• 21 Feb 2013 at 12:56 PM

Bonus Watch ’13: UBS

…employees will get their bonus numbers when management feels like giving them their bonus numbers!

While most of their colleagues on the Street either have received — or at least have been informed what their year-end pay might look like — UBS bankers remain in the dark about bonuses. The Zurich-based firm is at least two weeks behind in handing out bonuses. Not that bankers at Switzerland’s No. 1 bank will be overjoyed once they get them — because they will be as much as 40 to 50 percent less than in prior years…The bank, sources said, expects to tell its employees about their bonuses some time in mid-March — which would mean many staffers would be learning the size of their bonuses nearly a month later than usual and after all of the bank’s peers. The pay delay comes as UBS boss Sergio Ermotti is undertaking a massive restructuring of the bank to re-emphasize its wealth-management business and shrink its riskier fixed-income operations in order to appease its Swiss regulators weary of the bank’s misadventures in banking.


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Comments (27)

  1. Posted by Sam Molinaro | February 21, 2013 at 1:03 PM

    I wonder what first-year Legacy and Non-Core numbers will be.

  2. Posted by Flashback Analyst | February 21, 2013 at 1:08 PM

    When I was in high school, I worked a job plowing snow in the winters. Because most of the work would have to be done spontaneously in the middle of the night, the company paid a portion of wages as bonuses at month's end. The first month it went fine, then in January my boss delayed payment while he "collected receivables and reorganized his books". Then the same in February, then March. Next thing I knew the season was over, the company closed up shop, and I got shafted.

    That's what this reminds me of.

  3. Posted by Ex UBS analyst | February 21, 2013 at 1:21 PM

    This place stole my fucking youth and child like optimism.

  4. Posted by Guest | February 21, 2013 at 1:22 PM

    I have a creeping suspicion that "no news is good news" doesn't apply in this situation…

  5. Posted by Ex UBS intern | February 21, 2013 at 1:24 PM

    UBS is just a fancy acronym for internment camp.

  6. Posted by guest | February 21, 2013 at 1:24 PM

    "UBS bankers remain in the dark about bonuses."

    The reason they remain in the dark is b/c there's nothing to see.

  7. Posted by BATS | February 21, 2013 at 1:28 PM

    A dark bonus pool….

  8. Posted by Bejujular | February 21, 2013 at 1:33 PM

    It's like a surprise birthday! So exciting, I hope they announce it at Chuck E. Cheese!

  9. Posted by Guest | February 21, 2013 at 1:35 PM

    Actually the reason they're in the dark is they didn't pay their power bill.

    – Con Edison

  10. Posted by guest | February 21, 2013 at 1:46 PM

    "40-50% lower than in prior years." So all you guys who got gooseggs last year, bring your checkbook to the comp communication meeting.

  11. Posted by Guest | February 21, 2013 at 1:54 PM

    40-50% of 0 lower than 0 is still 0.

    You must be one of the folks who got goose eggs at UBS last year

    – UBS quant feeling very proud about his calculations above

  12. Posted by Mike's driver | February 21, 2013 at 2:02 PM

    Stewart still gets his guarantee in cash, right?

  13. Posted by Danker_Banker | February 21, 2013 at 2:17 PM

    Your child likes optimism?

  14. Posted by Grunt | February 21, 2013 at 2:22 PM

    Thats OK – I don't plan on working too hard until I feel like to either.

  15. Posted by Motivation Quant | February 21, 2013 at 2:29 PM

    So, they'll announce in mid-March and likely pay out a few weeks afterwards, thereby avoiding most of the seasonal mobility in the industry that happens in February-early March after people at other banks take their disappointing bonuses and leave. If that's your game, stall a little longer, and really lock 'em in.

  16. Posted by 20K Less Salary | February 21, 2013 at 2:33 PM

    Some of us have ditched the bonus AND taken a salary hit to get out of that hell hole.

  17. Posted by Angry Pirate | February 21, 2013 at 2:36 PM

    Handful of Chuck E. Cheese tokens > UBS Bonus Pool

  18. Posted by Rodskog | February 21, 2013 at 3:43 PM

    What is worse? Me, in general, or Bayer's breath?

  19. Posted by C.B. | February 21, 2013 at 3:45 PM

    I heard they are coming out with a new coffee flavored breath mint – should save you some time.

  20. Posted by J. Epstein | February 21, 2013 at 3:50 PM

    Go on…..

  21. Posted by Bored Guest | February 21, 2013 at 4:19 PM

    No no, they stole his youth and his child like they stole his optimism.

  22. Posted by Ex-UBS, ex-Macquarie | February 21, 2013 at 6:30 PM

    Sounds like Acquarie. Delay as long as you can. Benchmark against the peer group, then cut the bonus pool in half.

  23. Posted by D.O.U.G. | February 21, 2013 at 6:36 PM

    Well played, sir.

  24. Posted by Andrea O. | February 21, 2013 at 7:02 PM

    Zero, and the sound of a door hitting you in the ass as you leave.

  25. Posted by deez nuts | February 21, 2013 at 7:07 PM

    I feel it is I who should be paying them to watch the place collapse on itself, it's entertaining.

    -UBS Misery Quant

  26. Posted by Aussie | February 22, 2013 at 12:12 PM

    I used to work at Acquarie too. They paid me oney.

  27. Posted by QQQ | February 22, 2013 at 8:43 PM

    also ex ubs & mac – bunch of cunts. Although UBS > Macq in Aust.