CFTC Commissioner Bart Chilton’s Degree In Folklore And Mythology Proves Surprisingly Practical

Finally, boys and girls, I want to tell you a bit about a children’s story. Once upon a time in a faraway land there lived a sweet young maid named Little Red Riding Hood—yeah, her. … Now, ye of little faith, before you think I’ve stopped carrying on your wayward son from futures, markets, Massive Passives and technology, hold your horses, or cheetahs or wolves of a color of your choice. Whatever they are, just hold ‘em a cotton-picking, or corn, bean or rice-picking minute! Maybe it is Minute Rice—I forget. The rice guys can help me out later.

When I was in college, I took a class entitled “Philosophy of Fairytales” and in it we actually discussed Red and her Hood—ya’ know, the forest. Turns out, there is more to the story than it appears. There is some symbolism and such at play. So there! I have a point and it is going to be backed up by, um, college.

Ya’ see Red was the innocent consumer. She believed in the system. She believed in the financial and government structures. They were there to protect her. She was always taught that they were worthy of trust. But, they took advantage of her good nature. For gosh sakes, they ate her Grandmother—otherwise known as “Red’s Retirement Fund.”

“Red” [CFTC]

(hidden for your protection)
Show all comments

8 Responses to “CFTC Commissioner Bart Chilton’s Degree In Folklore And Mythology Proves Surprisingly Practical”

  1. Guest says:


    Come back to bed and read me a fairytale…


  2. Guest says:

    "So, that’s Red. Best wishes on the rest of the conference.

    “I love you red solo cup, I lift you up

    Proceed to party . . .”

    Thanks my friends. Proceed to party."

    Is this guy for real?

  3. The Human Centipede says:

    wonders if Bart hates only the Giant Redheaded Centipede, or all centipedes?

  4. Die Hard says:

    Shoot the glass!!!

    -Bart Chilton

  5. guest says:

    Looks like the bad guy from "The Firm." Wilford Brimley's sidekick who doesn't say anything

  6. 2 cubes over says:

    What. the. fucks?

  7. guest says:

    "The potion in my notion is that I am the Giant Redheaded Centipede opposing dude."

  8. Ivan Reitman Fan says:

    scary painting dude from ghostbusters 2 !