EU Fines Microsoft $732 Million (WSJ)
The European Commission said it was imposing the fine after the U.S. software giant became the first company to break a voluntary agreement with regulators, which would have allowed at least 15 million consumers to pick alternatives to its Internet Explorer browser. The penalty is the latest episode in over a decade of wranglings between the EU and Microsoft, which has already seen the commission fine Microsoft €1.6 billion for failing to provide rivals with information at fair prices and for tying its media player to its operating system.
Fed Holds Ground On Stress Tests (WSJ)
The first component of the release, data on how banks will fare in an economic downturn, is slated for after U.S. stock markets close on Thursday. The second part, the Fed’s response to buyback-and-dividend requests, is scheduled for publication a week later. Some executives warn that the delay could boost volatility in bank shares, as traders speculate on what the first round of results might mean for bank capital plans. Others warn of shareholder lawsuits if banks fail to disclose any information they receive, even informally, from regulators on the capital plans.
Stress Tests Seen Boosting U.S. Bank Shareholder Payouts (Bloomberg)
The six largest U.S. banks may return almost $41 billion to investors in the next 12 months, the most since 2007, as regulators conclude firms have amassed enough capital to withstand another economic shock. Lenders including Citigroup and Bank of America will buy back $26.4 billion in shares, up from $23.8 billion, according to the average estimate of three Wall Street analysts. An additional $14.5 billion will be paid out in dividends, $3.4 billion more than 2012, separate estimates show. The payouts are contingent on approval by the Federal Reserve.
Forbes Hits Back at Saudi Prince Over Rich List (CNBC)
A spat between Saudi billionaire Alwaleed Bin Talal and Forbes over the exact fortune of the prince has taken another bizarre twist. After the prince announced a severing of ties due to what he argued were flawed valuation methods, Forbes has now responded with an in-depth investigation, hitting back by describing his estimates as an “alternate reality”. Forbes went on to say that the valuation of Kingdom Holding, the publicly traded company of Prince Alwaleed, gyrated for reasons “that, coincidentally, seem more tied to the Forbes billionaires list than fundamentals”. In the lengthy piece published on Wednesday, the magazine also details its relationship with Prince Alwaleed since it began in 1988, recounting what it classified as “intermittent lobbying, cajoling and threatening” to influence his net worth listing over the years.
AIG to Start Loan Investment Unit as Housing Rebounds (Bloomberg)
AIG plans to buy loans backed by its United Guaranty Corp. unit, the largest seller of traditional private mortgage insurance last year, according to Donna DeMaio, 54, the unit’s chief executive officer. The debt will be held as long-term investments by AIG insurance companies. “You’re cutting the middle man out of the securitization process,” DeMaio said, referring to bonds that package home loans. The yield on an individual mortgage “is better than if you just bought the paper backed by the whole loan.”
Traders Flee Asia Hedge Funds as Job Haven Turns Dead End (Bloomberg)
Asian hedge-fund assets are 28 percent below their 2007 peak, according to data provider Eurekahedge Pte. Globally, money overseen by the funds increased 21 percent since 2007 to a new high of $2.3 trillion as of December, data from Chicago- based Hedge Fund Research Inc. show. A total of 296 Asian hedge funds liquidated in the two years to December, 33 more than the number that started. On a global basis, 1,839 new funds outnumber those that shut by 371, according to Eurekahedge.
Ikea recalls cakes in 23 countries after sewage bacteria found (Telegraph)
The furniture giant admitted on Tuesday that coliform bacteria had been found in two batches of almond cake from a supplier in Sweden. It comes after Chinese customs officials announced that they had destroyed a batch of 1,800 cakes after finding it contained high levels of coliforms which failed to meet hygiene standards. Coliforms, common bacteria which are found in faeces as well as soil and water, do not normally cause serious illness but are a sign of contamination which can indicate the presence of more harmful bacteria such as E.coli. It comes after Ikea recalled meatballs and sausages from 24 countries due to fears they could have been contaminated with horse meat.
Oil Trader Ex-Wife Shouldn’t Get Offshore Assets: Lawyers (Bloomberg)
An oil trader’s ex-wife shouldn’t have any claim to properties held by offshore companies in which he invested as part of a 17.5 million-pound ($26.4 million) divorce settlement, lawyers said at a hearing in the U.K.’s highest court. The three Isle of Man-based companies, including Petrodel Resources Ltd., are “not relevant as a party to the litigation,” Tim Amos, the lawyer representing the companies, said today. The firms have asked the seven-judge panel of Britain’s Supreme Court to dismiss the wife’s claim. Yasmin Prest appealed an earlier ruling that denied her access to properties held and controlled by her ex-husband to cover part of the 2011 divorce settlement, which Michael Prest hasn’t paid, according to court documents at the U.K. top court. Her ex-husband isn’t a party to the litigation.
Two Hedgies Top The Field (NYP)
Stephen Mandel and David Tepper earned more money for clients than any other hedge-fund manager in 2012, LCH Investments said. Mandel’s Lone Pine Capital made about $4.6 billion; Tepper’s Appaloosa Management made $3.3 billion.
