Opening Bell: 07.12.13

JPMorgan Quarterly Earnings Surge 31 Percent (DealBook)
JPMorgan Chase, the nation’s largest bank, reported a 31 percent surge in second-quarter earnings on Friday, buoyed by strong gains in the bank’s investment banking business, its credit card operations and in its mortgage lending division, which is benefiting from steady improvements in the nation’s housing markets. The net earnings of $6.5 billion, or $1.6 a share, handily exceeded Wall Street analysts’ expectations of $5.47 billion, or $1.44 a share on revenue of $24.84 billion. Revenue was $20 billion, compared with $26 billion in the period a year earlier.

Wells Fargo Profit Jumps 19 Percent (DealBook)
Despite a recent uptick in interest rates, a development that has discouraged borrowers from refinancing their mortgages, Wells recorded its 14th consecutive rise in quarterly profit and ninth straight record report. The results, bolstered by overall improvements in the economy and growth across its deposit business, included net income of $5.5 billion, or 98 cents a share. That compared with $4.6 billion, or 82 cents a share, in the period a year earlier. The new returns outpaced the expectations of analysts polled by Thomson Reuters, which had forecast earnings of 93 cents a share. Revenue, roughly flat at $21.4 billion, also exceeded expectations.

A Peek at Trucking Data, and Then the Stock Surged (WSJ)
Even as federal, state and congressional investigators examine the preferential release to investors of broad economic data—such as the University of Michigan consumer-sentiment survey—some investors tap numerous other more narrowly focused and less well-known industry indicators ahead of the rest of the investing public. The activity is widespread and legal. Federal securities law doesn’t prevent investors from trading based on nonpublic information they have legally bought from other private entities. Investment firms can pay anywhere from a few hundred to many thousands of dollars a year for access to a variety of specialized reports, ranging from an index that tracks monthly billings by architecture firms to a weekly report on oil inventory.

Bernanke Departure With Duke Heralds Cascade of Fed Appointments (Bloomberg)
Elizabeth Duke’s resignation from the Federal Reserve Board and Chairman Ben S. Bernanke’s potential departure in January could set off a series of vacancies and appointments that give President Barack Obama the opportunity to leave his mark on the Fed for a decade or longer. … “There’s an opportunity for the president to shape the composition of the board for a long time,” said Roberto Perli, a Washington-based partner for Cornerstone Macro LP and a former senior staff economist in the Fed’s division of monetary affairs. “Obama is unlikely to nominate someone who differs from the current policy framework. It cements the fact that monetary policy is likely to remain very accommodative for the next couple of years, if not longer.”

Schneider approaches Invensys on potential takeover (FT)
Invensys, the UK engineering group that has long been the focus of takeover speculation, revealed late on Thursday that it had received a bid approach by Schneider Electric that values the company at £3.3bn. In response to speculation, Invensys said it was in discussions with Schneider, the French power equipment maker, about details of the approach. The Paris-listed group is proposing to pay 505p per ordinary share in cash and new Schneider shares. Invensys shares opened up 15 per cent on Friday in London, above the 505p offer price. Schneider shares fell 4.4 per cent to €55.40 in Paris.

New Smokey Bear Gives Hugs, Not Just Warnings (NYT)
Smokey Bear, who has been appearing since 1944 in public service fire prevention campaigns under the aegis of the nonprofit Advertising Council, is getting a makeover in a new campaign that replaces a computer-generated look he received about five years ago with a more vintage appearance of a large bear, or perhaps a person in an impressive bear costume. The ads also give Smokey’s role and persona a makeover. Although the campaign still declares “Only you can prevent wildfires” — the wording was changed from “forest fires” in 2001 — Smokey is changing from a teacher or authority figure into a paragon of positive reinforcement. To underscore the shift, Smokey will now hug people in the wilderness who demonstrate they know how to avoid causing fires.

Eliot Spitzer Collects 27,000 Petition Signatures for Comptroller’s Race (NYO)
A beaming Mr. Spitzer, joined by staffers, arrived at the Board of Elections headquarters in Lower Manhattan shortly after 10:30 p.m. carting four large boxes of signed petitions–which he gleefully displayed to the throngs of waiting press. “It is an important statement to those who said it was not possible in the course of three-and-a-half days to gather enough signatures to get a candidate on the ballot for city-wide office. I’m proud that citizens, in an outpouring of support, have given us over 27,000 signatures,” he said to applause from his staff. He reiterated, “27,000 signatures”

Consumer Frugality Adds to Woes in France (NYT)
French consumers simply are not spending the way they used to, and that is an impediment not only for the merchants of the Marché aux Puces, but also for the country’s ability to emerge from recession. “It used to be elbow to elbow here,” said Hamidou Debo, a shoe vendor who sat quietly in his outdoor stall as a handful of people browsed through silver-hued sandals and black leather high-tops before shuffling away without buying. “Now the crowds are around half what they used to be. … It’s the crisis,” Mr. Debo said. “People are no longer spending. They are worried about what the future will bring.”

