Opening Bell: 01.16.13

Goldman Profit Soars (WSJ)
“While economic conditions remained challenging for much of last year, the strengths of our business model and client franchise, coupled with our focus on disciplined management, delivered solid performance for our shareholders,” Chief Executive Lloyd C. Blankfein said. Overall, the investment-banking arm recorded revenue of $1.41 billion for the quarter, up from $857 million a year ago and $1.16 billion in the third quarter. Financial advisory revenue rose 8.1% from year ago. Debt underwriting revenue surged to $593 million from $196 million in the year ago and the $466 million reported in the third quarter. Equity underwriting revenue popped 59% from the year ago and 61% from the prior quarter to $304 million. Revenue from fixed income, currency and commodity trading totaled $2.04 billion, versus $1.36 billion a year earlier and $2.22 billion in the third quarter. Revenue from equities execution rose 45% from a year ago to $764 million but fell 10% from the third quarter. Overall profit for the fourth quarter totaled $2.89 billion, compared with a year-earlier profit of $1.01 billion. Earnings per share, reflecting the payment of preferred dividends, jumped to $5.60 from $1.84. Net revenue, including net interest income, surged 53% to $9.24 billion.

JPMorgan Profit Tops Estimates (WSJ)
JPMorgan’s fourth-quarter earnings surged 53% on strong revenue and better credit, as the bank further detailed the fallout from more than $6 billion in trading losses last year. The outsized, complex trades on credit default swaps tied to corporate bonds became known as the “London Whale.” On Wednesday, the bank made public an internal report outlining mistakes and oversights by executives who played a role in the matter, including Chief Investment Officer Ina Drew, who has since left the bank, and Douglas Braunstein, who was chief financial officer during the episode and has since become a vice chairman. It also said its Treasury and Chief Investment Office, where the “Whale” trades were made, recorded a loss of $157 million on the fourth quarter, compared to net income of $417 million in the year ago. J.P. Morgan also said it halved the 2012 compensation of Chief Executive James Dimon to $11.5 million. Additionally, he will have to wait up to another 18 months before he can start exercising two million options that were awarded to him five years ago. Overall, J.P. Morgan reported a profit of $5.69 billion, or $1.39 a share, for the fourth quarter, up from $3.73 billion, or 90 cents a share, a year ago.

Bankers Get IOUs Instead Of Bonus Cash (WSJ)
Several thousand Morgan Stanley traders, investment bankers and other employees will get IOUs instead of cash when bonus day arrives Thursday, a fundamental change in Wall Street pay triggered by the financial crisis. The New York company will pay its bonuses in four equal installments, according to people briefed on the plan, with the first chunk coming in May and the last in January 2016. Employees who quit or are laid off before the payments stand to lose their deferred compensation unless they negotiate a separate deal with the company. “I don’t think there will be a lot of cheers on the trading floors of Morgan Stanley,” said Mark Williams, a former Federal Reserve bank examiner who now teaches at Boston University. “Bonuses were used to buy houses and cars. They were savings vehicles.”

AIG Seeks Approval To File More Bank Suits (NYT)
Since the summer of 2011, the insurance giant American International Group has been battling Bank of America over claims that the bank packaged and sold it defective mortgages that dealt A.I.G. billions of dollars in losses. Now A.I.G. wants to be able to sue other banks that sold it mortgage-backed securities that plunged in value during the financial crisis. It has not said which banks, but possibilities include Deutsche Bank, Goldman Sachs and JPMorgan Chase. But to sue, A.I.G. first must win a court fight with an entity controlled by the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, which the insurer says is blocking its efforts to pursue the banks that caused it financial harm.

Hungary Attacks Roubini Over Currency ‘Advice’ (CNBC)
Hungary’s Ministry for National Economy said in a statement that the forint began to depreciate after economist Nouriel Roubini – dubbed Dr Doom for his pessimistic forecasts – said in a newsletter that failure to secure a deal with the International Monetary Fund was bad news for the currency. The forint has been in decline since last week hitting seven-month lows earlier this week but has since gained some ground. Hungarian officials rounded on Roubini saying; “On Thursday speculators seem to have taken Roubini’s advice and attacked the forint.”

