According to Fox Business reporter Chaz Gasparino, the hedge fund has been working overtime to convince investors ahead of the February 15 deadline for submitting redemption notices to stick with Steve. With a moderately to majorly amazing sales pitch:

Sayeth Chaz:

“SAC senior officials are scrambling to prevent massive redemptions from the $14 billion hedge funds and are currently contacting and holding one-on-one meetings with large investors.* Basically they’re saying don’t pull out, we think we have this under control. They’re saying despite everything you’ve heard, the criminal charges against [Matthew] Martoma, the investigation that involves Steve Cohen…they think Steve Cohen is going to be OK. Internally, they’re saying we may get a large fine, we think we are going to get a large fine, we think we are facing charges but we are not going to be indicted so keep your money with us.”

SAC Capital Scrambling To Prevent Massive Redemptions [VW via CG]
Related: Blackstone seen sticking with SAC despite insider trading probe; Clock Ticks For SAC Investors
*Please say they’ve set up one of those telemarketing phone centers with employees wearing headsets and computers rigged so that for every 15th investor, it’s Cohen himself who talks to them.

28 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (28)

  1. Posted by WrteStufLA | January 8, 2013 at 12:28 PM

    And if yet again for the cheap seats, make sure it's clear that the quote is attributable to Gasparino, and not to SAC.

  2. Posted by guest | January 8, 2013 at 12:29 PM

    No shit.

  3. Posted by Guest | January 8, 2013 at 12:29 PM

    Steve: "… will I pay the fine myself? … You mean me, as in SAC Capital? … Yes they are synonymous … Now hold on, you signed up for 3-and-50 … No I will not pay fines out of pocket … Get the fuck out of my fund!"


    IR Head: "Oh, Steve."

  4. Posted by guest | January 8, 2013 at 12:35 PM

    Pretty sure everyone was tipped off to that by the line "SAYETH CHAZ"

  5. Posted by Incitatus | January 8, 2013 at 12:35 PM

    "[W]e think we are facing charges but we are not going to be indicted."

    Man, if I had a nickel for every time I had to say that, I'd be in the 3c7 fund by now.

  6. Posted by Guest | January 8, 2013 at 12:36 PM

    I've.. got..two tickets to paradise…..!

    -Stevie Money

  7. Posted by Guest | January 8, 2013 at 12:44 PM

    I think your brain has a thick candy shell

  8. Posted by Guest | January 8, 2013 at 12:47 PM

    Un pasaporte para Esteban Cohen, por favor.

  9. Posted by Guest | January 8, 2013 at 12:53 PM

    Wait a sec, Chazza. I thought the funds were mostly SAC's personal money. Are you trying to tell us that SAC is busting his a$$ to stop himself from making a sizeable redemption?

  10. Posted by Jon's Mom | January 8, 2013 at 12:59 PM

    "Basically they’re saying don’t pull out"

    I once said that, big mistake.

    -Mrs. Shazar

  11. Posted by HighFrequencyHater | January 8, 2013 at 1:02 PM

    They really just need to raise money for a new special situations fund, call it AMOTRAM, that will shoot the total balance to a cayman account and cross its fingers.

  12. Posted by rick | January 8, 2013 at 1:04 PM

    well at least two tickets…

  13. Posted by Fixed It | January 8, 2013 at 1:14 PM

    "from" the cheap seats…..

  14. Posted by Guest | January 8, 2013 at 1:15 PM

    Ooooh….double fallopian tube BURN!

    -Easy Peasy Leviney Squeezy

  15. Posted by Deja Vu | January 8, 2013 at 1:19 PM

    Cohen on Line 1 to anonymous investor:

    “Yes, I’ve heard about the notion that I could be indicted as head of SAC. I’m not flattered, but it really is a bad idea. Part of the reason is that I am indeed the World’s Worst Administrator — and that does matter. Someone else can do the legal work — but an administrative job requires making hiring and firing decisions, it means keeping track of many things, and that, to say the least, is not my forte…employees inside my business can of course have even more influence — but only if they’re good at a very different kind of game, that of persuading the investors in behind-closed-doors discussion. And everything I know about myself says that I’m not very good at that game. By my reckoning, then, any redemption , no matter how small, would actually reduce my influence, leaving me unable to say publicly what I really think and all too probably finding myself unable to make headway in internal debates.”

  16. Posted by Guest | January 8, 2013 at 1:23 PM

    Tony Danza really let himself go..

  17. Posted by guest | January 8, 2013 at 1:34 PM

    you can say ass here

  18. Posted by J. Gundlach | January 8, 2013 at 1:37 PM

    Frankly, kind of wary of a man who won't do so, regardless of the forum.

  19. Posted by TheodoreBallgamePhd | January 8, 2013 at 1:41 PM

    You're telling me. Now gimme back my marker.


  20. Posted by Guesticle | January 8, 2013 at 2:32 PM

    Better that than letting people bust in your ass, Gaspo.


  21. Posted by Guest | January 8, 2013 at 2:44 PM

    "Let's just say that we're not worried about the Federal government pressing charges, based on a new hire we've got coming in . . . right around the time the President appoints the new Secretary of the Treasure," *wink* *wink*

  22. Posted by Steve | January 8, 2013 at 3:15 PM

    These pretzels are making me thirsty

  23. Posted by PermaGuestII | January 8, 2013 at 4:33 PM

    My dear Mr. Cohen:

    We would like to speak with you about our premium business relocation service. Do contact us at your earliest convenience.

    -Dr. F. von Geldrauber
    Geschaftsforderung Direktor
    Kanton Zug
    Zug, CH

    PS- The Swiss Federal Railways would also like me to mention their special freight rate for large mammals and carcharhinoforms preserved in fluid.

  24. Posted by Luv | January 9, 2013 at 10:49 AM

    This is the only blog where I have to look up words used by the commentariat.

  25. Posted by creepy bro | January 9, 2013 at 2:26 PM

    My couch pulls out, but I don't.

  26. Posted by greybees | January 20, 2013 at 4:27 PM

    Leaving your money with this sinking ship is inviting destitution. The gang in charge are heading to the Big House.

  27. Posted by sohbet | May 12, 2013 at 6:39 PM

    telling these little stories, here's a good idea: Have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener.

  28. Posted by sohbet | July 8, 2013 at 9:42 PM

    probably do want to have some people around who can make investing decisions rather than just a bunch of ADD-addled