Goldman Sachs’ New CFO Only Looks Like He’d Break All Your Fingers With His Handshake, Assures Chief Of Staff

Goldman insiders said Schwartz, who is 6-foot-4 and holds a black belt in karate, has shown both the disposition and the ability to handle the CFO’s many responsibilities. “He’s a bear of a man, but he’s gentle in his presentation,” said John Rogers, Goldman’s chief of staff and secretary to the board. [Reuters, related]

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29 Responses to “Goldman Sachs’ New CFO Only Looks Like He’d Break All Your Fingers With His Handshake, Assures Chief Of Staff”

  1. gab says:

    "He's also got bad taste in ties and women…"

  2. hmm says:

    Bess, since you obviously don't read Shazar's comment section, I'll use this as my soapbox: in a world where unemployment is so high as to be tied to the cost of money, why does Shazar have a job?



  3. F. Taft says:

    He is no bear. He is a mouse, hiding from the hawk, in the house of the raven.

  4. GULC Secure says:

    I've worked with him. His sense of humor blows, unless he is the one telling the jokes.

  5. Barney F. says:

    I like Bears.

  6. hangtime79 says:

    "Karate, the Dane Cook of martial arts…."

    • Cyril Figgis says:

      Better he should learn Krav Maga

      • Winter Night says:

        Or better yet, he should learn THE ALL AMERICAN REJECTS ARE THE GREATEST F'N BAND OF ALL TIME!!!!

        • Mr. Pink says:

          Look, I ordered coffee. Now we've been here a long fucking time and she's only filled my cup three times. When I order coffee, I want it filled *six* times.

        • Jacube says:

          There is no substitution for cubic inches. Try your luck with a 73 goat sometime. Mommy's grocery getter, souped up or not is not fast. you want to see a getter for a sedan try a ford taurus SHO. This is all about horsepower to weight ratio, and your car is heavy no matter what. You will never be able to put a large enough engine it it to be competitive. Look at the weights of various cars on the market and see what their horsepower and torque is. I think that you will see what every one is telling you.

      • PermaGuestII says:

        What's wrong with doing things the traditional American way? [youtube anEuw8F8cpE youtube]

  7. Gordie says:

    Sounds like an army guy. What are those sissy Goldman Analyst gonna do when a female RN checks your pubies for crabs. Called a short arm inspection, Ask your Dad about it.

  8. I am this good says:

    [youtube Pj9MHMO4tLo youtube]

  9. NJ Elite says:

    He's a Rutgers grad.
    Rutgers place for Jersey Trailer Trash.

  10. NakedShorts says:

    Great guy… Bad dick

  11. Kramer says:

    I was nothing before Ka ratay…

  12. Elvis P. says:

    He worked just as hard for his black belt as I worked for mine!

  13. BB CFO # 1 says:

    I make more and get laid more than all of you.

  14. Guest says:

    John Rogers sounds like the meathead's wife

  15. Billy Ray says:

    Karate man bleed on the inside

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  17. sohbet says:

    dealing with that amount of money, I think it would really be hard to uncover the truth especially since anyone that rich can pay to make sure that the

  18. sohbet says:

    officers to investigate Blackstone's fishy financial transactions, but they wound up giving them