Opening Bell: 01.15.13

Westminster Hits At Goldman Sachs Bonus Plan (FT)
Goldman Sachs provoked a furious reaction in Westminster after it emerged that the U.S. investment bank was mulling a plan to delay its U.K. bonus payments to take advantage of the imminent cut to the top rate of tax. John Mann, a Labour member of the Treasury select committee, criticized an “opportunistic money grab” by banks at a time of intensifying public anger against the sector. Some 10 banks had previously considered delaying bonuses until the top rate falls from 50 to 45 pence – although most have since concluded that this would be damaging. Chris Leslie, shadow Treasury minister, said banks needed to think carefully about their reputations.

Fitch Warns Of US Downgrade Over Debt Fight (CNBC)
In a statement Fitch said the debt ceiling was “an ineffective and potentially dangerous mechanism for enforcing fiscal discipline. It does not prevent tax and spending decisions that will incur debt issuance in excess of the ceiling while the sanction of not raising the ceiling risks a sovereign default and renders such a threat incredible.”

Fitch Upbeat On Ireland (Reuters)
If [Ireland's] debts could be shared out among euro zone states through the region’s bailout mechanisms there could be scope for Ireland’s BBB-plus rating to rise into the single-A category, according to Fitch analyst Douglas Renwick. “If there is an element of risk sharing, say perhaps through the ESM (European Stability Mechanism) over a bit of time, it could rise back to the single-A (range),” Renwick said.

JPMorgan Ordered To Fix Lapses (WSJ)
US regulators hit JPMorgan with four formal enforcement actions targeting lapses in risk-management and money-laundering controls, including the first sanctions in response to the bank’s multibillion-dollar 2012 trading debacle. One set of cease-and-desist orders from the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency and the Federal Reserve instructs the largest U.S. bank by assets to remedy the breakdowns that allowed a small group of London-based traders to rack up more than $6 billion in losses last year. Another requires the bank to beef up its antimoney-laundering procedures and mirrors an action taken last April when regulators ordered Citigroup to upgrade its transaction-monitoring procedures and enhance internal audit. None of the orders issued Monday require any fines or monetary penalties, but regulators left the door open to future action.

Wells Fargo Bets On Charlotte Trading After BofA Flees (Bloomberg)
\Wells Fargo is betting its securities business can thrive 600 miles from New York in the same city Bank of America’s traders largely abandoned. The first of 900 Wells Fargo employees moved last month into a new space on two floors of a 48-story tower in Charlotte, North Carolina. From their windows they can see the complex a half-mile away where Bank of America built its own state-of-the- art facility less than a decade ago for about 550 traders and investment bankers. Most have since been fired or moved to New York.

Police: Teacher offers sexual favors to officer to avoid DUI arrest (WPBF)
According to the arrest report, an empty gallon jug of Carlo Rossi wine was found behind the driver’s seat of Maloney’s damaged van, which was parked on the side of the street when officers arrived. Police said Maloney refused to cooperate with officers during their DUI investigation. Police said she began yelling at them and made random vulgar statements. While she was on her way to the police station, Maloney allegedly told an officer, “How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don’t you understand I am a school teacher?” She then offered to perform oral sex on the officer and let him fondle her breasts, the report stated.

RBS Libor Fine May Hit $800M+ (Bloomberg)
US and UK regulators could hit the Royal Bank of Scotland with as much as $804 million in fines next week to settle allegations traders tried to rig interest rates, two people with knowledge of the matter said. Investment banking chief John Hourican and Peter Nielsen, the head of markets, may also be asked to leave because they had responsibility for the parts of the company where the alleged wrongdoing occurred. The fine would be the second-largest levied by regulators in their investigation into allegations traders at the world’s biggest lenders manipulated submissions used to set the London interbank offered rate. UBS AG, Switzerland’s biggest lender, was fined $1.5 billion in December for rate-rigging, exceeding the 290 million pounds Barclays paid in June.

