• 25 Feb 2013 at 2:41 PM

Bonus/Layoffs Watch ’13: UBS

Both are expected to go down shortly.

Layoffs are expected to hit IBD in the next week, with bonuses communicated in early March. Looking like 40% of the remaining folks are getting zero or close to it, with the rest getting “market,” whatever that means with the crap they are giving out for paper. Payday will be in very late March to hold folks in their seats. The morale is nonexistent. Cannot describe how bad it is and how no work is being done, other than one’s resume.

Related: UBS Is Doing Things A Little Differently Around Here; UBS Employees Will Get Their Bonus Numbers When Management Feels Like Giving Them Their Bonus Numbers

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Comments (21)

  1. Posted by Guest | February 25, 2013 at 2:43 PM

    How will the employees know the difference?

  2. Posted by Shia | February 25, 2013 at 2:51 PM

    I hear John Thomas Financial is hiring. Just head over to Craigslist for the detailed job specs…..

  3. Posted by UBS Sucks Guy | February 25, 2013 at 2:57 PM

    "Cannot describe how bad it is and how no work is being done, "

    SSDD

  4. Posted by asianbankingsensation | February 25, 2013 at 3:01 PM

    Isn't a layoff a bonus at UBS?

  5. Posted by Poor choice of words | February 25, 2013 at 3:02 PM

    Everyone knows and has known for a long time that bonuses and jobs are going down at UBS.

  6. Posted by To The Point | February 25, 2013 at 3:03 PM

    UBS is shit

    - Guy who is out of ways to say it creatively

  7. Posted by Onionson | February 25, 2013 at 3:18 PM

    My goodness a -92p! Teach me.

  8. Posted by Like Marson | February 25, 2013 at 3:20 PM

    hehe everyone sure does know. lol.

  9. Posted by OK Joke | February 25, 2013 at 3:21 PM

    Payday is late March? Keller School of Management classes start the 4th!

  10. Posted by guest | February 25, 2013 at 3:52 PM

    Highlights of my UBS Resume

    i was first in my class on following directions on wearing clean pressed underwear

    i recieved the highest zero in my class and my boss told me that because it was deferred, it showed that the firm really wanted me long term

  11. Posted by Guest | February 25, 2013 at 3:59 PM

    -1 for What in the world are you talking about?!

  12. Posted by Suckadick | February 25, 2013 at 4:38 PM

    The IB won't exist next quarter.

  13. Posted by Icelandic Banker | February 25, 2013 at 5:00 PM

    With "No Work Being Done", UBS is finally heading in the right direction

  14. Posted by Bandersnatch | February 25, 2013 at 5:08 PM

    It became very clear to me sitting at UBS today that every decision we've made as a company has been wrong. Our organization is the complete opposite of everything we want it to be. Every instinct we have, in every aspect of life, be it who to hire, whether to work – it's all been wrong.

  15. Posted by ubs no more | February 25, 2013 at 5:47 PM

    ubs should emulate george costanza. george changed his lot in life by being realistic about his decision making ability. He knew every decision he made was dead wrong, so he decided in one episode to do the exact opposite of any inclination he had. he was instantly successful. Morale of the story is that ubs mgmt should try the same.

  16. Posted by Kurt Gödel | February 25, 2013 at 7:32 PM

    Including this one?

    - Kurt Gödel

  17. Posted by Ghtyrd | February 25, 2013 at 7:46 PM

    Isn't that what Bandersnatch said?

  18. Posted by merkin_capital | February 25, 2013 at 11:03 PM

    Project Chicken Salad/Cup of Tea to commence shortly

  19. Posted by Rodskog | February 26, 2013 at 12:11 PM

    Self Awareness much? The fact that they keep me around indicates the quality of the firm.

  20. Posted by guest | February 26, 2013 at 2:26 PM

    this place is the biggest joke on ws; layoffs tomorrow at 299 park; severance prob better then a total bonus at end of march

  21. Posted by Guest | March 6, 2013 at 1:19 AM

    I have never seen a company where its employees hate it so much that they rather see it fail and sink to the bottom. But then again, how could one blame them?