Financial Services Employee Asks New York Times For Help Decoding Hidden Message In Boss’s Thong

Suspending disbelief for a moment and pretending this scenario* actually occurred in real life…

I am a 22-year-old man working at a new job on Wall Street. My boss is a very attractive 30-year-old woman. We happen to exercise at the same gym at the same time. We both swim, and the first time we ran into each other, she was wearing a one-piece bathing suit, and I was wearing a classic Speedo. I saw her look me up and down. The next week, she started wearing a thong bikini. Isn’t this a power thing?

…any ideas?

Poolside Manners [NYT via DI]
*Which sounds strikingly similar– though edited for length– to the fictional cries for help left daily on Opening Bell.

(hidden for your protection)
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48 Responses to “Financial Services Employee Asks New York Times For Help Decoding Hidden Message In Boss’s Thong”

  1. SellingLow says:

    Lynn Tilton isn't 30 you idiot.

  2. Lance says:

    You lost all credibility once you admitted to wearing a classic Speedo…..Next

  3. L. K. says:

    Reminds me of Bear Stearns board room dynamics circa 1994.

  4. Guest says:

    I’m calling BS. Shazar would never wear a Speedo, though I'm sure Bess would don a thong.

  5. FKApmco says:

    Yes, it's a power thing and you aren't winning.

  6. BallThings says:

    have a nut hang out…your move

  7. Van Beek says:

    These conditions generally indicate an invitation for the male to initiate the mating ritual.

    — UBS courtship display quant

  8. Little Fritz says:

    Just hit it, one way or the other, you're gonna get fired.

  9. lucas says:

    Of all the possible ways to deal with this, writing to the NYT advice column has to be the most beta.

  10. Stop Shazar Now says:

    Wait a second, didn't that just say Shazar? Is Shazar trying to steal Bess' identity?

  11. Guesto says:

    You need to ask immediately if she is UBS – and if she will suck.

  12. guest says:

    "I saw her look me up and down." maybe

    "The next week, she started wearing a thong bikini." maybe

    "My boss [on Wall Street] is a very attractive 30-year-old woman." bullshit

  13. Roger Podacter says:

    Two problems:

    1) What 22 year old living in Fort Lee can afford Rebook/LA Sports Club or other gym with a pool?
    2) There are maybe 10-15 women in NYC that fit the bill–I'm calling BS

  14. NakedShort says:

    Hey asshole you're supposed to stuff the stocks in the FRONT of your Speedo, not the back.

  15. Motivated Guest says:

    So, I guess we can rule out Castle Oak?

  16. guest says:

    I'm really disappointed that Laxbro felt he had to consult the Times on his fantasy dilemmas instead of relying on the commentariat here.

  17. Everyone says:

    What's classic about a Speedo?

  18. Chip Chipperson says:

    I guess she looking for dicks or sumptin……

  19. Guest says:

    The odds of a woman wearing a thong bikini to swim laps at a gym are about the same for this guys story being true.

  20. Bob says:

    This is obviously an untrue story. There are way too many details provided for this to be real. How many 22 year old Jims are there from Fort Lee, NJ with a 30 year-old female boss on Wall Street?