Bob Khuzami, Master Blaster (NYP)
Robert Khuzami yesterday took aim at a Columbia University professor who chided the SEC’s head of enforcement for not suing enough high-ranking individuals at large financial institutions, choosing instead to settle with those companies…Khuzami said in a blistering 1,500-word article in the National Law Journal that the SEC has charged a total of 102 individuals associated with the credit crisis, including high-level executives at Citigroup, Credit Suisse, Bear Stearns, and Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac…It’s the second time in as many weeks that Khuzami has called out his critics by name. Just before New Year’s Eve, the Brooklyn native blasted Simon Johnson, a professor at MIT Sloan School of Management, for a New York Times blog that said Khuzami’s hire was a “mistake” because of his former ties to Deutsche Bank. Khuzami shot back in the comment section of the blog — an unusual move for a public official.

Wall Street Pay Gets Tougher Look (WSJ)
Daniel Loeb, who runs hedge-fund firm Third Point LLC, has raised questions about whether compensation levels at Morgan Stanley are justified given the New York company’s size and relative simplicity compared with larger bank.

Hedge Funds’ Manhattan Migration (WSJ)
Of the new firms starting out in Manhattan, Greenwich or Stamford, about 86% picked the Big Apple, on average, from 2003 to 2008, according to eVestment, which tracks data on about 70% of U.S. hedge-fund firms. In 2009 and 2010, Manhattan was home to an average of 92% of the fund launches. Data for 2011 suggest the trend has continued. “There are blips in the data, but it’s clear launches shifted toward New York after the crisis,” says Peter Laurelli, eVestment’s head of research.

Detroit mafia boss says Jimmy Hoffa is buried in shallow grave north of Detroit (NYDN)
Tony Zerilli, 85, says Hoffa was buried in a field outside Detroit, about 20 miles from the restaurant where he was last seen in July 1975. The aging Zerilli, who was in prison at the time of Hoffa’s disappearance, told TV news stations WNBC and WDIV that the plan was to move Hoffa’s body, but that never happened. “The master plan was, that I understood, was that they were going to put him in a shallow grave here. Then, they were going to take him from here to Rogers City upstate,” Zerilli said. “There was a hunting lodge and they were going to bury in a shallow grave then take him up there for final burial. Then, I understand, that it just fell through.” It was unclear why Zerilli chose to speak now about the 37-year-old mystery that has elicited dozens of false leads and conspiracy theories in the past. Zerilli said is to be ailing and penniless since his release from prison in 2008. WNBC reported he is promoting an upcoming book titled “Hoffa Found.” “All this speculation about where he is and he’s not,” Zerilli said. “They say he was in a meat grinder. It’s all baloney.”

34 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (34)

  1. Posted by Abe_Froman_ | January 15, 2013 at 10:18 AM

    I was starting to think Shazar was buried with Hoffa

  2. Posted by PermaGuestII | January 15, 2013 at 10:22 AM

    "Maloney is a seventh-grade math teacher at Palm Springs Middle School. A spokesman for the Palm Beach County school district…"

    Florida again. What a surprise.

  3. Posted by Guest | January 15, 2013 at 10:23 AM

    Who at Dealbreaker has the slumming-it-in-southern-Florida beat? Please tell me it's Matt . . .

  4. Posted by Punny Mobster | January 15, 2013 at 10:23 AM

    “They say he was in a meat grinder. It’s all baloney.”

    I see what he did there.

  5. Posted by Greg Smith | January 15, 2013 at 10:31 AM

    "Chris Leslie, shadow Treasury minister, said banks needed to think carefully about their reputations."

    Seriously, jerks.

  6. Posted by Phred | January 15, 2013 at 10:31 AM

    I thought you had died. Damn, I hate being disappointed.

  7. Posted by Van Beek | January 15, 2013 at 10:32 AM

    What the fuck is a hush puppy?