BofA Takes A Mortgage Mulligan (WSJ)
Less than two years after embarking on a painful retreat from home lending, Bank of America Corp. is girding for a new run at the U.S. mortgage business. Whether that gamble pays off will depend in large measure on how long the mortgage market’s run of record profits continues. The Charlotte, N.C., company aims to sell more mortgages through its 5,000-plus branches, executives said. The fourth-biggest U.S. mortgage lender, after Wells Fargo & Co., J.P. Morgan Chase & Co. and U.S. Bancorp, is intent on “growing that business,” Chief Executive Brian Moynihan said at a December investor conference.

Eurozone Plan May Be Watered Down (WSJ)
One of the euro zone’s most significant commitments last year aimed at containing its financial crisis—a plan to allow the bloc’s bailout fund to directly boost the capital of banks in countries facing debt troubles—could be undermined by technical complications and second thoughts by some governments.

Germany Repatriates Gold Reserves (WSJ)
Germany’s central bank said it would remove nearly a fifth of its total gold reserves from deposits at the New York Federal Reserve Bank and the Bank of France and bring them back to Germany, amid a debate in the country over the transparency of its global gold holdings.

Inside Trader Sent To Kinnu-can (NYP)
John Kinnucan, the former head of Portland, Ore.-based firm Broadband Research, was sentenced to four years and three months in prison after admitting to feeding illegal stock tips to his well-heeled hedge fund clients.

Reporter fired for secret stripping job gets new journalism gig with same (NYDN)
Tressler, 30, is now a reporter for the San Antonio Express-News, covering “cops, crime and general mayhem,” according to her Twitter account. In April, the gorgeous Tressler was fired from her job as a society reporter for the Houston Chronicle for failing to tell the newspaper about her after-hours gig as a stripper, which she chronicled in her blog, “Diary of an Angry Stripper.” Tressler then sued her former employer’s parent company, the Hearst Corp., which also owns the Express-News, alleging that the firing was unfair. She hired celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred and filed a complaint with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, saying the paper’s reason for firing her — failing to write on her application that she had been working part-time as a stripper — was ridiculous. “I’ve worked at KB Toys. I’ve worked at a surf shop. I’ve worked at multiple coffee shops. I’ve worked at Taco Bell. I’ve worked as a line cook at a restaurant,” Tressler told the Las Vegas Review-Journal in June. “Do you really want me to put every single one of those on my job application?” Over the summer, Tressler embarked on a national stripping tour and pushed a book, which shared the same title as her blog. She also picked up some freelance assignments for “Good Morning America.” After the suit and the tour, it seemed unlikely Tressler would re-enter Texas journalism, let alone for a newspaper owned by the same parent company that fired her. Some have suspected that her new job was part of a settlement she reached with the company.

66 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (66)

  1. Posted by Seasons | January 16, 2013 at 9:55 AM

    Dodge Chargers are for minorities

  2. Posted by Irvine | January 16, 2013 at 9:59 AM

    It drove them into underground tunnels. The only thing which was truly effective against the tunnel systems were the heavy B52 bombing strikes, which some Viet-Cong said might have turned the conflict against them if they had continued. I bet your little draft dodging hippy parent never told you such stories I reckon.

  3. Posted by Alt_EST | January 16, 2013 at 10:00 AM

    Failing to secure a deal with the IMF is bad news for the forint?

    Penetrating insight from Roubs…definitely going to subscribe to RGE soon.

    -UBS Forex MD

  4. Posted by Frustrated Comedian | January 16, 2013 at 10:02 AM

    Not a lot to work with today. No Florida stories, stripper story is sort of mild. To quote a famous chartist / journalist: "Meh".

