• 14 Feb 2013 at 1:18 PM

Happy Valentine’s Day, You Unlovable Scamps

If clichés were true, the spouses and partners of investment bankers and hedge fund managers would be showered with expensive gifts on Valentine’s Day. Bankers, after all, can afford deliveries of Bollinger and blooms. The reality is less seductive and more sterile. Financial services is not a romantic industry. Bankers aren’t actually seen as desirable dates. A 2012 survey of 5,000 Britons by dating website Match.com found that bankers don’t feature in either sex’s definition of their preferred partners. Most of all, women want to date firemen, teachers and musicians. Men are keenest on nurses, scientists and accountants. One reason, of course, is bankers just don’t have much time for romance. “They tend to work extremely long hours and don’t really cross paths with anyone romantically. They are at their desks a lot,” said Hayley Bystram, a director at elite introductory agency the Bowes Lyons Partnership, which charges £6k for alerting like-minded professionals to each other’s existence. Many of her clients are financial professionals. [eFinancial]

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Comments (42)

  1. Posted by inlovewithpmco | February 14, 2013 at 1:32 PM

    PMCO will you be my Valentine?

  2. Posted by VonSloneker | February 14, 2013 at 1:33 PM

    Executive Summary: Women respond to surveys in ways they think other people will find noble. Men respond to surveys in ways they think others will find practical. Both are lying about what they really want.

  3. Posted by marcus | February 14, 2013 at 1:34 PM

    PMCO? I'm in love with Bess.

  4. Posted by 2 cubes over | February 14, 2013 at 1:34 PM

    Musicians?!? and not doctors?

  5. Posted by Banksy | February 14, 2013 at 1:37 PM


  6. Posted by guest | February 14, 2013 at 1:42 PM

    Who the fuck wants to bang an accountant?

  7. Posted by lucas | February 14, 2013 at 1:46 PM

    76.23% of eligible bachelors, according to my calculations.
    – Female accountant

  8. Posted by NakedShort | February 14, 2013 at 1:46 PM

    Well, maybe I'm not "the norm". I'm not "camera friendly". I don't "wear clothes that fit me". I'm not a "heartbreaker". I haven't "had sex with a woman"; I don't know "how that works". I guess I don't "fall in line". I'm not "hygienic". I don't "wipe properly". I lack "style". I have no "charisma" or "self esteem". I don't "own a toothbrush" or "let my scabs heal". I can't "reach all the parts of my body". When I sleep, I "sweat profusely". But I guess the "skanks at match.com" will keep looking for men who don't "frighten children" and don't "eat their own dandruff" and don't "pop their white heads with a compass they used in high school."

  9. Posted by InfiniteGuest | February 14, 2013 at 1:47 PM

    Maybe nobody said they like bankers because it goes without saying everybody loves bankers.

  10. Posted by Lloyd | February 14, 2013 at 1:51 PM

    Truth. For money not love.

  11. Posted by Sleepless | February 14, 2013 at 2:11 PM

    Its called being Wall Street banker, I have a cousin that is the same way. Of course he is the one that convinced me that being evil is genetic, he was adopted at 3 days old and was raised with my other cousin as brothers, nobody even knew he was adopted. When he started torturing clients at 21 my uncle fought to get the adoption records unsealed and OMG, you would NOT believe it! His dad was an honest to goodness AXE MURDERER, got into an argument in a bar, went and got an axe out of his trunk and hacked the guy to death right there, and his mom was a slut doing 20 years for slitting a john's throat! Long story short who would want to date these types of people

  12. Posted by Ugh | February 14, 2013 at 2:26 PM

    I wonder if this Bess person who posted this article knew it would attract the most slimiest people the online world has to offer if so they'll probably get brain damage from reading some of these comments.

  13. Posted by guest | February 14, 2013 at 2:29 PM

    Go back to Seattle

  14. Posted by Laxbro | February 14, 2013 at 2:32 PM

    Bro Summary: Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and moneyyyyy.

  15. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2013 at 2:36 PM

    PwC and Deloitte campus recuiting memo: blonds > brains

    True story.

  16. Posted by Cosmo | February 14, 2013 at 2:37 PM

    I always dreamed of becoming a banker …. alas …. it never came to fruition.

  17. Posted by PermaGuestII | February 14, 2013 at 2:39 PM

    You seem to have gotten it already.

  18. Posted by guest | February 14, 2013 at 2:40 PM

    Accountants are freaks, my ex is one

  19. Posted by Too Slimy? | February 14, 2013 at 2:40 PM

    Your lack of punctuation just killed my boner.

  20. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2013 at 2:52 PM

    Lots of teachers are independently wealthy. That's why they teach for $40k/yr after paying $50k+/yr for four years of undergrad and possibly another two years of grad school. Plus they have weekends and summers free to hang out, travel and spend Granddad's money with you. Great initial proxy is if he lives in Manhattan or Central London or similar place. He either has 10 roommates or is a catch. That's what they mean when they say teacher or musician. If he's in Brooklyn or NJ, he better be a banker.

  21. Posted by guest | February 14, 2013 at 2:52 PM

    Go on.

  22. Posted by Bored Guest | February 14, 2013 at 2:56 PM

    Is this just off the cuff weirdness? 'Cause I like it, I just don't know if I'm missing a joke.

