If you took a random poll of family, friends, colleagues, and strangers on the street, asking them how they’d feel about going to prison, the majority if not all of them would probably say, “Not good.” For most people, prison is a place to steer clear of, for all the reasons you can think of (living in a cell, isolation from the outside world, bad food, low paying jobs, daily risk of sodomy) and probably some you can’t.

Not too long ago, hedge fund manager Raj Rajaratnam counted himself among those who for whom jail time was something to avoid (if not by being an upstanding, law-abiding citizen than by hiring a high-priced attorney to try and get him off after being charged with 14 counts of conspiracy and securities fraud). But now? After having served 21 months of his eleven-year sentence? Raj can honestly say that this prison is great.

And not because hard time forced him to take a serious look at his life or to think about what he’d done or change himself for the better or any of that metamorphosis type crap, but because minus the not being allowed to leave the grounds rules? Raj’s life in prison is arguably better than his life on the outside, which did not include servants or a 34 inch waist.

While everyone was pretty worried about how the Galleon group founder would fare behind bars, what with the “unique constellation of ailments ravaging his body,” in addition to his taste for the finer things in life, the verdict is in: prison agrees with Raj so much that he’ll probably do what he can to stay there indefinitely. As we learned back in December, his body is looking better than ever, his spirits even higher than the day he got his employees good by hiring a midget to pose as a new employee hired to analyst small-cap stocks, or the time he paid a young staffer $5,000 to allow herself to be tased in the conference room. But the ability to fit into his skinny jeans and let the good times roll are not the only things tipping the scales in prison’s favor. An en-suite bathroom he doesn’t have to share with the wife, a Craftmatic adjustable bed (again, all to himself), and a private chef/personal assistant/”manservant” also help.

From the Post:

“He’s reigning like a king,” says source of Rajaratnam’s new digs at the Federal Medical Center Devens, in Ayer, Mass., where he’ll spend the next 11 years on an insider-trading conviction. “He’s doing his time in the lap of luxury compared to the other inmates.” What’s more, the source tells me, Raj “has a very delightful guy doing all sorts of stuff for him — sort of like a ‘manservant.’ When Raj needs something, this guy gets if for him.” The manservant is a “gentle giant,” an American Samoan named Eddie, whose main job in the P3 unit is to push wheelchair-bound prisoners. He got himself transferred to P3 after befriending Raj, according to the snitch. “He became enamored of Raj, and Raj started talking about how much he once paid his chauffeurs. Now Eddie wants to be Raj’s driver when he gets out,” the insider told me. He even cooks for Rajaratnam using a nearby microwave when the fallen financier doesn’t want to hoof it to the dining hall.

P3 residents have private toilets, a shared balcony for sunning themselves, televisions and adjustable beds. The doors aren’t locked — but neither are they in most of the buildings at the Devens facility, according to my source. The three floors in the “P” facility, including Rajaratnam’s, are usually reserved for the very elderly and those who are crippled…Rajaratnam, my source says, seems to get around fine. In fact, he’s lost weight and has been congenial with the other prisoners, although the help of his “manservant” makes mingling less necessary.

To recap:

While it’ll be difficult to get *more* time tacked on, what can Raj do to at least stay his full sentence, rather than getting out early for good behavior? Preliminary ideas include:

  • Petition against himself at parole hearings under an assumed name (Roger Rogeratnam)
  • Go Pro Se at said hearings and tell the board “My client isn’t rehabilitated”
  • Wildcard

Wall Street crook Raj Rajaratnam has cushy cell, ‘manservant’ at prison: insider [NYP]
Related: Raj Rajaratnam Basically Has Washboard Abs Now, Says Completely Objective Third Party; Raj Rajaratnam Not Leaving The Big House Anytime Soon, Which Is Fine By Him?; Prison Looking Good On Danielle Chiesi, Raj Rajaratnam

25 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (25)

  1. Posted by A Jerk | August 27, 2013 at 12:50 PM

    If the incentive for not committing securities fraud is the "daily risk of sodomy", what reason does Doubleline have to be lawful?

  2. Posted by Jesse Pinkman, CFA | August 27, 2013 at 12:53 PM

    Thanks for that chart Bess. Really helps with the pain.

    - Guy who misses Matt.

  3. Posted by @jsndacruz | August 27, 2013 at 12:56 PM

    Roger Rogeratnam. I nearly choked on my lunch.

  4. Posted by Abe_Froman_ | August 27, 2013 at 12:57 PM

    It's just not the same.

    -Guy who knows the difference between a table and a chart

  5. Posted by good one | August 27, 2013 at 1:07 PM

    good one Bess!

  6. Posted by Guest | August 27, 2013 at 2:00 PM

    I see someone has been pulling up their slack since Matt left

  7. Posted by @insidertrading_ | August 27, 2013 at 2:08 PM

    While in a medium security prison as part of my sentence for insider trading I witnessed my cellmate buy methadone-laced vomit from another and eat it warm from his hands.

    Having a bad day in prison is all relative.

    Read some more about my 15 years insider trading http://bit.ly/185qxPW

  8. Posted by Eddie Murphy | August 27, 2013 at 2:12 PM

    Rich financier in jail..? Samoan manservant..? I smell a fish out of water / buddy comedy here.

  9. Posted by guest | August 27, 2013 at 2:13 PM

    You sound like a blast at parties.

  10. Posted by guesticles | August 27, 2013 at 2:13 PM

    why don't you cry about it?

  11. Posted by Deleveraging | August 27, 2013 at 2:35 PM

    Leave it to Raj to set himself up with his very own Chaiwallah.

  12. Posted by Guest | August 27, 2013 at 3:00 PM

    When did Shazar leave?

  13. Posted by guesticles | August 27, 2013 at 3:06 PM

    did you eat a lot of paint chips as a kid?

  14. Posted by Jesse Pinkman, CFA | August 27, 2013 at 4:05 PM

    Sorry, I skipped that part of the Level I curriculum.

  15. Posted by Huh? | August 27, 2013 at 5:07 PM

    How does one "pull up their slack"?

  16. Posted by Guest | August 27, 2013 at 6:59 PM

    Nearly choked on my dinner.

    – Lowly Analyst

  17. Posted by guasto | August 27, 2013 at 7:26 PM

    one leg at a time

  18. Posted by Guest | August 27, 2013 at 10:46 PM

    This is the form my grief has taken.

  19. Posted by guest | August 27, 2013 at 11:18 PM

    Was wondering myself…

  20. Posted by Hank Schrader, CFA | August 28, 2013 at 12:05 AM

    Best watch yourself, I am cumming for you and Shazar.

  21. Posted by UBS Quant | August 28, 2013 at 8:42 AM

    sounds better then my life in south slope

  22. Posted by Jack | August 28, 2013 at 8:43 AM

    Reminds me of a eddie murphy movie

  23. Posted by Chief | August 28, 2013 at 11:03 AM

    When does Cheif smother him with a pillow?

  24. Posted by Jesse Pinkman, CFA | August 28, 2013 at 6:41 PM

    You're cumming for me?

  25. Posted by Shock G | August 29, 2013 at 10:13 AM

    Samoans … do the Humpty Hump