ADP Says Companies in U.S. Added 198,000 Workers in February (Bloomberg)
The 198,000 increase in employment followed a revised 215,000 gain the prior month that was more than initially estimated, figures from the Roseland, New Jersey-based ADP Research Institute showed today. The median forecast of 41 economists surveyed by Bloomberg called for an advance of 170,000.
Madoff Trustee ‘Unlikely’ to Win Merkin Suit, N.Y. Says (Bloomberg)
The judge shouldn’t allow trustee Irving Picard to block the deal because “in the unlikely event” that Picard can win part of his suit, Merkin’s funds would be able to pay him, Schneiderman said in a filing with U.S. District Judge Jed Rakoff yesterday. The attorney general made his filing saying Picard’s “unusual” request for an injunction — to give him time to proof his own $500 million case — required an additional response.
Zoo shuts in panic as male and female escape from cage because cleaner forgot to lock the door (DM)
A zoo in China was forced to close after two lions escaped from their unlocked cages. Riot police, snipers and zoo workers armed with tranquiliser guns worked to capture the ferocious animals after they escaped at the zoo in Chongqing, south west China. According to reports, the lion and lioness were given free run of the zoo when a keeper who was cleaning their enclosure forgot to lock the gate. The zoo was completely evacuated following the escape at 8am. While the lionness was caught within the hour, the male was at large for almost four hours before he was recaptured. A zoo spokesman said: ‘We found the female first and subdued her with a tranquiliser gun but the male took longer to find and bring back. ‘They both recovered quickly and are no worse off for their adventure.’ Officials have issued an apology to visitors for the panic caused. One said: ‘You can’t blame the lions. It was human error and they naturally took advantage of it.’
Is that Shazar's profile pic from AdultFriendFinder?
-Interested
I heard his mole alone has 4 wives.
Give em a shitburger, not a shitcake.
Boy I hope the EU doesnt send that fine to Mike Roesocks! Cause he would be in for a suprise! And it would be funny to catch on camera!
Here's a quarter. Go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face.
-Buck Russell
Your stash is trash.
-J. Galliano
I would have gone with something like: "they said the female then died in an accident, but I think they're lion"
I am willing to bet that Alawallawalla's penis 4inches long fully erect. No more. No less. And when women laugh at it, he beats them with reeds and frozen felafel.
It looks like God pooped on your face.
-L. Lemon
Dumb Swedes; that's what you get for not baking your shit cakes in China.
Geezer oil trader?
Why did you write that?
When a plate of meatballs and almond cake is less than ten bucks, red flags everywhere.
It's not how big it is, it's how you use it. And he's good.
-Shaz
I am willing to bet that there is no falafel* near the trailer park you call home
Probably lives in Houston.
If you can’t trust the cafeteria in a low price furniture store, who can you trust?
Oh my god, it's ShaFeef!!
Wow. My lion comment was reported & deleted. Because it was too insensitive towards tigers?
Not only a royal billionaire, but also a euro-pop sensation?
That is him right?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbYtqAWDF2U
That or it just went over too many peoples heads.
She was easy to find; she was lion on her back as usual.
Begs the question how you found that tube?
I don't think that was the mane problem
Where is the matching Members Only jacket to go with the glasses/haircut?
You know Bess' love for tigers. Come on now.
Mr. Fewdollarsmore,
The admin is a gaysian that lives in a loft apartment in a progressive area of Brooklyn. Any joke directed towards the pearl is axed.
Signed,
Dude who knows what color thong his Analyst is wearing
You're gunna shit yourself when I tell you about the all new Ford F-150
MC: "Hey, who's the skinny dude with the knee high tube socks bench pressing an empty bar over there?"
Citi corporate gym towel attendant: "Oh, that's Prince Alwaleed, Mr Corbatt"
MC: "Should I go over and offer to spot him?"
Ccgta: "Mr. Pandit used to."
Hear Alwaleed sports a Canadian tuxedo for meeting heads of state.
"Who's that behind those Foster-Grants?"
Shafeef > Ass Lobster > Shazar
Matt,
Bloomberg would be especially keen to hear your views on the Forbes / Prince Allwaleed valuation issue, if only to put its own assthrashing behind.
Regards,
A fan of your work
Is that a hypercompe scribonia or did someone "ink" his tea-cup?
Heyyyy, MD in Need wrapping up with a creepy comment, wondered if that was really you or not. Do tell – you know because they're rocking a whale tale, or you were laying there when they got dressed this a.m.?
Be careful. Mentioning his name around these parts will most likely get you banned. You have been warned.
-UBS Dealbreaker underground quant
I think it won the Eurovision song contest a few years back…
Okay, still confused? Plz help
This isnt the New Yorker
Happy Birthday to the New Yorker!
-Guy who never wins the caption contests
Or even the Atlantic
Maybe I shouldn't post my thoughts in this thread, but I have nowhere else to turn.
Am I the only one who finds the sponsored posts more interesting than a Shazar post? Has someone already made that observation?
-Depressed
After a brain-storming session with my colleagues on the deleted tweet, the verdict here is that by using the phrase 'let a couple lose', I inadvertently hit too close to home. Now I really wonder who the Tigers are?
Rock Lobster > Ass Lobster?
I assumed you were unemployed.
him or the other 22 million hits on it?
Underappreciated.