    — 900 confused Wells Fargo employees

  8. Posted by Incitatus | January 15, 2013 at 10:38 AM

    As a public service, I vote you down before even reading your repellant slop.

  9. Posted by Laxbro | January 15, 2013 at 10:42 AM

    Ted Kennedy and his Oldsmobile 88. NFL All-Pro linebacker Lance Briggs and is Lamborghini. These two gentlemen taught me that it's uncouth to wake the police at 2 a.m. to report you've crashed your car. Conditioned men go home and call 911 the morning after the crash.

  10. Posted by Paul hates you | January 15, 2013 at 10:43 AM

    Please tell us how to make money working at home or get discounted NIkes. That would be more useful. Thanks!

  11. Posted by Matt Levine, Esq. | January 15, 2013 at 10:46 AM

    In the State of New York Anal is not considered a legal binding agreement for dowry.

    Matt Levine, Esq.

  12. Posted by Yeroslav | January 15, 2013 at 10:51 AM

    I could go for a slush puppy if you're buying.

  13. Posted by Im_a_Dude | January 15, 2013 at 10:51 AM

    unless you need the cops to help hide the evidence.

  14. Posted by Guest | January 15, 2013 at 10:52 AM

    Gurgle, gurgle.

    – Mary Jo

  15. Posted by Hobbes | January 15, 2013 at 11:12 AM

    Bryan Jennings: “How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don’t you understand I work at Morgan Stanley?”

    Cop: "With what money?"

  16. Posted by Guest | January 15, 2013 at 11:13 AM

    Evil Dave must have the record for most deleted post. And now I scratch my head wondering how anal and dowry go together.

  17. Posted by Russell Stildolph | January 15, 2013 at 11:22 AM

    Whether or not you can do that tends to be pretty circumstance-specific.

  18. Posted by Guy in Charlotte | January 15, 2013 at 11:38 AM

    CLT is booming! Yeah we got a great airport. NBD.

  19. Posted by Little Fritz | January 15, 2013 at 11:42 AM

    Ms.Maloney's Math Course: "99 Bottles of Beer on my desk, 99 bottles of beer, pop the top, swill it down, 98 bottles of beer on my desk…"

    -Hooked on Math and Booze

  20. Posted by Matt Levine, CFA Lv1 | January 15, 2013 at 11:45 AM

    Chart will explain shortly.

  21. Posted by sme | January 15, 2013 at 2:11 PM

    Cool website…

  22. Posted by guest | January 15, 2013 at 2:18 PM

    Yeah, we checked it out on my our back to civilization.

    -NYers

  23. Posted by VonSloneker | January 15, 2013 at 2:31 PM

    I can't put my finger on why, but I have been craving Taco Bell for days…

    – Susceptible to Suggestion Guy

  24. Posted by Guest | January 15, 2013 at 2:40 PM

    I have an extreme dislike for the Chinese.

    -everyone

  25. Posted by Vineyard Vines VP | January 15, 2013 at 2:49 PM

    Any location in particular that you've been thinking of dining at?

  26. Posted by Guest | January 15, 2013 at 3:11 PM

    They've got Shazer on an IT rotation this week.

  27. Posted by Life Complete | January 15, 2013 at 3:38 PM

    Yum! Brands and Vineyard Vines teaming together to open Taco Bells w/ KFC w/ Vineyard Vines?

  28. Posted by DB IT Hamster | January 15, 2013 at 3:42 PM

    Tell me about it! Time to get that damn freeloading chihuahua his own wheel so he can contribute for a change.

  29. Posted by Quant me maybe | January 15, 2013 at 4:22 PM

    Admit it. In your mind's eye, this is what that teacher looked like:

    <img src="http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/107/e/c/naughty_librarian_finds_a_pest_by_mr_e2-d4wj6rh.jpg&quot; width="30%" height="30%/>

  30. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 10:25 AM

    finance.yahoo's comment section is ——> thataway. kthxbai.

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