  23. Posted by NakedShort | February 14, 2013 at 2:58 PM

    Well, maybe I'm not a "G.Q. model" or a "hunk". Maybe I'm not "handsome" or even "presentable". I'm not "pleasing to the eye". Maybe I'm not "witty". I have no "charm" or "appeal". I'm not "smart" or even "the average". I don't "pee in the potty". I'm not "clean". I don't "smell good". I'm not "polished" or "prepared". I have nothing "interesting to say". I guess I don't "play the game". When I eat, I don't "use silverware" or "wipe my face". I don't "wash afterwards" or even the "next day". So I guess I just don't "fit the mold", and if that 's the case, I'll just step back and Ms. Match.com poll lady can go back to enjoying the endless parade of firefighters who don't "make people queasy". Thanks, that's all for now, bored guest.

  24. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2013 at 3:00 PM

    Girls who go into accounting can be very cute but aren't generally "freaks". They're safe, pragmatic. They choose a competitive yet historically sturdy area of study. They get recuited by one of the Big 4 firms, that are always at the top of "best place to work for young grads". They play it safe their whole life, expecting their life to turn exciting, someday. It never does. They marry some auditing bloke they met at work and are unhappily married around 27.5 years of age. They plan to have 2.5 kids. She will drive a Lexus RX.

  25. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2013 at 3:15 PM

    I'm no "hunk" but I conned my cute female barista into giving me a free cappuccino today. I know she has a crush on me and I’m completely out of her league, but I’ll tease her for entertainment. When I ordered my usual quad dry cap she asked if I had any plans tonight. I lied and said no, and put on a faux frown. In my head I knew she would do anything to be able to spend the night with me, and I also somehow knew she would give me a drink on the house after pretending to be sad after lying about no plans. And she did. And then I lied again as I said thank you and then apologized that I couldn’t tip because I only had plastic on me. That was a lie because I always keep 5 neatly folded $100 bills in my wallet. As I walked out of the coffee shop grinning I realized why people hate bankers.

  26. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2013 at 3:19 PM

    I would, as long as we're talking with blunt objects and my cock.

  27. Posted by 2_Small_2_Bail | February 14, 2013 at 3:21 PM

    You thought that much about saving $5? You are obviously raking in huge coin. My guess is your 5 neatly folded $100 bills are the "rent" that you pay mom and dad.

  28. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2013 at 3:22 PM

    No, people just hate you cause you're a douchebag.

  29. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2013 at 3:23 PM

    "Most of all, women want to date firemen, teachers and musicians. " Translation: Women like being poor.

    "Men are keenest on nurses, scientists and accountants." Translation: Men still hold on to hope that porn doesn't lie.

  30. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2013 at 3:28 PM

    Predictable response. It wasn't about the five bucks. Conning an art history barista, conning a room of retards in Albuqueque. Makes no difference to me.

  31. Posted by guest | February 14, 2013 at 3:30 PM

    Me talk pretty one day.

    – Ugh

  32. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2013 at 3:36 PM

    Swing and a miss

  33. Posted by Abe_Froman_ | February 14, 2013 at 3:50 PM

    "independently wealthy……spend Granddad's money"

    I do not think it means what you think it means

  34. Posted by Extra cheese | February 14, 2013 at 4:01 PM

    "Hey, Frank! What do guys like?"
    "No, I mean if you're gonna go on a date with a woman, how would you want her to act?"
    "Like she is in porn."

  35. Posted by Guestido | February 14, 2013 at 4:03 PM

    We perfected that hiring practice

    – Mayor Mike

  36. Posted by guest | February 14, 2013 at 4:35 PM

    are you trying to tell me the retarded teacher ed girls in college went into teaching because of financial freedom and nobility and not because they were.. retarded?

  37. Posted by rainscreen facades | February 14, 2013 at 8:41 PM

    Some time back, I met a banker exec type; he was extremely tall, sorta good looking. Very picky over little things (to the point of being annoying). His wife was not a trophy. She was a mom to two kids, (one from her previous marriage) very short and practical short, mousy brown hair. More like a bull dog than a princess with her attitude. And, that didn't seem to bother him as she doted on him and made sure that everyone/everything in the household ran around him/his schedule. Apparently, the 'mom' type was just what he was looking for to run his house. Pretty eye candy would not have really been appropriate for this bank exec as he rarely got time for parties or socializing and often came home late from work. I'm just guessing that most bank exec wives fall into this practical, even average looking category; someone who can hold the household together (as wife/mom) while the exec spends the long hours at the office.

  38. Posted by WarrenG | February 15, 2013 at 12:47 AM

    I hate when people compare a banker to God… I mean he's great and all but he ain't no banker.

  39. Posted by Roger H. Sterling | February 15, 2013 at 7:25 AM

    "What do women want?"

    "Who cares!?"

  40. Posted by CFA | February 15, 2013 at 2:36 PM

    She's not that hot you know. pretty average.

  41. Posted by Gay | February 15, 2013 at 2:38 PM

    You "conned a cute female barista" who "would do anything to be able to spend the night with me" to save 5 bucks….and you conned yourself out of a nite with a cute female…and it made you grin. Huh. Musta been a shit-eating grin.

  42. Posted by Barsita unite | February 15, 2013 at 2:40 PM

    Die, you Fucking tool.