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Happy Valentine’s Day, You Unlovable Scamps

If clichés were true, the spouses and partners of investment bankers and hedge fund managers would be showered with expensive gifts on Valentine’s Day. Bankers, after all, can afford deliveries of Bollinger and blooms. The reality is less seductive and more sterile. Financial services is not a romantic industry. Bankers aren’t actually seen as desirable dates. A 2012 survey of 5,000 Britons by dating website Match.com found that bankers don’t feature in either sex’s definition of their preferred partners. Most of all, women want to date firemen, teachers and musicians. Men are keenest on nurses, scientists and accountants. One reason, of course, is bankers just don’t have much time for romance. “They tend to work extremely long hours and don’t really cross paths with anyone romantically. They are at their desks a lot,” said Hayley Bystram, a director at elite introductory agency the Bowes Lyons Partnership, which charges £6k for alerting like-minded professionals to each other’s existence. Many of her clients are financial professionals. [eFinancial]

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42 Responses to “Happy Valentine’s Day, You Unlovable Scamps”

  1. inlovewithpmco says:

    PMCO will you be my Valentine?

  2. VonSloneker says:

    Executive Summary: Women respond to surveys in ways they think other people will find noble. Men respond to surveys in ways they think others will find practical. Both are lying about what they really want.

  3. marcus says:

    PMCO? I'm in love with Bess.

  4. 2 cubes over says:

    Musicians?!? and not doctors?

  5. Banksy says:

    crickets…

  6. guest says:

    Who the fuck wants to bang an accountant?

    • lucas says:

      76.23% of eligible bachelors, according to my calculations.
      – Female accountant

    • Guest says:

      PwC and Deloitte campus recuiting memo: blonds > brains

      True story.

    • guest says:

      Accountants are freaks, my ex is one

    • Guest says:

      Girls who go into accounting can be very cute but aren't generally "freaks". They're safe, pragmatic. They choose a competitive yet historically sturdy area of study. They get recuited by one of the Big 4 firms, that are always at the top of "best place to work for young grads". They play it safe their whole life, expecting their life to turn exciting, someday. It never does. They marry some auditing bloke they met at work and are unhappily married around 27.5 years of age. They plan to have 2.5 kids. She will drive a Lexus RX.

    • Guest says:

      I would, as long as we're talking with blunt objects and my cock.

  7. NakedShort says:

    Well, maybe I'm not "the norm". I'm not "camera friendly". I don't "wear clothes that fit me". I'm not a "heartbreaker". I haven't "had sex with a woman"; I don't know "how that works". I guess I don't "fall in line". I'm not "hygienic". I don't "wipe properly". I lack "style". I have no "charisma" or "self esteem". I don't "own a toothbrush" or "let my scabs heal". I can't "reach all the parts of my body". When I sleep, I "sweat profusely". But I guess the "skanks at match.com" will keep looking for men who don't "frighten children" and don't "eat their own dandruff" and don't "pop their white heads with a compass they used in high school."

    • Sleepless says:

      Its called being Wall Street banker, I have a cousin that is the same way. Of course he is the one that convinced me that being evil is genetic, he was adopted at 3 days old and was raised with my other cousin as brothers, nobody even knew he was adopted. When he started torturing clients at 21 my uncle fought to get the adoption records unsealed and OMG, you would NOT believe it! His dad was an honest to goodness AXE MURDERER, got into an argument in a bar, went and got an axe out of his trunk and hacked the guy to death right there, and his mom was a slut doing 20 years for slitting a john's throat! Long story short who would want to date these types of people

    • Bored Guest says:

      Is this just off the cuff weirdness? 'Cause I like it, I just don't know if I'm missing a joke.

      • NakedShort says:

        Well, maybe I'm not a "G.Q. model" or a "hunk". Maybe I'm not "handsome" or even "presentable". I'm not "pleasing to the eye". Maybe I'm not "witty". I have no "charm" or "appeal". I'm not "smart" or even "the average". I don't "pee in the potty". I'm not "clean". I don't "smell good". I'm not "polished" or "prepared". I have nothing "interesting to say". I guess I don't "play the game". When I eat, I don't "use silverware" or "wipe my face". I don't "wash afterwards" or even the "next day". So I guess I just don't "fit the mold", and if that 's the case, I'll just step back and Ms. Match.com poll lady can go back to enjoying the endless parade of firefighters who don't "make people queasy". Thanks, that's all for now, bored guest.

