

      Actually? 26 consecutive 10-minute miles hungover is pretty impressive.

      – guy who had to run at the airport a while back and vowed next time to just catch a later flight

  14. Antiagile says:

    But does he look like a bodyguard?

  15. Max says:

    And this sorta thing is why Lehman Brother no longer exist and Bear Sterns is stolen for pennies on the dollar.

  16. Marathon is a long distance running event with an official distance. Marathon was one of the original Olympic event in 80s but the distance did not become standardized until 1920. The length of an Olympic marathon was not precisely fixed at first, but the marathon races in the first few Olympic Games were about 40 kilometres.

  17. earn pdus says:

    Good post….thanks for sharing… Very useful for me i will bookmark this for my future needed. Thanks for a great source…

  18. great advice, will apply and the time I commented

  19. right now I get to start the diet products, thanks for the tips