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Anthony Scaramucci Has A Solution To The Ugly Broads Working In Midtown Bars Epidemic; Give Him $50K Today And He’ll Take Care Of The Rest

Have you long wished for a place in Midtown where you could order a drink and have it served to you by someone who didn’t look like they fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down? Someone you could actually see propositioning to take into the back room and giving her the worst two minutes of her life? Well today’s your lucky day! SkyBridge founder Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci has come up with his best investment idea yet, and if you can give us thirty seconds of your time, we’ll show you why the chance to get in at the ground floor of the “The Hunt and Fish Club” is an opportunity you don’t want to let pass you by.

    Reason #1: Like the Olive Garden, when you’re here, you’re family.

  • “Anthony Scaramucci, the investment entrepreneur known as the “Mooch,” is teaming up with a restaurant owner and a former Morgan Stanley executive to open a Manhattan eatery catering to hedge-fund and private-equity professionals…”Isn’t it nice to walk through the doors of a restaurant to be greeted with ‘Mr. Scaramucci, so nice to see you again? Your table is ready for you…Mr. Scaramucci is one of our partners’,” the team said in marketing documents to prospective investors. “In short, all of us want to be made to feel special and privileged, particularly in front of our guests, business associates and clients.””

    Reason #2: The Hunt & Fish Club–no relation to a certain famed mob hangout in Ozone Park; where would you ever get that ideas?–will be a veritable clubhouse for the alts. set sick of boring dumps around GCT.

  • “The group, which includes restaurateur Eytan Sugarman and David Barrett, a 22-year veteran of Morgan Stanley, seeks to raise $4 million for The Hunt and Fish Club, set to open in December. It will have the feel of an elite “clubhouse” and be an alternative to bars and eateries surrounding the Grand Central Terminal in Midtown, which are “not fun” [the group wrote]…Sugarman, who owns New York restaurants Destino and Southern Hospitality BBQ, which counts Justin Timberlake and Scaramucci among its investors, said in a telephone interview that the new restaurant’s name has no connection with the Bergin Hunt and Fish Club, the former hangout in Queens of organized crime boss John Gotti.”
    Reason #3: With a clientele whose disposable income is in the huge to huge-ish range, investing in Hunt and Fish will do for you what subprime did for John Paulson.

  • “Investors will get 30 percent of the total equity and will receive 80 percent of all distributions until those payments equal the amount of the initial investment, according to the marketing documents. After that, distributions will be made on a pro-rated basis based on total equity. Investors are expected to recoup their initial investment in two to three years. The Hunt and Fish Club would target young professionals with “high to extremely-high disposable income” and who are patrons of eateries such as Rothmann’s Steakhouse & Grill and Papillon Bistro & Bar.”
    Reason #4: Nice juicy steaks served by nice juicy broads.

  • Unlike the other offerings in the area, which have unattractive staff, the team said in its pitch to potential investors, at the Hunt and Fish Club the food won’t be the only thing you want to sink your teeth into, if you know what they mean. (What they mean is no fatties, no uggoes.)

Who’s interested?

Scaramucci Seeks Money for Manhattan Hedge-Fund Hangout [Bloomberg]

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75 Responses to “Anthony Scaramucci Has A Solution To The Ugly Broads Working In Midtown Bars Epidemic; Give Him $50K Today And He’ll Take Care Of The Rest”

  1. Im_a_Dude says:

    go to Hooters, dickhead

    • Matt, Bess, & Jon 4E says:

      Children of the ugly tree that hit every branch on the way down or "CUTHEBED" for short, is a charity that our very own Jonny Shaz-Hello is very passionate about. Bess, of all people your the last I would have expected to see making a mockery of such a noble cause.

    • Guest says:

      "Reason #4: Most importantly, no fatties, no uggoes."

      Laxbro just emailed them a resume for the Director of Campus Recruiting position.

    • ssssssss says:

      only one thing to say… always beware the Chiclets…. Always….

  2. Dr_Rosenrose says:

    Finance guys AND high prices?!… line is gonna be a mile long.

  3. guest says:

    anybody know a way to short this idea?

    • Guest says:

      Wait for it to go under and buy it at a distressed price. Liquidate everything and replace it with a Hooters.

      – UBS Restaraunt Quant

    • rrr says:

      i know a guy. but let's keep it quiet.

      Fabrice

  4. Bouchedag says:

    I see the venue for the next Fashion meets Finance extravaganza.

  5. Whoops says:

    You're right, convenient location, attractive staff and obsequious service are what draw Wall Street types.

    -Peter Luger Patron

    • Guest says:

      Going to Brooklyn for a steak? Negative. Going to Brooklyn to crush Natty Bo and see some shitty indie band with a 22 yo NYU slam? Without question.

  6. analyst analyst says:

    As long as there are first year analysts there will be a market for this sort of thing.