  5. Posted by He Aint my Prez | January 16, 2013 at 10:02 AM

    The sex industry has always catered to the military. A bunch of lonely single young men, often in a faraway place, often facing death or injury. The biological urge to mate in these circumstances is overwhelming. It's also contagious and will often infect young women exposed to these types of men. Yes, there was a sex industry in post-war Germany. There was also one in Japan, Korea, and Vietnam. I am often surprised that we don't hear about something similar today in Iraq and Afghanistan. I'm sure you will find prostitution around Russian military bases too.

  6. Posted by True North | January 16, 2013 at 10:03 AM

    I'm also a frustrated Canadian

  7. Posted by Norm | January 16, 2013 at 10:13 AM

    Back in 72 there wasnt a night I wished uncle sam would send me over a pick or two of Farrah Fawcett. O doggie was she nice to look at. Trick was during your patrol to try and catch a climpse of a nice looking Viet Cong girl. Take a mental picture and use it when you had a moment alone. Them girls were skinny alright, but the still had the goodies.

  8. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 10:14 AM

    As I told you,with our cost of funds near zero for us not to make a profit would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable!

    -Lloyd "Vizzini" Blankfein

  9. Posted by Morgan Stanley MD | January 16, 2013 at 10:17 AM

    Do they take IOUs ?

  10. Posted by PM #1 | January 16, 2013 at 10:19 AM

    In soviet russia, the site shazars you !

  11. Posted by Hypocrite watch | January 16, 2013 at 10:21 AM

    Insurance companies need to go back to their old ways.

    That kid who's like 4 feet tall

  12. Posted by Laxbro | January 16, 2013 at 10:24 AM

    So I read the smoke show from Girls, Allison Williams, is auctioning off a lunch date for charity. It's sitting at two grand right now, you figure it doesn't end north of three. I'm thinking I'd pay three grand to bang Brian Williams' hella acceptable daughter. But the problem is how do you not look like a creep that spent three racks to talk to her? The language on the site says the date time is "to be scheduled at a mutually agreed upon date." So perhaps that means you and her exchange emails. I'm thinking the play is to flake on her. Yes, pay three grand to stand this celebrity slam up. You know after she gets your name and email she's going to google you to make sure you're normal. She'll find your employment and college and maybe even she stalks you a little harder and sees your instagram photos of you shredding and having fun in Vail over Christmas with mad decent looking people. Suddenly she's intrigued. She seems humble enough to let you reschedule. And that's when your schedule can't accommodate a lunch date, you suggest a low key party your friend is having in Flatiron. Just thinking out loud…

    P.S. I wish HBO would force the fat one to stop getting naked. She really is an obnoxious camera hogging troll. Disappointing that Stern apologized for saying what everyone is thinking. He's gotten delicate.

  13. Posted by Foghorn Leghorn | January 16, 2013 at 10:30 AM

    Did I stumble into the wrong the wrong forum?
    Did I miss a link to an article?

    Well, for those in the know, PhuBai is all-right; but we don't need to talk about it now that we are in our 60's. Move forward. My sons' have had their own wars. They don't need mine,.

  14. Posted by Lloyd Christmas | January 16, 2013 at 10:30 AM

    That's as good as money, sir. Those are I.O.U.'s. Go ahead and add it up, every cent's accounted for. Look, see this? That's a car. 275 thou. Might wanna hang onto that one.

  15. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 10:30 AM

    If they lay off an employee, MS doesn't have to pay out his deferred bonus either?

    It's easier for the Greeks to get money from the Germans than it is MS employees getting their bonuses from MS.

  16. Posted by Frank Costanza | January 16, 2013 at 10:31 AM

    Inchon, Korea, 1950. I was the best cook Uncle Sam ever saw, slinging
    hash for the Fighting 103rd. As we marched north, our supply lines were getting
    thin. One day a couple of GIs found a crate, inside were six hundred pounds of
    prime Texas steer. At least it once was prime. The Use date was three weeks
    past, but I was arrogant, I was brash, I thought if I used just the right
    spices, cooked it long enough…I went too far. I over seasoned it. Men were keeling over all around
    me. I can still hear the retching, the screaming. I sent sixteen of my own men
    to the latrines that night. They were just boys.

