Opening Bell

Opening Bell: 01.31.13

Deutsche Bank Swings To A $2.9 Billion Loss (WSJ)
In the fourth quarter alone, the bank took €2.9 billion in charges, €1 billion of which was for “litigation-related charges.” Mr. Jain said the charges “relate to developments in regulatory investigations and adverse court rulings which you are all familiar with,” but didn’t elaborate further. Deutsche Bank is currently embroiled in a number of legal disputes on both sides of the Atlantic, including the decade-long legal battle in the 2002 bankruptcy of Germany’s Kirch Media Group. It is also among the banks that are under official investigation for allegedly rigging interbank benchmark rates, including the London Interbank Offered Rate. The rest of the quarter’s charges were mainly related to losses from businesses bought before 2003, such as Bankers Trust and Scudder in the U.S., and impairments related to its investment in the Cosmopolitan Resort in Las Vegas and Maher Terminals in North America, which it put into an internal bad bank. The quarter’s net loss of €2.17 billion compares with a profit of €147 million a year earlier. For the full year, net profit was €611 million, down from €4.13 billion.

Deutsche Bank Beats Capital Goal as Jain Shrugs Off Loss (Bloomberg)
“We’ve galvanized Deutsche Bank around the achievement of our capital targets,” Jain, 50, said on a conference call with analysts. The loss “reflects a number of decisions we took to position Deutsche Bank,” he said.

Barclays, RBS May Pay Billions Over Improper Derivatives Sales (Bloomberg)
The lenders, including Lloyds Banking Group Plc and HSBC Holdings Plc, have set aside around 740 million pounds to cover the claims. Analysts say the total charges for the industry may be much higher than that after the Financial Services Authority said it found “serious failings” in reviews of product sales.

SAC And Elan Blasted By Investor Who Lost Nest Egg (NYP)
Ronald Weiland realized he’d made a bad bet in 2008, when he lost his $1 million nest egg trading shares of drug company Elan. What he didn’t know then was that the cards were stacked against him. Weiland now believes that he and other investors were played by Steve Cohen’s SAC Capital Advisors when the hedge fund giant — acting on information from a former trader accused of insider trading — abruptly dumped its huge long position in Elan and Wyeth and started shorting both stocks. “They had information that I didn’t have access to,” said Weiland, a 53-year-old former consultant for Arthur Andersen. “It’s totally a matter of seeing very wealthy people being able to game the system.” The big trading swing that netted $276 million for SAC and led to the arrest of former trader Mathew Martoma has also landed the firm in hot water. Elan investors have filed at least two lawsuits against SAC, accusing the firm of costing them millions, and several class-action law firms are looking to tee up more.

US Targeting Tax Evasion (WSJ)
On Monday, a federal judge in New York approved an Internal Revenue Service summons demanding still more records from UBS. According to court filings, the government now is focusing on U.S. taxpayers with accounts at smaller Swiss banks that didn’t have U.S. branches but served customers through a UBS account in Stamford, Conn.

Interactive Map: What NYC Neighborhoods Have The Most Public Drinking Complaints? (Gothamist)
Greenpoint, Williamsburg, the Lower East Side, Hamilton Heights, East Harlem and Washington Heights are the worst offenders—on the other hand, almost no one is getting in trouble in Midtown, the Financial District, Red Hook, Dumbo, and the Upper East and West Sides. Since we already know there can be a a historical correlation between public drinking and public urinating (and sometimes only the urinating part is public), we decided to look at public urination complaints too…Some conclusions from this comparison: Midtown East and Chelsea have way more urination complaints than drinking ones. Union Square, Greenpoint and Randalls Island are also urinary offenders. It seems like nobody on Staten Island cares about people urinating on their lawns, and same goes for anywhere west of East Flushing.

Blackstone Swings To Fourth Quarter Profit (WSJ)
As of the quarter’s end, total assets under management reached a record $210.22 billion, up 26% from the year earlier, as all of Blackstone’s investment businesses continued to see net inflows and carrying-value appreciation…Blackstone posted a profit of $106.4 million, or 19 cents a unit, compared with a year-earlier loss of $22.7 million, or five cents a unit. On the basis of so-called economic net income, the firm reported a profit of 59 cents a unit, versus a profit of 42 cents a unit a year earlier. Analysts surveyed by Thomson Reuters recently expected a per-share profit of 47 cents.

