Write-Offs: 04.23.13

$$$ Apple Returning $55 Billion to Investors as Forecast Trails [Bloomberg]

$$$ Chesapeake, Bank of New York, square off in bond trial [Reuters]

$$$ Marc Lasry: I’m Not Leaving For Paris [AR]

$$$ Ron Paul on Bitcoin: If I can’t put it in my pocket, I have reservations [Bloomberg TV]

$$$ When Mr. Mower attempted to talk to his wife about the problem, she changed the subject. He tried whispering in her ear. She ignored him. After reading online that women are turned on by men who do housework, he washed the dishes and vacuumed more often…Months stretched into years. Mr. Mower tracked their sex life in a notebook he kept in his nightstand. He drew a chart and filled in different-shaped dots to represent various scenarios: He initiated sex but was declined. They planned on sex but didn’t follow through. They actually had sex. Mr. Mower says he was rebuffed 95% of the time; his wife says his memory is highly subjective. [WSJ]

$$$ HSBC to Cut Around 1,150 Jobs [WSJ]

$$$ Hedge Funds Heavy Hitters Pitch at Yankee Stadium [CNBC]

$$$ Michael Bay Shows No Remorse For ‘Armageddon’ [SJ, earlier]

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8 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (8)

  1. Posted by Danker_Banker | April 23, 2013 at 7:30 PM

    If your wife won't have sex with you, a Venn diagram is sure to turn the mood around

  2. Posted by Deleveraging | April 23, 2013 at 7:37 PM

    Has anyone else noticed that things don't seem to come to life here until after 2:00 p.m.

  3. Posted by Intervention Time | April 23, 2013 at 8:34 PM

    Solution to sexless relationship = charts with time-series analysis of success and failures given different inputs… oh Matt!

    We're here for you buddy. I know Shazar has really ruined the mood around here, and for a while there, we all forgot what it was like to read thesis-level arguments, but this WSJ article is such a weakly veiled cry for help that I thought you should know it all comes from a place of love. Just remember, take it slow, listen to what her body is telling you, and just do whatever Shazar wouldn't.

  4. Posted by El Guesto | April 23, 2013 at 9:56 PM

    "He initiated sex but was declined."

    Mmm… As Shazar's mom would say: always finish what you've started. That should show the bitch.

  5. Posted by PermaGuestII | April 24, 2013 at 9:44 AM

    That would be in line with the Opening Bell being posted at 10 a.m.

  6. Posted by Guest | April 24, 2013 at 10:04 AM

    Are you guys fucking kidding with the Opening Bell lately?

  7. Posted by Fewdollarsmore | April 24, 2013 at 10:15 AM

    rebuffed 95% of the time – numbers may be even worse if you account for how many times she faked it.
    – the guy who accepted the null hypothesis that 'he is getting sex 5% of the time' when it wasn't true

  8. Posted by Guest | April 24, 2013 at 10:21 AM

    Apparently you didn't read the article, I don't think she even bothered faking it.