        • Guest says:

          I'm no "hunk" but I conned my cute female barista into giving me a free cappuccino today. I know she has a crush on me and I’m completely out of her league, but I’ll tease her for entertainment. When I ordered my usual quad dry cap she asked if I had any plans tonight. I lied and said no, and put on a faux frown. In my head I knew she would do anything to be able to spend the night with me, and I also somehow knew she would give me a drink on the house after pretending to be sad after lying about no plans. And she did. And then I lied again as I said thank you and then apologized that I couldn’t tip because I only had plastic on me. That was a lie because I always keep 5 neatly folded $100 bills in my wallet. As I walked out of the coffee shop grinning I realized why people hate bankers.

          • 2_Small_2_Bail says:

            You thought that much about saving $5? You are obviously raking in huge coin. My guess is your 5 neatly folded $100 bills are the "rent" that you pay mom and dad.

          • Guest says:

            Predictable response. It wasn't about the five bucks. Conning an art history barista, conning a room of retards in Albuqueque. Makes no difference to me.

          • Guest says:

            No, people just hate you cause you're a douchebag.

          • Gay says:

            You "conned a cute female barista" who "would do anything to be able to spend the night with me" to save 5 bucks….and you conned yourself out of a nite with a cute female…and it made you grin. Huh. Musta been a shit-eating grin.

          • Barsita unite says:

            Die, you Fucking tool.

  8. InfiniteGuest says:

    Maybe nobody said they like bankers because it goes without saying everybody loves bankers.

  9. Ugh says:

    I wonder if this Bess person who posted this article knew it would attract the most slimiest people the online world has to offer if so they'll probably get brain damage from reading some of these comments.

  10. Cosmo says:

    I always dreamed of becoming a banker …. alas …. it never came to fruition.

  11. Guest says:

    Lots of teachers are independently wealthy. That's why they teach for $40k/yr after paying $50k+/yr for four years of undergrad and possibly another two years of grad school. Plus they have weekends and summers free to hang out, travel and spend Granddad's money with you. Great initial proxy is if he lives in Manhattan or Central London or similar place. He either has 10 roommates or is a catch. That's what they mean when they say teacher or musician. If he's in Brooklyn or NJ, he better be a banker.

    • Abe_Froman_ says:

      "independently wealthy……spend Granddad's money"

      I do not think it means what you think it means

    • guest says:

      are you trying to tell me the retarded teacher ed girls in college went into teaching because of financial freedom and nobility and not because they were.. retarded?

  12. Guest says:

    "Most of all, women want to date firemen, teachers and musicians. " Translation: Women like being poor.

    "Men are keenest on nurses, scientists and accountants." Translation: Men still hold on to hope that porn doesn't lie.

    • Extra cheese says:

      "Hey, Frank! What do guys like?"
      "Porn."
      "No, I mean if you're gonna go on a date with a woman, how would you want her to act?"
      "Like she is in porn."

  13. Some time back, I met a banker exec type; he was extremely tall, sorta good looking. Very picky over little things (to the point of being annoying). His wife was not a trophy. She was a mom to two kids, (one from her previous marriage) very short and practical short, mousy brown hair. More like a bull dog than a princess with her attitude. And, that didn't seem to bother him as she doted on him and made sure that everyone/everything in the household ran around him/his schedule. Apparently, the 'mom' type was just what he was looking for to run his house. Pretty eye candy would not have really been appropriate for this bank exec as he rarely got time for parties or socializing and often came home late from work. I'm just guessing that most bank exec wives fall into this practical, even average looking category; someone who can hold the household together (as wife/mom) while the exec spends the long hours at the office.

  14. WarrenG says:

    I hate when people compare a banker to God… I mean he's great and all but he ain't no banker.

  15. Roger H. Sterling says:

    "What do women want?"

    "Who cares!?"