Bernie Madoff Was An Insatiable Whore: Prosecutors

One thing you might have imagined, in thinking about the decades-long, multi-billion dollar financial fraud perpetrated by Bernard Madoff, was that the operation demanded a lot of the Ponzi master’s time. Lotta man hours, lotta late nights. That he and his team worked ’round the clock to generate all those falsified accounting documents, coming in early, leaving late, and bringing work home. That most days, they didn’t have time for much else, be it surfing the internet, taking a long lunch, or having sex with each other from 6 until 7 in the morning, and then again from 1PM ’til market close. In fact, such was not the case!

According to federal prosecutors, Bernie Madoff and his employees earmarked plenty of time to get on each other, in an office that did double time as Madame Madoff’s.

Ponzi fiend Bernie Madoff…presided over a sexual cesspool where key staffers ripped off victims and each other’s clothes with equal abandon, according to the shocking Manhattan federal court filing. The behavior at Club Bernie was so inflammatory, that it’s the feds who are asking that jurors be barred from hearing details when Madoff’s former secretary and four other staffers face trial in the record $64 billion rip-off. Prosecutors are not naming names — besides Madoff’s — and did not reveal whether any of their own witnesses in the case were involved in the alleged sex shenanigans. The feds did say that the “various” employees involved include “all but one of the defendants, several government witnesses and Bernard Madoff himself.” The frisky staffers “were at various times in romantic and/or sexual relationships with one another” over the course of the multi-decade fraud, the papers say. “One of the defendants was in a love triangle with Bernard Madoff himself,” the papers gush.

Who was the lucky lady? The Post has naturally put its best team of deductive reasoners on the case.

Assuming Madoff’s lover was not a guy, that would leave two female defendants on his possible office-booty list — his short, portly 65-year-old ex-secretary Annette Bongiorno, and his underling Joann Crupi. Bongiorno, 65, functioned as an office supervisor who allegedly sent out phony account statements, prosecutors say. Crupi, 52, meanwhile handled investor funds and kept track of the firm’s daily cash balance.

…though they allow that Crupi remains a question mark.

Throwing off the scent on Crupi is that she has previously told the court she has a lesbian partner and two adopted sons.

In related news, Sheryl Weinstein, the woman who wrote an entire book about the size of Madoff’s penis, is yet to weigh in, but presumably a statement is coming.

Pump and hump: Madoff in sex-filled office ‘love triangle’ [NYP]
Bernie Madoff was in ‘love triangle’ with employee: court papers [NYDN]
Madoff was in ‘love triangle’ with employee: U.S. prosecutors [Reuters]
US: PLENTY OF SEX AND ROMANCE IN MADOFF NY OFFICES [AP]
*Also: “An earlier lawsuit filed in state court against the jailed Ponzi king painted Madoff as presiding over an animal house with “a culture of sexual deviance” where drug-fueled parties were graced by waitresses dressed only in G-strings. ‘Madoff’s affinity for escorts, masseuses and attractive female employees was well known in the office culture, and certain feeders were allowed to participate in the conduct,’ say court documents in the pending state case, filed against JP Morgan and other banks in 2009 by investor Jay Wexler. Wexler’s lawyers brought the case after interviewing Madoff in federal prison. The suit said Madoff would regularly send two street tough men’ to Harlem to get drugs for the office romps. It said the escort-loving scammer kept a list of sexy masseuses in a little black book. ‘Drug use in the office was described as rampant’ and former employees likened it to the ‘North Pole,’ referring to the incredible amounts of snow-white cocaine available, the suit said. ‘The employees had late night affairs in exciting places – such as their boss’ sofa ‘with whomever they could find,’ the Wexler suit added.”

Comments (21)

  1. Posted by mrp | August 12, 2013 at 12:44 PM

    Lights. OFF. Paper sack.

  2. Posted by Clowney | August 12, 2013 at 12:53 PM

    jesus, i wouldnt fuck them with shazar's dick

  3. Posted by Shame me please! | August 12, 2013 at 12:58 PM

    Trickery of a jew, sex appitiete of a brotha

  4. Posted by Jos A. Shazar | August 12, 2013 at 1:01 PM

    You sure?

  5. Posted by guest | August 12, 2013 at 1:06 PM

    That's an interesting way to spell appetite.

  6. Posted by trader | August 12, 2013 at 1:09 PM

    "Assuming Madoff’s lover was not a guy" – that's one heluva of gedanken experiment

  7. Posted by Guest | August 12, 2013 at 1:23 PM

    It's Creole.

    -Zatarans!

  8. Posted by Mexi_Cant | August 12, 2013 at 1:38 PM

    Send two street tough men to harlem? The fact that he never heard of delivery service would have made me more suspicious then the 30% returns.

  9. Posted by UBS gender quant | August 12, 2013 at 1:39 PM

    And assuming Bongiorno's not a guy, which, judging from the picture, I'm not ready to assume.

  10. Posted by Schroedinger's Cat | August 12, 2013 at 1:40 PM

    Correlation vs causation. You don't exclude Crupi because she is a lesbian. She perhaps became interested in female partners BECAUSE she had slept with Bernie and thought "If it's going to require a strap-on, might as well not have to deal with the chest hair"

  11. Posted by guest | August 12, 2013 at 1:40 PM

    Tough but fair.

  12. Posted by David Guest | August 12, 2013 at 1:47 PM

    And they say there's no Jewish hell.

  13. Posted by Al Czervik | August 12, 2013 at 1:49 PM

    Who are the Ad Wizards who came up with this one?
    -A. Sandler

  14. Posted by Turd Ferguson | August 12, 2013 at 2:05 PM

    Yeah I'll take the ape tit thing for $200

  15. Posted by E. Schrodinger | August 12, 2013 at 2:19 PM

    Crupi is clearly 50% lesbian 50% Bernie-boffee until we learn the correct half-life of Ponzium.

    Also, spell my name right, bitch.

  16. Posted by Im_a_Dude | August 12, 2013 at 2:21 PM

    I think its more like the movie snatch where they send the beefy boxer along to make sure everything goes smoothly, only to get his ass kicked Pikey bare knuckles boxing champion

  17. Posted by FreeCoconuts | August 12, 2013 at 2:37 PM

    Damn! Even thought the guy was just PRETENDING to be a billionaire, I would think you could do better than those 2. But I guess convenience trumps all. Either that, or perhaps THEY were actually blackmailing HIM? Being a criminal is a really hard job……

  18. Posted by E. Texas Gas Trader | August 12, 2013 at 3:38 PM

    "Being a criminal is a really hard job……"

    In some industries it only is if you get caught.

  19. Posted by Bill T | August 12, 2013 at 4:08 PM

    Bess, that long footnote has me worried, please tell me you haven't gone over to the dark side.

  20. Posted by davidrusso | August 12, 2013 at 4:46 PM

    If he was banging Buongiorno it would have been far more punative to leave the fucking ponzi scheme running.

  21. Posted by guest | August 12, 2013 at 10:44 PM

    Schroedinger is an acceptable spelling. Schrodinger not so much.