  17. Posted by NY Life | January 16, 2013 at 10:33 AM

    My financial advisor gave me the exact same advice for what to do with my tax refund.

  18. Posted by guest | January 16, 2013 at 10:36 AM

    bartender in Mykonos > banker at MS

  19. Posted by lucas | January 16, 2013 at 10:42 AM

    You mean it's easier for the Germans to get money from Greeks than it is for MS employees to get their bonuses from MS?

  20. Posted by PermaGuestII | January 16, 2013 at 10:46 AM

    Russian prostitutes? Surely you jest.

  21. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 10:49 AM

    Cohen: We're rich bitch!
    Blankfein: I'm richer bitch!

  22. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 10:50 AM

    Greek 'model' > Honda dealer > UBS MD > MS MD >

  23. Posted by Greg Fleming | January 16, 2013 at 10:59 AM

    Does she take 2016 forwards ?

  24. Posted by Laxbro | January 16, 2013 at 10:59 AM

    That would make a great H&R Block Super Bowl commercial. I mean they're always helping plebs find bigger refunds on old tax returns. The condescending but friendly H&R Block retard tells the guy he found him $3,200 from his '09 return. Cut to guy in coffee shop using his Macbook to bid on an auction lunch with his new found return. Cut to guy and Brian Williams' daughter laughing over pork buns and noodles at momofuku.

    She's so hot.

  25. Posted by Trades his own $ | January 16, 2013 at 11:01 AM

    Paying for dates makes you creepy. Trying to run game on her afterwards? Creepier. If you're not in her circle, you might "bang" her, but then what? You brag to buddies how you scored? Not G. The chick doesn't even know you exist. You could get her for free, and have her stalking you, but your "game" involves paying. Standing her up? Hahahaha…..Her schedule is double booked, she'll just fill the time with another dude who makes more and presses more than you. TRUST ME. Think different.

  26. Posted by Melissa Lee | January 16, 2013 at 11:02 AM

    Call me!

  27. Posted by Not_Anal_yst | January 16, 2013 at 11:06 AM

    Definitely gonna have to update my instagram with some pics of me crushing 250 lbs at Equinox.

  28. Posted by Tropicana Bar MD | January 16, 2013 at 11:08 AM

    Meh, still involves a lot of waving knives at foreigners due to disputes over monies due for the provision of products and services.

  29. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 11:10 AM

    You're right, Roubini's insight was incredibly penetrating.

    - S. Tressler

  30. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 11:10 AM

    Note to self: Avoid threatening or taunting Feds when they come knocking at the door, investigating insider trading.

  31. Posted by Nobody | January 16, 2013 at 11:12 AM

    "TRUST ME."

    Sounds legit to me.

  32. Posted by Sensy in Stamford | January 16, 2013 at 11:12 AM

    Kind of doubt that "makes more" bit.

    -Guy who has stopped trading because he can't so much as place an E-Trade order without being accused of insider trading so has had to find other assets to bid on to fill his time.

  33. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 11:17 AM

    Guys arguing over chicks they will NEVER bang is the NKI.

