• 14 Jan 2013 at 6:15 PM

Goldman Sachs’ New CFO Only Looks Like He’d Break All Your Fingers With His Handshake, Assures Chief Of Staff

By

Goldman insiders said Schwartz, who is 6-foot-4 and holds a black belt in karate, has shown both the disposition and the ability to handle the CFO’s many responsibilities. “He’s a bear of a man, but he’s gentle in his presentation,” said John Rogers, Goldman’s chief of staff and secretary to the board. [Reuters, related]

Comments (27)

  1. 1
    Posted by gab | January 14, 2013 at 6:19 PM

    "He's also got bad taste in ties and women…"

  2. 2
    Posted by F. Taft | January 14, 2013 at 6:28 PM

    He is no bear. He is a mouse, hiding from the hawk, in the house of the raven.

  3. 3
    Posted by hmm | January 14, 2013 at 6:33 PM

    Bess, since you obviously don't read Shazar's comment section, I'll use this as my soapbox: in a world where unemployment is so high as to be tied to the cost of money, why does Shazar have a job?

    signed,

    everybody

  4. 4
    Posted by GULC Secure | January 14, 2013 at 7:33 PM

    I've worked with him. His sense of humor blows, unless he is the one telling the jokes.

  5. 5
    Posted by Barney F. | January 14, 2013 at 7:57 PM

    I like Bears.

  6. 6
    Posted by Gordie | January 14, 2013 at 8:24 PM

    Sounds like an army guy. What are those sissy Goldman Analyst gonna do when a female RN checks your pubies for crabs. Called a short arm inspection, Ask your Dad about it.

  7. 7
    Posted by hangtime79 | January 14, 2013 at 9:09 PM

    "Karate, the Dane Cook of martial arts…."

  8. 8
    Posted by Cyril Figgis | January 14, 2013 at 9:33 PM

    Better he should learn Krav Maga

  9. 9
    Posted by Ask | January 14, 2013 at 9:43 PM

    Calling him right now

  10. 10
    Posted by Winter Night | January 14, 2013 at 9:45 PM

    Or better yet, he should learn THE ALL AMERICAN REJECTS ARE THE GREATEST F'N BAND OF ALL TIME!!!!

  11. 11
    Posted by Mr. Pink | January 14, 2013 at 9:56 PM

    Look, I ordered coffee. Now we've been here a long fucking time and she's only filled my cup three times. When I order coffee, I want it filled *six* times.

  12. 12
    Posted by I am this good | January 14, 2013 at 9:57 PM

    [youtube Pj9MHMO4tLo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pj9MHMO4tLo youtube]

  13. 13
    Posted by NJ Elite | January 15, 2013 at 1:54 AM

    He's a Rutgers grad.
    Rutgers place for Jersey Trailer Trash.

  14. 14
    Posted by Jacube | January 15, 2013 at 9:57 AM

    There is no substitution for cubic inches. Try your luck with a 73 goat sometime. Mommy's grocery getter, souped up or not is not fast. you want to see a getter for a sedan try a ford taurus SHO. This is all about horsepower to weight ratio, and your car is heavy no matter what. You will never be able to put a large enough engine it it to be competitive. Look at the weights of various cars on the market and see what their horsepower and torque is. I think that you will see what every one is telling you.

  15. 15
    Posted by Mongo | January 15, 2013 at 9:59 AM

    Mongo like candy.

  16. 16
    Posted by PermaGuestII | January 15, 2013 at 10:14 AM

    What's wrong with doing things the traditional American way? [youtube anEuw8F8cpE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anEuw8F8cpE youtube]

  17. 17
    Posted by NakedShorts | January 15, 2013 at 10:15 AM

    Great guy… Bad dick

  18. 18
    Posted by Ray L., Baltimore | January 15, 2013 at 11:25 AM

    This is MY House!!

  19. 19
    Posted by Kramer | January 15, 2013 at 11:44 AM

    I was nothing before Ka ratay…

  20. 20
    Posted by Elvis P. | January 15, 2013 at 11:45 AM

    He worked just as hard for his black belt as I worked for mine!

  21. 21
    Posted by Tom Brady | January 15, 2013 at 11:46 AM

    Too slow

  22. 22
    Posted by BB CFO # 1 | January 15, 2013 at 2:14 PM

    I make more and get laid more than all of you.

  23. 23
    Posted by Guest | January 15, 2013 at 3:25 PM

    John Rogers sounds like the meathead's wife

  24. 24
    Posted by Billy Ray | January 15, 2013 at 10:09 PM

    Karate man bleed on the inside

  25. 25
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    For you to sleep well at night, the aesthetic, the quality, has to be carried all the way through.
    professional essay writing

  26. 26
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  27. 27
    Posted by sohbet | May 12, 2013 at 5:38 PM

    dealing with that amount of money, I think it would really be hard to uncover the truth especially since anyone that rich can pay to make sure that the