  7. derp says:

    ”Isn’t it nice to walk through the doors of a restaurant to be greeted with ‘Mr. Scaramucci, so nice to see you again? …"

    Depends on whether I'm with the Mrs. or… ahem… someone else.

  8. davidrusso says:

    "May I suggest you try the Skybridge entree? That's our signature dish, a shitty CDO portfolio cooked to perfection by fraudulently marking it to market until golden brown…"

  9. Guest says:

    Meet me at the hunt and fish club, i'll be the one with no social graces trying to use my wealth to get a waitress into bed.

  10. guest says:

    "target young professionals with “high to extremely-high disposable income” and who are patrons of eateries such as Rothmann’s Steakhouse & Grill and Papillon Bistro & Bar."

    And apparently not know how to leave East 54th Street between Fifth and Madison.

  11. C To The Moon says:

    If you change that marketing material to read "professionals with high to extremely high disposable income, but of course nobody has disposable income as high as Prince Alwaleded", I will consider not suing your asses.

  12. Guest says:

    Sounds like a winner,, I'll take 25% of the equity.

    -Prince Alaweed

  13. guest says:

    No dice. The place will most likely be crawling with mobster wannabe B&T meatballs with that annoying autistic 2-year-old New York accent.

    -C. Gasparino

  14. Guest says:

    I knew if I read this blog long enough we'd finally get an actual picture of laxbro.

  15. Job Bluth says:

    I think we should call it… Fuck City!!

  16. PermaGuestII says:

    So basically it's going to be The Arlington Club but with shittier food and even more douchebag patrons. Got it.

  17. Handbridge CEO says:

    Handbridge capital wants to hire this guy sooo bad.

  18. Star Shines says:

    Yeah but where will the hot shoe shine broads be?

  19. Marcus says:

    I had this idea first!

    -Trader Monthly

  20. Guest says:

    A mooch is a friend who attempts to sell you on investing in a business segment with a 60% failure rate.

  21. Guest says:

    Ultimately all of these "investors" are just dickheads buying into a place that they can claim "to have a piece of" and booze with friends and clients. Terminally in the red. Dickheads will get tired of cutting checks for expenses every month so they'll sell their stake to other schmucks. When too many broke dickheads own the place and checks start bouncing the place will close.

    • sssssss says:

      Agreed!!!

      – Every asshole wall street guy who ever invested in a restaurant or bar

  22. Freddie Mercury says:

    I see a little silhouetto of a can
    ScaraMOOCH, ScaraMOOCH, hires girls I want to bang-O!
    Give me endless bread sticks, family style and hot chicks, me!
    Galileo, Galileo
    Galileo, Galileo
    Galileo, Figaro – magnifico – o – o…

    But I'm just a poor boy stuck at poor Applebee's
    He's just a poor boy from a poor Applebee's
    Spare him his life from this monstrosity!

  23. Freddy says:

    Can he do the fandango?

  24. Puck It says:

    I'm in! Where do I sign?

    —Farrah Abraham

  25. pazzo83 says:

    Marketing a high end Manhattan steakhouse by comparing it to the Olive Garden is the NKI.

    • guest says:

      Pretty sure DB was (accurately) comparing it to the Olive Garden, not the people opening it…

  26. SMU Secure says:

    New York, you keep on killing it. With guys like this, you will soon be the center of the culture in America.

    • VonSloneker says:

      Yeah, what he said.

      – Rick's Cabaret

    • Guest says:

      Would you recommend sending my daughters to SMU over Rice? I just want them to leave school with good jobs and a husband.

      • guest says:

        She'll accomplish both at either place. At Rice she'll punch way above her weight looks-wise, but the hubby will probably be a passive-aggressive pussy who never makes as much as his intelligence warrants. At SMU she's got a 1/3 probability of developing a coke habit and an eating disorder (1/3 each that is, independent probability), be below average no matter how hot she is, and the hubby will spend his entire life being an overpaid empty suit who ends up on corporate boards because of his frat and cheats on her routinely. Pick your poison

    • rrrr says:

      yup… what you said…

      – guy who's been eating second rate southern school "traders" for lunch for 20 years now

  27. Guest says:

    Worst 2 minutes of her life? In bull riding, anyone staying on longer than 8 seconds is just showing off.

    – AIG FP Rodeo Quant

  28. Nick Arden says:

    Scaramucci looks like a complete tool.

  29. Quant me maybe ... says:

    The tie says hedgie, the haircut says booster seat at Fast Cuts in the Danbury Fair Mall.

    Guy who went there once, reluctantly, to support a buddy going though a divorce.

  30. Norm says:

    That fee schedule makes SAC's promote look generous.

  31. OpportunityCost says:

    So basically total douchebag isn't important enough to be remembered at a normal eatery so he must buy his own. Sounds about right. Will avoid.

  32. Dur says:

    It will be known throughout its short existence as 'The Cunt and Fist'

  33. Jon Corzine says:

    I think this is a great idea.

    – Jon

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