  34. Posted by Plasma Selling FICC | January 16, 2013 at 11:17 AM

    Tuesday at the plasma center was boring as usual. They only give us $20.00 on Tuesdays and $40.00 if we come back in 3 days. They try to get 2 donations a week from donors. They call us "donors" even though we sell our plasma. I need a flu shot and with the spare $10.00 I have left over from last week I'll be able to get one at a nearby grocery store. Had to wait 2 and a half hours before getting back into the donation room. There are 36 donating stations back in that room and 4 flat screen TVs to watch. You get FX channel or ESPN. I still think of my old employers' currency trading desk whenever I see "FX". I sit and visit with a black guy named Ed while waiting to get "stuck". He's a pro at the donation game and tells me who among the 8 or so "stickers" is the best to get. A young black guy interrupts us to ask Ed a question and Ed answers him. When that fellow walks away Ed gets angry and says, "In my day you didn't interrupt an elder when they's talking. They'd fix a punk real fast for that." He goes back to telling me about his work for a major airline in Tulsa and the trips he used to take for free as an employee. He asks me about what I use to do and I tell him I used to work for a "finance" company (but not the kind he's thinking about). He nods when I tell it like that and stares off at a young black woman about a quarter of the way through her donation. She has huge tears running down her face and looks away real fast if you glance in her direction. After my donation I go to the pay window. There is a barcode stuck to my left hand put there by my sticker when he un-stuck and bandaged me to go. The lady in the pay window takes the barcode stuck to my wrist and has me sign a paper on a clip board and gives me two crisp $10.00 bills. I leave and walk to the grocery store about 2 miles away to get my flu shot. I sign up and they ask me how I'm going to pay. "Cash" I say. "You don't have insurance?" they ask. I tell them no. For some reason I then say "I'm sorry." They take my cash and a lady tells me, "Since you're paying cash and I don't have to check your insurance, you can go right in." She points to the small flu shot room. About 15 people — with insurance I guess — who were waiting ahead of me– look on in disbelief. I get my shot, walk out and get a few "Hey I was ahead of him" stares. I've still got a dollar left but I walk home because the fare is $1.50. I still can't figure out what made me say, "I'm sorry…"

  35. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 11:18 AM

    Surely he doesn't press more than 250.

    – Ghost of Anal_yst

  36. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 11:23 AM

    This is getting funny. Some guy who "trades his own $" making less than Laxbro pays in taxes are arguing over a SITCOM star. NYC ain't what it used to be.

    By the way, if you weigh more than 180 lbs, you SHOULD be benching 250.

  37. Posted by Bored Guest | January 16, 2013 at 11:23 AM

    "Think different."

    Getting your life advice from Apple ads is the NKI?

  38. Posted by Laxbro | January 16, 2013 at 11:24 AM

    Eh, she's just a cute Yale educated dorky slam on a new TV show. With the new fame, she suspects every dude she meets is a creeper. But different from rando clowns at parties or whatever, she (and her friends) will absolutely google stalk you after you win the charity auction. Via search engine she'll discover all of the creepy things about you like.. how you're a handsome banker, how you dominated relay for life at your top tier university, how you travel and attend parties with dime pieces on the reg, and if she goes second page she'll see you donated $1000 to the Obama campaign and some lax shit from prep.

    You have to flake on her to let her know it wasn't about meeting her. And if it doesn't work out, tell your Dad you need a check for rent this month because you blew a paycheck on some random smash puppy. Who the fuck cares.

  39. Posted by Sensy in Stamford | January 16, 2013 at 11:26 AM

    I bet you'd look great in some formaldehyde.

  40. Posted by PermaGuestII | January 16, 2013 at 11:26 AM

    Think sarcasm.

  41. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 11:28 AM

    I think Laxbro just fired shots at "Trades…"

    "Tell Dad you need a check for rent"

    Hilarious.

  42. Posted by Morgan Stanley MD | January 16, 2013 at 11:28 AM

    Really hoping my kid doesn't decide to follow this advice.

    -Guy who hopes his son's landlord can wait until May for this month's rent.

  43. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 11:28 AM

    I'm not underestimating your short-sightedness in pursuing relationships, but I think this one may be too much even for you.

    I'm reminded of that Seinfeld where there's a game of chess between Jerry's body and his brain over whether to pursue things with the aspiring actress. I think you'd find yourself in a similar situation. Your body would think it's got a big win coming, and then she'd say something unbelievably stupid, and your brain would just say: checkmate.

    I'd save your money.

  44. Posted by Jame Gumb | January 16, 2013 at 11:31 AM

    Exactly, Exactly. those girls too : )

  45. Posted by Laxbro | January 16, 2013 at 11:34 AM

    Think Bro.™

  46. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 11:34 AM

    Hey, does anyone here run a money market fund? I'd be more than happy to cut you a piece of the action if you'd be willing to put me into a repo at 1% so I can buy up corporates that return 5%.

