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Steve Cohen Needs To Go Stress Shopping, STAT

In objective terms, worse things have happened to Steve Cohen than the news he received today. The charges against Mathew Martoma re: allegedly masterminding the largest insider trading scheme ever during his time at SAC. Friday’s arrest of high-ranking employee Michael Steinberg. The $614 million he needs to personally pony up to settle with the Securities and Exchange Commission (which he may not even be allowed to do without an admission of guilt). The slanderous claim his house clocks in at a mere 14,000 square feet. The circling of federal investigators who want him bad. And yet presumably none of that compares to today’s hit, which must have him in a fury that only the purchase of the Mona Lisa can assuage.

The ex-wife of SAC Capital Advisors LP founder Steven A. Cohen won reinstatement of most of a lawsuit in which she seeks $8.25 million in damages based on claims the hedge fund is “the product of an ongoing racketeering scheme” that engaged in insider trading.

Patricia Cohen’s July 2010 amended complaint was dismissed in 2011 for being filed after legal deadlines. A federal appeals court in Manhattan today ruled her lawsuit was filed in a timely manner, and that she validly stated claims her husband violated the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act, as well as common law fraud and breach of fiduciary duty.

While it’s not uncommon for people to have less than cordial relationships with their ex-spouses, it is fairly well-established at this point that Steve Cohen would rather drive cross country in a ’76 VW bus with Preet Bharara than ever hear the name Patrica Cohen again, let alone pay her a dime. This was a kick in the pants he could’ve lived without.

Steven Cohen’s Ex-Wife Has Her Suit Against Him Reinsted [Bloomberg]
Related: Steve Cohen Bought Himself A Little Pick-Me-Up

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28 Responses to “Steve Cohen Needs To Go Stress Shopping, STAT”

  1. Preet Bharara says:

    Really? Come ON….

  2. Im_a_Dude says:

    I'm actually beginning to feel bad for the guy….

  3. Fewdollarsmore says:

    At $8.5M, Patty AKA "The Physical Impossibility of Living with Someone you wish Dead in your Mind" will still be cheaper than "The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living".

  4. Guest says:

    C/S Rep: Hello, welcome to Pajamagram.com. How can I help you?
    SC: I'd like to order a fleece body bag, er I mean a Hoodie Footie
    C/S: Sure, is it a gift?
    SC: Yes, of sorts.
    C/S: Would you like it personalized with embroidery?
    SC: Yes. Can you put on "Die Patty"
    C/S: Um, I don't know about that.
    SC: She's German. Die means "The."
    C/S: Oh, I got it. Sure.

  5. Buford says:

    So pay the $8.25 mil "without admitting or denying guilt". That's gotta be worth the news stories on this case stopping.

    • Guest says:

      Yeah, what's a lousy $8.25 million when you're running the world's most successful racketeering scheme? Come on Steve, you should have paid the bitch off years ago.

  6. Skully says:

    You really got to feel for the guy, you know?

  7. Guest says:

    Yikes, what a scary looking woman. And to think, in '79 SC no doubt thought "this is the best I'll ever be able to do"

  8. Silk Weasel says:

    Somebody get this man a cheeseburger!

  9. Mr. Sparkle says:

    I bet he is better in the sack than Ackman. Just sayin.

    -Chaz

    • Guest says:

      "I'm so sorry, I swear this never happens… Hey, don't you roll your eyes at me! My 2000 count sheets are ruined! What, did you put your make up on in the dark?!"

      -B.Ackman

  10. bernie says:

    At least I had legit years.

    Bernie Madoff

  11. Patty C says:

    Steven. You owe me triple damages under RICO because of the criminal nature of the assets that you hid from me and that were totally mine and which I definitely conspired to create.

    Without my support you never would have been able to build such a large corrupt organization. Those are my shady underworld assets, and you need to be punished for keeping me from my borderline illegal wealth.

    • Steve C says:

      Exactly. I am entitled to everything: my money. Your money. The entire world's supply of both fleece and overly abstruse Picasso paintings. And as many Zamboni's as I want.

  12. Guest1909 says:

    RULE 1: Never ever involve a woman in your business….even if it s your wife…. the stats shows that you will probably divorce and be sued for cash if you have any…..

  13. Gerardo says:

    RICO… suave…

  14. mariska says:

    What is it with this boy from Great Neck and the ladies of the Heights?

  15. dan says:

    He's got it really bad…but everyone gets what's coming to them

  16. isabela says:

    ouch….that's got to hurt. but, it's not like he didn't deserve any of this