Swiss Banks Near Deal on U.S. Tax Cheats (WSJ)
Last week, the Swiss cabinet unveiled a program that would allow roughly a dozen Swiss banks that are being investigated by the Justice Department to deliver data on Swiss bank accounts held by American clients that had been transferred to other institutions as U.S. authorities began cracking down on overseas tax evasion. Under the program, banks would deliver “leaver lists”—aggregate data on bank accounts that can be used to identify tax evaders—directly to U.S. authorities, a step that could further chip away at Switzerland’s historic banking privacy.

Investing: Contrarians Rarely Succeed (USAT)
Or so everyone thinks …

Google’s Schmidt says relationship with Apple has improved (Reuters)
The relationship between Google Inc and Apple Inc has improved over the past year with the rival technology companies and sometimes partners conducting “lots and lots” of meetings, Google Executive Chairman Eric Schmidt said.

Tunnel of self-love: NJ Transit bus driver caught on VIDEO pleasuring himself while driving packed bus through Lincoln Tunnel (NYDN)
A grossed-out rider shot a cell phone video of the driver in heat, as he steered with one hand — and at times no hands. “It was disturbing,” said the Manhattan librarian who filmed the hot-to-trot driver and has since sworn off the bus. “I was in shock and disbelief.” Simpson was completely exposed during his solo performance and apparently experienced tunnel vision as he chugged through the Lincoln, according to the rider’s video. When his one-man act finally climaxed, his hands were too full to notice he was caught on video.

32 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (32)

  1. Posted by Guest | July 12, 2013 at 8:17 AM

    over/under on how long before the ad council decides Smokey is a bear is more ways than one and has him come out?

  2. Posted by Guest | July 12, 2013 at 8:29 AM

    New version:

    What does the look like to you?
    Is the bear…?
    Is the guy….?
    This seems like a game warden thing
    Well, I know it's illegal, Burt, but
    Actually, not any more now

  3. Posted by News | July 12, 2013 at 8:56 AM

    The NJ Transit authority went on to say the bus driver was being transferred to Florida, where this kind of headline would be much more fitting.

  4. Posted by Jon Corzine | July 12, 2013 at 9:04 AM

    "Smokey the bear now gives hugs"

    So what your telling me is that Smokey is a pedobear now.

  5. Posted by Chiarb | July 12, 2013 at 9:09 AM

    "You are really not here for the hunting, are you?"

  6. Posted by Liberace | July 12, 2013 at 9:47 AM

    Getting a hug from a bear for not causing forest fires > getting AIDS from hugging a different kind of Bear

  7. Posted by Guest | July 12, 2013 at 9:51 AM

    27,000 signatures! And all it took was placing one phone call to the local standup comedy club.

  8. Posted by Midtown Monster | July 12, 2013 at 9:53 AM

    Hey SMU guy, if you are out there, GO KICK ROCKS.

  9. Posted by Guest | July 12, 2013 at 10:05 AM

    shuddup farva.

  10. Posted by Guest | July 12, 2013 at 10:10 AM

    In more important petition news, 1,000,000 signatures gets Tinder on Android.

    – Not Laxbro, but a fan of 22yo slams

  11. Posted by Guest | July 12, 2013 at 10:14 AM

    I like to be hugged by bears too.


  12. Posted by Guesteban | July 12, 2013 at 10:16 AM

    Standing in the burnt-out house, Fire Inspector Kodiak inspected the ashes and at once understood the grisly nature of the fire. It had been raging, a real honey, the sort of thing that could polarize a community. So he padded quietly out the back to avoid the cub reporter with the smokey eyes waiting in the den.

    (with apologies to Joe Wyatt)

  13. Posted by Guest | July 12, 2013 at 10:16 AM

    The State of NJ should consider negotiating a 10 minute masturbation break into the next transit worker contract in lieu of a raise.