    - Aspiring TBTF Banker

  47. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 11:38 AM

    "how you dominated relay for life at your top tier university"

    Not very subtle Georgetown trolling. Please moderate.

  48. Posted by Boonville CA Laxbro | January 16, 2013 at 11:45 AM

    Met some hot appleheads this weekend while at home. One applehead was particularly bahlness! I was in dire need of bilch and I figured she might burlap with me. I got on the Walter and told my folks I'd be home late. After messing with her mollies she told me what had to be a bowgley about this being her "first time". So I decided to let her bat me since I didn't want to be in the buck pasture with a twenty something and wind up dehigged by a woman I caused to be hog ringed.

  49. Posted by MS conference room | January 16, 2013 at 11:55 AM

    It's not what you make, it's what's deferred.

  50. Posted by PermaGuestII | January 16, 2013 at 12:00 PM

    And this would be different from going on a date with 87.5% of the other <30 women in New York… how?

  51. Posted by Great Idea Co. | January 16, 2013 at 12:02 PM

    Why don't you and Cramer go make bleach smoothies?

  52. Posted by Unsure Guest | January 16, 2013 at 12:04 PM

    Can't tell whether you're a student in a community college finance class or a new UBS hire….

  53. Posted by Movie Buff | January 16, 2013 at 12:10 PM

    "That's as good as money sir, those are IOUs. Go ahead and add it up every cents accounted for. Look, see this, that's a car, 275 thou might want to hang on to that one."

  54. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 12:14 PM

    There's no need to apologize, friend. It brings a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat whenever I think of the sacrifices made to keep my bonus at a respectable level so that I can hold my head high when the annual compensation survey comes around.

    - FICC MD

  55. Posted by Tired Old Jokes | January 16, 2013 at 12:20 PM

    Hilarious!

    -UBS Reading Previous Comments Before Posting Obvious Quote Quant

  56. Posted by 2 and 20 | January 16, 2013 at 1:28 PM

    Anyone who's "aspiring" should go to the Yahoo board.

  57. Posted by guest | January 16, 2013 at 1:29 PM

    I have to think that's wrong. These days you never know, but typically you forfeit deferred comp if you are fired for cause or quit, and it either accelerates or pays out at the original schedule if you are laid off.

    Unbelievable if MS employees are getting their entire bonus deferred 3+ years can lose it all if the firm decides to let them go.

    Does anyone actually know?

  58. Posted by Former UBS employee | January 16, 2013 at 1:33 PM

    Laxbro definitely gets the DB traffic going, I'm cracking up over here. WHAT ?! My bonus is coming in 3 easy payments? I'll be right back fellas.

  59. Posted by Gayson Faggerowski | January 16, 2013 at 1:31 PM

    Very witty! I read it not once, but twice! Please let me use your face as a pillow for my ass.

  60. Posted by Obvious guy | January 16, 2013 at 1:47 PM

    Looks like someone missed earnings.

  61. Posted by Guest | January 16, 2013 at 1:48 PM

    Apple ads from the 1990s. Way worse.

  62. Posted by Guestido | January 16, 2013 at 2:26 PM

    Laxbro, you've grown up into something we can all be proud of right in fornt of our very eyes. Now if only N'08 was actually funny – but then again fuck him.

  63. Posted by Guess | January 16, 2013 at 2:34 PM

    Looks like another guest firing shots at the non Etrade guy

  64. Posted by Guy Who Knows | January 16, 2013 at 2:58 PM

    They have their own language in Boonville, CA. It's called "Boontling". There is even a wiki page on it.

  65. Posted by PermaGuestII | January 16, 2013 at 3:09 PM

    How cute.

    -Manhattan

  66. Posted by Movie Buff | January 16, 2013 at 3:16 PM

    Didn't expand all of the responses. My bad.

  67. Posted by Brudda | January 17, 2013 at 8:46 AM

    Really great writing there. Liked it, would have thumbs upped more if able.