Ackman Ahead In Herbalife Bet (NYP)
Ackman has scored a gross profit of about $260 million on his $1 billion short bet against the nutritional supplements company, based on an estimated 20 million shares shorted at an average price of $50. Loeb, who bought 8.9 million shares at an average price of $32, is up $44.5 million. Ackman has widened his lead considerably. Just two weeks ago, his gross gain stood closer to $120 million while Loeb had made an estimated $108 million.

Threats Cloud Euro’s Flight (WSJ)
The euro, once on death’s door, is on a monthslong tear, rising Wednesday to its highest level since November 2011. But even some investors who helped propel the currency above $1.3560 Wednesday say it can’t fly much further. Europe’s economy is still in the doldrums, they say, and a stronger euro could make the situation worse. And with central banks elsewhere racing to push down their own currencies, boosting the relative value of the euro, the European Central Bank eventually could be compelled to join them.

Jobless Claims in U.S. Rose 38,000 Last Week to 368,000 (Bloomberg)
Economists forecast 350,000 filings, according to the Bloomberg survey median. The increase followed a combined 45,000 drop in the prior two weeks.

Guy Inadvertently Posts Public YouTube Video Inviting His Fiancée’s Best Friend Over for a Threeway (Gawker)
We’ve all been there. You’re super excited after getting the go ahead from your fiancée Cynthia to invite her best friend Zoey over for a threeway, so you hastily record a video introducing yourself to Zoey and letting her know that you’re totally open to having a threeway this week, next week, the week after that, whenever, anytime, today, or maybe tomorrow, whenever possible, and you’re just really excited to show her things that she’s never seen and do things that were never done before in a threeway. Then you hastily upload the video to your public YouTube account that 300 people are subscribed to, and await your threeway.

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45 Responses to “Opening Bell: 01.31.13”

  1. Nervous German says:

    Was pretty nervous heading into that earnings call.

  2. Guest says:

    Market it a less than zero Donnie

  3. MD in Need says:

    Do female coworkers ever initiate sex with their superior, or must they always be wooed, sweet-talked, begged or persuaded? I have a fairly good physical relationship with my wife, but over the past few years, I have focused on recruiting mainly attractive females as side pieces. I make sure to attend as many recruiting events as possible so I can put hot faces to names. I always held the notion that the only reason hot chicks get hired is due to their looks and must reward their manager with sexual favors in return. Does this notion not hold true anymore? My one Associate always smiles and says hi to me, but she has never made an advancement into my personal space, or demanded that she sits on my face while forcing me to believe in false gods. I am left with the conclusion that either the physical act isn't that enjoyable for her or I am not very desirable. Maybe she has an enlarged clitoris and is embarrassed because of it; I simply don’t know. If every encounter must start with me I mine-as-well stay faithful to my wife. Must sex always start with the guy, or can women demonstrate more overt interest and start justifying their employment?

  4. You Are a Moron says:

    So this guy was betting his life savings on a pharma stock and was shocked, shocked he says when that didn't work out well? Well, seems that if it weren't for SAC I'm sure he'd be doing just fine, another proud alumni of the consulting industry.

  5. Deleveraging says:

    Lets think about this. Your invitation for a three way goes viral; wouldn't make sense that the potential for positive RSVPs would likewise grow exponentially?

    • Guest says:

      He also just advertised that he has the best fiancée once could ask for. Girls I date get upset and cry when I hit on their friends.

    • guest says:

      all of my three ways happened organically, i.e. post a large consumption of jungle juice and/or various narcotics. not that I'm an expert in this regard, but it seems hazardous to pressure your fiancée into this. I infer that a successful three way is best pitched to a girl you just started seeing, during that stage of the a relationship that is "fun," i.e. before something gross like "love" would cause the girl to take issue with you entering her friend. I picture a Ross v. Rachel dramatic “you're a totally different person to me now. I can't stop picturing you with her. it's changed everything forever" scene following the three way you pressure your fiancée into.

      -tuck business bridge (applicant)

  6. Guest says:

    SAC gunna burn……SAC gunna burn…..

    -Stevie "Lil Nero" Cohen

  7. Deleveraging says:

    Urination Complaints: well we learned on episode 4 of Girls that chicks living in Bushwick like to pee in their own bath water.

  8. 5 year old says:

    Don't put all your eggs in one basket

  9. guest says:

    So… the box is half empty?
    -UBS Corporate Logo Quant

  10. Guest says:

    My name is Col. Steveem Cohesh. Iron Eagle, prepare to die.

  11. best essays says:

    Banks maintain loan portfolios. If a few of a bank's clients in a particular industry recently defaulted on their loans, that bank will restrict its lending to other companies in that industry and sometimes, sister industries.