    –Guy from NJ who's ok with this if it saves money

  14. Posted by True story | July 12, 2013 at 10:29 AM

    This is a true story about the Port Authority Bus Terminal – I was in the bathroom at the port authority bus terminal and I purposely placed myself at the end of the urinals so no one would stand next to me ( I get pee shy). Well some man walked to use the urinal next to me, but leaned over as he unbuckled his pants (because it was tough because his pants were tight – he made it seem that way at least), and took a glance down at my pee-pee. My first reaction to be honest was that I felt it was a compliment, he wanted a "look." But then as I zipped myself up and went to walk out I saw he was "playing" with himself into the urinal. He saw me looking at him, gave me a smirk, and then waddled with his pee-pee out into a stall. I stood in amazement, but also admired his bravery.

  15. Posted by HotKarl | July 12, 2013 at 10:34 AM

    Senator Craig?

  16. Posted by Guest | July 12, 2013 at 10:40 AM

    What about NYC? And make it 6 hours!

    – SEC

  17. Posted by Guest | July 12, 2013 at 10:40 AM

    – UBS Reply Quant

  18. Posted by Guesterbate | July 12, 2013 at 10:42 AM

    I consider anything over 8 minutes tantric.

  19. Posted by Queener | July 12, 2013 at 10:51 AM

    What about that Human Powered Hoverbike errrrrrr?

  20. Posted by Guest | July 12, 2013 at 10:56 AM

    Was he wearing Bonobo's?

  21. Posted by useless CNBC VP | July 12, 2013 at 11:30 AM

    I was just about to play with myself now I don't want to anymore. disgusting.

  22. Posted by Guest | July 12, 2013 at 11:45 AM

    RIP Dealbreaker

    This place sucks now.

  23. Posted by quest | July 12, 2013 at 1:04 PM

    Your mum sucks….

    Oh no he didn't….oh yes he did.

  24. Posted by Comments is Kil?..No | July 12, 2013 at 1:16 PM

    I have to agree. Opening Bell used to be a lot like what is discussed on a trading floor before the US markets opened. Jokes, snarky comments, witty analogies etc. Then last year, someone started censoring posts they didn't like and allowing others they did. Imagine…what if you had to get everything approved that you wanted to say before it could be said on a trading floor? This comment must be approved by an administrator before it can be posted or some such. Of course, a lot of witty but dumbass financial folk have been laid off in the last few years and that might be part of the problem too.

  25. Posted by Peep Show Usher | July 12, 2013 at 1:23 PM

    I can assure you that there is not a reader on DB who would doubt your story at the mere mention of the Port Authority Bus Terminal; or any bus terminal for that matter. I have to say though, the way you shared the story sounds like you relish with it with fond memories. By any chance, was he looking for you to stand in a couple of Bloomingdales shopping bags inside the stall with him?

  26. Posted by Smokey Pedo | July 12, 2013 at 1:46 PM

    Only you can prevent forest fires. Now pull down those pants so I can hug you.

  27. Posted by The Real Story | July 12, 2013 at 1:56 PM

    This is a true story about the Port Authority Bus Terminal – I go into the bathroom at the port authority bus terminal and I see a guy by himself at the end of the urinals. I figured he didn’t want anyone to stand next to him ( which is okay, but all the other unirals were out of order). I walk up to the urinal next to him, as I begin to unbuckle, he leans in and says “nice watch”), and took a glance down at my pee-pee. My first reaction to be honest was that I felt it was a compliment as I was wearing my “one of a kind” UBS Swatch. He gave me a smirk, and then walked to the sinks. I began to freak out, realizing that he was not looking at my watch, and could not get it back in the hole to zip up. My instinct was to flee to safety, so I ran into a stall and locked the door. I stood there sobbing for a bit, afraid that I was about to be violated, when I heard footsteps that seemed to head out of the bathroom.

  28. Posted by Details Guy | July 12, 2013 at 2:20 PM

    So…umm…Smokey…where's your right paw?

  29. Posted by Guest | July 12, 2013 at 2:27 PM

    Why dont you be and adult and go buy an iPhone like the rest of us

  30. Posted by Guest | July 12, 2013 at 3:10 PM

    Aww, did you hand down your old one to your mom?

  31. Posted by Guest | July 15, 2013 at 7:45 AM

    DB is the same. It's the quality of comments, which is most of the fun, that has declined seriously. Times have changed. People have always worked hard, but the work is now grinding and not at all fun. It's difficult to be snarky and clever under the circumstances.

  32. Posted by sohbet | March 29, 2014 at 4:48 PM

    Breaking Medya Dealbreaker / online Hukuk Üstü JD / MBA programı yapıyor